[Erinlyn80]

My name is Erin and I've been on antidepressants for like 10 years now.

I started with a high dose of Zoloft because that was what my mother was on at the time even though I was only 17. I got heart palpitations so bad I couldnt play hockey anymore and went to the hospital once and was run through the gammut several times as the docs scratched their heads even though i flat out asked if it couldve been the Zoloft. Any pharmacist would easily tell you less.

Then it was Prozac and very very slow tapering on. I remember being very very anxious and having panic attacks with this crap.

Then it was Celexa and that one I felt some improvement (or so I thought at the time). I was on that for a couple years approx 99-02. November 02 after months of panic attacks and severe anxiety brought on by the end of my marriaige I tried to take my life by driving into a guard rail going 70+mph. Their answer was to double the medication to which after a month I wasnt seeing any improvement.

So Jan 03 i was put on Effexor XR and man is that nasty stuff! Tapering on I was frequently sick with migraines and I had never in my life had an actual migraine with the nausea and light sensitivity and the whole works. AFter tepering onto the Effexor full for the first time in years I wasnt suicidal, success! But the longer I took the Effexor the more i needed. At first it was just needing more for the winter season then over the years the same dosage wasnt working anymore. The whole time I struggled with constantly wanting to sleep, its all i wanted to do which is still TBD if it was from the Effexor or me cuz I've been overtired since I was a teenager and now im almost 28. I knew at the time Effexor was nasty stuff becuase if you ever miss a dose by 5pm you get a headache and by 8pm if you havent made the connection you're sick as a dog! And hope you have your money saved cuz you will pay a whopping $3/pill for this wonderful drug when you're trying to get health insurance back!

So anyways the end of t his summer I'd had it with the fatiuge. I was on 300mg of Effexor XR and didnt want to be on the stuff anymore and it was possible it was causing my sleepiness. I wanted off all drugs altogether but I chickened out afraid what was going to happen with fall/winter coming if I wasnt on anything. So the psychiatrist started the Effexor taper down and at the midpoint added the Cymbalta up. Wow was I a raging bitch! Yowzer! I did a sleep study to get to the bottom of why im so tired all the time after being on the cymbalta like 2 mos.

So i finally get tapered all the way on the Cymbalta 60mg and start exponentially gaining weight like never in my life. It finally stopped after I gained 25lbs and it seems to have peaked there. But im really not feeling good, Im crabby, disinterested in others, hostle just bleh. So what does the doc do, why double to dose of course to 120mg. After a month thats still not helping so he adds Abilify 5mg. First day of taking Abilify , or maybe it was the second I get a migraine and have to leave work...grrr. Then it screws with my sleep so I try taking it at night and then eventually change to taking it in the day. Im still ferociously crabby all the time and now im waking up a ton in the night. So at the 1mo check with the doc he discontinues the Abilify and starts me on a Cymbalta taper down because I have to repeat my sleep study off of these medications because they think the medication may be a factor. So I do the taper down that my doc normally wants to take a month in 10 days. My doc didnt warn me about any of this crap.

So I start the taper day 1-5 120mg to 60mg and actually I start to feel better/happier if anything.
Day 6-10 60mg down to 30mg and Im still feeling better than while i was on the medication. Starting to wonder if theyve been overmedicating me.

So now Ive been at zero mg for a few days (since thursday or friday) and thats when the real fun started. Started to be dizzy and have trouble getting my eyes to focus on things. I feel drunk all the time. Im nauseated and my bowels are angry.

Sunday night im trying to do things around the house and Im having trouble focusing my eyes and just feeling drunk and out of it. And then I couldnt sleep that night i was so wound up as if it want 1am and I didnt have to leave the house at 6am. I try to sit in my rocking chair to fall asleep which always works but it only makes me nauseaus. I went to bed only to awake numerous time I barely got any sleep.

