[Dolly]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder June 2009. Around that time, I made a lot of big changes in my life. I decided I could no longer live with my parents, and I got an apartment in my college town. I entered my first steady relationship and, of course, I started taking 60 mg of Cymbalta.

I noticed an *enormous* peak in my mood once the fall came around. Classes started and I was settled into my relationship and my new home. Little things that used to bother me didn't irritate me quite so much. I felt much happier in my daily life, and I was even making friends. When serious obstacles arose, I was able to manage them successfully.

There were a few drawbacks to the medication, of course. My blood pressure went up, my sex drive went down, and I gained some weight. I tried to remedy this by increasing my exercise routine and buying produce as much as my budget would allow. With an active physical routine and a balanced diet, I knew it was the Cymbalta causing the changes in my body.

Eventually, however, my parents could no longer afford the medication. At that point, I had depended on them to pay the monthly $40 for my little bottle of pills--and that was with the help of insurance. When I had to start paying for the Cymbalta myself, I quickly foresaw the financial problems it was going to cause for me. I knew right away that I would have to get off the medication, whether I wanted to or not.

____

This brings me to where I am today. For almost a month now, I have been weaning myself off the meds. I went from 60mg every other day, to 60 mg every three days, to 30 mg every other day, to 30 mg every three days, to 30 mg every five to six days. Now, I'm splitting the 30 mg capsules and taking a 15mg dosage every five or six days. The last time I took a 15 mg dose was this past Tuesday morning.

The withdrawal effects have been very frustrating. Like most people weaning off Cymbalta, I have gotten "brain zaps." It seems if I ever move my head to fast or even look in a different direction too quickly, I experience a weird kind of disorientation. I've also felt tired and a bit unfocused at work.

The worst part, though, is the reappearing negative thought patterns. I notice that, once again, I get angry over things easier and those things I get angry about bother me constantly. For example, I got pulled over on the 4th of July weekend by a cop who was clearly bored/annoyed and looking to write some tickets. Granted, the citations would have annoyed me even if I had been on the meds, but my anger at this guy lasted for almost the entire week.

I'm scared. I'm scared of what's going to happen when I do get off thsi medication. I couldn't care less about the withdrawal effects at this point. I just want to reach a point in my life where I can be happy without medication. I don't want to go back to cutting and feeling suicidal. I want to do good things in the world and help people; I want to be successful and make a difference in the lives of others. I want to have an active social life and friends. I want to wake up in the morning and be excited about life.

One more year of college. My last relationship ended a month ago. No more Cymbalta. I'm going to be as positive about this as possible, because I want to find happiness in my life. I will do some of the best academic work I have ever done in my final semesters. I'm going to find another relationship, because I know I'm special and I deserve somebody who appreciates and loves me for who I am. I am going to be happy, even without Cymbalta.

[krisann]

Dolly, on 10 July 2010 - 11:37 AM, said:

One more year of college. My last relationship ended a month ago. No more Cymbalta. I'm going to be as positive about this as possible, because I want to find happiness in my life. I will do some of the best academic work I have ever done in my final semesters. I'm going to find another relationship, because I know I'm special and I deserve somebody who appreciates and loves me for who I am. I am going to be happy, even without Cymbalta.

I love your positive attitude! Its a rocky road, but we can all do this! Keep in touch, this is a great place to find encouragement.

KrisAnn

[Dolly]

Thanks, KrisAnn! (hugs)

[Ms_M]

Your attitude is great! I'm a little jealous as those little annoyances continue to stay with me, but I digress.

You mentioned you were in school - is there a counseling center on campus? I was having some family issues in my last couple of semesters of college and was able to go to the counseling center. I think it was free or VERY low cost. Counseling is what is helping me with my emotional stuff now.

Best of luck with everything!

Michelle

[Dolly]

Hello everyone. It's been three weeks now since I've taken a Cymbalta. Most of the physical side effects are gone, like the dizziness and "brain zaps."

The emotional side effects seem to be taking a toll now... I'm crying all. the. time. I feel absolutely miserable, like I don't have any friends and everyone in the universe is judging me in a negative way. I'm defensive and irritable and angry. I say more mean, judgmental things, and I hate myself for it.

For the first time in a year, I've considered cutting. I'm desperately hoping that this is just an emotional side effect and not me returning to an all-too-familiar state of depression. I don't feel like I can go to my friends or my parents with any of these feelings--I just feel like it would burden them or push them away from me.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on the matter?

[Ms_M]

Dolly, on 20 July 2010 - 02:56 PM, said:

Hello everyone. It's been three weeks now since I've taken a Cymbalta. Most of the physical side effects are gone, like the dizziness and "brain zaps."

The emotional side effects seem to be taking a toll now... I'm crying all. the. time. I feel absolutely miserable, like I don't have any friends and everyone in the universe is judging me in a negative way. I'm defensive and irritable and angry. I say more mean, judgmental things, and I hate myself for it.

For the first time in a year, I've considered cutting. I'm desperately hoping that this is just an emotional side effect and not me returning to an all-too-familiar state of depression. I don't feel like I can go to my friends or my parents with any of these feelings--I just feel like it would burden them or push them away from me.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on the matter?

