Jump to content



Photo

The Ugly Monster Anxiety


  • Please log in to reply
25 replies to this topic

#1 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 23 June 2016 - 10:01 AM

Well, I have been doing very well lately. I stay in my comfort zone, use my relaxation techniques from CBT and take my meds and all is fine. Not great but OK. But (you new that was coming) I have a new PCP who I am very impressed with. She is noted for specializing in anxiety patients and one of her internships was in a pscyh ward. My blood chemistry results came in 2 cays ago from a recent physical. There were 11 items out of normal parameters. Most of these are ones we have been addressing plus a couple new ones. None are out of spec by much but the thought of going backwards really smacked me in the face. The ugly monster anxiety raised from the dead and is in full pursuit. Bad memories, bad experiences, various serious health issues from the past all came rushing back which opened the door wide for the monster to walk through. Nervousness, heart pounding, panic, fear and all the monsters baggage arrived and was opened. I have been working the last 48 hours on my relaxation techniques and have also increased my clonidine some, I have improved slowly and am sure that things will get back to normal in a week or so. My drs assure me there is nothing to worry about but as you all know from experience the monster really doesn't care what they say. When my anxiety issues come back this easy from such a simple thing it is clear that I will always need some meds to deal with the explosions of remembered trauma from the past. I certainly will do everything I can to finish coming off the lorazepam (already reduced 55%) and then minimize or come off of the Zoloft after that. I am sure that with me getting older everyday that will get easier. (NOT!!!, lol)

 

Thanks for letting me vent. Back to easing the monster back out the door and closing it after him.


#2 FiveNotions

FiveNotions

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,686 posts
  • LocationUS, East Coast
  • why_joining:
    I want my life back!

Posted 23 June 2016 - 10:30 AM

So sorry The Monster crept back in, FH ... I'm praying for you !

 

Love how you describe it -- "easing the monster back out the door" ... :) ...that's been one of the essential lessons learned for me ... not to get into a full-on engaged battle with the anxiety, but to "ease it back out the door" ... and then shut / lock the door behind it ... when I "battle" it seems to just transfer more energy to The Monster ... 

 

Those memories sure can appear real, can't they? I regularly get little "flash-backs" to various "episodes" of my past life, and I'm realizing that I need to re-integrate them, every so slowly, into my "new life" in order to form a more complete current self ... not able to explain this at all well ... but basically, I've got a lot of "junk" stuffed in a closet in the recesses of my memory ... and that closet needs to be cleaned out ... just can't let it all fall out at once, as that's when The Monster will make his move ...

 

Do whatever it takes to restore and heal yourself, FH ! Are you and Mrs. FH getting in any "fishing" this summer? 


#3 lady2882Nancy

lady2882Nancy

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,271 posts
  • LocationSaskatchewan, Canada
  • why_joining:
    I need help and I know I will feel better if I can offer help to others

Posted 23 June 2016 - 10:59 AM

So sorry to hear that you are having another round with the monster that is anxiety.

At a support meeting yesterday I met a man that has PTSD like me and in sharing some of the things that have helped I also had to talk a bit about what caused my PTSD and of course that brought out some of the hyper-vigilance and anxiety for me.

It will take me some time to push that monster back out the door as I again learn to cope with the memories. I just hope that I do not have to increase any meds to accomplish it but it may get worst before it gets better.

 

Take care of you dear friend

 

Nancy


#4 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 23 June 2016 - 12:22 PM

Thank you both for your responses and most of all the prayers. After 16 years of dealing with my 'history' with psychologists I have learned many anti anxiety techniques but we have never been able to put my 'history' behind me. The therapists say it was too much for too long and I am to deeply conditioned and must learn to alter my life style to adapt as much as possible. So a new life has been born.


#5 gail

gail

    Site Partners

  • Site Supporter
  • 6,016 posts
  • LocationSherbrooke, PQ
  • why_joining:
    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, to get help and to return the favor if I can.

Posted 23 June 2016 - 01:29 PM

Hi Fisherman,

I am sorry that you are going through this hell. Such a good and nice guy, I guess that those qualities are not considered sufficient to be exempted from this. None are. We all have our crosses to bare. Heavy stuff on that cross!

And I do remember old posts, you passed all with flying colors. But anxiety is anxiety. Wax and wane!

I love you Fisherman and pray that strength is given to you to cross these hard times.

I would say, have a soothing drink, but you don't drink. It is good that this happens at a this time of year where you have your handful of "gardening" to do. We care muchissimo about you dear Fishinghat.

#6 FiveNotions

FiveNotions

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,686 posts
  • LocationUS, East Coast
  • why_joining:
    I want my life back!

Posted 23 June 2016 - 01:34 PM

Do the benzos still work for you, FH? If yes, are you considering upping your dose temporarily, rather than continuing to dose down? 

 

What about the hydrocodone (is that the stuff, never can remember the name) ? Clonidine?

