[Jenofhearts]

I m hoping for GreyBeard as well as anyone else to help me with this dilemma, I am so tired of this sick to my stomach alone feeling I have every single day for soooo long now.
I am a bit of a late sleeper, and my husband goes to work very early, so I wake up alone. Honestly, I have been through therapy for a few issues and fear of abandonment was a biggie for me, for many reasons.
I did notice that it all started around the time I began Cymablta, more nervous and panic came up like a locomotive. So for years now I wake up everyday in a terrible state, very sad, hopeless, and dis-connected from everything. Now being down to the 20mg dose it is worse, this is truly my worst time of day, it seems to go away after about 2 hours. I self talk my way through it, cry a lot and generally try to do "normal" things, but it is so hard.
This is the time I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, is it going to be like this forever because it is just the way I am or is it the drug???
Please help,
Jen

[iliao93]

Hi Jen, I am also having a hard time when I wake up with bursting into tears. My husband goes to work at 3am and some days I can't wake up until he is coming in the door. Sometimes it seems like I'm sleeping my life away!
I self talk out of it also but at times it seems almost impossible. I'm not even alone as I care for my 84 yo mom(who has dementia btw).
Do you ever have the same reaction on the days your husband is off of work & home with you? I have found that I do.
Did you find Catherine's tapering schedule?
It might help to review your timing when taking your med, I read some where that Cymbalta might be out of your system in as few as 7 hours. I have slowly pushed the time I take mine back to late evening. I think it seems to be helping. That way you have the tired, drowsy effect working for you and you are sleeping through some of the emotional side effect when it's stronger.
Also have you tried taking Melatonin ? I will include info at the bottom of this post for any reading that might not be familiar with it.
Are you passing judgment on yourself for sleeping too late? Did you go to sleep with plans for the next day, like thinking " tomorrow will be better...I'm going to wake up earlier and catch up on blank & blank " ? You can fill in the blanks.
I'm just asking you some of the questions I've been asking myself.
Are you disappointed in yourself? Do you feel just because you don't feel well is no reason for not being able to function like you "expect" yourself to function?
I was always very out going, now I can count on maybe a hand & half how many times I have left my house since October! I don't even go in my yard or on the porch.
I'd be willing to bet you are by nature a sensitive, by that I mean a human being who has always felt things fully and deeply. Even the little things most never ever notice.
I think a lot of people here are like that, and now this Cymbalta abomination :twisted: we are all going through has us in sensory overload. We need time to heal, we need to allow ourselves and be allowed the ways, means & time to do so.
I'm also trying to watch or read etc what ever experience I can that is up beat & happy as I wind my day down. A lot of people here have said it better than I can about not exposing yourself to heavy, sad stuff. The universe knows we have enough of that going on in out heads & bodies a the moment.
Graybeard's posts are full of good info about a lot of things so keep on reading them and other's here too!
Well Jen , that's about all I'm good for at present. I do hope I have raised some questions that help you help yourself figure out something :shock:

Be well, and I look forward to hearing how you are,
Bobbie :?


(Melatonin
N. Hormone secreted by the pineal gland in proportion to the body's exposure to light, hormone that is essential in the regulation of biological rhythms (sleep, mood, puberty, and menstrual cycles)

Melatonin, 5-methoxy-N-acetyltryptamine, is a hormone found in all living creatures from algae to humans, at levels that vary in a diurnal cycle.
Many biological effects of melatonin are produced through activation of melatonin receptors, while others are due to its role as a pervasive and extremely powerful antioxidant with a particular role in the protection of nuclear and mitochondrial DNA.

Melatonin was released into the general health supplement market in the United States in 1993, and met with good consumer acceptance and enthusiasm.)

[Jenofhearts]

