[krisann]

My Hallmark Moment

Emotionally, Im all across the board this week.
I have moments Im tremendously happy,
moments I'm so angry I cant sleep,
moments I'm deeply sad.

I'm tired,
I'm defensive.
So thank you for putting up with me,
because despite everything in my life that is making me one hostile touchy bitch to be around,
when I close my eyes,
and take a deep breath,
I think of you,
and realize its all gonna be okay.

You're the only thing that doesn't make me feel like "whats the point?" right now.
When we are together,
everything is calm in my head.
Its a much needed reprieve from crazy that I can't live without.

I need you,
I want you,
I thank God for you.

I hope when you feel crazy you close your eyes and feel the same thing too.
I only hope that I can be everything to you,
that you are to me.

KrisAnn

[krisann]

In the Beginning

I don't believe in God.... I want to, I want that blind faith that gets people through life when there's nothing else left. I want to know there's something more when its "the end". I want to know there's a reason for all of this.

I'm too open-minded, too thoughtful. I don't have the ability to "just believe" because someone tells me I'm supposed to do. It leaves me with too many unanswered questions.

I've always thought, If I could only see a shred of proof, something I can't explain in any other way, something that's more than just sheer luck... then I will know my life has been touched by the grace of God.

Nothing in my life makes sense but you. Some days its hard to find a reason to get out of bed, except to know that you are with me all along the way, struggling too. Out of a whole wide world of people, we somehow found each other. So there must be a God, because He gave me you.

You.... are my miracle.

KrisAnn

[krisann]

She Never Cries

They turn their backs
they walk away
leaving her to wonder why?
She bites her lip,
and stares at space,
clinging to anyone in site....
she believes that this is what life is like
but never does she cry.

She pretends it doesnt bother her,
but I see what no one sees.
And it rips my insides all apart,
to know that shes like me.
And to know
he only destroys her,
in his efforts to destroy me.....


KrisAnn

[krisann]

These 4 Walls

My mind,
locked down
inside these walls.
the only place i let go.....
shadows
creeping closer.
I toss,
and turn,
and dont feel right....
trying to shut myself out.
But sleep
wont come
tonite,
or any other nite..........
I drag myself
weary,
out of bed.
And take the pill,
that makes me feel nothing.
I sleep,
without dreams,
without hope,
forever.



KrisAnn

[krisann]

Bad

I don't sleep
but no one knows.
I stay nice and quiet,
and pretend,
that I'm okay.

Today is bad
I feel bad....
gripping the ledge.
Don't let go,
don't let go,
don't let go.

Alone
inside my head.
Bad
its all so bad
i am bad.

I breathe
i breathe,
i slowly breathe.

I stay away from sharp
metal objects.

But still i hurt myself...


KrisAnn

[krisann]

A letter to my Mother

Mom ~

I know you think sometimes that my distance from you is a sign of how I feel. Partly that is my fault because I never really tell you.

Loving you is like being a moth drawn too close to the flame. The fire is vibrant, warm, and beautiful. But if you get too close it will burn you. So I've learned how to fly all around and just outside the edges. Close... but not too close. I've learned how to keep from going down in flames.

If it seems I hold back sometimes, that is why. It does not mean that I love you less.

Growing up with you holds so many special memories. You always tried to make everything special, even though we didn't have a lot of money. As a child, I never thought we ever went without.

You may have done things wrong, but there were so many things that you got just right.

You are a creative genius, a boundless form of energy. I remember music and dancing.... and laughter.

I remember backyard baseball games where no one ever kept score.

I remember homemade birthday cakes and getting simple presents I know must have set you back.

But mostly, I remember love. I remember how you always gave as much as you could.

There are times with my own children when I wonder if I am doing the right thing. And I smile when I think of how you handled certain situations when I was a child. And how you got it just right.

You are a mover, a shaker.. and ever moving entity. I am the perpetual daydreamer, happy to stay in the shadows and watch the world go by.

And yet, somehow, someway, we sometimes come together.


KrisAnn

[I am who I am]

krisann, on 10 July 2010 - 04:58 PM, said:

Bad

I don't sleep
but no one knows.
I stay nice and quiet,
and pretend,
that I'm okay.

Today is bad
I feel bad....
gripping the ledge.
Don't let go,
don't let go,
don't let go.

Alone
inside my head.
Bad
its all so bad
i am bad.

I breathe
i breathe,
i slowly breathe.

I stay away from sharp
metal objects.

But still i hurt myself...


KrisAnn

Love them all.... especially this one. Good for you to write today!

[krisann]

I am who I am, on 10 July 2010 - 05:27 PM, said:

Love them all.... especially this one. Good for you to write today!

Thanks I am

Sometimes I wish my poetry was more uplifting, but I guess Im not a "sunshine and daisies" kinda girl.

KrisAnn

[krisann]

Mold

There is no end in site
where it starts, where it begins....
I reach down deep within myself,
and drown myself in sin.

It slowly numbs my mind,
It locks me deep inside.
I carpet myself in lonliness,
but I no longer hide.

I smile through insanity,
I wonder if it shows?
Completely covered in my mold,
but I am not alone.



KrisAnn