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Harder Than Withdrawal


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#1 brzghoff

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 01:44 PM

redacted


#2 getsetgo

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Posted 25 January 2015 - 06:04 PM

*hug* it is really hard to leave a marriage. No matter how unhappy it is. i recently went through it too. Sometimes it is the best thing to do for everyone, however it is so, so sad and really not fun. I'm much happier and am finding myself again since I left. Hopefully that is helpful to hear.

#3 ZappAlta

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Posted 26 January 2015 - 04:16 AM

Awww Brz.      Perhaps when you get back to work and away from the setting you are in now  the relationship may improve.  I work pm shifts till midnite and only every other week -end off and really it worked well for our marriage of 40 years already .  My thoughts and support in whatever decision you make.


#4 FiveNotions

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Posted 26 January 2015 - 02:16 PM

oh Brz, I am so sorry ... big hug, right there with Zappa and GSG

 

is this another aspect of being off the meds, and realizing life, others, you are different ? Were you on anti-d's/meds for a large part of your marriage?

 

There are two aspects to this, and you touched on them in your post ... first, the adjustment that our "intimate others" have to make as a result of the changes in us as we get off the meds can often be huge, massive, frightening... during withdrawal they see us sick as dogs, doing / saying crazy stuff, but they know (least-wise I think they do, by and large) that that's temporary ... what can freak them out is when we've stabilized and are somehow "different" than we were while on the drugs ...

 

and second, the changed/"new" us ... the way we lived, things we did/said, all of our total life, selves, can be changed ... and because we've changed so much, the dynamics of all of our relationships have to change ...

 

as I read your post, am I to understand that he won't go to couples counseling with you, that it's a one-sided deal, with just you engaged in therapy?

 

just don't rush into anything ... even though the pain makes you want to do something, anything to make it stop ... I'm with Zappa about the work ... it will be a good way for you to get out and about, develop relationships and renew yourself ... and have some solid chunks of time away from your husband ... and for him to have time on his own ... mutually beneficial, I think ...

 

whatever you decide to do, we're right here for you ... :hug:


#5 ShadyLady

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Posted 26 January 2015 - 06:17 PM

Aww, Brz, I'm sorry you are having marital problems:( In reading some of your past posts, maybe some of the issues are related to being together 24/7, which was not the case before you stopped the Crap. Having a job offer and a pending one, Wow, that is great news! I'm with Zappa and FN's sage advice.

You and I are about at the same time off the C, I'm at 8 months off Feb 1st. I feel you have progressed monumentally and doing so much better than I. Don't make any hasty decisions, please. Start the new job and re-evaluate your marital difficulties after you get in the groove of working again.

Thoughts and prayers, Sweetie XXX

#6 ShadyLady

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Posted 26 January 2015 - 06:20 PM

Zappa, 40 years? Incredible! I've been married 40 years, too, just to 4 different husbands:o

#7 brzghoff

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Posted 27 January 2015 - 12:58 AM

redacted


#8 ZappAlta

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Posted 27 January 2015 - 04:04 AM

Zappa, 40 years? Incredible! I've been married 40 years, too, just to 4 different husbands:o

Shady don't give up yet lol            Husband #5 may be just around the corner and a Winner :rolleyes:


#9 TryinginFL

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Posted 27 January 2015 - 11:46 AM

brz,

 

I'm happy that you are willing to give it some time - therapy - going back to work - I sincerely hope that these things will work for you.  I have been through this 3 times myself, resulting in my being divorced almost 26 years now!  (yep, that's a long time, but better than a lousy marriage! :()

 

How is it going with the job offer - and have you heard from the second company yet??  I so hope that this will work out for you!


#10 DoneWithCrap

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Posted 27 January 2015 - 09:31 PM

Shady. You could easily be a stand up comedian  :P

 

Brz, your husband sounds a lot like mine. My husband has always been supportive of my MH issues. We went to couples counseling for a little while, but as soon as I had anything negative to say about him, he got defensive and passive aggressive. After all, I was the one with the problem...

We stopped counseling because it was causing more stress on our relationship. I was still on antidepressants and after a lifetime of abuse, decided to just keep my mouth shut and accept that I was a f-up and I would never have a real companion

Now that I'm off the Crap, I'm voicing my opinion more and calling him out when he is wrong. He doesn't like it much but It is better than having me sit there all day like a zombie (at least in my opinion :rolleyes: )

 

You both need time away from each other and when you get a job and out of the house, hopefully you will both appreciate the limmited time you have to spend together.

 

Best of luck. The new you is alive!.  


#11 brzghoff

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Posted 28 January 2015 - 11:26 PM

redacted


#12 brzghoff

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 10:24 AM

i reposted this as a new topic.


#13 thismoment

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Posted 29 January 2015 - 12:07 PM

brz

 

You're in a tough spot and it's not unfamiliar to me-- it's like going to war each day, and it makes for a bleak future! I hope it gets better for you. 

 

As I'm sure you know, the broader Personality Disorder family has a great number of listed causes including early life experiences, learned behaviours, social environment-- as well as biological makeup, and genetic factors. I think in a lot of cases the early life experiences and learned behaviours are as impossible to overcome as the innate-- hence the attachment of 'positive outcomes' by insurance companies whose stats show this proposition to be a losing battle.

 

Those technical wizards who repair complex mechanical/electrical/computer systems utilize a troubleshooting strategy to identify the faulty component. Very often it's impossible to pinpoint the source of the error because it manifests in several-- or many other systems. Therefore they "swap-out" components like computers, relays, sensors etc-- sometimes half a dozen multi-thousand-dollar components are swapped out-- until the fault goes away.  Is it feasible for you spend some time apart from your partner to see if anything resets or improves within the dynamic of your interpersonal system?

 

If your above post was mostly to vent, then please disregard this. But I want you to know that I wish I could help.


#14 NotLily

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Posted 01 February 2015 - 11:55 AM

Hi brz,

 

We're in similar places.

 

I'm beginning to understand why my husband can be so mean, so verbally abusive. He has his own chronic pain (back, knee, IBS), anxiety, and brain damage. He refuses longterm treatment for pain or anxiety.

I've been off Cymbalta for two weeks now. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN! I'm really *itchy and can't stand to have anyone near me for fear of being touched. Even movement around me and some noises or voices make me jumpy. I don't think going without meds is going to work for me. I was in tears because it hurt so bad today and now I'm just cranky at the world. I hear myself saying things exactly the way my husband would. this is not good.

 

Our quality of life is better when we spend less time together. Its funny that there was once a time when we couldn't stand to be apart.

 

I'm researching my options for pain treatment and lifestyle management. I don't think its good to make rash decisions when I'm in a lot of pain.

 

I encourage you in your choices as you move forward. You know yourself best.

 

Gentle Hugs.





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