[Shaggypw]

Hi everyone. My name is Amy, I have been reading your posts on an off for about 2 months now. I signed up because my boyfriend is currently trying to get off of Cymbalta and it is really rough. He has been taking Cymbalta for several years for his fibromyalgia. He was on 60mg when I first met him but then the doctor upped his dosage to 90mg because the 60 was not really working anymore. When his dosage went up to 90 he changed. He pretty much lost all emotion, his sex drive disappeared, the sweet great guy that I was with was gone. Luckily after about 6 months of the higher dosage he did notice things weren’t right and decided to stop taking the Cymbalta but he quit cold turkey and that was awful. The best way I could describe how he looked to me is he looked like he had a mild case of tourettes. He developed a twitch (I am thinking this is the brain zaps) he even accidentally yelled at me in mid sentence one day. He could not think or concentrate on anything. He even blinked his eyes uncontrollably. After 4 or 5 days he had to start taking it again because he was incapable of functioning on any level. He started back at 60mg dosage this was back in March. So he did drop 30mgs.

Here is where we are now: He has worked out a tapering schedule with his doctor which he is going to drop to 30 mg in June then lower his dosage every 2 weeks. He is very angry/upset that he isn’t who he used to be and who he has always been. He has told his doctor he is done with all the chemicals and wants new options for his fibromyalgia.

Current problems and questions: He has been on 60mgs for about a month to a month and a half and here recently in the past couple of days he is losing his ability to think and he doesn’t feel right. Is this normal for him to be on the lower dosage for this amount of time and it get worse this far in?

Disclaimer: This is what I can see and the best I can get out of him. He isn’t very talkative about this and I don’t want to bug him about it to see how he is feeling all the time because sometimes it seems we are teetering on sanity and insanity.

[schmb01]

Amy, yes it is "normal" I guess you could say, to feel as he does right now. This is a powerful psychotropic drug, and it completely changes your system while on it, and it is hard to bounce back. It doesn't happen fast, in fact for me, the progress was very slow, AFTER I was completely off of it. I'm over 60 days off of it, and am now feeling so much better, but like I said, it was a slow process. I too was upped to 90 mg, and that is when I really got bad. I lost the desire to do anything, or interact with anyone, I just felt dead.

Your BF may benefit from some of the nutrional support ideas here, Omega 3 supplements, dietary changes, etc. He also may be one that needs to have more medical intervention, as some people here have had good luck with low doses of Celexa and Prozac to help them wean. I think that post is under Weaning from Cymbalta, and is called "it worked". You may want to check that out.

Also, try to convince him to come on here and read some of the posts, or print some that you think may be helpful for him. For me, just reading that others really got what I was feeling was a huge help.

Be sure to take care of you too, because this is a tough time not only for those coming off of this stuff, but for those that care about them.

Good Luck, and please post as often as you need to, this is a wonderful support system.

Babby

[Shaggypw]

Babby, Thank you for your reply.
Everything on here I have read is very helpful to me in understanding what he is going through and I do report back my findings to him. Right now he doesn't like the person that he has become. He is very disinterested in friends and relationships and is losing touch with people. The other day he told me he hates everybody right now which really isn't him at all. He is very social and loves having people around. He really loves to talk but there are many days he just doesn't say anything. Yesterday was a bad brain fog day for him. I showed him this site and he has read on here in the past but he is also a workaholic so time is short for him.

Here is where I am lost. I want to help him but I don't know what to do. I don't want to push him in anyway that makes him feel worse but it is very hard not knowing what I can do. When he is having a bad withdrawal day I am trying to not even talk to him because it just goes bad. We live together so not talking to him is very strange.

Here is what I have done for him that I can do. I have bought and got him to take B12, Omega 3s, and vitamin C. I am currently in the process of figuring out what he can eat to lessen the effects of the withdrawal.

So if anyone has any input on what their loved ones could do to help them out through this what would it be?

[schmb01]

Amy, first, be sure that the supplements are high quality, such as you would buy at a health food store. There really is a difference.

When I was at my worst, in fact the first day at zero, (I had to go back to 30 and taper after this) I had a huge emotional melt down. It helped me to have someone just sit with me. My niece came over, and all we did was watch some movies, light conversation, but basically, I just wanted someone to be near me. I had many days like that. If he isn't talking to you, it is likely that it is hard for him to even tell you how he is feeling, because he probably doesn't know.

I think you are right not to push too hard, especially during this period of weaning and withdrawal. He is likely feeling periods of total apathy, and then extreme anxiety, waves of sadness and then waves of rage. Please remember, it is the drug that is doing this to him, and something that he has no control over, and that in itself is very scary. Don't dismiss what he is feeling, or try to minimize it, just let it be what it is for now. Of course, pay close attention to anything that makes you feel unsafe, or that he may harm himself. His brain likely feels like scrambled eggs right now, so just keep an eye on any marked changes, such as more aggression or very severe sadness. I can only speak for myself, I'm not a doctor, but those are just some things that come to mind.

Just knowing that you are there, and supporting him means more than you will know, and although he may not be able to appreciate it now, once this dark time is over, he will look back and know how much it meant.

I'm sure others will be responding to your post soon. Hold on tight, it is bumpy for awhile, but it can and does get better. I finally feel like "me" again, and honestly, at the beginning of weaning and withdrawal, I had some serious concerns about whether or not I would ever feel good again.

You are doing a great thing to start with by trying to understand this, and to be there.

