[CryingRavyn]

A bit about me.

I am 37 years old. Diagnosed with FMS, Celiacs Disease, and Possible MS. I have permanent Nerve Damage to my right leg due to shingles and an abusive ex.

After my fight with Shingles, everything went downhill. Finally at a pain clinic they found I had two damaged nerves in the same leg. During a routine nerve block something went wrong and I developed Transverse Myelitis. I was already on Topamax for the nerve pain, and they added Cymbalta. I had better pain relief than I had experienced in years.

I went from being very active, athletic, and social to being none of the above. After my nerve block, I literally had to relearn walking. I have avoided narcotics except on those extreme days when NOTHING helped. I do meditation, Qi Gong...Cymbalta seemed to be a life saver.

Now, I am trying to write this and hoping it makes sense. Tears are streaming off my cheeks, my head hurts, I am getting worse electric shocks than I had before taking it, I can't keep anything down. I feel like my life is falling apart. This isn't fair. We just moved. Everything was looking up. My medical coverage got goofed up, and I missed a dose and got sick. Then I realized it was going to take longer to get things fixed. So I started spacing my doses. What I did was kick myself into withdrawal. What that did was convince me I want NOTHING to do with this drug any longer. I can't finish sentences. I am so bitchy I can't stand myself.

And cry. I cry and cry and cry. I am a mom. I do not have time for this! I pretty much hide my tears, it freaks the kids out. My husband is wonderful. He has always been very supportive, and Cymbalta has always scared him, but he supported my decision to take it. On Monday things got to me bad. I over did things physically and was paying for and having what I now know were withdrawal symptoms. All I could do was cry and say I want to be normal.

Is it too much to ask?

Do they even care what they do to us when they put us on these drugs?

I am too young for this.

[tamatola]

I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you need a close friend that you can depend on; do you have a person you can call to just sit with you?

I wish I could offer some advice to immediately help you. I am a Christian and I do promise I will pray for you and your situation.

You can email me if you need a friend to chat with. I am a stay at home Mom and am here most of the time. Please don't lose hope! Now you know at least one person out here is thinking of you and praying for you to have a much better day tomorrow.

Oh, I will say this; it makes you sleepy, but benedryl will help stop that funky feeling that comes with withdrawal. That weird head feeling. I took Benedryl and it really helped. Someone else said Dramamine Less Drowsy helps too. It controls the vertigo-type effects.

tamatola@windstream.net

[walt]

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am also dealing with the Cymbalta withdrawal and know how hard it can be. As cliche as it sounds you have to keep your head up. I'm on my second day of Prozac and it seems to help with the emotional part of it and the suicidal thoughts, but nothing helps with the shocks. This is my second go-round with the shocks. I haven't found anything that takes them away and I've tried Dramamine, Omega-3, Benadryl, etc., just about anything I could find. As horrible as it sounds you will just learn to function correctly right along with them. I don't know why doctors don't do more research on these drugs before they prescribe them. I'm not very good with words, just know that you will make it no matter what. Reminding myself of that helps me through the day. Your family loves and needs you and it sounds like you have a very loving and supporting husband, which means all the world right now.

[CryingRavyn]

Thank you both for your replies. I know my story isn't a new one or unique. I just feel so enraged and cheated that this "miracle" drug is such a..lie.

I am having very vivid nightmares. My daddy has been dead for 11 years now. I keep dreaming about him. He brought me ice cream, and it was all melted. The dream got very weird from there. Probably because anytime I was sick my daddy used to read to me, or bring me comfort food. The worse part was waking up with this horrible cotton mouth and taste and wondering where Daddy went with the ice cream. I actually got up and LOOKED for him. I am so thirsty all the time, and now I itch. My ears hurt, my sinuses hurt, my head hurts constantly.

I am dismayed with the fact that I am missing at any given moment the name for something simple. I asked my husband to put the "stuff in the thing." To clarify, I continued..."The thing that cleans dishes..the stuff that makes them clean..." It is as if the Cymbalta left holes in my brain. I wonder if I am the same person? I wonder if there are bits of my personality missing too?

We have really good friends here. They are a huge support, but will be out of town this weekend.

My poor husband is pulling extra duty. Taking care of me and the kids and working from home. Keep him in your thoughts.

Current Symptoms:
Body aches
Headache
Sinus Pain
Ear Ache
Foul Taste
Dry Mouth
Itching
Thirst
Brain Zaps like whoa
Electric shocks down my spine. (Funny electric shock type pain is WHY I was put on this drug)
Stabbing pains in hands and feet.
Nausea and Vomiting

Current Aides
Benedryl
Water
Gatorade
Apple Cider Vinegar
Rice with homemade chicken stock (It is about all I can stomach)
Euricine Calming Itch Relief Lotion (doesn't really help, BUT putting it on seems to give me something to do and helps the zaps in my hands.)
Seasons 1-3 of Angel
Sleep though fitful

My big accomplishment today was making my husbands coffee for tomorrow. It always makes me feel like I have done something to say "I love you" if I do that for him. (I set it up so he just flips the switch). I also had a bit of quality time with both kids.

[CryingRavyn]

Today I will say, tentatively, is better. I woke up more alert. Definitely in pain, especially in the area that sent me to try this drug to start with. My right hip HURTS BAD. I have had to force myself to rest. I feel well enough that the state of the house is driving me mad. I keep dosing off though. Luckily, I have a warm, furry, purry companion to keep me company.

I was able to keep down rice again. I remember living in Korea, and that is what was sworn by for nausea. Rice. A sort of rice gruel. So, that is all I have had in days. Though a good friend made homemade chicken stock, gluten free, and sent it over, so at least, now I am getting some other nutrition with it.

I feel like I woke up every time I rolled over last night. Woke up so distressed from a nightmare I can't even remember that I had a panic attack. I don't have panic attacks. Only a couple early on after the shingles.

There is so far ::Knocks on wood:: No headache, sinus pain or ear pain. For which I am grateful. There was a point, when I was in the grips of all that inescapable pain, nothing was working and I was itching and sweating, that I kept expecting to have hallucinations.

One day at a time? Right?

[CryingRavyn]

I am so grouchy. So easily angered at things.

My mother in law is aware that I am stopping this drug. She compared it to smoking, and nicotine addiction. It pissed me off. She kept going on and on about addiction and withdrawal.

I don't like being called an addict. I took this just as prescribed. I did not abuse it. It didn't matter how many times I tried to explain it. She didn't get it. She is a nurse to boot. I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotion since I got off the phone with her.

It makes me feel like a lesser human that this is going on. Yeah...physically this was an "OK" day. Emotionally....not so good.