[cabernet]

About 3 weeks ago, I finished my tapering and arrived at the long awaited 0mg dose. If tapering was hell, then nothing was some lower circle of that hell. Unable to leave the house many days, left alone with Very Bad Thoughts, avoiding friends and family alike, crystal perfect suicide ideations... Many days I thought I'd rather feel nothing than feel this. And I know, I KNOW how bland I'd slowly become in the three years I was on Cymbalta. My best friend recently told me that I'd lost my smile. But no matter how HARD it is, and damn, it's so fucking hard most days; I'm never going back to that blandness.
Mostly I'm posting because I found a light in the dark today, and I know how very needed those are, so I thought I'd share it here.
I found music again. Music used to completely enthrall me. I'd sit in the dark and just listen and FEEL. On Cymbalta, I'd stopped doing that and had pretty much religated music to background noise. It ceased to move me, nothing moved me. But today I found it again, and I'm sitting here with my headphones on being pulled into it again... crying the first tears of joy and not pain that I've cried since starting this awful drug...
I'm seeing the first shades of who I used to be, and I'm Never Going Back.