more thoughts i am posting that are helping me wrestle with the big bear of anxiety:
i posted over in the positives thread about family coming to visit. its been great, but not without taking a toll - or me allowing it to take a toll. anxiety requires permission to enter our conciousness, whether we realize it or not. chronic anxiety is a learned habit left over from when a repeated stressor triggered our fight or flight response to begin with. soon enough, it comes naturally with or without a trigger. the fear of fear. that is why its so darned difficult to treat, i must unlearn my habitual thought patterns. seems just when i think i have it licked, i find i still have a lot of work to do. the relationship to the C withdrawal is that when i was on the C, it masked the "result" of my irrational thought patterns - which is anxiety. in my case, before i took anti-d's i was depressed, but anxiety wasn't one of the symptoms. i think in my case, i got away with perpetuating irrational thinking that typically results in anxiety - but in my case, i didn't notice it until the C started leaving my symptoms. of coure withdrawal magnifies it.
its not easy to deal with. even though i have strategies, controling anxiety is a constant work in progress. i suspect it will be lifelong. anxiety at times is excrutiating and if i don't watch it i start to tell myself "i can't stand it" . well i am here today to tell you i can. if i couldnt i wouldn't be typing this. if i can do it so can others.
i do take clonidine which works to help lower blood pressure and heart rate, which are physical manifestations of anxiety - caused by the rush of cortosol, the hormone that is produced by the adrenal gland located on our kidneys. our brains trigger the glands to produce the cortosol. the clonidine doesn't get rid of my irrational thinking, just the physical result. i still have to deal with the irrational thinking. relying on a drug, whether it be clonidine, benzos, or something else, mask symptoms they do not remve the root cause. i know we all must make our own decisions, but i won't take benzos because i struggle with anxiety everyday. if i rely on a benzo to knock it down, the anxiety will come back when i stop. benzos are addictive and eventally they will poop out and i would be in worse shape than prior to taking them. i try to limit the clonidone to night-time to help with sleep, but it is still a crutch, just not one with as devasating consequence as a benzo. i have high blood pressure, i guess that helps me rationalize taking clonidine its is used as a BP med. for me benzos are good for reducing anxiety due to a temporary situatio such as fear of flying or gettting an MRI. i know when my flight is over. i don't know when my anxiety will end.
gotta, go wish i could finish, i have interruptions going on right now