Help
Here is my history. I have been on various anti-depressants for about 10 years. I have tried most of them. I think that I am pretty sensitive to medication and tend to metabolize it pretty fast. Most anti-depressants have not worked for me/gave me adverse side effects.
Zoloft bothered my GI system a lot. Lexapro seemed to not do much. Same with Effexor. It seemed like Paxil made me feel the best, but I gained a lot of weight on it. This was years ago, and I was only on it a few months. I have been on Wellbutrin and Cymbalta the longest. I was on 150 mg Wellbutrin XL a long time, and it didn't seem to be helping me much, but more than the others. However, I was always able to get off any antidepressant until Cymbalta. Although, I will say that my former antidepressants were always replaced by a different, new antidepressant - trying to find the "right" one. None of them really seemed to help me enough and/or not cause adverse side effects.
About 5 years ago my doctor added 30 mg, then 60 mg Cymbalta to my Wellbutrin. Honestly, it seemed like the 60 mg helped a lot at 1st, but eventually, on this combo, it seemed like all I wanted to do was sleep. And, I slept a lot. Needless to say, this was not helping me at all. I eventually dropped down to 30 mg Cymbalta. It seemed to not make too much of a difference. I was taking 30 mg Cymbalta and 150 mg Wellbutrin XL for a few years. Then, my dad passed away a couple years ago and I ended up making a few bad choices as a result of how I was feeling. I think some of these bad choices had to do with my state of grief and the meds that I was on (both Wellbutrin and Cymbalta). Eventually, I decided I wanted off of both of these drugs.
Last spring, I tried to quit cold turkey (both of these drugs) and had a horrible experience of anxiety and panic, headaches, nausea, stomach pains, diarrhea. I went right back on both. In the summer, when I was feeling better, I basically started taking the 30 mg Cymbalta every other day for about a month and then eventually just stopped at the end of July. I kept taking the Wellbutrin. I was doing ok, but feeling a little anxious. I used to take Wellbutrin by itself for years, so I figured I would be fine. At end of August, I stopped taking the Wellbutrin.
I went from Sept to Nov without either drug. I also stopped taking birth control pills. I wanted to clean out my entire body. By Nov, I was having such severe anxiety and panic, that I went back on Cymbalta, but asked for only 20 mg this time and back on birth control pills (no Wellbutrin). The doctor told me that my anxiety has increased that is why I was feeling this way. I was always more depressed and dysthymic than anxious, and now, I am unbelievably anxious (and depressed/dysthymic). I am no longer taking Wellbutrin b/c it supposedly can increase anxiety, although, I never had a problem with it until I started taking Cymbalta with it. After Nov, I kept on taking 20 mg of Cymbalta every day and birth control (no Wellbutrin).
I decided in about Jan/Feb to start taking 20 mg Cymbalta every other day. This is not ideal and has left me feeling slightly nauseated with headaches, but I have been able to somewhat bear it. Doctor gave me Prozac to help get off completely, and it made me so incredibly anxious. This did not work for me.
Right now, I am still taking 20 mg Cymbalta every other day plus birth control pills. I even back slid a few times and took it every day for a couple days and started back into my "wanting to sleep all day" mode, and I just can't do that. I have to function and go to work. Right now, I am still on 20 mg every other day.
I would like to get down to 10 mg daily then every other day, 5 mg if I have to, etc. I am thinking of trying the counting bead and gelatin caps that the board has suggested. However, when I opened one of my 20 mg, the beads are so tiny, they went everywhere. I don't know to do this without losing some, having them spill all over, etc. Has anyone tried doing this with the 20 mg? Can you please offer advice? Or, has anyone had success with a compound pharmacy making them into 10 mg, 5 mg, etc?
Overall, I am struggling with whether I actually need this drug or not. Is my anxiety worse? Or did Cymbalta make my anxiety worse? Can it change your brain?
I realize that this board is not for diagnosis. I am asking these more hypothetically. The doctor said that there is no way that Cymbalta can change your brain. He said that would be "bizarre" and wouldn't happen. However, they don't even understand how these drugs (especially this one) work exactly. All I know is that I am more anxious and panicky than I have ever been. I can almost handle being depressed. I can't handle the anxiety/panic and GI issues.
I think I was successfully off of it (and all drugs) for a few months. I think I might've been through the withdrawal? But, it seems like I cannot get off this drug without having severe anxiety/panic rear it's ugly head. Also, trying to wean off of it causes me great GI problems, mainly nausea and diarrhea. I have actually thrown up from this. And, of course, headaches. And, during my period, all of those issues get so much worse. I never had anxiety like this before this drug. I have never had the aches and pains that I have right now. Through the past year, I keep going back to this drug.
Again, the doctor dismisses this as he thinks both my anxiety and depression have gotten worse and the Cymbalta is actually "helping" more than I think. When I am back on the drug, my GI problems and anxiety seem to subside. And, the aches and pains are b/c I am getting older and my depression is worse (I am having knee problems/pre-arthritis. I was diagnosed with runner's knees). I am in my mid-30s, and I do not exercise. Now, I'm thinking that I might have fibromyalgia. God, I hope not. I have no idea.
But, I will agree with everyone on here wholeheartedly that getting off this drug is awful. And, that by itself, is a cause for concern. I was always told that antidepressants are non-addictive and can be stopped, if done properly/safely. Not so with Cymbalta.
Eventually, I would like to be off of Cymbalta and birth control b/c I think I would like to eventually have a baby with my fiance (eventual husband). It doesn't have to be "tomorrow," but I would like to know that I can at least live without antidepressants at least through pregnancy and the 1st year. Maybe I am being too naive/idealistic about this. Regardless, I would at least like to eventually get off of Cymbalta, if I can. Any help or guidance is greatly appreciated. Thank you for this board and all of your wonderful support.