Not being a professional, I can't really say much on the topic. However, I would re-think not talking to friends/family. They may surprise you! If you still feel that is not an option - talk to your doctor or a counselor.

[Dolly]

Thanks, Michelle. I did end up sending an e-mail to my mom and she gave me some helpful advice. I feel like it's difficult sometimes to share my feelings with others, even if they're friends or family, because I'm afraid of alienating them, especially since many people don't think of anxiety as a "real" problem.

Since I'm no longer able to afford the medicine, I definitely can't afford doctor's appointments or counseling either.

I am so lost now. The change in my mood and personality has been drastic. I guess my anxiety wasn't so situational at all. What I don't understand is why my brain is wired to make me so unhappy? Why is it just 60 mg of this stupid pill makes such a difference?

[cookie]

...

[cookie]

Dolly, on 22 July 2010 - 05:00 PM, said:

Thanks, Michelle. I did end up sending an e-mail to my mom and she gave me some helpful advice. I feel like it's difficult sometimes to share my feelings with others, even if they're friends or family, because I'm afraid of alienating them, especially since many people don't think of anxiety as a "real" problem.

Since I'm no longer able to afford the medicine, I definitely can't afford doctor's appointments or counseling either.

I am so lost now. The change in my mood and personality has been drastic. I guess my anxiety wasn't so situational at all. What I don't understand is why my brain is wired to make me so unhappy? Why is it just 60 mg of this stupid pill makes such a difference?

Dear Dolly:
Yes, it is so hard to share feelings with others (friends or family) because they do not understand that anxiety or depression are real illnesses. But at least we found this site, where people go through similar situations

In January I quit my mood stabilizer, it was hell. I felt terrible, was crying all the time, couldn´t get out of the house, couldn´t even talk with my friends. I thought exactly what your thinking right now "why is it just 5mg of this stupid pill makes such a difference??". After a few months I began to feel so much better, and realized that what I had felt it was not me, but withdrawal symptoms.

Now I started weaning from cymbalta. I know it is hard, and I will have to go through a similar situation.
But after withdrawals, I will get to know who I really am.

hugs
Cookie

[cookie]

Dolly, on 04 August 2010 - 09:16 PM, said:

I've been off Cymbalta for a little over a month now. The worst peak of the withdrawal symptoms was that third week. For anybody else out there weaning off the meds, I HIGHLY recommend you let friends and family know AHEAD of time that you will be getting off them and that you will NEED them during that week or so. It won't last forever, but it will be easier for you to turn to them if you feel like you've prepped them for the request ahead of time.

I've stabilized for the most part. I wonder if it will be another month or so before I'm really back to normal. Some things are biologically different. I definitely am having a harder time getting along with my parents again and some of my social anxiety has returned, but these are things I'm willing to accept. I think, overall, I learned a lot of important skills while I was on the medication, and those will stick with me even when I'm off it.

I may decide I was happier on the medication and try and find a cheaper one in the future. But for right now, I'm doing okay. Thanks to everyone for all your support.

Dear Dolly:
I am glad to hear that you are doing fine. Thank you so much for giving us advice. Please keep on visiting this site, to give us and update on how you feel. It will be very useful to us. This kind of stories gives us hope.
hugs
Cookie

[maddie]

Dolly, on 20 July 2010 - 02:56 PM, said:

Hello everyone. It's been three weeks now since I've taken a Cymbalta. Most of the physical side effects are gone, like the dizziness and "brain zaps."

The emotional side effects seem to be taking a toll now... I'm crying all. the. time. I feel absolutely miserable, like I don't have any friends and everyone in the universe is judging me in a negative way. I'm defensive and irritable and angry. I say more mean, judgmental things, and I hate myself for it.

For the first time in a year, I've considered cutting. I'm desperately hoping that this is just an emotional side effect and not me returning to an all-too-familiar state of depression. I don't feel like I can go to my friends or my parents with any of these feelings--I just feel like it would burden them or push them away from me.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on the matter?

Do you have a doctor you can reach out to? I've said this on every thread in this forum, and people are probably saying "woman we heard you already"lol.....but I have the most wonderful psychiatrist who is helping me thru this. She has been calling me on a regular basis since I went cold turkey nine days ago. I also have a close friend who calls several times during the day and I too said to her I didn't want to burden her with this. She, in no uncertain terms, said "thats what family and friends are for". If your family member was in trouble and needed support I am sure you would support them. So they can help you thru this. Thinking that it would push them away is a part of our problem...and we have to get over that. You can't do this totally on your own...reach out, talk about it, talk to us. The irritability and anger and paranoia are definite side effects of withdrawal, but that will end. Don't beat yourself up about it. Openly explain to people, especially family, what is causing the anger and that right now it is beyond your control. They will understand. You did me some good..and I thank you. You said that the brain zaps and dizziness have disappeared after 3 weeks. I still have them but now I can look forward to the fact that this too will end. Again I thank you for that. Stay strong, reach out for help, don't feel that you are a burden....and the best of luck to you.