[Anicole846]

I came across this site today as i layed on my couch wondering WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!? I take comfort in knowing that there are others out there going throught this cymbalta "hell". I was precribed 60mg a day of cymbalta after i went to my Family practitioner with General Anxiety. I was on this medicine for about 6 months until i found out i was pregnant. Knowing that most Anti depressants were not safe during this time, i called my Dr to see what i needed to do. He told me to cut my dosage in half for 14 days and then quit all together. Taking the 30mg for about a week, i started having symptoms of nausea and dizziness. Putting it off to Being pregnant and Morning sickness, i thought nothing of it. Starting last thursday i started taking the 30mg every other day thinking this would help me to "wean" off of it. Today is the third day without anything and i cant even begin to explain what my body and mind have gone through over those three days. Today, thinking i was a complete Looney i started researching this medicine and some of its side effects while coming off of it. I am astounded at the forums/chats/websites that i have found and what a HORRIBLE drug this is!

My personal side effects have included, buzzing in the ears, every time i turn my head i get a "woosh" of dizziness, disconnectedness, nausea, No motivation to do ANYTHING but lay, vivid nightmares, crying fits, irrational thinking, Rage, muscle cramps, feeling like I am in a "fog" all day, sweating, chills, Brain "zaps" (feels like an electrical shock shooting through your brain) im sure there are more out there but these are just what i have expeirenced.


It is an utterly miserable, terrifying, agonizing withdrawal process but it doesn't last forever. I am bound and determined to get through this horrible expeirence one way or another! I am writing this not for people to feel sorry but hopefully someone will read this and other post and understand what they are getting into and what they will will have to go through if they EVER plan on getting off this drug.

Go to this link before you even THINK about taking Cymbalta...i wish i would have! http://www.slate.com/id/2126918/

[MaureenV]

Good luck with your pregnancy.

It's hard feeling so revolting when you should be feeling on top of the earth. (Apart from the times you're in the loo throwing up with morning sickness!!)

hang in there; keep posting here and DO remember that the rest of us posting here understand exactly what you mean, even if no one else does.

Maureen.

[nursedeborah]

Your right this is a horrible drug, and I have reported it to the FDA, and signed a few petitions.
I am so sorry you had to be one of us, but glad you found us.

I know just what you feeling, in fact I felt that way on the drug too, also I had no feelings, I was
just flat, or had anxiety, and fear all the time, gee how nice.

Doin it that way is so very hard to do, and not a way I could do it.

Good luck and just know that your not crazy, it's all the withdrawls!!

Try this site http://prozactruth.com/cymbalta.htm

Debbie

[cardgirl1]

I'm new to the Forum but wanted to share my experience. I HATE this drug. I should have known when my Dr. said I cannot stay on it longer then a year because it is not made for "long-term use." ????

I was on it since March, then he gave me a boost in it, and then cut down with supplementing Wellbutrin with it. This is the worst experience, I thought I was going through a major depressive state AGAIN as when I had been put on it. I had uncontrollable crying spells, weakness, tiredness, anxiety, scared of being alone, nausea, diarrhea (sp), my memory is awful. What upsets me most is I was not warned of the withdrawal symptoms and also when I called the Dr. and the pharmacy apparently these are not "known" side-effects.

I spoke with my counselor, she said my body is re-wiring and accounts for the "beat-up" and tired feeling. She recommended Omega-3 tablets, green tea, and to eat more fish or Vitamin B tablets. Since I am so nauseated and can barely eat she said Ensure or Boost shakes are good to make sure you get all your vitamins. I've had to call off work two days, could barely get out of bed, showering was an amazing aspiration. Now, I'm on my 5th day of withdrawal and I woke up wtih Insomnia last night at 3, and I'm on Ambien!!

My doctor now has me on Wellbutrin in the morning, Deplin and Celexa at night. I feel completely misled and very disappointed in my Dr. They should be warning people about this, this is a horrible drug! I would never have went on it had I known I would be feeling crazy going off of it again.

