[CathyH]

Hi everyone......Just an update. I'm at day 46, and am doing pretty well. I'm still getting the zaps, usually first thing in the morning, and at night, when I'm really tired. When I woke up this am, had a pretty bad case of them. I guess that means it isn't completely over. Emotionally, I have been doing very well, except handling stress. I seem to hit a barrier, usually sometime in late afternoon to early evening. I'm learning to STOP at this time, do whatever I have to do to "re-group". Then, I seem to have little energy in the evening, but just enough to get dinner on, shower, and some little things.

Just a note to those still suffering: It CAN BE DONE. I did it, and believe me, I don't suffer well. I don't handle rough stuff too well. I couldn't get my hands on any prozac, so I had to do it without it. Klonopin helped with the zaps. I had a bunch of other, personal stuff happening at the same time, and that made life a living hell.

Point being, there is life after this drug and after the withdrawals. I feel better than I have in a long time. It's so nice not to be over-medicated. There is life out there!!!!!

Fond regards,
CathyH

[Jenofhearts]

Hi Cathy!
Sounds like you are getting through it well Are you still on Cymbalta at all? I was just wondering where you are at in the process of this. I guess I am lucky, I haven't had bad zaps, just a few tingles and vision troubles. My level of concentration is awful, I feel like I have ADD! The worst time for me is waking up, I feel sick to my stomach, not like being ill, just that butterfly afraid feeling, which I had on Cymbalta as well now it is worse.. also I feel so detatched from everything. While I was on Cymbalta I became quite agoraphobic, and I still have that just worse because of the dizziness and extreme anxiety. My last good day was Sunday Aug. 3rd and this was just a few days before I went down from 30mgs to 20 mgs, so I have just been coping stuck in the house on day 8 of 20mgs. I wonder how long I will be like this on this dose so I can move down again. I have a wonderful family support system, but it just gets me so down, the panicky feeling is overwhelming. I have Valium here and soma, which seems to help, but of course makes me very tired. I nap when necessary, but it is more than a nap, it is a weird sleep, and when I wake up I sometimes don't know what day it is or other details, very scary. I just wish I could convince myself that this is all due to Cymbalta, I sometimes feel very guilty being this way, like snap out of it, buck up and get out of the house!! I see everyone around me going places and having fun, I am missing out right now. I was never this way before Cymbalta, it changed my life completely. I still manage to take care of my home and my personal things, but even taking a shower can be a challenge!
I was raised Catholic but never practiced it, however I pray now everyday for help and guidance, not to any particular "god" just to anyone listening, maybe my mom and grandma? I seems to help to just ask out loud for help, maybe it is just me trying to verbalize my feelings and tell myself it will be ok and I will get through this. I hope these are familiar symptoms to you, not that I wish them on anyone, just need to know I am going to be ok. I cry a lot and get so frustrated, I can see why people think of suicide, which I would never do, I would go to the hospital before that! Also hello my friend Greybeard, any input from you is also greatly appreciated:)
Thanks for taking the time to read this, i look forward to your replies, they mean more than you will ever know..
Jen

[CathyH]

Hi Jen, and thanks to everyone who responded!! Jen, I am off cymbalta completely, and have been for 47 days. Everything that you posted is basically what I went through. I was almost completely leveled by this withdrawal. Flu-like symptoms, brain zaps, exhaustion, balance and vision problems, sensitivity to noise, vivid and terrifying dreams, WEEPINESS ( that was huge ), lethargic, emotional and mental fragility, aggressiveness and anger, general "hung over" feeling, and the worst, total mind f*ck. The mind f*ck was the worst. I had about 5 days in which I probably should have been hospitalized, but hung in there. Not quite sure how I got through those days, but being on this site helped alot. I asked, pleaded, for help, and it came, via the people here.

Do whatever you have to do to get through the withdrawal. Sleep, journal if you can, vent, rant, punch your pillows, cry, hang tight to this site. Try to listen to yourself and your body. If you are exhausted, chances are your body is telling you it needs a break, or needs to heal from the withdrawal, and sleep is where most of our healing takes place. If you can't shower, take a little "bird bath" at the sink. If you can't do that, don't. If you can't take care of your home, don't. Leave it--someone else will do it, or it will be there when you can get to it. Sounds like your family is on board, which is a huge plus. One thing: And this is just my experience, but aside from the 5 days that I talked about where I was totally mentally incapacitated, it helped if I tried to focus on something else (when I could). When I came out of it a little bit, it helped to do a load of laundry or vacuum, as it got my mind out of what I was going through, if only for a short time. Try movies or TV programs that you like. That helped me, too.

Don't put that shit on yourself about bucking up. Don't let others do it to you, either. I'm sure, if you could, you'd choose to feel differently. Just remember that the withdrawal ( and I believe that is what it is ) WILL NOT LAST FOREVER!! It will end. It doesn't feel like it while you are in it, but nothing ever stays the same, things are changing constantly, that is one thing we can always count on. It will get different. Hang in there, go through it, and you will find yourself on the other side.