Babby

[Shaggypw]

Is it normal while on the drug and going through the withdrawal to lose interest in physical contact? I don't mean sex either, I kind of expect lack of sexual interest. From being the person having to watch this that is something hard to lose. I am a physical person and I really miss that. Today I am taking that better because after reading more and finally posting I am not taking it so personally.

This post sounds kind of selfish of me but I am trying to keep me sane so I can do what I can to keep him sane.

[Lori]

Shaggypw, I knew I was not the one to answer your post. I even mentioned to my boyfriend that I felt terrible because no one had responsed to you yet. I knew when Babby got a hold of it, she would do you right. Your last post was not a selfish post, you are needing to know why the lack of touching. I had problems with it because one minute I was angry and in an outrage, the next minute, or half hour, I was numb. There were times, I felt after a temper tantrum that I needed to be held, but would not initiate it because I was so ashamed by the way I acted. Too, I remember there were times when my boyfriend would come in from work and hug me, and I remember him telling me, it would be nice to get a hug back. But you know? I do not have the slightest idea as to what I was feeling and why I was not responsive towards him, but now that you mention it, I do remember him saying that to me. SO ITS NOT HIM!! ITS NOT YOU!!! ITS THE WICKED DRUG!! Hang in there, I know its tough, I see it first hand with my boyfriend and you cant imagine the humiliation and embarassment we experience for some of our insane actions. I am glad you posted, for you and him to get help, but because I am also driving him crazy and I need to see the other side of the spectrum. I have not upset him in three days......I am afraid to enjoy it....but what the heck! I have alittle. :mrgreen:

[schmb01]

Amy, I think Lori had some good points for you, I knew she would offer some insight.

I live alone with my dog, so I don't know if she noticed anything, sorry, had to add a little humor there. Now, I will say, that every nerve in my body felt raw, and the wild range of emotions I was feeling was pretty nasty. If I had to guess, your BF is feeling like that too. It makes your emotions AND your body just feel like they are not your own, if that makes sense. That is what was so damn scary, it is a total loss of that sense of control that we like to have. I kind of likened it to feeling like a fussy baby, don't touch me, don't leave me, I just don't know what I want.

Like Lori said, this has to be hard for you, because you probably feel like you are watching your own bad dream, and the person to whom you would normally go for comfort, is the star of that dream, so you feel like you are floating out there alone. It isn't selfish, it is normal. Please, like I've said to you before, hold on very tight, it will get better. But do beware, there will be some very good days, and then likely a few setbacks where it feels like you are both back at square 1. Slowly, you will notice the good days outweighing the bad, at least emotionally.

I hope he is taking some steps to work through this too. You need to understand that HE has to be the one to get through this, and to seek help in doing it if necessary, because you can not do this for him. In so many ways, it is a drug addiction, just not from a "pleasure producing" substance. It is wonderful that you are supporting him, yet you also have to take care of yourself. Ultimately, he has ownership for this, and he CAN do it, he just may need to reach out for some help.

Good luck to both of you dear, and keep coming back, we are all pulling for you!

Babby

[Lori]

Good Morning Amy, I hope with some of the advice you received you slept alittle better. Your boyfriend is blessed to have you in his life. He knows that too. Babby is excellent at offering advice, she is straight forward and tells it like it is. Me on the other hand, can only tell you what its like for us. Babby hit the nail, square on the head, and what she said has had a major impact on me and my way of thinking. NORMAL! Your boyfriend is reacting normally. He is normal!! That is so significant and something I must hang on to, and I hope it is comforting for you and your boyfriend. I am on day 25 with no Cymbalta and just recently it does not bother me for him to come in and give me a hug while I am cooking or doing dishes...etc. It is actually comforting, now. Touching deals with the nervous system. Once I realized the withdrawals 'attacks' the nervous system, alot of my reactions to certain things, fell into place. For example, my boyfriends daughter is 12, and she innocently touched my thumb ring to tell me it looked like it was too big for me....My first thought was, if she does not get her finger off of my thumb, I am going to come UNGLUED!!! This made me feel so beneath myself, but I now understand why. Him helping me get my hair pulled back, so I could get my cap on.....I thought if he did not hurry up and get it fixed I was going to loose control. Your boyfriend does not understand how he got from his normal self to this person that he does not know nor does he like. He may even blame you for things, because he is afraid of loosing you...sounds weird, huh?

You can not fix this, but you being there is going to help him in ways you can not imagine. I think alot of my boyfriends problem is that he can not fix it. When your boyfriend is quite, know that he is trying to rationalize what is going on with him, and how he can fix it. I did alot of that, analyzing and rationalizing. We come to this site for help, for advice, for ways to make life easier on ourselves and for our loved ones, but the trick is in knowing that is has to run its course. We can lessen the pain, with better foods or supplements or maybe even another anti-depressant, but the majority of the withdrawals have to run their nasty, ugly, stinking course. What your boyfriend feels is normal, what you are feeling is normal.

I agree with Babby and you, dont push too hard. When I realized my boyfriend was having a really rough time of dealing with me and I felt the relationship was ending, it added more anxiety on top of everything else. I felt I had to get well, right now and I KNEW that was not possible. It terrified me. The healing is so time consuming. Another reason your boyfriend may not be talking much could be because his thought process is so slow and God knows, it takes so much out of me just to tell someone something simple. Imagine a head of cabbage trying to tell you something. Imagine a head of cabbage trying to carry on a conversation with you. Thats how it feels. I would get so frustrated I would either have a temper tantrum or just shut up, and shut down. This morning.....THERE IS HOPE!! My boyfriend asked me, "Do you realize you got up, made my breakfast, got my lunch thrown together and you still have 25 minutes to spare? YES!!!! YES!!!!! I had some clarity this morning, and it felt so gooooood!!!!! I realized it too, and kept looking around the kitchen to see what else I was suppose to do. I kept asking myself, am I through with what I am suppose to be doing?

