Jump to content



Photo

Alone


  • Please log in to reply
51 replies to this topic

#1 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 03:14 PM

I was just wondering if anyone else is living such an isolated life that if they killed themselves it could be a very long time before they found your body? That this is what society has come to? I live in a box in a city and no one knows I'm here. It's hard to believe I am sometimes.

#2 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 03:22 PM

I have a psychiatrist appointment next week but if I don't turn up no one will check on me. That is the level of care we have for people. How is there a reason to live in a world like that?

#3 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 03:25 PM

When you're growing up would you imagine that one day you would die and not one person would notice you had gone?

#4 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 04:03 PM

Everyday people kill themselves. We see it in the news but we do nothing. They just tranquillisers us so we shut up. That film the beach summed it up completely when that person got ill and put on the other side of the island.

#5 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 19 May 2017 - 04:37 PM

Katherine

 

You would be missed by us for sure. My pdoc has me living in relative isolation just to keep my stress to a minimum. There is hope. Things will get better. Hopefully you will get some help soon and feel better.


#6 Merete

Merete

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 35 posts

Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:12 PM

Every life is prescious and has a purpose even if we sometimes get blinded by the noise and confusion and anonymity of our crazy cities. You are valued and you would be missed, don't ever think otherwise. Wish you the very best.
Merete

#7 KathyInFL

KathyInFL

    Like a Family Member

  • Site Supporter
  • 595 posts
  • LocationSouth Florida

Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:53 PM

I love the Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life". Have you ever watched it, Katherine?


#8 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 06:35 PM

It's a wonderful life is a depressing film

#9 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 19 May 2017 - 06:40 PM

No one would miss me. None of you know me. It's words on a screen. It's not real. Nothing is. This amount of suffering is too much. It is more than we would leave an animal in. Thank you for your words but I'm checking out of this hell and you should do the same if you have any sense.

#10 Merete

Merete

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 35 posts

Posted 19 May 2017 - 10:32 PM

Please please call somebody, a crisis line or anything. You deserve help and support. The hardest thing about being sick is to have to be an advocate for yourself on top of dealing with pain and fear. Yes these are just words, but we are also human beings who empathize because we have been through similar experiences. And from that perspective I do care about you as a fellow human being who is in pain and trying to make sense of things. I would not bother writing these words if I didn't sincerely wish you well.

#11 LS1978

LS1978

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 32 posts
  • LocationU.S.

Posted 20 May 2017 - 05:59 AM

I know what you mean.  I think the most frequent thing that goes through my head these days is, "nobody cares about you."  Since my dad died, my family has fallen apart.  I am acutely aware of the fact that they don't give a shit about me, and I'm convinced that they would probably be better off in some ways if I died.

 

On the other hand, I have met people online who can identify with some of the things I'm going through, and who seem to care that I'm suffering.  It's not quite the same as having family or offline friends, but it helps me feel a little less alone.

 

When I feel really bad, I try to remind myself that something better could be around the corner.  I'm almost off of the Cymbalta, and I will be starting something else.  The next med will probably make me feel sick for awhile, as I am sensitive to med side effects, but a few months from now I may feel good enough to start living again.  I don't know for sure, but I feel like it would be a good idea to hold on and see if maybe things can change.

 

When you really think about it, how important are these people who don't care anyway?  They aren't any more important than you are.  I try to remind myself that I have just as much of a right to exist as anyone else.  The fact that others don't care is not a reason to check out, because they are not any more valuable than I am.

 

Don't get me wrong; this issue has become a daily struggle for me as I'm weaning off of Cymbalta.  So I'm not saying it's easy, I'm just telling you what I tell myself to get through the feelings.  At this point, I make connections with people online only, and that has to be enough for me for the time being. 

 

I don't know how much of what I feel is Cymbalta withdrawal and how much of it is my depression getting worse, but I'm really trying to ride these feelings out in the hope that things will get better.  I hope you will too, Katherine.   


#12 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 20 May 2017 - 07:53 AM

God loves you enough to sacrifice his only Son. That's is enough for me to care about you. Not just words but true feelings. GET HELP NOW. Call someone at a crisis center. They actually care because most of them has been there before and they know how it feels.


#13 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 12:19 PM

You people obviously don't live in uk. I called crisis line and they told me go away as usual. You don't get help here until you actually kill yourself. I do not believe in God.

#14 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 20 May 2017 - 12:20 PM

Ramona, please let us know that you are alright. We are worried, remember that this is just the withdrawal chemical reaction that is making you feel this way. It is not the real you. If you want to talk just PM me your phone number and I will call. Anyway we can help just let us know.


#15 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 12:23 PM

Sacrificing your own son sounds sick. Though that's basically what my mum has done so she can have a life that is accepted by others without a sick daughter. I need real people in real life. No one will be near me. I am a leper. Death is only way out and one of my attempts will work one day. I just have to keep trying.

#16 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 12:25 PM

Who the hell is Ramona??

#17 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 12:34 PM

I don't even have a name. Zero identity.

#18 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 20 May 2017 - 02:09 PM

Sorry about the Ramona issue. I had just finished reading a post of hers.
 