 

So glad you've got a good / new PCP ... for you to be impressed by a doc is high praise indeed !


#7 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 23 June 2016 - 01:48 PM

God bless you Gail. Your love and caring for me and others is a blessing to me.

 

FN - The benzos did not work for me but during the Cymbalta withdrawal I was desperate for help and could not go back on an AD so I gave it a try. Benzos suck. The clonidine I have upped a half tablet and has helped take the edge off. I also have hydroxyzine which I can increase but I don't think I will need to increase it. With the edge taken off I am sure my relaxation techniques will work in the long run. Meanwhile I am in a holding pattern just staring the monster down. lol


#8 FiveNotions

FiveNotions

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,686 posts
  • LocationUS, East Coast
  • why_joining:
    I want my life back!

Posted 23 June 2016 - 03:31 PM

Glad to know the clonidine and hydroxyzine are still in your "arsenal" ... in addition to getting myself off the Wellbutrin recently, I also weaned down / off the clonidine ... I needed to switch back to my old bp med (metoprolol, don't know the brand name) cuz it's the only thing that treats my tachycardia and that was acting up ... but I keep the clonidine handy for when my Worms-in-the-Stomach are threatening to morph into Gail's Bear   :P


#9 TryinginFL

TryinginFL

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,274 posts
  • LocationFlorida
  • why_joining:
    Now that I have been off this poison for over 6 years, I hope to help others as they join us

Posted 23 June 2016 - 04:51 PM

My dear FH....   You are in my prayers as well, and I understand well what you say about the monster "coming back in"..

 

Tomorrow it will be 7 years since I lost my daughter and memories sure do come rushing back.  We think we have put the worst behind us, but somehow this stuff still jumps out to slap you in the face. 

 

I still take Alprazolam (only 1/2 the prescribed amount) and Bupropion (up to 3 100mg tabs a day now) and I feel that these will continue to be a part of my life.  Sometimes we just need that extra help and we stay with it.

 

I am happy that you have a doc that you like - you have changed those more than your clothes!  Seriously, I have found one that is helpful to me and it makes all the difference in the world...

 

I wish you the best and yes, we all love you, dear friend


#10 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 23 June 2016 - 05:02 PM

Thanks Liz. I understand about needing a little help to get by. This is my seventh pcp in 19 months. Four went to other jobs, one retired, I fired one and now this lady.


#11 Carleeta

Carleeta

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,801 posts
  • LocationNew York
  • why_joining:
    Read so many painful stories on here and offering others support while trying to heal myself from cymbalta and other antidepressents.

Posted 23 June 2016 - 07:38 PM

Fishinghat, I remember all too well what you have gone through.  This is a very scary moment for you.  I'm guessing you had the SMA-20 chemistry blood screen which covers the complete screen, and this is just a guess. What I want to say first is you are right on top of yourself and getting tested regularly/or as needed.  As you are working on these levels on a regular basis you are ahead of the game here.  Results are being compared and any red flags are caught immediately.  I'm also reading your results are just a bit out of the normal range and nothing drastic. This is still very scary for you,  and the past just seems like it's becoming the present again. Your relaxation techniques are the best thing right now and everyday (here I should talk.  I haven't used them in a while and here I am using them again this past week).  It's your "What if's" repeating over in your mind and the relaxation techniques will bring the "present" back in. Whatever relaxation technique you are using seems very comfortable for you.  It's wonderful to hear you are still staying with clonidine, for this is what works best for you.

 

Sorry to hear you've gone though all those PCP's until finding the right one.  

 

Your "monster" is my "jack in the box"  and he's just popped up. That awful "pop" and his "scary clowny face".  Although I know I'm the one winding him up.  I remember thinking it was such a cute toy and made every child laugh. As an adult once the music stops "Jack is right there"and it's not cute, nor fun.  My story of anxiety has so significance here because you are what is my concern at the present time.

 

I've said some beautiful prayers for you, my friend, so you can find calmness, less worry, and be free of your "monster.." 


#12 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 24 June 2016 - 08:07 AM

Thank you so much for your kind understanding words. As I always say...time and patience.


#13 zivcha

zivcha

    Advanced Member

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 53 posts

Posted 24 June 2016 - 02:40 PM

Fishinghat,

 

I am sorry to hear about the "monster" that is coming back. I guess none of us is entirelty immuned to this monster.

Ive been going to therapy for many years and one of the things I learned is that when I fight those scarry and unpleasant thougts by counter attack, It somehow just makes thing worse. It can be a big fight in my head, and in the end of the day, i'm the one who is exhausted, the monster is even more active :) . In times like these, I simply telling myself that those thoughts are scarry but they will go away soon. I'm trying to live with them,to let go for now. And soon, these scary thoughts don't look so scary anymore.

I pray for you. thank you  for who you are for us.


#14 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 24 June 2016 - 04:13 PM

Zivcha, thank you for your concern. I fully agree. Fighting the monster is out. I feel more like it is just waiting him out instead. Like you said, as time passes things will improve.