Understand that even a simple going out to dinner could become frustrating. He may have a hard time ordering, simply because he does not know what he wants. He may become nervous due to too many people staring at him (thinks they are staring at him), the waitress may get on his nerves because she is either too chipper, is not there when he needs her, or she gets too close. These are things that happened to me and may never happen to him.......but just know that if it does, it will pass and is NORMAL.

I hope your boyfriend will take advice from this site. There are alot of things posted that he will benefit from. Keep coming back, if you do not see something that pertains to a problem you two are facing, ask! Like Babby said, you take time for you, too. You could benefit from taking long, hot, relaxing baths. Eating foods that will keep you on an even keel. I can not imagine what it is like for you. And on behalf of your boyfriend, we really dont want to be this way, we dont want to cause you any upset or hurt. We are trying and even though humilitation, shame and pride, may prevent us from telling you, we appreciate you more than you could ever know.

[Shaggypw]

Lori, Please don’t ever hesitate to post again your advice and your story is great to know. The bf isn’t really able to communicate with me so well about how he is feeling so you and Babby are both my insight to him. You are both giving me much needed peace with all of this.

I started to reply last night but when I got the first sentence typed out that guy (the bf) showed up so I had to go gauge what kind of night we were going to have. It was a quiet night. Not much for talking but that’s ok. We just watched some tv.

I did talk to him last night and told him that I was going to do my best to leave him alone and not take things personally and that I wanted him to tell me if he had any thoughts of suicide. And let him know that he would be ok. His reply was he was more likely to commit homicide then suicide I asked of who and he said just whoever was around at the time. He also said he wished that someone besides a web site could tell him that it was just withdrawal he was going through. I understand that he just wants confirmation that is really what is going on and he doesn’t need to be checked into a psych ward somewhere.
He also said last night “Even when this is done I still have to deal with the fibromyalgia.” I don’t think I said anything to that but I remember telling him that he will be ok.

I also have a 16 year old daughter that does live with us. I talked to her last night about what is going on. She understands (I think anyway). All 3 of us when sanity is home really like to pick at each other and make jokes and cut up. That will be the hard part for her because she really likes to pick at him but we are in invisible mode at the house till things calm down or we have some good days.

The past 3 days have been really strange. Since Sunday he is very quiet. That is so strange from him. He is a talker to anyone at anytime. Because of that I know he will probably sign up on here eventually.

This morning he had the tingly hands going on. I could tell he was messing with his hands and I asked him if they were tingling he said yes. I kind of made a chucklish sound it wasn’t meant to be like a laugh it was more like and AH HA moment. So I told him that along with tingly feet are one of the side effects. I know I should not have made the chuckle sound but I was making a list yesterday of all side effects I found on this site and that was one of the things I put on the list. It was more confirmation for me and it felt good to know.

Well this is really long. I will post more later. If ya’ll (yes I am in TX) have any questions for me about things please feel free to ask. As a person that totally loves someone going through this and is close to one of you maybe you might have some questions for me about the other side of this.

Again thank you both so much for replying to me. I hope you realize how much you are helping me out.

[Lori]

Hi Amy, and thank you for your kind words. I may cut this short because I am expecting my daughter and granddaughter and once that little ALMOST 3 year old gets here, I will not have the capacity to think anymore.....lol Not about this....so if I am interrupted, I will be back.
Men seem to have more trouble communicating their inner feelings. My boyfriend is a talker, Lord knows he is a social butterfly, BUT when it comes down to talking about my problem or his thoughts, he has trouble in that department. He is the type when he gets upset over something, and he can not convey how he feels, he will just do little things to let me know he loves me by just giving me an extra long hug, or asking if there is anything that needs to be done, he will ask me to come outside and we just look and talk about my flower garden, just little things like that.
I am concerned about your boyfriend making the statement about being homicidal. I on the other hand dont feel homicidal, but have thoughts of suicide. I know we tend to speak of it lightly sometimes, but I honestly do not feel I would ever complete the task. I have the knowledge that I am going to get better, I have so many who love me, but when I am at a very low point, I hate myself so much I just dont want to burden anyone else with my temper tantrums or my staying in bed all day. So if I am the problem, I would illiminate myself. I have my issues with anger. I am angry at the world. I am angry at whomever may be near me at the time. But once I calm down, it comes back down to me....I am the one that needs to be illiminated. Not anyone else. So right now, it would seem your boyfriend is struggling in dealing with being angry at the world. In his mind, there is no one that can fix the way he feels. No talk therapy, no doctor, no magic pill, no website, not even his girlfriend and especially not him. Men tend to think they can fix everything on their own. He is successful with his career, but he can not fix the insane feelings he is dealing with. It is unfair to him.

Greybeard, Babby and Sarah J, give great advice. They seem to be able to think more clearly and to be able to look at the big picture. Where I seem to be stuck in the here and now. I know exactly what you mean about things being quite around the house. No one talking, laughing or joking. There was alot of quite going on in this house. And on that sad note, my daughter and granddaughter have come to rescue me and bring me some breakfast....LOL I will be back soon. Please hang in there, Amy. Is your boyfriend staying in close contact with his doctor? Are you able to contact his doctor if you were to need him?