A sick daughter. A cold, a flu, color blindness, depression, anxiety, fibro, those are all medical conditions. Would someone give up on their daughter because of a cold? No of course not but some conditions last longer or  are more severe. So what it is not the daughters fault. Life is not free of trials and tribulations as all of us here know. You endure and enjoy your life as much as possible. Sometimes conditions require that we adopt some life style changes. A person with high cholesterol might have to develop new eating habits. I have severe anxiety and I have had to develop a new life style. I am basically isolated away from stress and noise. I can't handle much anymore but by living a more secluded managed life style I can be fairly happy. My therapist has taught me how to manage my stress, control my breathing and regulate my pulse so as to minimize the effects of what stress I do have. It is not a perfect life and adjusting is not easy but it can be done and happiness can be achieved. My family turned away when I developed problems. So be it. I can not compensate for their lack of understanding and fear. I focused on dealing with my health. With time they learned more about anxiety and we were once again able to enjoy time together. There were some adjustments but like changing diets for high cholesterol those adjustments are made and you move on.

 

Katherine (lol I got the name right this time!) you have an identity. You are Katherine. That is your life. You CAN adapt and live a decent life.

 

Have you ever had a genetic screening for genes causing anxiety or depression? Mayo offers these tests and they can be quite effective in pointing a dr in the right direction for the right meds.


#19 KathyInFL

KathyInFL

    Like a Family Member

  • Site Supporter
  • 595 posts
  • LocationSouth Florida

Posted 20 May 2017 - 03:48 PM

Katherine, I was going to come to London on Thursday for a week, but I had to cancel since I've been out of work for 6 months and cannot justify a vacation at this time. I wish I had not cancelled, I would have come to visit you.


#20 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 05:33 PM

I don't have fibro FishingHat. If you're gonna give advice at least make it accurate. They need a UK version of this site for the nhs crap away from the Bible bashers.

#21 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 20 May 2017 - 05:38 PM

I wasn't saying you had those things. I was just saying we al suffer from some condition or other (like fibro) and family members should understand and work with their sons and daughters not turn away from them. It show a lack of understanding that this is just another medical condition that we (as a family) must deal with.

 

I did not mean to offend with the remarks about God Katherine. We don't push that here or shy away from it. To each his own. I did not know if you were religious or not and was only trying to help.


#22 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 06:36 PM

If you don't push it you shouldn't mention it. Those are your beliefs. Personally I believe if there was a God they wouldn't put people through such pain. Is this site about cymbalta withdrawal or God? Because maybe it needs renaming if it's the latter.

#23 gail

gail

    Site Partners

  • Site Supporter
  • 6,016 posts
  • LocationSherbrooke, PQ
  • why_joining:
    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, to get help and to return the favor if I can.

Posted 20 May 2017 - 07:04 PM

Katherine,

Try to understand that Fishinghat is only trying to help you, like he does for us.

Withdrawal makes people say and do things that they regret afterwards. It makes them scream at their partner, their children and whoever is on their way. They have great rage, they may hit people and at a times they to ER because of their fear of losing their mind.

You are in burning waters for now, it'll cool off!

#24 Katherine2017

Katherine2017

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 20 May 2017 - 07:11 PM

I am having enough trouble keeping a grasp on reality without 'superior beings' being added into the mix. Either this is a website for cymbalta withdrawal or its not. Who set it up? Who moderates it? Are they going on about God? I bloody hope not because it's the least helpful thing I could be hearing right now.

#25 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 21 May 2017 - 08:44 AM

Again, sorry to offend. I will not mention it again. Only trying everything I can to help.


#26 KathyInFL

KathyInFL

    Like a Family Member

  • Site Supporter
  • 595 posts
  • LocationSouth Florida

Posted 21 May 2017 - 02:20 PM

I appreciate everything you do and say here FH. 


#27 fishinghat

fishinghat

    Site Partners

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 13,869 posts
  • LocationMissouri

Posted 21 May 2017 - 02:38 PM

Thank you KFL. You know the last thing  I would want to do is offend anyone.


#28 KathyInFL

KathyInFL

    Like a Family Member

  • Site Supporter
  • 595 posts
  • LocationSouth Florida

Posted 21 May 2017 - 02:41 PM

I know FH. I guess you have been on this site a long time and understand that people going through withdrawal are in pain, mentally and physically. I hope K gets help soon.  :mellow:


#29 LS1978

LS1978

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 32 posts
  • LocationU.S.

Posted 22 May 2017 - 02:51 AM

You people obviously don't live in uk. I called crisis line and they told me go away as usual. You don't get help here until you actually kill yourself. I do not believe in God.

 

I called a crisis line here in the U.S., and the woman I talked to basically told me to "try harder," which is the same b.s. everyone else keeps telling me.

 

I don't know what treatments you've tried, but I hope you'll hold on and see if a new treatment can help.

 

It's painful and frustrating to have to go through this.  Lately I've even been avoiding interaction with some of the people I was talking to online, because the things they say (or do not say) are upsetting to me.  Mostly I've been watching movies and sleeping until I can start a new treatment and hopefully get out of this state of mind.  I can't concentrate well enough to read, and I don't enjoy much anymore, so movies and sleep are about all I can do to distract myself for the time being.


#30 gail

gail

    Site Partners

  • Site Supporter
  • 6,016 posts
  • LocationSherbrooke, PQ
  • why_joining:
    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, to get help and to return the favor if I can.

Posted 22 May 2017 - 06:56 AM

Try harder????? Really? The last straw.

Just know that you are not alone in this suffering.

I hope for you to find the right treatment, in the right time. And let's pray that all that suffering has a meaning. I sure hope so. Xx



0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users