Posted 30 July 2008 - 06:15 PM
Thanks guy's. It's helpful to know there are others who understand. It saddens me a little there are so many of us. Funny, I stayed away from recreational drugs my entire life. I watched a friend fall into the Crack-cocaine trap. I never thought I'd be going through withdrawals.
I think my relationship is begining to suffer, I kind of got the cold should last night, when I could have used that shoulder to cry on. I keep thinking it's because of the time off from work. Which, granted, I'm obsessed with myself. Maybe it's me be on this constant rollercoaster. First the depression, now this!!
I know at some level it's not "my fault", but I still feel like I'm in a tail-spin, and everything I "need" to do to take care of myself seems to be in conflict with keeping my life together. If I rest at home, I feel lonely and depressed, if I do some work around here, I wonder why I couldn't got to the office. If I can type these words, how come I can't express myself to those around me? Why can't I just snap out of it?
Worst case scenario, well there's two. 1. I get better, but lose my job and my partner or 2. I never get better.
Best Case: I get better,and I'm just not thinking or seeing things clear enough, and at least my partner stays around and maybe my job.
Whatever happens, I have to go through this to get to the other side. I'm so scared of getting lost in all of this. This afternoon I was seriously considering taking all my meds, and just having done with it. It would be so easy.
Wish I could be knocked out with morphine or SOMETHING, and wake up in say 4 weeks, past the worst of it. Oh, just thinking out loud on that one. More addicictive drugs are hardly the answer.
Dave