[Shaggypw]

Oh I am in no way worried about him becoming seriously homicidal. He is harmless. We were talking Sunday and admitted that he is mad at the world and hates everyone right now. I know that is not him talking its the cymbalta. He loves people and the more people the better. He really is a great guy and I will be so glad when he is back.

[schmb01]

Shaggypw said:

Lori, Please don’t ever hesitate to post again your advice and your story is great to know. The bf isn’t really able to communicate with me so well about how he is feeling so you and Babby are both my insight to him. You are both giving me much needed peace with all of this.

I started to reply last night but when I got the first sentence typed out that guy (the bf) showed up so I had to go gauge what kind of night we were going to have. It was a quiet night. Not much for talking but that’s ok. We just watched some tv.

I did talk to him last night and told him that I was going to do my best to leave him alone and not take things personally and that I wanted him to tell me if he had any thoughts of suicide. And let him know that he would be ok. His reply was he was more likely to commit homicide then suicide I asked of who and he said just whoever was around at the time. He also said he wished that someone besides a web site could tell him that it was just withdrawal he was going through. I understand that he just wants confirmation that is really what is going on and he doesn’t need to be checked into a psych ward somewhere.
He also said last night “Even when this is done I still have to deal with the fibromyalgia.” I don’t think I said anything to that but I remember telling him that he will be ok.

I also have a 16 year old daughter that does live with us. I talked to her last night about what is going on. She understands (I think anyway). All 3 of us when sanity is home really like to pick at each other and make jokes and cut up. That will be the hard part for her because she really likes to pick at him but we are in invisible mode at the house till things calm down or we have some good days.

The past 3 days have been really strange. Since Sunday he is very quiet. That is so strange from him. He is a talker to anyone at anytime. Because of that I know he will probably sign up on here eventually.

This morning he had the tingly hands going on. I could tell he was messing with his hands and I asked him if they were tingling he said yes. I kind of made a chucklish sound it wasn’t meant to be like a laugh it was more like and AH HA moment. So I told him that along with tingly feet are one of the side effects. I know I should not have made the chuckle sound but I was making a list yesterday of all side effects I found on this site and that was one of the things I put on the list. It was more confirmation for me and it felt good to know.

Well this is really long. I will post more later. If ya’ll (yes I am in TX) have any questions for me about things please feel free to ask. As a person that totally loves someone going through this and is close to one of you maybe you might have some questions for me about the other side of this.

Again thank you both so much for replying to me. I hope you realize how much you are helping me out.

Amy, sadly, many doctors do not recognize withdrawal syndrome, which is why so many people had to come here to find some sanity. Even my neurologist, who is top in his field, looked at me blankly when I was describing my brain zaps. More doctors are slowly coming around, and perhaps his doctor will be one of those, but if not, we are here.

I can't remember if I asked you this, but has your BF ever been checked for low levels of vitamin D? That can cause fibromyalgia symptoms. Mendozen posted that here, and it caused me to have mine checked, due to the body aches, and my levels are low, so I now take 50,000 IU, or whatever the measurement is, 3 times a week, and I'm getting out in the sun to further boost them. If I already said this, just ignore me, my head is kind of foggy today. :oops:

[Shaggypw]

You may have said something or I may have read it. Are you feeling better taking the 50,000 IU?

I am going to email him now about being tested for that.

[Shaggypw]

Well that went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

[Shaggypw]

Greybeard,
I appreciate all advice and hearing about everyone’s experience. You may not think you are helping me but you really are. I have more peace with this since I joined this message board. As of Sunday I would have told you it was over I had no idea he was still going through the withdrawal this severely. I guess he has been hiding a lot of it like a man. I thought he was doing ok with the lower dosage not perfect but ok.

I didn’t figure he wants to hear much of anything of what I have to say so I put a disclaimer at the bottom of my email of most things I want to say to him. It was the only thing I can think to do besides leaving it alone and letting him get through this. It is below:

Amy’s Daily disclaimer. Please read daily.

Please note I am trying to be non offensive to you I just want you to get better, yes I know it is going to take time but I also know you are not crazy and you will be back to you and just fine in time. I realize you probably don’t care what I have to say and leave you alone and I have no idea what the heck I am talking about. I really really just want you back to you. I want to be encouraging to you but I don’t see how I can do that without saying every cliché everyone has heard before and I don’t want to be condescending sounding and you probably don’t want to hear anything I have to say. Please realize seriously you are not crazy and you are not going crazy, what you are experiencing with the cymbalta withdrawal is normal for this type of withdrawal. Yes it sucks but it will get better. Ok ok I will shut up now. I still love you.

[Lori]

Sorry I ran out on you earlier, Amy, I am not sorry my dog terrorizing granddaughter was here with me, as was my precious daughter. After reading Greybeard's post, I forgot what I was even talking about. I am so glad he posted because you really needed a man's perpective. We as women can only speculate, analyze, assume, wonder, dig, and dig some more, get an attitude, and start an argument trying to figure out what a guy is thinking. So Greybeard, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your response.
Men do handle alot of things via anger. Women, gosh we can cut them to the core with just a word or two....and if they blow up, well..shame on me for the rude thing I said to begin with.

