[Jenofhearts]

Hi everyone,
I am sitting here thinking how much I want to be back to the old Jenny, the one that used to love to shop, laugh, take trips, walk..etc.. I am feeling kind of hopeless today, this whole thing has me feeling like i am going to be this way forever. For the past 3 or so years on this drug I have not been the same and now the withdrawals are making it so much more magnified as to how much it had affected my life and my family. Still on 20mgs, to afraid to "take the dive" I am going to go see a psychiatrist as soon as he calls me back, I left my info with the billing dept. on Tuesday. I am so hoping that he will get me through this with prozac, I have somewhat stabilized on 20mgs, but I am still so damn dizzy all the time and tired as hell. I can't leave the house because I am terrified of falling over or a panic attack, just doing everyday things around the house seems to be plenty. I have also found that over stimulation can set me off in no time! The dogs barking, too many people around...you get it. You know how it is, when you have been a certain way for so long you honestly can't think of yourself as being any different and that is scary, if I were to end up like this for the rest of my life i would choose to end it.(don't worry I am ok!) I know I still have a long way to go and must be patient, and of course seeing the new doc should help, I am holding a lot of faith in that. I am lucky, I read of so many on here that have to work, or have small kids, I have nothing but time really to work through this, kids are grown and husband is a gem, they are grocery shopping for me right now, I am VERY lucky and don't take an ounce of it for granted.
I cry a lot less but still several times a day, just thinking of this hell. God! I hate Eli Lilly, someone needs to reimburse me for the last 3 years...
Thanks for letting me rant,
Jenny

[Jenofhearts]

Hi Grey and Sad,
Grey it has been a huge learning experience for me in so many ways, the big companies and all their money with no care about the human condition unless it fills their pockets. I see all the commercials for so many drugs and I get so angry, especially when the "comforting" womans' voice tells about the possible side effects..sigh. We had family from England over for my daughters wedding in may of 07 and they even mentioned how there seems to be a cure for everything according to the "telly" lol! only in the USA..
I am also learning to be as strong as I possibly can and not give in, I can't let it beat me, I have a married daughter who want to have children in the future, and another daughter who is so smart and is graduating in Dec. for electrical engineering, so proud:) I didn't put all that love into them to let Eli Lilly take it away.
Sad I agree about the doc not calling me back, I even told the receptionist that I am not well, like she cares.. right:( For me 24 hours feels like 48 when going through this, time cannot go by fast enough, sometimes I go minute by minute hour by hour, but they have to check my insurance, I even told her I would pay cash for now I was feeling so bad and scared. Of course tomorrow is Friday and he makes his own appts. so I probably won't get in until next week, that's IF he calls tomorrow... I will call again and be firm, see what happens, I called today and I got the story that the regular girl that does the billing is out for the week and someone else is doing it, in the mean time people sit and suffer. Argghhh!
Thanks for your kind words, it is more appreciated than you know,
Hugs,Jenny

[Jenofhearts]

Just an update, the original psychiatrist called me back and of course I missed it!! So I called back within like 10 mins and he was busy, I left another message but no call back... So screw him I looked up a few different psychiatrists in my area and chose one, I left him a message,(he takes all of his own calls and even gives you a pager number to call instead of the if this is an emergency call 911) well he called me back 4 hours later! Not bad huh:) I gave him a bit of history of my situation, he seemed very understanding, I asked him about the Cymbalta, and he said my feelings are probably due to some withdrawal and of course possibly due to some old issues that meds have covered up for so long. I have an appt. Monday at 2pm, I am hella nervous, (another HUGE side effect of the evil drug) I don't know why, he could possibly be my saviour! I guess I am just worried since I don't get out much lately and I am worried about feeling all dizzy and messed up, but I will let him know if I feel like crap, he is the professional and had dealt with many people worse off than me I am sure.
Thanks guys:)
Jenny

[Lori]

Good for you, Jenny, and I do think he may know more than some, or should I say, MOST of the others. Atleast he acknowledged possibly past issues that the withdrawals are applifying, and I know that crap first hand. It applified every fear, every feeling. every issue I had that were underlying. I hope and pray he is the one who will help you through this. Hang in there, keep reading, keeping posting and know that so many people are here for you and those of us who are not here often, are praying for you.
Lori
PS YOU WILL GET PAST THIS!!! Like GB said, I think this was a wake up call for me. I had hit rock bottom, thanks to Cymbalta. Once I got past most of the withdrawals, I was ready to try and 'fix' everything else that was wrong in my life. YOU WILL DO THIS, JENNY! YOU WILL. Not only will you do it for Jenny, but you have a love for your family that is unmistakeable....you will do it for them and you, both.

