[victoriasue]

Hi. This will be long. I'm just going to throw my story out there, but I really do want advice, so please read as much as you can.

I am 22 years old and was on Cymbalta for just under a year for "moderate depression" related to stress/money/winter time during college. I knew I didn't want to be on an antidepressant forever. Over the summer I felt peachy keen and decided to start taking the steps to get off of Cymbalta. Had I (or my doctor) only known that coming off of this drug would be infinitely worse than the slight depression that preceded it...

I went to my doctor to tell her that I wanted to get off of cymbalta. I was on 60mg, she told me to go down to 30mg for 2 weeks and if I felt fine, to just stop completely. I felt perfectly fine (aside from extreme night sweats, which is a really awful side effect of being ON cymbalta) after the 2 weeks, so stopped as my doctor said. Not even two days after I stopped I noticed the "Brain Zaps." I was exceedingly exhausted and dizzy. I had no idea what was wrong with me... I was nearly convinced I had mono again when Boyfriend (with whom I live) suggested it might be because I got off this drug. That's when I found this website and realized that I wasn't the only one experiencing these weird symptoms.

For about 3 days, I was unable to function and had extreme mood swings, threw things, cried, screamed, etc. I couldn't drive. I had to miss a day of work. I went back to the doctor and she basically had no idea what to do. I told her that some people on here seemed to use prozac right after quitting cymbalta and that they had fewer withdrawal symptoms, so she told me to try that. I went back on cymbalta in order to function and stayed on 20mg of cymbalta throughout the christmas holiday and on the 28th, went from cymbalta to prozac. Well, now I know that it takes about 2 weeks for prozac to do anything and that that idea wouldn't work... so my cymbalta withdrawal was at an all-time high. On New Year's Eve, I lost it. I was getting frustrated about not being able to concentrate on filling out graduate school applications and upset because no one knew what to do and didn't understand that what I was feeling isn't "normal" depression, but withdrawal from a serious drug. I was afraid cymbalta had forever broken my brain.

I threw my cell phone and a few dishes and was screaming and flipping out (NOT like me - I sometimes throw things when I'm angry but I don't break stuff and I am generally a fairly calm person). My boyfriend had to wrestle me to the ground to keep me from destroying anything else and accidentally gave me a pretty decent shiner on my left eye (his shoulder hit my eye). My mom, whom I had been talking to when I threw the phone, came to my house from two hours away to take me to the emergency room. The whole night felt like an out-of-body experience. The social worker at the emergency room told me to see a psychiatrist. She didnt seem to understand the withdrawal and wondered why I wanted to get off of cymbalta. she didnt seem to understand not wanting to be on ANY antidepressant. My mom asked about taking Fish Oil and if that helped. She said to stay away from anything herbal because it can react with whatever I end up taking (I told her I'd like to take something in order to be functional, but NOT cymbalta or anything remotely addictive).

Right now I have a prescription for .5mg of ativan in case I feel like I'm going to flip out. I took one and didnt like it too much. I only have five of them. I want to stay away from drugs because I know ativan is also highly addictive, however I need to be able to function. I am seriously afraid of losing my job. Right now I'm at my parents' house where things are relatively unstressful. I still have the brain zaps, extreme fatigue, headaches, extreme mood swings, and I kinda feel like a zombie. I feel like I could lose my temper and start crying and screaming at the slightest thing. I work with children in my job and will probably get a doctor's note to at least get a few days off until I can talk to a psychiatrist to make me functional. So... that's where I'm at after 6 days without cymbalta. I wish I had never seen this drug and just medicated myself with something else for the initial depression a year ago. I feel like my life has done a total 180.

Any advice? Thoughts? Has anyone else had any experience with ativan? Should I be taking supplements?? Has anyone else dealt with a psychiatrist and trying to convince them that this isn't just depression?? I will appreciate any advice. thank you, and happy new year. <3

[singerdancer]

Dear VictoriaSue:

I have been visiting this site for several months now, but have never posted. I just had to reply to you, though, because you sound so sad and desperate.

I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. I have been on antidepressants for 7 or 8 years for various reasons. Did pretty well on Prozac first and then Lexapro, but eventually they both quit working. Anyway - long story short - my dr. put me on Cymbalta. I knew within the first couple of weeks that it wasn't going to work. It was making me feel worse.

Unfortuantely, neither my dr. nor I had any idea how hard getting off this drug would be. I was on 60 mg. for only about a month, so I really didn't think it would be that bad. I had some mild withdrawal effects when I came off of Prozac and Lexapro, but nothing too bad. Getting off of Cymbalta has been a nightmare!

My dr. (with all good intentions - she's a great doc - she just didn't know) had me go from 60 mg. to 30 mg., then to 20 mg., then to 20 mg. every other day. BAD IDEA!! I wish I had found this site sooner so I would have known to wean myself off VERY SLOWLY. That's what seems to work the best for most people.

Anyway - I just want you to know that there is HOPE. I've been completely off of Cymbalta since the end of October. And I won't kid you - it's been hell. But it WILL get better. I had a lot of the same symptoms as you and a lot of other people on this board. This has been worse than any depression I've every been through! The scariest things were the (unexplained) crying jags and uncontrollable rage. Wow. I really scared myself a couple of times.

Thank god (really!) that I found this board and realized that what was happening to me was because of the withdrawal. I realized that I was just going to have to gut this out and get through it. But it did help (a lot) to know that this was just a TEMPORARY thing and not the real me. I somehow managed to keep working, but people did notice that I wasn't myself (to put it mildly :-)).

I work for a non-profit and we get time off at the holidays, so I've been off work since Christmas eve. Today was my first day back. The time off really helped and I think I've finally turned the corner on this nightmare. I'm feelng much calmer now, and most of my symptoms are gone. Still getting an occasional brain buzz, and still having a lot of trouble sleeping. But the "emotional" part has really calmed down. I'm starting to feel like me again.

Didn't mean for this post to be so long - but I want you to know that you CAN get through this. Talk to your doctors and, if nothing else works, have them come to this board and read some of these posts. Maybe that will convince them that what you are going through is REAL.

Hang in there and don't give up. You can beat this. It will take awhile and you'll have some good days, and then some bad days again. But it will end. I'm proof of that!