I think you are right about the homicial thoughts. Like Greybeard said, thats how they handle things. If a calm, God fearing, loving, upbeat, happy woman is going to threaten to tear apart someone, I can only imagine what a guy, going through these withdrawals would say or think. Even though GB has gone this road alone, he would be your boyfriends best bet to speak to. I am sure GB has seen some of our posts and seen the difference (somewhat difference) between how women and men may be handling the withdrawals. Today I have had a small set back of my own. My boyfriend and I are getting along fine, but the battles of the past still haunt us, and are still there, even though we have had 3 great days. He text me and asked what I was doing. I said, missing you.....he did not respond to that, but asked what kind of a morning his daughter had. Ok, I understand he is tired of putting his heart out there only to have Cymbalta stomp on it. So he is cautious. But I had to ask....You dont think we are going to make it do you? He ignored the question until his lunch time....which caused alittle discomfort within myself. But when he called he said. "I am still with you! I will not dignify the question with an answer. We have had 3 great days. I am there for you, bottom line." So I have not bothered him anymore about it. But I did feel kinda sad that I asked the question, because he is just not going to talk about what this has done to him. Or is doing to him. Greybeard reinforced it. I will be glad when I feell well enough to go back to work. Too much time on my hands can cause one to think too much about silly things.

Keep us updated Amy. He is still on 60mg? He will taper to 30mg in June? I dont understand alot about the Fibromyalgia because I have never had it. But from what I understand there are alot of great posts on here in regards to it. Right now, my head is kind of foggy from just waking up alittle bit ago. Probably should not have taken that nap. I am doing better this week as far as the panic attacks, depression and anger, but I have not left the house this week. Not since Sunday evening. Tomorrow I have to take my boyfriends daughter to therapy, so I will do what errands I have set aside tomorrow.

I am not sure if I will be on here much in the evenings. I think my boyfriend is afraid I will become so caught up in everyone elses problems rather than focusing on my own. So during the day I will be on here. I just dont want to add fuel to the fire.

You hang in there, Amy, like I said earlier, educate your self on what is happening to him, educate your self by what you read here, and just be there for him, but dont forget to take time out for you.

[schmb01]

Shaggypw said:

Well that went over like a turd in a punch bowl.

Well, maybe when he gets the withdrawal behind him he will be more open. I'll do some digging and see what links I can find for you.

[Lori]

Good Morning Amy,
I am hoping you and your boyfriend had a good evening. Coming off the Cymbalta is hard enough to deal with and when there is family involved, there is a mix of hurt feelings, anger and misscomunication. Normally, when we go to bed, my boyfriend will tell me to scoot back, so he can throw his arm and leg over me. Thats what I look forward to all day, its just a great part of my day..evening. This past weekend was not good for either of us. Alot of unkind things were said to each other...to the point I thought the relationship was history. Even though I have been a 'good girl' so far this week, we have not slept that way since last week. Too much tension? Too much hurt? Too much resentment? So each night, I get on my side of the bed, cling to my side of the bed, disappointed he is not asking me to 'scoot back'....and drift off to sleep feeling lonely. I am the one at fault (thanks to Cymbalta) so I do not push the issue. Normally he will fall asleep within 5 minutes. Last night I could tell he had something on his mind, he just wasnt falling asleep. I was afraid to ask, but I asked him if there was something wrong. Terrified he needed to tell me something that he was afraid to tell me...but his answer shocked me! He simply said, "I am just wondering when you are ever going to scoot back here again."

I dont know if that will give you any kind of insight or not. I told him that since we had been arguing I just figured he would prefer me clinging to my side of the bed, he said, maybe you should take the initiative and try scooting back. I left it at that, and scooted back. I feel guilty for all the confusion and craziness going on in our lives. Maybe your boyfriend does too. But again, men and women are so different. We will never understand each other. I dont understand why he comes home, gives me a hug and kiss and then sits in his chair and flips the tv channel endlessly. I can only understand that he does, and that its ok. I dont understand why he cant open up and tell me how he feels, I can only understand that he doesnt and accept it. Understanding the opposite sex is not to actually understand WHY? But to understand they do and thats that. My guess is that he deals with his job all day, he works hard, he earns a living, he plays a different role at work.....when he comes home, he flips through the channels, flips through the program guide with no words being spoken, trying to release all the engery from today, unwinding, until he becomes the dad and boyfriend again.

I dont know what it is like for a man to go through the Cymbalta withdrawals. I can only imagine, and even then I would probably be wrong....LOL But make sure you continue to reassure your daughter that it has nothing to do with her. There will be more good days ahead, then some setbacks but reassure her, he will be back to his old self. Taking care of yourself is important because this will take its toll on you too. You will feel helpless alot of the time, not knowing what he wants from you, but trust me, he himself will not know what he wants from you, where he wants you to be, what side of the room he wants you to sit...because he does not have a clue. He only knows he is miserable and some days he wont be able to see past that. In his heart he may think he wants to be held, and he really does need it and want it, but his mind will allow it to annoy him. There have been alot of words to describe Cymbalta, and the only thing I can think of is that its heartless.

[Shaggypw]

Lori, I really enjoy getting your messages in the morning. Especially since the last 4 days aren’t so great. As for last night honestly I hid from him. He had called me earlier in the day and he seemed like he was looking for a fight. I was tired and didn’t feel like fighting and I know it really isn’t him that wants to fight and it isn’t me he wants to get into the fight with. I know he just wants to feel like himself again. He actually said “hi” to me twice last night which is better then the previous nights this week where he didn’t even speak unless I asked him a question. Tuesday night I couldn’t even understand a word he said he seemed beat down and he was mumbling. I didn’t bother repeating my questions to much because I don’t think he really needed me nagging him.

Your post the yesterday morning really cracked me up when you said “We as women can only speculate, analyze, assume, wonder, dig, and dig some more, get an attitude, and start an argument trying to figure out what a guy is thinking.” I was curious as to how you got in my head or have you been watching our house? Just kidding. That is so very true.