I didn't cry very much yesterday and have't yet today. I exercised a couple days ago (which produced a cry spell of 2 hrs). I get so nervous about making it through the day. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm scared of all these feelings! I was trying to use Xanxax for work but it didn't help at all and it normally does.

I was going to try going to a tanning bed for some Vitamin D. I've been hoping and praying extensively that this gets better. This is not something I would wish on anyone and Dr.'s need to be made aware of what this drug does, he didn't even give me warning!

Please share your experiences or suggestions! I just want to feel better and get past this, I wish I could scrub it out of me.

[cardgirl1]

I also experience a worthlessness feeling and utter despair and minutes later utter happiness. Anyone else have this??

[barney59]

The problem is not with the doctors, it is with Lilly. The docs only know what Lilly wants them to know. I was on Cymbalta for 3 yrs at 120mgs the last 2 yrs. I am in day 8 of withdraws, and for me (everyone reacts differently) my sypmtoms are continuing to get worse. I guess I haven't reached the peak yet. It is a horrible drug.

[cardgirl1]

What dose are you withdrawing on? Are you completely off or taking a lower dosage?

[barney59]

My dr weaned me off of 120mg over a 3 week period. After seeing me the other day, and seeing how bad I was, he realized he should have weaned me off much slower. When he saw me I was already day 6 since my last dose. I don't blame my dr at all. He didn't know. He felt really bad for what I was going thru, but like he said, he is learning alot from this. Lilly is not forthcoming with the docs. That is the whole problem

[MaureenV]

barney59 said:

My dr weaned me off of 120mg over a 3 week period. After seeing me the other day, and seeing how bad I was, he realized he should have weaned me off much slower. When he saw me I was already day 6 since my last dose. I don't blame my dr at all. He didn't know. He felt really bad for what I was going thru, but like he said, he is learning alot from this. Lilly is not forthcoming with the docs. That is the whole problem

Barney, that's exactly what my doctor feels like. She said 'I feel terrible that you've had to go through this', and that she was learning from me.

There ARE doctors out there who will listen to you, but it's important to take a 'can we work together on this' approach, which I'm sure you'll agree with.

If I happened to be a doctor I'd probably get defensive when people came in telling me what they found on the web, too. For every useful site such as this there are 10 witchdoctors trying to get rich on people's insecurities.

My GP volunteered to me that she only prescribed Cymbalta to one other person, and they were still on it, so hopefully, due to the fact that my GP listens, there is at least one person out there who will be saved from Cymbalta cold turkey or inappropriate wean, and she will certainly never prescribe Cymbalta for depression again.

Hope things don't get any worse for you.

take care, Maureen.

[barney59]

Maureen

Seems like my emotional symptoms are what is getting worse. I look at what I once was, working in the travel industry, traveling all the time, I looked good, dressed very well and loved to deal with the public. I sit here now, my body feeling like 80yrs not 50yrs old, I look haggared, my clothes don't fit due to the 30+ lb weight gain, i have no motivation to do anything or see anyone, my husband and son don't really know what to do, I can't work anymore, I have crying spells all day long. I feel worthless. Deep down I know its the drug, but it is hard to focus on that. That youtube ad "Depression Hurts - Cymbalta hurts more" is so, so true. This drug has destroyed my life as I knew it. My Dr. (a neurologist) sat and talked to me for over 45 mins. Told me to call him this weekend (hes on call) if I needed to talk to him. He is worried. You are right that some doctors would get defensive. That's why I wanted him to see how bad I was, but to also reassure him that I didn't find him responsible. He has been the only doctor since 2003 (and I've seen many, incldg Mayo) that has tried to get to the bottom of my health issues, and I appreciate him for that. As I left he told me I was strong and would get thru this. I try to remember this when these feelings of dispair and hopelessness bubble up inside me. I know we all will overcome this, but it is sure a tough journey. By the way, I just tried to pay some bills. I could barely write. My handwriting looked like a 10 yr old. It seemed like my brain had a hard time telling my hands what to do. Anyone else have this problem??
Thanks for the shoulder