[Attorney_Victim]

Jenny,
I hope this new dr will help you!! Hang in there!

[Jenofhearts]

I know DC it really does suck.. you will be back, you have to believe that, the "old" you is in there somewhere.
I am going to see the original doc I called, I was going to see the one that called me back in a few hours that day but this one had a cancellation and it is so much closer to home and it is in a group of buildings known as the Dewey Center which is quite well known for its' psyhchiatric (sp) following. It is only 5 minutes from me, and the other doc is downtown in a 12 story building on the 9th floor {{{{{{shudder}}}}}}...sigh. Too much stimulus for me I am sure of that, I am nervous enough just leaving the house much less going to a busy downtown, looking for parking etc..
God, I hope he can help me, I had 4 good days last week and a fairly crappy Saturday, actually cried all damn day, yesterday was ok, started out pretty rough but I got busy took a few meds and I was better. Also, that is the weird thing, I take meds at almost the same time everyday for anxiety etc...they sometimes work, sometimes not..go figure. Still on 20mgs, hoping he will give me prozac to get all the way down.. I will update when I get back, or tonight.
Best to you all, hope you are doing ok,
Jenny
Courage is not roar, it is a tiny voice that says I will try again tomorrow....

[marbles]

HEY...Jenofhearts
I WONDER IF WE HAD THE SAME (FIRST) PSCH.He is such a strange character and i personally would love to have a psch who answered important calls.Who actually cared.....I hope you get better treatment...shirl

[marbles]

PS,,,,I i sort of lost who i really was when i married my first hubby.He was 11 years older and tried to change me. when i tried to be myself,he would say it was my mental illness.Ibecame confused as to who i really was after 19 years of marriage.When some person tells you how to think and act according to their standards ; you start to lose your unique self. so...i want my self back also but i think in MY case it will take time as i feel like a puzzle with all the pieces strewn over the floor and i am finding a piece here and there..shirl

[marbles]

devine CHEMICAL......you are devine indeed as you always make me laugh ......but in a good way...ps i sure hope your mom is doing good.....shirl

[marbles]

Ialways wanted another child! Yeah !!!..........shirl

[Jenofhearts]

Hi Guys,
Update here, well I went to see the new physch. doc on Monday, he was very nice, had only seen one other woman with the extent of withdrawals like mine, but none the less he knew his stuff. So, he gave me prozac without me even asking he knew it would help!! Started me at 10mgs a day for a week and then up to 20 which I start on Mon. I took the first 10 mgs with my cym. early the next morning, went back to sleep for a bit and low and behold I didn't have the terrible tummy anxiety I always have! I have had much better days with the prozac supplement, still a bit anxious in the am. but overall better. Crying is less, however PMS is rearing it's ugly head right now so I am feeling a little more sad and pissed off for the last 2 days or so.
He said to just keep taking the prozac and the 20mgs of cym. until I feel stable enough too drop down a bit, also gave me free reign to take up to (3) 5mg of valium a day to keep my nervousness down. The prozac gave me such quick relief I am still stunned, it must have been just the ticket??? hmmm Slowly but surely I feel better, I actually wanted to go to walgreens the other day I had a great like 4 hour span, but by the time I got there I was pretty dizzy, couldn't wait to get back home, but at least I got out in the real world for a bit. So the dizziness comes and goes as it pleases... it sucks because you actually feel ok and it stands in the way:(
Anyway I hope you are all doing well,
Jenny

[iliao93]

Jeno, that is just wonderful! Isn't it a crime we all can't find doc's like that. I'm so happy for your progress. I've been having terrible stomach problems since I started this last and final taper but after reading post(Re: 7 months later
by Momoftwo on Thu Sep 11, 2008 12:08 pm )on the way momoftwo's pdoc said the majority of your serotonin is actually in your gut and that an imbalance can certainly affect IBS I at least have an idea of what is probably going on!
I have been doing some research on Vertigo and this is from http://www.emedicinehealth.com & thought it was interesting that Valium & diphenhydramine (Benadryl) are two of the recommendations.
Be Well,
Bobbie


Medications

Commonly prescribed medications for vertigo include the following:



meclizine hydrochloride (Antivert)


diphenhydramine (Benadryl)


scopolamine transdermal patch (Transderm-Scop)


promethazine hydrochloride (Phenergan)


diazepam (Valium)