Help
Just wanted to add in what I've been going through. I've been on anti-depressents for about 7 years (different ones, have tried many). I was taking Cymbalta 60mg for about the last 2 years. I originally started taking anti-depressents because I had very bad, suicidal depression (I believe due to some hard times I was going through in my life, the loss of very dear friends, and general life changes). I had tried getting off the drug once or twice before (other meds, not Cymbalta), but ended up getting scared I was depressed again (or that it was still there) and went back on the same or a different one. I've done the talk therapy and had many many years to cope and figure things out and felt it was time to really try this and see where I'm at off anti-depressents. I'm not in the best place in my life right now (let me just say 2008 has not been nice to me), but I was feeling really strong and able to conquer this, that it was something I needed to do for myself, so I decided to try.
My doc had me go down from 60mg to 50mg for 3 days to 30mg for 3 days to 20mg for 3 days and then stop. So I'm about 9 days through being completely off the drugs. That first week was complete hell. I was a raging maniac. I was angry at everyone and everything and found myself throwing things and just not able to control how mad I was. There is also a lot of bad things going on in my personal life. Owning a house with a man you're not married to is really ugly when he has his own breakdown, and leaves you, yet doesn't want to leave you so sticks around being an uncaring, unsensitive, and unsupportive jerk. We were trying to fix our relationship in the midst of me getting of the drugs and that has just gone downhill. I can't blame it entirely on my withdrawal, he has his own issues and just blames me for them. I told him I was going off the Cymbalta and didn't know what would happen, but he just doesn't care. I would tell him I didn't feel good and he would say I just need to go back on the drugs then (sound familiar to anyone?). I've already spent the last 7 months with him leaving me, coming back, wanting me back, then leaving me and it's just not a good thing. So I'm moving on from this bad relationship and situation, but that just adds more stress to this whole withdrawal stuff.
After the first week or so, the anger calmed down. I was also having problems sleeping the first couple of days. Found myself awake into the wee hours of the morning just wired. I found taking Benadryl to help, I'm thinking because usually it makes me very drowsy, and I've been sooo hyper and crazed, not being able to focus on anything, I think it's kinda sedated that. My stomach has been upset too and I have the all to lovely brain zaps, headaches, and just general body jolts and aches. These still haven't gone away, but are a little less frequent every day that I get through. I also found that I felt numb to everything. This has improved a little going into week two. But I'm still on the moods roller coaster. One minute I feel I can take on the world, the next I feel defeated, depressed, wondering how I'll ever make it through this. Now I'm in this place where I just feel alone and hopeless most of the time that I will never find someone again (trying to move on past the bad ex). I'm hoping that's just the withdrawal.
I've also had a couple of panic attacks. These are especially scary to me because I had issues with this before I got depressed. I just keep trying to tell myself it's the withdrawal and that I'm not depressed anymore. Just seems like it'd be really easy to fall back into that hole again when you're feeling some of the physical symptoms of depression and also at times, the mental ones.
So I'm shooting to make it through the first month off of this horrid drug and evaulate where I'm at. Just trying to stay calm, focused and strong and take it one day at a time. After reading some posts on this site, I went out and bought some Omega 3, B12 and some calming tea with similar to sleepy time tea (couldn't fine that). I can honestly say I slept very good last night, and I'm pretty sure that tea had somethign to do with it.
Can you believe my doc told me I should be able to tell after the first week off the drug whether I needed to be back on it for depression or not? He was surprised when I told him I would get withdrawal if I took a pill too late in the day. I asked him if he had other patients who have gotten off the drug successfully and he said oh yea, like it was no issue at all.
Alright, that's my rant. Hope some of you can relate and that maybe it can make you feel not so alone with what you're going through. We just have to stay strong and not let the withdrawal fool us into thinking we need to be back on the Cymbalta.
-Wendy