As far as my feelings about this which may help you understand your bf or not. I know I really love him, I know he is going through a hard time and I know I don’t want to make it any worse. The hardest part is consistently trying to not take his words or actions personally. Please be aware I just got to this place emotionally on Monday. Before I got to here I was spending most of my time wondering what the hell did I do to you? Are you emotionally dead? Is this relationship over? Why doesn’t he touch me anymore? Does he still love me? Does he want me to move out? What the hell am I supposed to do here? Why don’t you talk to me anymore? What the hell happened to our sex life? What the hell happened to romance? What the hell happened to just talking? It sucked. I understand a lot better what he is going through now. I don’t know how he feels and what he is thinking exactly but I think I have a clue now. This week I am just trying to not make anything worse. Monday I felt really good about getting through this but yesterday not so much. If your bf is still there after going through this with you that man really loves you. Do your best to love him back. It is very hard sitting around waiting for someone to have the ability to love you back like you know they do. If he is still there he remembers you before this craptastic Cymbalta took away your emotions and turned you into a emotionless zombie and before you decided to leave it and it took your mind and ability to function away. Your bf remembers you and the part of you he fell in love with and he is waiting for her to get back home. Ok moving on.

Tapering:
I don’t agree with his doctor on the tapering schedule he wants him starting in June to drop to 30mg take that for 2 weeks, then keep dropping till he ends up skipping a day on the low dosage till he gets off. It should end up taking like 10 weeks to be off of it. BUT, I don’t want him doing the skipping a day thing since it is a time released capsule, that makes no sense. I need to tell him that I think his doctor is wrong but I know I can only offer so much advice in a time period until he flips out. So I am trying to determine when a good time would be. Hey I do know he is reading on here so I might have just told him. Hi honey. I have a better tapering schedule I got off the internet let me know if you want it.

Alright this is long enough.

[Lori]

I do thank you for your helping me with an insight to how my boyfriend could be feeling. He has told me so many times, hurt is hurt. He knows its the withdrawal, but it does not alter the fact that I am yelling at him, cursing at him, accusing him of being a lying cheating creep, accusing him of not caring about me, harrassing him at work....etc....yes, its the drug, but its also me. (in a screwed up sense) So I know how you must be feeling, just by witnessing what he is going through. He feels like he has to walk on egg shells, and it got to the point where he stopped walking on egg shells. That is how my boyfriend perceived things too. Like you said, it seemed like he wanted to start an argument. Thats what he would tell me too. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU JUST WANT TO START A FIGHT!! But honestly we dont. We dont, we are hurting so bad inside. We are so angry at everyone and everything. We hate ourselves....we dont even know who we are anymore. My anger has subsided greatly this week, but I have alittle help from a supplement, I think. And like my Mama said this morning, "dont forget to thank God for the last 4 days" As I have stated in many posts, I have alot of people praying for me. I cant rule that out as why I am having some really good days.

For me, the best way to taper off, was I took my 60mg capsules, I would take 7 of them, empty alittle out, I started by filling up the short side of the capsule and letting all the other poisonous granules fall into the sink. I did a weeks supply. Then the following week alittle more, all pretty even. And followed that each week. I did that for a month. Then I was done. Now he/you may want to do it over a bowl. One day, during when I had the shakes so bad, I emptied my capsule alittle.....and I looked in the capsule and it was empty and all of the granules were in the wet sink....so I just put the capsule back together and swalled it, as if it was going to make a difference....lol

I know some people go gradually, and very slowly, but for me, I had to do it quick but slow.....if that makes sense. I weaned for a month and then I was done. I had to, I could not prolong the tapering. I feel I did just enough tapering because I dont care how you look at it, lowering the dose is hard, and if you keep lowering it, it just seems to drag out the pain. There is a tapering schedule on here somewhere that seems to work for alot of people, also the prozac or celexa seems to have helped others. So different ones used different methods of tapering.

You mentioned he is reading some posts on here. Are you sure? If he is, I think that is awesome!!!! I know its hard for us women to shut up and leave it alone.....sometimes its impossible....I heard that chuckle, Greybeard.. But as hard as it may seem, do it. I did not mean shut up, as an insult to you.....I was just thinking of US from a mans view point....LOL But be there for him is about all I can advice you on. That means alot.

I now have to take my son to the college, his dad wont let him use his truck, because his dad is a creep, well actully he is King Creep......and I suppose my son and his girlfriend are going to get married next Friday, so she wants her nails done, for a justice of the peace wedding....lol Bless their hearts. They chose to live with King Creep....but they sure are paying the price. So as much as I do not want to leave the house today, I suppose I will be gone for quite some time. No make up, just a big pair of sunshades....LOL Normally when my boyfriend is off, and he is off from Friday - Sunday, he keeps me busy and out of the house as much as possible, so if I am not on here, dont panic, I will be back!! I will try to be here when I can.

You just remember your boyfriend loves you very much. I cant say when things will get better, I cant even say they wont get worse (then better), but hang in there, someone told me to take one hour at a time and that works for me. He loves you but is so messed up from the withdrawals he does not know which end is up anymore. He is confused, dazed, hurt, angry, frustrated, and the list goes on. He has absolutely not control over what is happening inside of himself. That in itself is frightening to him.