Woke on Monday tired but also feeling wired/jittery. The eye focusing problem at work is a lot worse and Im noticing these little pings in my brain that make me dizzier after they happen. Driving makes me nauseaus. The dizziness and pings are worse and the pings are more frequent. Still nauseas and dont want to eat. Im 'amped up and jittery' and feel like I can conquer millions of things today... im thinking this is what speed would feel like. I did get a few things done at home but the dizziness makes it hard. 1am comes and Im still amped up and barely feel tired. I've been reading this forum since midnight so i take some Benadryl and after an hour i fall asleep finally after calling into work for tuesday. I cant work like this! Patients are going to think im high or drunk or something.

So I woke this morning, Tuesday, and so far I dont feel too horrible. Im feeling bad about not going to work but who knows what the rest of the day will bring. Im dizzy but its tolerable if im not moving around much and the pings are there but faint. Im going today to buy some omega 3s and w/e else the forum members recommended.

Im really scared after reading this forum people seem to be in withdrawl longer then they were even on this awful drug! Im terrified about how long this is going to last and if im going to have lasting problems like some folks. I dont think i'll be going back on any kind of medication after all this. This is crazy!

[Erinlyn80]

Its Tuesday evening and this morning I went to my local GNC and bought a 7 day body cleanse kit and a bottle of amino acid 3000, i already had the fish oil. Happily I slept all day. Annoying I had to miss work with this nonsense as most dont I dont have the kind of job where I will not be missed. The dizziness has become pretty mild compared to what it was and so far tonight i havent had any zaps which is nice. I think i'll be able to go back to work tomorrow. I can deal with being a little dizzy. The bad chills i have had (which i forgot to mention previously) seem to have relaxed a bit, it is late November in Minnesota so its only 20 degrees here so some chilliness going outside is to be expected.

I've stayed away from all caffeine and anything 'bad for me' that i indulge in normally like candy or sugary cereal. So im crossing my fingers the worst is over.

I want to thank everyone in the forums for posting the advice on the vitamins. I'd not have figured that out myself for some time im sure. Im very annoyed that my psychiatrist that is supposedly knoweldgable enough to prescribe this very powerful medication didnt have any info to prepare me or help with the withdrawl. Even telling me to stay away from caffeine wouldve been enourmously helpful as I think thats what caused the majority of the severe symptoms on monday night as I drank caffeine all day long since i'd had virtually no sleep sunday night. How incredibly annoying and irresponsible! He's going to get an earful at my next appointment.

I may not even be able to do this sleep study now I have my doubts i'll be 'right' by then but I have to give kudos to that doctor at least for wanting me to come off this stuff and daring to suggest it may be causing my problems. Seems like if you develop problems on an antidepressant they never suggest to stop taking it or to take vitamins or look at anything else; they just want to give you more pills or different pills. Im my depressive symptoms come back this time medications will be my last resort i'll try vitamins and whatever else I can first. Certainly my diet is lacking I think my pet rabbit is the most well fed member of the household as he eats fresh veggies all the time i buy just for him.

Anyhow this has been a real eye opening experience and I guess I'll get to find out if I actually 'need' these medications or maybe I was just a troubled teen or something. Last year while on the Effexor I had a severe bout of depression after losing my job that lasted a long time and it makes me wonder if you can have suicide attempts and major episodes of depression on these wonder drugs what are they really doing for us? Im not arguing that you seem to get relief from these medications I certainly have at times. While pregnant with my son in 2004 I went through some really bad life things that shouldve put me into a depression and didnt. Very bizzarre why it can work sometimes and not others. Im rambling on now so Im going to stop here.

Everyone hang in there! And certainly do your own research as the doctors arent giving us the information we need whether it be withdrawl or if there are other things we can do to make ourselves better.

[Erinlyn80]

So I thought I'd update, the vitamins and all that got me over the withdrawl symptoms of the medication but for the last week or more I fear my depression is coming back. I am so angry all the time and just dont care about anything. My boyfriend is threatening to break up with me. I dont want to go back on the medication but I dont know if I'll have any other choice. Definitely wont go back on cymbalta, the effexor but for having to keep increasing the dosage was working but it did make me feel very tired but i do anyhow regardless. Im scared, I dont know if I should tough it out longer cuz this will pass or go running back to the drugs.