9 replies to this topic

[butterfly854]

Even though getting off Cymbalta can be torture, was it worth it? I feel like Cymbalta was part of a regime that saved my life. Does anyone else feel like that? Or just regrets? (I am only on day 2 of tapering so we'll see if I change my mind).

[FiveNotions]

Yes, Butterfly, for me it was worth it ... ten times, one hundred times, infinite times worth all the struggle to get off it, and the challenges I still have after almost 8 months ... I believe that Cymbalta was helpful to me for a brief period of time, when I was first put on it ... maybe 3-6 months ... but what I really needed, but did not get, was a good therapist ... If I'd had therapy, I think I would/should have gotten off the poison after just a few months, and then continued therapy ...

Long term use of the drug numbed me to life, to emotions ... it also, I am now learning, damaged my memory ... both long term and short term, as well as my cognitive abilities (reasoning, etc.) ... on top of that, before Cymbalta I had been sober for many years ... on it, and without even realizing it, I began drinking heavily again ... I also cut off all my friends and social contacts, again without realizing, slept 14 hours a day every chance I could, lived in my apartment with all the blinds shut, spent thousands of dollars on weird online shopping, stopped caring about my personal hygiene, never did laundry or cleaned, and didn't bother to file income taxes for 6 years ... my basic attitude towards life was that I was just marking time until I could die ...

And, to make this all the more bizarre, I maintained a professional job, kept up all "outward appearances" ...  such that those I worked with, and my one remaining friend, had no idea that any of this was happening ...

And most frightening of all ... I had no recognition / realization of any of this ... until I quit Cymbalta ... (and this is just the "summary" of my Cymbalta saga) ...

 

Now that I'm off the stuff, my memory/cognition is improving, I don't drink anymore (and have zero desire to), I feel human emotions again, my blinds are open and my apartment is clean, I've filed my tax returns, I'm reconnecting with old friends (and they've all been totally understanding of, shocked at, what happened to me) ...

 

in other words, I'm alive again, instead of being a zombie ...

So yes, it was all worth it for me ...

 

PS ... I also lost the 20-25 pounds I gained while on the stuff...

[butterfly854]

Wow, that sounds exactly like me! The non desire to do a darn thing around the house, etc. Funny thing is I just thought I was more depressed and should up my dose. I am so looking forward to getting my life back!

[FiveNotions]

You may find out that a lot of what you thought ... or what your docs told you to think ... was/is depression is actually due to the Cymbalta ... just take all this one day at a time ... even one minute at a time .... for me, it was sorta' like washing a very very dirty window ... each time a bit of the dirt/grime came off, I was astounded at how bright and clear the world seemed .... then, I'd adjust to that ... and wow, more dirt/grime would come off ... and I'd be astounded again ...

 

That's still happening for me, in fact ... at almost 8 months off the stuff.... my "window" had definitely gotten industrial strength dirty!

[thismoment]

butterfly

 

 "I feel like Cymbalta was part of a regime that saved my life."  

 

Getting off antidepressants isn't for everyone, and until one is compelled to withdraw, it's probably better to stay on the medication. For me, I perceived that the drug helped initially- it removed me from life; it took away the bad and all of the good!  It flattened me so I could barely function- it took me out of the loop, alienated me from everything and everybody, killed my creative spirit, enraged me, kept me drunk, got me fat, and it showed me one horrific version of how to live out the rest of my life. That preview so terrified me that I was compelled to withdraw. I was dead on Cymbalta, but I'm alive now. I'm different, but I'm alive.

 

 "I am so looking forward to getting my life back!"

 

Of course it's impossible to go back to the way you were, but following withdrawal- and on into the waning months of discontinuation- you will slowly emerge onto that pristine threshold that is the rest of your life. It won't be the old you (it can't be; that was then, this is now), but it will be the you that will begin to walk that path that your values compel you to walk. Just keep moving forward and keep your eyes off the rear-view mirror because then you can't see where you're going. One day at a time. This will be a new life, a fresh start.

 

You mentioned that Cymbalta helped with pain. But that's using an elephant gun where a pea-shooter is required: there are appropriate pain medications like opioids that don't physically alter your brain the way Cymbalta does. Many people that go on Cymbalta (or similar) for pain often end up in depression and anxiety that only appeared while on the drug. Now they're stuck with that.

 

I think you are struggling with this decision (to quit the drug or not), and maybe you should remain on the drug until you can clearly rationalize withdrawing. Talk it out with allies, research all you can on the internet, consult those at home and in the medical world. Read some material from Dr. Peter Breggin at breggin.com and Dr. Stuart Shipko at madinamerica.com. Also visit ssristories.com.

 

Take care.

[AnotherMind]

Inspiring posts - and I agree, it's totally worth it.

Early on I felt like I was relinquishing and old identity of sorts and there was a grief and fear attached to that sensation...I also dreaded what might be on the other side of Cymbalta, I totally questioned whether Id ever be functional again.

 

Now 9 weeks without Cymbalta my mind, optimism, energy and ability to be engaged in life are returning and I look back on my medicated life with gratitude for the fact it saved me at a hard time, but consternation at the bad stuff it brought.Theres a huge sense of liberation to be free again and living 'awake' without the obfuscating effect of meds.

 

Fully worth it.

[FiveNotions]

Hey there, AM, we've missed you!

 

I'm so happy for you -- welcome back to life!! Don't abandon us now that you're back in action ... we need all the inspiring progress reports we can get!

[fishinghat]

Congrats AM!!! An achievement to be proud of.

[ZappAlta]

Even though getting off Cymbalta can be torture, was it worth it? I feel like Cymbalta was part of a regime that saved my life. Does anyone else feel like that? Or just regrets? (I am only on day 2 of tapering so we'll see if I change my mind).

Butterfly I think it can be a mixed bag-- for some people they do move forward as in Therapy -Alt medicine-meditation seeking out hobbies- becoming socially active etc  for others they are pre-disposed to chronic depression as in inherited -life events as in Trauma-illness and while they don't want to take any meds and struggle daily often the choice gets to not having the coping skills without the vicous cycle of trying another med.