Help
In May I started tapering from 60 mg- I stepped from 60mg to 45mg, then down to 30. The jump from 30 to 25mg was an especially rough one and then from 25 to 22.4, and 22.4 to 20. I was waiting at least 2 weeks between jumps and a few days ago realized that even if I pick up the pace a bit I will not be rid of this horrible stuff until October. The thought that I will have to go through at least 3 more months of this horrible sporadic ride is more than I can handle, and I decided I can't do this right now. I began to wonder if it needs to be so hard, and grew really frustrated at the fact that nobody really knows. I am so glad I found this forum to know that this isn't in my head, but the bottom line is that we have all been left to figure out our best guess of what is going to work for each of us. Nobody knows for sure and nobody is going to have the exact same experience. I can follow the recommendations to reduce 10% each time I reduce my dose, or I can take out 3 beads every 6 days or I can follow Lilly's horrible advice of stopping cold-turkey at either 20 or 30mg. I have no idea which is going to be the least painful approach, or maybe there's an entirely different approach that nobody knows about that would make the process totally painless...
Using the method I'm using now, however, means it's a toss-up of whether my day is going to be rough but bearable, or an absolute nightmare. I can mostly handle the physical symptoms- not enjoyable but at least manageable- Heartburn, indigestion, tinnitus, visual hallucinations, brain zaps, dizzy spells, weird rashes. nausea, and horrible insomnia... The mental stuff is much harder for me. I feel so unstable and can flip between being fairly calm and 'okay' to flying off the handle- losing my temper and being filled with rage and lashing out at myself or anyone around me. Then, just as quickly, I can collapse into tears and become overwrought with such empty hopelessness that it's hard to remember that it's the Cymbalta doing this and that it will, eventually, pass.
Last night I talked to my boyfriend about the idea of staying at 20mg for a while, to see what he thought about it. He's been as supportive as I can imagine someone could be without having been through Cymbalta withdrawal himself. He understands my urgency to get this stuff out of my system as quickly as possible, but he also agreed that it might be good to give myself a break. He mentioned 'quality of life' and I realized that mine has take a major downward turn these last couple of months- I feel like I am struggling and miserable more often than not, and I need a break from this rollercoaster so I can try to catch my breath and give my brain a chance to get used to the changes I've made by removing 40mg of a medication it had become accustomed to.
I think I am just totally exhausted. I am both physically exhausted from the insomnia that wakes me up every night at 2am and keeps me tossing and turning until morning, and mentally exhausted from the crazy moodswings, anxiety, and depression I've been dealing with.
I have this idea that I will give myself at least a month to stabilize at 20mg. (Maybe longer if I don't feel ready to dive back into the withdrawal process at the end of that month.) When I feel ready again and I have some energy stored up maybe I'll arm myself with vitamins and healthy food and as stress-free a week as I'm capable of creating and then drop 5mg to see what happens. I don't imagine it will be easy, but at least I'll be ready for it. (If it's too horrible I can always go back up a few mg to lessen the side effects). Then I'll give myself a big chunk of time to re-stabilize and brace myself again for another 5mg drop... and so forth until this is over.
I wonder if anyone else has tried something like this?
This morning I was thinking about how everyone does things differently- some people yank off their bandaids really fast so there's a flash of pain but it's over quickly, and some people can't bear to do that so they pull them off slowly to minimize the pain but draw the process out... Maybe there's a method in between these two approaches that could work, too?
I'm rambling a bit, I know, but it's hard to know where else to put down these thoughts.
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read these posts and offer their support- I think it's amazing that a group of strangers can become such large parts of each others lives...