#15 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 25 June 2016 - 01:19 PM

More venting. Well the monster started to calm down last night and I slept like a rock. I awoke this morning to the monster having a party with his fat sloppy cousin Depression. They were taking 15 minute shots at me. First anxiety then depression, etc. I had a lot of rage and apathy at the same time. They have finally worn down and are taking a siesta. While they are resting I am trying to get a few things done. I just hope I don't over do it and wake them up.


#16 gail

gail

    Site Partners

  • Site Supporter
  • 6,016 posts
  • LocationSherbrooke, PQ
  • why_joining:
    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, to get help and to return the favor if I can.

Posted 25 June 2016 - 05:43 PM

Fishinghat,
 
I am sorry to hear about the "monster" that is coming back. I guess none of us is entirelty immuned to this monster.
Ive been going to therapy for many years and one of the things I learned is that when I fight those scarry and unpleasant thougts by counter attack, It somehow just makes thing worse. It can be a big fight in my head, and in the end of the day, i'm the one who is exhausted, the monster is even more active :) . In times like these, I simply telling myself that those thoughts are scarry but they will go away soon. I'm trying to live with them,to let go for now. And soon, these scary thoughts don't look so scary anymore.

I pray for you. thank you  for who you are for us.


Great post!

#17 Carleeta

Carleeta

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,801 posts
  • LocationNew York
  • why_joining:
    Read so many painful stories on here and offering others support while trying to heal myself from cymbalta and other antidepressents.

Posted 25 June 2016 - 06:19 PM

Fishinghat, the uninvited company, once realized they were not welcome, and poof they scooted out of there so you could get on with your day.  It's betters sweet, ending on the sweeter side. Prayers are still going out for you....


#18 zivcha

zivcha

    Advanced Member

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 53 posts

Posted 26 June 2016 - 09:42 AM

thank you Gail :)

 

fishinghat, how are you? i hope you are feeling better and staying active as much as possible. 


#19 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 26 June 2016 - 01:33 PM

Hanging in there Zivcha. The monster is still an annoyance but his cousin Depression seems to only appear in the window occasionally. Still taking an extra clonidine or hydroxyzine maybe once a day. Right now it is just like having a mother-in-lay around, not overwhelming, just a irritation. lol

 

How about you? You hanging in there?

 

God bless


#20 zivcha

zivcha

    Advanced Member

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 53 posts

Posted 27 June 2016 - 02:28 AM

lol :)

 

yeah im fine. down to 18 mg by now. taking vit C and Omega 3 as recomnded. started to take clonidine: now im on 0.05 mg. no effect yet but im taking it slowwly.

 

take a good care of yourself, buddy. keep us updated.


#21 Turbolag

Turbolag

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 11 July 2016 - 10:02 AM

I hope you feel better fh.

#22 FiveNotions

FiveNotions

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,686 posts
  • LocationUS, East Coast
  • why_joining:
    I want my life back!

Posted 11 July 2016 - 10:37 AM

FH, what's the latest on the anxiety and depression?


#23 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 11 July 2016 - 01:57 PM

About 90% better. Time and patience and relaxation techniques.

 

Thanks for asking.


#24 Carleeta

Carleeta

    God-like

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,801 posts
  • LocationNew York
  • why_joining:
    Read so many painful stories on here and offering others support while trying to heal myself from cymbalta and other antidepressents.

Posted 13 July 2016 - 08:13 AM

Fishinghat......yipeeeeee! You keep up with your relaxation techniques.....and time and patience.... :mellow:


#25 trish49682

trish49682

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 05 September 2016 - 10:53 PM

I had been taking 60mg. for 3 years.  Fighting a disability claim now for many lower back and knee troubles.  Was kicked off insurance and couldn't pay for generic Cymbalta at $100.00.  I am having many symptoms spoke about on here anxiety, swelling bad in legs and feet, joints hurt.  I have a strong water pill I can take it isn't phasing it much. Just found out I was a type 2 diabetic trying to handle that and take Metformin.  Head aches, breathing trouble when trying to lay down to sleep in bed.  I sleep in chair sitting up most of the time.  I don't care to go back on this medicine but have requested some thing light to help get off it. 


#26 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 06 September 2016 - 08:35 AM

Hi Trish

 

I would recommend NOT taking a benzo like Valium or Xanax. they are too addictive and tough to come off of. Clonidine and hydroxyzine are both non-addictive and good anxiety medicine. I would recommend the clonidine as my first choice. Also Benadryl can be helpful. It is an antihistamine like hydroxyzine and as such helps with anxiety and sleep. It however only works for a while and then your body gets use to it. Some people choose to go on a different antidepressant, an ssri. The drs normally recommend a low dose of Lexapro, Zoloft or Prozac. While these fo have a withdrawal they are easier to come off of than Cymbalta. So the dr would taper your Cymbalta and at the same time slowly increase the ssri. Let us know how it goes and if you have any questions.





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users