Well, I have been doing very well lately. I stay in my comfort zone, use my relaxation techniques from CBT and take my meds and all is fine. Not great but OK. But (you new that was coming) I have a new PCP who I am very impressed with. She is noted for specializing in anxiety patients and one of her internships was in a pscyh ward. My blood chemistry results came in 2 cays ago from a recent physical. There were 11 items out of normal parameters. Most of these are ones we have been addressing plus a couple new ones. None are out of spec by much but the thought of going backwards really smacked me in the face. The ugly monster anxiety raised from the dead and is in full pursuit. Bad memories, bad experiences, various serious health issues from the past all came rushing back which opened the door wide for the monster to walk through. Nervousness, heart pounding, panic, fear and all the monsters baggage arrived and was opened. I have been working the last 48 hours on my relaxation techniques and have also increased my clonidine some, I have improved slowly and am sure that things will get back to normal in a week or so. My drs assure me there is nothing to worry about but as you all know from experience the monster really doesn't care what they say. When my anxiety issues come back this easy from such a simple thing it is clear that I will always need some meds to deal with the explosions of remembered trauma from the past. I certainly will do everything I can to finish coming off the lorazepam (already reduced 55%) and then minimize or come off of the Zoloft after that. I am sure that with me getting older everyday that will get easier. (NOT!!!, lol)
Thanks for letting me vent. Back to easing the monster back out the door and closing it after him.