I WILL be back!
Lori

[Sarah J]

Shaggypw said:

Tapering:
I don’t agree with his doctor on the tapering schedule he wants him starting in June to drop to 30mg take that for 2 weeks, then keep dropping till he ends up skipping a day on the low dosage till he gets off. It should end up taking like 10 weeks to be off of it. BUT, I don’t want him doing the skipping a day thing since it is a time released capsule, that makes no sense. I need to tell him that I think his doctor is wrong but I know I can only offer so much advice in a time period until he flips out. So I am trying to determine when a good time would be. Hey I do know he is reading on here so I might have just told him. Hi honey. I have a better tapering schedule I got off the internet let me know if you want it.

If I read this correctly, his doctor is telling him to do every other day doses? Trust me, this does not work. Been there tried that, several times. There are so many people posting now, I am trying to keep the stories straight, so forgive me, but has your boyfriend every been on another antidepressant that he was able to come off of with no problems? That might be a helpful thing, it saved my life. I had never taken an anti before Cymbalta and thought it absurd that I needed another to come off of it. But for me, that was what helped "turn back on" the stuff in my brain chemistry that Cymbalta rendered useless.

Cymbalta has a very short half life of 12-14 hours with total elimination in about 3 days. Logically you would think you should feel better after 3 days right? Well, some people do!! We just don't know who they are, because they don't post if they have no problems. The older antidepressants have long half lives, and every other day doses can work. The doctors are not realizing that Cymbalta has a short one, my goodness, please have the doctor realize the half life and that every other day doses will result in a horrid roller coaster ride. Does not have to be a terrible experience.

One thing I don't remember seeing in any of your posts was an anti-anxiety medication for your boyfriend, which might bring some benefit. Some of the frustration and fear can be minimized with the help of benzo's, I am grateful that I had them in withdrawal, but I did not take them every day, just when I needed them.

Every other day doses will start the withdrawal every other day because of the short half life. I was told to go cold turkey by my old doc from 30 mg (which was not fun for me) so I can't say that tapering helps any, because after day 3 of withdrawal there was no way I would ever take Cymbalta ever again.

You mention not knowing what your boyfriend is thinking - well, from my end, I was thinking during withdrawal that I wanted to know what the BLEEP happened to my brains! I can only offer my experience, but all of the things that I thought were permanently broken in my brain chemistry are fine, work correctly again and I am now at what I would call "normal", my own self, there are highs and lows of life and a middle too. It does get better, it just takes some time for some of us.

I hope that your boyfriend does get his vitamin D levels checked, there is no way that it could hurt at this point and if it helps - well, fixing a vitamin deficiency is something that is attainable!!

My best to you both and hopes that things smooth out for you soon. My husband was helpful, but frightened, but he also has known me for 17 years, so he knew some of the funk I was in was because I stopped taking Cymbalta.

[Shaggypw]

I am trying to sway him towards the Catherine's Tapering schedule (I found the link on here somewhere) she did with her doctor and to take Prozac or Celexa. I typed him up an email with just the facts and attached the tapering schedule.

[schmb01]

http://www.innvista..../vitamins/d.htm

Here is a link that talks about Vitamin D on several levels. Like Sarah said, it can't hurt to check, which is exactly why I did it,

[Shaggypw]

So tell me this. How am I supposed to act? Do I treat him the same as I always have or do I just be still and quiet and let him try to work it all out? How did ya'll want to be treated by people that were around you when you were going through this?

I forgot last night to not take anything personal so last night wasn't good for me. He seemed to have a fairly decent day. Meaning he didn't look as beat up as he has the rest of the week.

[Lori]

Very good question, Amy, and to be honest, I could not tell you. It did not seem to matter how he acted, either way it got on my nerves. That is sad. We are so wrapped up in why our mind is like this, why our anger level is so high, why we feel so crappy all the time with no relief.....I am going to give that some thought today, but I honestly can not say how I wanted him to be. I didnt want him in my face, I did not want him away from my side, I looked forward to Fridays, when he would be home for three days straight, I looked forward to Monday mornings when he would be gone during the day and I could gather my thoughts and wits......but the sad thing is, I never did gather my thoughts and wits. I had no thoughts to gather. It seems it was all about reaction...no thoughts, no feeling, no caring.....just anger from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I know that is not reassuring, and I am sorry.
I hope he will take Schmb01 and Sarah J's advice. Especially, Schmbo1. She deals with Fibromyalgia. I think her advice is great in regards to that because so far her advice to me has been great.
I have had a good week this week, thank God, and thanks to all of you.
Your boyfriend feels like he has no control over his thoughts and the way his mind is working...or not working. But if he is anything like me, he feels guilty because of the way he is.
I apologize, but my boyfriend has come back, and is in a talking mood.....wonders never cease...lol but as soon as he goes outside to work on his vehicle I will come back and finish. Hang in there, Amy, this is not an easy road, but love can conquerit.
Lori

[Shaggypw]

Thanks again Lori.

I think he is communicating with me the best he can. Here is an email he sent me the other day "It doesn’t I realize other people are going thru this and may share the same or similar symptoms, but I still have all the pain of FM and now I get the pleasure of being able to be irritated by EVERYTHING and hurt like hell all the time… No website makes any of that go away… It is still all right here with me to deal with it"

Ya'll are helping me be understanding and know what he means by all of this.

[Sarah J]

Shaggypw said:

So tell me this. How am I supposed to act? Do I treat him the same as I always have or do I just be still and quiet and let him try to work it all out? How did ya'll want to be treated by people that were around you when you were going through this?

I forgot last night to not take anything personal so last night wasn't good for me. He seemed to have a fairly decent day. Meaning he didn't look as beat up as he has the rest of the week.