B

[Junior]

Hey Barney,

You are right. I didn't understand what you were doing in the other thread. Thanks for the info and I now understand exactly why you posted that.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time in withdrawing. From reading your posts though, and talking about the anxiety, I'm wondering whether my ongoing anxiety probs are related to what this stupid drug did to me. I was only ON it for 19 days! My nervous system is up the pole. Worse than I can ever remember and I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder which I had to live with for 20 years because it wasn't even a category in the DSM when I first started seeking help for it!!

Just to put you in the picture, I had taken Aropax (Paxil) for 10 years. It was a wonder drug for me. Minimal side effects and it totally controlled my anxiety - at least physiologically. It also helped with the mental side of it although I still had to do SOME work on my own. Unfortunately I suffered what I now know to be 'poop out' earlier this year and was forced to come off it. Funnily enough, I had no trouble doing so. I've heard that people have all sorts of trouble withdrawing from it but I didn't. Just a couple of days of dizziness when I switched from 20mg of that to 10mg of Lexapro (escitalopram). The Lexapro started off all right and I naively thought - great, same class of drugs, this will be fine. Wrong. Over time it made me restless, agitated, electrically charged and even suicidal! I had this urge to slit my wrists and it was getting stronger. Thankfully I was aware that it was the drug doing it to me so off I went to my GP. I then asked for a referral to a psychiatrist thinking this was their field - to diagnose and treat mental illness (including anxiety, although I also suffer from depression) using a medical model, ie, to prescribe medication. He took all my details, got my history, and prescribed 60mg of Cymbalta. The only side effect he warned me about was nausea. Nothing more. Strangely, the nausea lasted only 2 days and I thought, well that's good. BUT, from Day 1 it caused gastrointestinal distress which got worse the longer I was on it. Constipation, wind (both ends) and just general discomfort. It also totally disrupted my sleeping pattern. Instead of sleeping through, I was waking every hour or so which meant I wasn't getting quality sleep. My withdrawal from this horrible drug was even worse than being ON it! My story is written elsewhere but it took me two weeks to get over it. I then had a long chat with my GP and I decided to give my body a complete break from all these drugs for a while. I was thinking 2 months but after 3 weeks of sheer hell, where I just could NOT sleep, no matter what I did, I had to do something. So I went back onto Aropax (Paxil). It helped a little for a few days but not enough so I doubled the dose. The dose I had been on when all this crap started - 40mg. I've felt better in myself, more like me - more settled, able to think and plan more clearly, but still had massive problems sleeping. Even with both Aropax and Temazepam (sleeping tabs). I can't take two Temaze every night for the rest of my life, that's just not healthy, so I took myself off to my naturopath. What she has given me (about 8 tabs to take with every meal!) is working. I am sleeping again. Not quite back to my proper pattern as I still have nights like last night where I wake every hour or so, but at least I am sleeping. My anxiety is beginning to settle but I'm not there yet. I also DO have a few emotional issues that have arisen since I was offered a part time job. But they would have happened anyway so I just need to deal with those and get on with things. I just want all this crap to be over with. I want my 'normal' life back!

[barney59]

Reading all of these posts, it does sound like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it just gets so tough it is hard to remember that. I do keep reminding myself what my Dr. told me a couple days ago. He told me I was strong and I would get through it. He also said I could call him anytime if I needed to talk. I'll be in touch with him tomorrow I'm sure.
I think it sounds like all of us are strong. We just have to keep telling ourselves that. B

[Junior]

Well I have to tell you, I don't feel strong at all right now. Took me until after 12.30am to fall asleep last night (we were in bed at 11pm) then I woke at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep at all. By 6.30am I knew I was going to have to call in sick to work. Not exactly a good way to start a new job. It's only my 2nd week. But how could I drive on just 3 hours sleep? How could I get through the day and safely drive home?