Sorry this got so long, I just want to drive the point home that it can be done, is being done by many people right this minute, and there are many people that have made it. You are one of those people. You will make it.

CathyH

[Juls McCools]

Two weeks ago I stopped cold taking 90 mg of cymbalta because I was having serious stomach pain. Finally ended up in the ER with major acid reflux issues and when I stopped taking the drug that problem immediately went away. (I had been trying to tolerate the med since Nov. 2007.) I felt like I could take on the world the first week but feel like I am in a black hole now and am really having to work on staying grounded. However, having the stomach pain gone is worth it as it constantly made me vulnerable and confused about what was going on with my body. On withdrawal I did have the brain zaps but they lessened every day and I maybe have a few in one day now. Someone told me that the zaps related to my blood pressure. My anger and suicidal thoughts are the most frustrating now. I also get this instant sweaty, over heated sensation several times a day. I did wake up with a headache this morning. On the upside, I haven't needed an afternoon nap since I stopped. That first week my sex drive was awesome -- second week not so much. First week felt alive and positive, this week still feel alive (not numb) but more in the weepy sense. I feel good to have my natural chemistry back but wonder if my Bi-Polar symptoms are coming on strong and fast.

Has anyone had this similar experience -- A real "up" feeling and then a crash? How long before the anger goes away?

Juls McCools

[Jenofhearts]

Hello Cathy, GB, and Divine:)
First off I must say I loved your "rant" Divine, it made me feel better and also shows you have a great and deep outlook on life (very good thing)!! I hope you also find the peace you are searching for:) By the way I checked out your website, I love the music, I sent it to my 26 year old daughter, I think she will like it!!
Hi Cathy, I can't thank you enough for your kind words, you are right I am not going to fret over being rather housebound right now, it is what it is right.. I manage ok for what I am going through, I just have to let go of the guilt, and that is there only because I was an active person my whole life and now I would just be happy to get to the corner CVS store and do a bit of shopping. I have a wonderful daughter as well, she lives right next door with her hubby and she has been my best friend and a terrific support through all of this. I guess I was there for her whole life and it is my time to depend on her, what a flip!!
I had an crappy day, a bad start as usual, and I made the mistake of forgetting to take my Cymbalta on time, and I didn't eat as soon as I should have ( I was talking to older daughter on the phone) well pay back was a bitch, I ended up with a massive headache, heart rate up, zings and zaps, exhausted. I had a nap and it helped a bit but was pretty wrecked for the day.
And my friend Greybeard, you are my Gandalf!! lol Such a wonderful soul you have, I see you answer everyone that posts on here with such genuine encouragement and a true care for what they are feeling, you are much appreciated to be sure:)
I am hoping for a better day tomorrow..you never know.. right?
Talk to you all soon,
Best,
Jen

[CathyH]

Houdi......Thanks so much for your reply. I really do feel so much better. I feel like I have a lot of my life back. Things are going well, not perfect, but well. I still have my moments. I think the hardest part right now is dealing with stress--at the end of the afternoon and early evening, I tend to hit a wall, and can't handle "one more thing!". I'm learning to not just try to push through that, but to stop, let everyone around me know (people that may take offense at my bad mood), that I've hit the wall, and need some time. Then I just try to do something calming and peaceful for awhile, and then go on with my evening. It's working okay. But, I'm a pusher, you know? That's how I've gotten thru most times during my life. When something happens, I just push through. Keep going no matter what. Well, that doesn't work for me so well anymore. So, I have to make adjustments. Thanks so much for the vote of confidence!!

Jen.....I have a problem with guilt, too. I have guilted myself so much over the years, especially with my mental illness, and it's effects on my family. Man, that's a hard one, and I still struggle with it. One thing that people have told me (especially my therapist), that I try to hang onto, is that I would never have chosen to cause any pain to anyone I love. It was not my choosing. It just is. I have cried with my kids, talking about it, and the only thing I can really tell them is that hopefully their own experiences with me will make them stronger, and tell them the real point is this: Maybe someday, in their own lives, someone will come along one day that has the same type of problems, and they will be able to relate on some level and HELP THAT PERSON. To me, that's what it's all about. Being able to help someone else with my own experiences. When the opportunity comes along, I will almost always step in and try to help. I believe that's what God wants me to do.

Anyway, sorry this is so long...........Encouragement to everyone!!!!!!

Hugs,
CathyH

[Jenofhearts]

Hi everyone,
Wow, bad day today...it is only 2 pm and I am counting every second until tomorrow gets here, I am sad, super dizzy, disoriented, and that makes me cry.. a lot! I am so mad, I had a few fair days and now this, I can't go anywhere, all I do is what I can in the house. These are the days I feel so trapped, and feel as though I will never find myself again.
Thanks for listening,
Jen

[CathyH]

Houdi.....Thank you for the encouragement. Things have been so much better. I'm involved in WRAP, which is really helping. I'm getting out more, and my disposition has gotten way better. Still struggling with some mood swings, but not too bad. Having a few zaps, too, and it's day 60-something.

Thanks for thinking of me,
CathyH