Don't forget that you are the one who has a life to live here too. It is very commendable that you are going through this to help support your boyfriend. Don't live your life walking on eggshells, or try not to be who you are around him. You are who you are! A caring compassionate person trying to help somebody you love who is hurting. You are supposed to act like you!

And his responsibility to you and the other people in his life is to try to be a caring human being - yes it is tough with withdrawal, but he is ultimately responsible for his actions and reactions, just like everybody else, but of course, we all can cut some extra slack to the ones we love during hard times. I don't mean to sound callous here, just trying to point out that you can't make this better on your own. He is the one living in his body and has to make the decisions on how and where to get care, how to act and react.

Please make sure that he does not do the taper every other day thing - that will not be a good experience for him or anybody nearby. So many of us were told to do this and tried, with pretty much the results of just going off cold turkey.
http://www.motherear...upplements.aspx
From the article in the above link:
Additionally, vitamin D deficiency causes muscle weakness and discomfort. One study found that patients with aches and weakness were often severely vitamin D deficient. Hollis says he’s hearing from doctors that vitamin D supplementation often resolves these aches and pains, adding, “A lot of fibromyalgia is probably D deficiency.”

Do his best friends and family (other than you) know what is going on with him? If he is trying to keep this to himself, it will just make the healing process much longer. And your friends/family can help you to pitch in and keep him busy, the less time he has to think about how once he gets through Cymbalta withdrawal, he still has to deal with fibro, the better.

Hope that he gets checked for vitamin D, one person who posts here said her mom was diagnosed with fibro, put on the merry go round of antidepressants to help with pain and she was actually extremely low in Vitamin D = and went through three years of BS to get to that point when all she needed was vitamins! Remember, it is called practicing medicine and unfortunately it is not an exact science! And we are the unfortunate ones who get practiced on!

How did I want to be treated? I just wanted my situation to be acknowledged by the people around me that what I felt was real, I did not wish to wallow in it but it was really hard some days to feel like I was never going to feel right again.

You have an advantage by reading our stories, so you kind of know. Schedule some activities, light and fun, like a game of scrabble, watching fun movies with no violence, make his favorite dinner/dessert on occasion, if he likes it when you wear red, wear red. If you purchase the groceries, try to only bring things in the house that are healthy and will help nutritionally. You just have to do the little things in life to let your partner know that you are there. Be who you are and make sure that you also have the support of others in your life to help you through this. He is lucky that you have gone this far to try to figure out how to help him.

My best to you and your family during this. It isn't fun, but with lots of love, faith and research, things will get better. Take care of yourself!

[Shaggypw]

Thanks everyone once again. Well my goal now is to not give anymore advice. He has this website and is reading occasionally I think. I have relayed all information to him that I have and even adjusted Catherine’s taper chart to him. I guess I can only hope now that he is listening and will discuss it with his doctor.

I still have that other major goal of not taking anything personally which is the hardest thing in the world to do at times.

I don’t really know if he has told anyone else about what is going on with him. I know when he went off cold turkey he did speak with 2 of our friends because 1 is a paramedic and the other is his wife. He was checking to make sure it was the meds and he wasn’t going crazy. I have told 2 of our friends 1 being the paramedics wife and the other just a good friend of ours. They are supporting me.

I think he really is doing the best he can with the given situation. Looking back now after talking to you all I see that he is doing his absolute best at communicating what he feels and what is going on with him. I just didn’t realize it at the time but he was being honest and it is just really hard for him to communicate right now.

As far as the vitamin D goes he is pretty good at giving stuff a try if I give it to him so I may just go out and get some and add it to the mix. I did ask him to be tested for it and his reply wasn’t so great but he didn’t say no.

I am also trying to get him to eat ¼ cup of walnuts a day also because they are high in omega 3’s and help a lot of other things. I sent him a link to their nutritional information and bought the walnuts, so now it is up to him. Here is the link if anyone wants to read it.
http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tnam ... ce&dbid=99

[Sarah J]

Shaggypw said:

As far as the vitamin D goes he is pretty good at giving stuff a try if I give it to him so I may just go out and get some and add it to the mix. I did ask him to be tested for it and his reply wasn’t so great but he didn’t say no.

If you read the article that I sent to you, you will find that is it one that you should be tested for deficiency. If he is deficient, then he will need pharmaceutical doses, under the supervision of a doctor. Too much vitamin D can cause things like kidney stones! Just be careful with it. Schmb01 just was put on a pharmaceutical dose of D and it is huge, so again, this would be a test worth taking. A good vitamin if you need it, could be bad if you don't and take too much!

Take care. You will get to your goal of not taking it personally. You seem to be aware of your surroundings. You'll get there.

[Shaggypw]

Sarah J said:

Shaggypw said:

As far as the vitamin D goes he is pretty good at giving stuff a try if I give it to him so I may just go out and get some and add it to the mix. I did ask him to be tested for it and his reply wasn’t so great but he didn’t say no.

If you read the article that I sent to you, you will find that is it one that you should be tested for deficiency. If he is deficient, then he will need pharmaceutical doses, under the supervision of a doctor. Too much vitamin D can cause things like kidney stones! Just be careful with it. Schmb01 just was put on a pharmaceutical dose of D and it is huge, so again, this would be a test worth taking. A good vitamin if you need it, could be bad if you don't and take too much!

Take care. You will get to your goal of not taking it personally. You seem to be aware of your surroundings. You'll get there.

Well maybe not then. He already gets kidney stones so that is probably a bad idea.