[mokincaid]

Woke up this morning sick as usual. constant zaps, headaches, etc.. on top of everything else my body is falling apart on me. I have been in too many fights, jumped out of too many airplanes, wrecked too many fucking motorcycles. my knees are gone. I lost a finger. I have seven herniated discs in my back and i cant even piss well any more. In my life I have been shot once, stabbed twice and beaten on numerous occasions. (hope my country appreciated it. lol.) I dont think that im willing to put up with much more. I got an e mail last night from the brother of the SEAL who posted on here a couple of times that he took his own life day before. He and I had struck up a friendship because of our common bonds and I had a feeling it would end that way. Hell, i dont even blame him. It just pisses me off. i decided yesterday that i am stopping all my meds. even my heart meds. (yes i also have cardiomyopathy) everything carries side effects. I cant give up the pain killers yet but everything else stops TODAY. I dont know what else to do. If I die its got to be better than this. Now i need to figure out how to get the combo to the safe out of my wife. good luck all I will keep posting if I can. MOK

[marbles]

please mokinkade,don`t stop your meds! Especially for your heart,Alot of us on here have some really bad stories ,I know I do. I am sorry about your friend,I had a friend about 9 years ago a friend who comited suicide.I remember I cried for a long time and I felt helpless. But time heals and gives us scars but the most important thing is that your friend will never be forgotten .You will keep him alive in your heart. Right now on top of your depression you recieve this sad news .I am so sorry . Please grieve ,do what you need to but don`t hurt yourself! Do you have family to talk to?

[Holly]

mokincaid said:

I dont know what else to do. If I die its got to be better than this.

MOK, I was where you are a couple of weeks ago. There was one night where if we'd had a gun in the house, I probably would have used it on myself. The thought kept going through my mind, "End the pain. End the pain." Listen, DON'T listen to that voice! There are people who love you and would be so wounded by that decision. Stay with us. We care. You will get better. You can come through. I don't know your situation of what medications you've been on, but keep at it, and you will find something that helps. Cymbalta does weird things to your mind, and almost makes your brain turn on itself. If you've served in the military, you've suffered. And I for one appreciate your suffering. There are still reasons to keep fighting for your life. Stay with us, please.

[Attorney_Victim]

Mokincaid,
Please check your PM inbox.