[ataloss]

My dad has been suffering from depression for over 30 years, and is now withdrawing from cymbalta as part of a treatment for OCD ( which i believe to be only part of the problem).
For over more then five years now he is suffering from severe mood swings, unreasonable rage and anger. I do understand that this is related to the depression and to the (absence of, or change in) medication, adn that i should not take it personal.

But when under personal verbal attack, I want to know what reaction is best from me?

What works best for you? How can I show understanding without my dad feeling victimized again? It feels like whatever I say , he finds a way to misinterpret things.

While I am deeply hurt by all that is said in anger, I don't want to make it worse. Should I simply stay silent, or try to counter his accusations?

Thank you all for helping me with your insights! You know how you feel, and how you would like to be adressed when in rage. Please share so that i can do right by him.

[melly]

Hello Lennie, sorry to hear that you are on the receiving end of your father. Try not to take what he says to heart, it is the withdrawal of the damn cymbalta speaking. The rage should get better in time. Try having him take some omega 3/6/9 as it seems to help the brain functions. I don't think answering him back or reacting to what he says will help. Just try to to be there and keep a good eye on him. Take care Mel

[jillw]

lennie, on 14 April 2012 - 05:59 PM, said:

My dad has been suffering from depression for over 30 years, and is now withdrawing from cymbalta as part of a treatment for OCD ( which i believe to be only part of the problem).
For over more then five years now he is suffering from severe mood swings, unreasonable rage and anger. I do understand that this is related to the depression and to the (absence of, or change in) medication, adn that i should not take it personal.

But when under personal verbal attack, I want to know what reaction is best from me?

What works best for you? How can I show understanding without my dad feeling victimized again? It feels like whatever I say , he finds a way to misinterpret things.

While I am deeply hurt by all that is said in anger, I don't want to make it worse. Should I simply stay silent, or try to counter his accusations?

Thank you all for helping me with your insights! You know how you feel, and how you would like to be adressed when in rage. Please share so that i can do right by him.

Alot depends on if he knows he's acting out or not. I know that I act out but can't control it at all. Itès a horrable feeling to be so out of control. My son seems to take the brunt of it as heès with me the most. The only good thing is that heès 17 and will calmly and kindly tell me. Heàll say something like Mom calm down itès just the meds. I stop and apolizies to him. We both feel better. I stop yelling at him and I regain control of myself. But I would ONLY do this after talking to your father before heès in the middle of an anger burst. Hope this help. Good luck to both of you

[ataloss]

Thanks for your help. So far I've just ignored the latest outburst, I do know that it is the meds talking, but if i tell him so, it only makes things worse, and this will give reason for another rage in the future. It really is like walking on eggshells and with three (grand)kids, I can tell you, it is not an easy spot to be in.
All your insights and how YOU would like to be adressed are really helpful!
thanks!
Lennie

[jillw]

ataloss, on 15 April 2012 - 02:54 PM, said:

Thanks for your help. So far I've just ignored the latest outburst, I do know that it is the meds talking, but if i tell him so, it only makes things worse, and this will give reason for another rage in the future. It really is like walking on eggshells and with three (grand)kids, I can tell you, it is not an easy spot to be in.
All your insights and how YOU would like to be adressed are really helpful!
thanks!
Lennie

My son only tells me because we talked about it BEFORE I over react. That makes it safe for him because if we han't I know I'd have ripped his head off. Good luck to you all.

[happyzapynot]

ataloss, on 15 April 2012 - 02:54 PM, said:

Thanks for your help. So far I've just ignored the latest outburst, I do know that it is the meds talking, but if i tell him so, it only makes things worse, and this will give reason for another rage in the future. It really is like walking on eggshells and with three (grand)kids, I can tell you, it is not an easy spot to be in.
All your insights and how YOU would like to be adressed are really helpful!
thanks!
Lennie

But didn't you say the meanness has been getting progressively worse for 20 years? This is a topic that needs research. What causes a person to be mean? Why do people tolerate their hateful words and actions? It runs in my family but is it learned or inherited?
Since I've been withdrawing from $ymbalta I've been meaner than I ever imagined possible. And while I was on it I did things that I would never have imagined i could do.
Has he tried any herbal supplements? Passionflower may help him. You may benefit from some calming herbs, too! Remember, you've got to take care of yourself FIRST in order to take care of your family.

[ataloss]

happyzapynot, on 16 April 2012 - 10:49 PM, said:

But didn't you say the meanness has been getting progressively worse for 20 years? This is a topic that needs research. What causes a person to be mean? Why do people tolerate their hateful words and actions? It runs in my family but is it learned or inherited?
Since I've been withdrawing from $ymbalta I've been meaner than I ever imagined possible. And while I was on it I did things that I would never have imagined i could do.
Has he tried any herbal supplements? Passionflower may help him. You may benefit from some calming herbs, too! Remember, you've got to take care of yourself FIRST in order to take care of your family.

He was a very kind man by nature, as far as I can remember when i was little. I personally think that the bouts of being realy mean have started after withdrawal from some sort of anti-depressant, as he has been on numerous things over the years - and being a child then i have no recollection what they were. I do remeber arguments between mom and dad about him messing with his medication and stopping cold turkey...
And I remember that we have always been kind of on tiptoes around him, especially on family occasions, even our extended family is aware of his tendency to explode, even though they do not know why.

But it is since taking the cymbalta that being mean has taken on a whole new level. On a rare good moment, he has confessed to being intentionally mean, spitefull and hurtfull to his spouse, just to make her suffer. With no sense of regret however, claiming that it must be the meds. When he is mad, he really is out on a mission, picking fights with almost everyone. He will even pick up the phone just to start an argument with a relative.

I really am .... at a loss. I do no longer recognize him, but I am sure he is in there somewhere. But I am slowly losing hope that he'll get out. I am really scared that this is now how it is going to be.

[happyzapynot]

ataloss, on 18 April 2012 - 02:11 AM, said:

He was a very kind man by nature, as far as I can remember when i was little. I personally think that the bouts of being realy mean have started after withdrawal from some sort of anti-depressant, as he has been on numerous things over the years - and being a child then i have no recollection what they were. I do remeber arguments between mom and dad about him messing with his medication and stopping cold turkey...
And I remember that we have always been kind of on tiptoes around him, especially on family occasions, even our extended family is aware of his tendency to explode, even though they do not know why.

But it is since taking the cymbalta that being mean has taken on a whole new level. On a rare good moment, he has confessed to being intentionally mean, spitefull and hurtfull to his spouse, just to make her suffer. With no sense of regret however, claiming that it must be the meds. When he is mad, he really is out on a mission, picking fights with almost everyone. He will even pick up the phone just to start an argument with a relative.

I really am .... at a loss. I do no longer recognize him, but I am sure he is in there somewhere. But I am slowly losing hope that he'll get out. I am really scared that this is now how it is going to be.

That is so sad. Take care of your own emotional needs so that you don't get swallowed up in his downward slide. It is difficult to see a parent suffer.
Maybe you can find a support group, either online or locally. As the population ages many people are dealing with the challenges of caring for their parents.