32 replies to this topic

[DoneWithCrap]

I am so depressed. Every thing I touch turns to sh*t. I really wish I could just fade away unnoticed. It is so hard having a family that loves you when you can't stand yourself. If I didn't have my family I would be out of here for good.

Stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I can't go on with all this pain but my family would be devastated if I were gone. (I guess they don't care that I'm useless)

[pepe64]

Hi there,

It may not be worth much, but I think I know how you feel, because I'm in a similar situation. Surrounded by people that like and even love me, and yet so deeply depressed, going to work like a zombie, feeling useless and disconnected from the world, wanting to fade away, terrified by the trauma I'd cause with my family if I'd quit.

But maybe, just maybe, it makes you feel a tiny little bit better for maybe only a split second that there is someone out there reading what you posted.

all the best,

p.

[gail]

Renee, seems like a hard one for you today.

As for cannot being able to stand ourselves, I can relate to that.
I am also having one of those today, don't know where to come in and don't know where to come out.

And I know this will pass, but meanwhile it sucks.

Hold on Renee, today is like this, we don't know what tomorrow holds.

You are not alone in this, even if it seems like it.
Today was a benadryl day, and when I take this, believe me that it is not for fun.

Join us in the game word, if only to change your thoughts for a few minutes.

And you know the saying, cry, vent, the forum is here for that.

I care, xx

[TryinginFL]

Renee,

 

I'm so sorry that today is so terrible..  what a bummer.

 

Tomorrow could be so much better - you know how things come and go! (Unfortunately, for way too long, I know.)

Also - you had a great idea about starting a forum on "When I started Cymbalta and why I decided to stop".  I tried to start that and after a long post, the whole thing went up in smoke (you know how that is! )  I had to leave for an appt. w/my therapist, so had to let it go at that point. Would you like to start that? It might help to think of something constructive and I know that our members would love to have that forum!

 

It's sad that your pain treatment didn't last longer - you were doing so much better yesterday. 

 

Please hang in there!  We are all rooting for you..   and we love you too!

 

Love, hugs and prayers,

Liz

[TryinginFL]

Gail,

 

I'm sorry that you are also having a crappy day.   I know that you are working, so that must be really difficult.

 

I admire that you continue to hang in there - job and all, even on such nasty days.

 

We're rooting for you, too, dear friend!

 

My love, hugs and prayers for you as well,

Liz

[TryinginFL]

Pepe,

 

I don't think that we have met, but I'm sorry to hear that you are right in there with the nasty day thing too.

 

Must be something in the stars for you all - please hang in there!  Hopefully, your knowing that you are loved is something to be thankful for and tomorrow should be better.   Thankfully these days don't last forever!

 

Hang on - we are all rooting for each other in this mess!

 

Liz 

[gail]

Renee, have not seen your post about starting a post about the why and the why.

Great idea! Start it, many will follow, I am sure.

Pepe, have not met you either. As Liz said, let's blame it on the stars. Wellcome to the forum, by the way. Where are you at with discontinuation?

Liz,thanks you, I think that my situation is due to the Valium cut made four days ago.

I felt good and probably cut to soon, and 4% instead of 2%. Cannot learn my lesson here. Or could it be the stars?
Reminds me of Fishinghat being in a hurry to get it over with.

Liz, thanks for being here, love you xxx

[DoneWithCrap]

Thanks for the encouraging words. 

I have tickets to the Patriots vs Lions game this Sunday and I'm just so anxious that the noise level is going to debilitate me. I have to drive with three of my kids to the stadium. It won't be good if I can't drive us back home 

[TryinginFL]

Renee,

 

Just a suggestion for the game...

 

How about earplugs?!   Just might help!

 

xoxox

 

 

PS What do you think about starting that new forum?

[gail]

Renee,

Another suggestion, have a friend take the kids to stadium, he or she will be happy for the tickets.

I believe that you are asking too much from yourself.

The less stress the better, or get the ear pluggs if you can't exempt yourself from this.