Hi GreyBeard and Bobbie:)
Thank you so much for posting back, it truly means the world to me, I am having a very rough day due to the way I woke up and I needed to get some input and insight into this "feeling"..
First off I can't believe (I can believe it now) that Cymbalta actually steals the most precious thing we have to rely on..our sleep. For years I have been wondering why I was having the most horrifying nightmares, and always feeling tired everyday and the terrible waking up period, now I know. I suspected the nightmares were due to the Cymblata though. Even though I sleep 8 hours pretty much undisturbed it is not the right sleep.
I have talked to myself at night and told myself tomorrow will be better, but never hope for any specific task to get done, it always depends on the day, and I feel very disappointed when the day turns out to be a crap one, I blame myself, I know it is not my own doing but the guilt is always high for not being a "normal" functioning human being. You are right though, I think I was born a very sensitive person, always have been since I can remember, and as I grow older it is sometimes a burden to bear, I guess I have just had a lifetime full of being too sensitive, never one to speak up, get really mad (except at Eli Lilly).. my parents were really very selfish people and I was not given the proper nurturing as a child hence the abandonment issues. My dad was never home and my mother was always upset over that, and having 4 kids was hard and me being the 3rd born I think I was lost in the shuffle, the older 2 had attention, not good attention mind you my dad was a child abuser, my younger brother and were spared from that by a divorce, but he somehow managed to get more of their attention than I did.
Can't change the past though so we trudge on and hope for better days.
I also used to be so outgoing, raised my kids, very involved in life, since Cynbalta I also have lost interest in simple things like sitting in the yard or a simple grocery shop trip. I am very lucky to have a wonderful husband of 27 years and he is always there for me, but I really don't feel all that much better when he is home, and that is so strange to me since he is my best friend.. after staying in the house for 15 days I finally got up the nerve to have him take me for a drive yesterday, I made myself do it, as it turns out I did ok, we had a bite to eat and I even went into the store and did a little shopping!!9Very little) heh. I also have a wonderful daughter that lives right next door with her husband, she is also my rock through this.
I tell myself everyday that this hell is the monster drug Cymbalta and i have read Catherines blog, it was a tremendous help to me, I know I can do this, it will just take time, I will have the old me back, and enjoy life again, I must.
GreyBeard I am going to try to change the am. routine, I don't think I can go anywhere but I can sit outside and read the paper have my coffee, and enjoy my beautiful yard. I did talk to my therapist today and she suggested I take a Valium at 6am when I wake up to use the bathroom, she thinks it may quell the anxiety of the wake up time, I am going to try it, I may be a bit more tired but that is better than being frozen in fear and panic! I can see so much of myself in the list of symptoms of being sleep deprived for all these years. Now I am more reassured it is the drug I feel so much better, I thought I was losing my mind (again)..
Also, Bobbie i did get your e-mail about our Etsy shop (daughter and I run it together) and thank you for your lovely compliments, we have worked so hard to make it appealing:) We do take all of our own pics, a good camera makes that a snap, and we have built up a great customer base:) If you have a lot of of vintage to sell Etsy would be a great place to do it, it has to be 20 years or older to qualify for vintage. The people on Etsy are very helpful and always willing to answer questions, just go to "community" and jump in the forums for any questions you might have, don't be afraid to ask!!
Bobbie I am sorry you are not able to get out as much as you would like, but hang in there, you know it has to get better, one second, minute, hour, day, or month at a time. Take your time and continue to heal:)
I have rambled so much, to much going on in the brain!! Thanks so much to you both, I will be watching for your posts.
Best,
Jen

[CathyH]

I can relate to waking up by myself and feeling weird. I've started to get used to it, and have even come to enjoy it to a certain extent. Sometimes I don't tho, and immediately busy myself with household stuff, even tho I'm still half asleep. Sometimes I take advantage of it, and get on the computer, as when my kids get up, they are online.

About the husband thing: Now that I am not over-medicated, I am realizing some things, along with feeling the broad spectrum of emotions once again. I'm realizing that I have become too dependent on my husband. I have been really sick and over-medicated for years, and I guess I never saw this happening. Now I see it, and I'm trying to change it. But to be honest, I feel resentful when he spends time away from me, aside from work. My world doesn't feel quite right when he is gone. This is a little hard for me to admit, because to me it is very unattractive and needy, and I don't feel good about it.

I hide these feelings from him mostly. Am trying to work through it on my own. He has had enough of having to be my rock and savior, in my opinion. In a marriage, I realize there is going to be some of that, but not to a harmful extent. I try to distract myself, and do things to keep my mind off it. I think I'm making some progress.

I used to really enjoy my time alone. Hopefully, I will get back there.

CathyH

[Attorney_Victim]

Hang in there Cathy...these feelings might just be a "phase" you are going through while coming off your meds. Whatever it is, try to deal with it in a positive/healthy way. If you focus on making yourself happy, it might help get rid of your needy feelings. Instead of busying yourself at home, get out and explore. Really focus on yourself...try a new hobby, go check out a local bookstore, or explore a new park alone...spend time by yourself doing enjoyable things. At least that will help pass the time and maybe you won't feel so "alone" even though you are by yourself. Actually, I should do some of things myself!!

[CathyH]

DC......Your post made me laugh.......He is only 48, and already acts old sometimes. Not crusty, tho. His disposition is almost always sunny. I don't know what I'd do if he got crusty.....I'm already crusty alot of the time!! Man, what a vision!!

AV....Your right about this maybe being a phase. I have to remember that I may not be totally out of the woods from cymbalta. It's day 63, but I still do notice a couple of things. Zaps mostly. And my stress threshold seems to be low still. Oh, and today, I kept seeing things out of the corner of my eye (something I struggled with during my withdrawal). So either my house is haunted, or it's still cymbalta!!!!!

I have been getting out more, and it feels great!! I don't get out as much as I want to, tho. I have this enormous feeling of responsibility here at home, and that keeps me from doing things. I have to learn to let go a bit. So what if the laundry piles up a little, or I put off dusting for another day. I'm just so neurotic about it!! I am diagnosed with OCD, and I know that's what keeps me pinned here like a bug. Am working on it, tho. Hey, the one thing I would absolutely love to do is take an art class!!! I keep saying I'm going to. I love art, and do have some talent, but it's pretty raw, very undeveloped. Anyway, someday soon, I hope.

Hope everyone is well!!

Hugs,
CathyH