[DoneWithCrap]

My husband bought me special ear plugs. 

I'm just worried that they wont work.

 

TFL I don't remember suggesting that I star a forum  I'm much too unorganized to do anything like that. I can't even plan a meal let alone a forum 

[TryinginFL]

Sorry, Renee...

 

Guess the crapalta brain isn't functioning well again

[DoneWithCrap]

It is a good idea though, TFL. I just can't do it.

[brzghoff]

My husband bought me special ear plugs. 

I'm just worried that they wont work.

 

TFL I don't remember suggesting that I star a forum  I'm much too unorganized to do anything like that. I can't even plan a meal let alone a forum 

 

renee, until you go to the game you won't know : 1) if the noise will bother you 2) if the ear plugs won't work. glad you have a backup for the volume, but you don't even know if it will bother you yet. my therapist always told me when i would feel trapped by a situation, that having a backup plan allows me to tell my anxiety to go to hell. it really works. 

 

i will think about you on sunday - down here on TV its the bucs vs the bears but during the game they'll cut to the pats vs the lions from time to time, so i'll look for you in gillette stadium ;-) . i'd rather see the pats play anyday. they're probably going to the superbowl

[TryinginFL]

Brz,

 

Will be watching the game tomorrow too, as I am a Bears fan - not that there is much to root for there, either!  Lovie returns...

 

We'll both be watching for Renee!

[DoneWithCrap]

Those ear plugs have come in very handy. They worked for the football game, my son's concert and a parade that my daughter's band marched in yesterday.

 

Big mood crash today though. My oldest daughter is in St. Thomas with an abusive boyfriend and needs to come back home. I can't contact her and I'm very worried. My husband is going to get her a plane ticket, we just have to figure out how to get it to her without the boyfriend finding out.

 

Now every little thing irritates me. I can't stand to be around myself.

 

My mood swings could give you whiplash   

[TryinginFL]

Awww, Renee....

 

Gosh, you really have had your hands full lately.  I am so sorry.

 

I was in the travel industry for almost 30 years - are you aware of a "prepaid ticket"?  If you need info, please let me know!

 

I certainly can understand why you are in a foul mood - is it time for one of your "cocktails"?

 

Please let us know how we can help...

 

Love and Hugs,

 

L

[DoneWithCrap]

Thank you TFL. My husband knows how to buy her a ticket. She will need to show ID to pick it up. Not sure if the a-hole she is with took that from her.

She is supposed to call him tomorrow to let us know if and when she can get to the airport. She also has her service dog and backpack to carry. She said it is very hilly there. He beat her up and she has an infection. I hope she can get to the airport even if she leaves some stuff behind.

My husband will fly down to get her if he needs to, but she is in a remote area. You need to walk to where she is staying and she doesn't know exactly where it is. We can tell it is on the northern side but that leaves a lot of ground to cover.

[TryinginFL]

OK, Renee...

 

I'm glad the ticket thing is taken care of.  I didn't know that Spaghetti was a service dog (we are talking about the same dog here, right?)  Maybe I'm confused...

that seems to happen often lately

 

I pray that all will go well and that she can get that infection taken care of.  Damn - what a horrible mess~   Maybe she can contact the police if need be...

 

Please keep us posted, my friend.

[DoneWithCrap]

Yes Spaghetti is her service dog. You are on the ball

She doesn't want to get the police involved because there is a lot of corruption down there with the police. The Bo's that did this to her is native to the area and the cops could side with him. It is a mess indeed

[TryinginFL]

Good Grief!   I didn't know that St. Thomas had become like Mexico!  It's been many years since I was there...

[iammiserable2014]

Hi Renee,
Haven't met you before but I'm new here, so that's probably why. Anyways, reading your post about family loving you when you hate yourself, I can so relate. It's one of the hardest things for me actually. Hating myself and having my family still love me is very difficult, I feel guilty a lot and so confused as to why they can still love such an unlikable person.
It's almost like I wish they would just get sick of me sometimes so it would validate the way I feel even more, I know that might sound weird but...anyways...sorry for your situation, sounds rough, did you get your daughter back safely?
Ok well, I could go on forever but I won't..just had to comment when I read that bc it was as if you were reading my mind ...been feeling it so much stronger lately.

[iammiserable2014]

So yes Renee, I forgot to say that...pepe was right, someone out there did read your post, and it made me feel the tiniest bit better(well not sure if better is the right word..maybe understood) knowing that another person is feeling just what I'm feeling...

[DoneWithCrap]

Hi iammisurable
I know exactly what you mean bout wishing family would hate me as much as I hate myself
Then I will have a "good" day and realize that I'm not all that bad. Thank god for the good days. I just wish they would come more often.
I have not been able to get in touch with my daughter yet and the fear is making me so irritable.
Thank you for your concern.
I hope you have lots so good days to remind you that you can enjoy life! When you have a good day, write it down. Then read it when you are having a bad day.
Renee

[iammiserable2014]

Hey Renee,
Ya thank god for the good days, unfortunately it's been a while since I've had one of those...coming off this freaking cymbalta has screwed my emotions up more than I could have ever even imagined! That's a good idea to write down when I have a good day so I can remind myself that it's still possible to even have a good day when it feels like you may never have one again : ( They are so few and far between. Oh that's terrible about your daughter, I can't even imagine...hopefully something will change soon.. Thanks for your encouraging words.

[gail]

IAM,

Renee gave you great advice as to write down the times you feel good, even an hour here and there.

I need to do this, as I would think that it is awful all the time on a bad day, and that I will forever be like this. Forever and ever!

Just color those moments, I color green for good moments and yellow for so so and orange when really bad. I have a daily calendar, and at times, days are of three colors. At times all green and so on.

Just to remind me that this will pass. On my wall next to my computer is a momento that says "This will pass".

Oh and wellcome to the forum! And since you are new, I am French speaking, so if phrases seem odd, it is not the cymbalta!

[brzghoff]

Hi iammisurable
I know exactly what you mean bout wishing family would hate me as much as I hate myself
Then I will have a "good" day and realize that I'm not all that bad. Thank god for the good days. I just wish they would come more often.
I have not been able to get in touch with my daughter yet and the fear is making me so irritable.
Thank you for your concern.
I hope you have lots so good days to remind you that you can enjoy life! When you have a good day, write it down. Then read it when you are having a bad day.
Renee

 

 

that must be excruciating to know that your daughter is in possible danger and not to be able to get to her. i think i read elsewhere that your husband may fly down there if that's what it takes. i can't imagine the toll that is taking on your psyche given you are also in the middle of withdrawing from several drug at once.

 

when you are having a bad day, keep remembering that you've had good days. having that knowledge gives hope, even if you my not be able to remember how it feels in the moment. 

[brzghoff]

IAM,

Renee gave you great advice as to write down the times you feel good, even an hour here and there.

I need to do this, as I would think that it is awful all the time on a bad day, and that I will forever be like this. Forever and ever!

Just color those moments, I color green for good moments and yellow for so so and orange when really bad. I have a daily calendar, and at times, days are of three colors. At times all green and so on.

Just to remind me that this will pass. On my wall next to my computer is a momento that says "This will pass".

Oh and wellcome to the forum! And since you are new, I am French speaking, so if phrases seem odd, it is not the cymbalta!

 

 

i love this idea!

 

and gail, your english is way better than many for whom that's the only language they know. if you didn't tell us you are primarily a french speaker, we would never know!

[iammiserable2014]

Renee...how is everything going with your daughter? Has anything changed? Sure hope so...

[DoneWithCrap]

Things have been awful. She is psychotic and has finally been placed in a hospital. My husband is going to fly down tomorrow to get her.

I'm running on adrenalin and have not snapped yet  

 

It will be tough once she is back home as well. She will need some serious treatment.

 

I will try to keep you posted. She should be safe where she is. The police have been extremely helpful!