I eventually fell asleep at around 7am -just when I was supposed to be getting up! Woke up at about 8.30am and made the call. I've never started a new job then taken sick leave almost straight away. I hate what Lexapro and Cymbalta have done to me. And I hate the fact that my Aropax doesn't seem to be working well enough to give me my sleep and calmness back. I thought it was going to be ok, that the Aropax together with what the naturopath gave me was going to work. But after last night... I just don't know anymore. I'm so tempted to just swallow the sleeping tabs I have, en masse, to let people know that I need help! Mum and Dad are coming over this afternoon. It was to be for my son, so that he didn't have to be home on his own all day. I am so tempted.....

[nursedeborah]

Barney,
You wrote my story, I mean how it destroyed your life, and how you felt on the drug.
I still think your jsut having massive withdrawl symptoms, welll I know you are.

Please go to the site http://prozactruth.com/cymbalta.htm

It will blow you away, and show you all your going through is withdrawl symptoms. I just
had a friend who said that they didn't stop for 89 days for him after he was off the drug, and still
gets Brain Zaps, amd a few other one every once in awhile. So it reallly does take each person a
different amout of time.

The way you went off it is totally messes up, and I would have to just get on a lower dose, and keep decreasing it from there
to stop all the insanity your going through. This is not a race, we all want off of it, but it's not worth living in hell to do so
when you don't have to. Also I just started Prozac as they say it helps with the withdrawls, and boy were they right!

What a difference even after only 6 days of being on it, and I was also able to go down from 40 mg to 30 mf without a hitch!!!
Before just a few beads sent me into such a state.

I will take the easier softer way. Take care. Always here for you,
Debbie

[Houdi]

Junior:

I am so sorry you had such a tough night. I have to tell you, when my sleep is disturbed, it is the worst for me. I get so dag gum cranky and thrown for a loop. It's like my life is coming to horrible pivotal point. Yes, I have kids and they are way over the 'disturb MOM in the middle of the night' phase.

I try to warn forum members that sometimes we get set back days. And, they are unforeseen and unsettling. No one warned me about set back days when I withdrew from Cymbalta. I was finally getting over some of the worst of the 'horrors,' and I felt pretty good, and I had great energy, and baaammm...awful awful days again. What the heck! I got so depressed and deflated.

Junior, no taking any pills en masse! You are going to get through this...I promise. I am glad you are reaching out for help from Mum and Dad. Get hugs, real hugs from them. There is a lot all of us internet friends can do to support you, but we can't give you that physical touch that is very healing and helpful.

All my best wishes for you....Houdi

[cardgirl1]

Junior-

You will get through this! We're all in it together!

I've been off Cymbalta since last Monday. I thought I was over the worst of it after having a good day Friday and semi-good day Saturday. Today I was an emotional mess again, crying hysterically, sick, tired, nauseated, hot sweats, good moments/bad moments. I take reassurance in knowing other people are there so we can help each other together (I wouldn't wish this on anyone). Hopefully, this horrible withdrawal wave will be over soon. I guess just keep pumping liquids and Omega 3 to get it out of system? Right?

[Junior]

Thank you Houdi and Cardgirl for your kind words of support

I'm having a hard time believing that my sleep problems are solely from the Cymbalta. The reason I stopped taking Aropax (Paxil) after 10 years was because I couldn't sleep. At the time I put it down to 'poop out' and it probably was that, but i've also since found out that insomnia is a side effect of being on Paxil long term. When I first switched to Lexapro I could sleep again but only for a couple of weeks. Then I had trouble again so I doubled the dose. We were in the process of moving house at the time (including a 3 week stint in a caravan park) and I needed my sleep! Again,that was fine for a few weeks but now, with the benefit of hindsight, I realise what Lexapro did to me. After that initial few weeks I found that I couldn't feel relaxed. I was restless. With more time I found that my short term memory was impaired and that my mood was getting lower and lower. At the end I was agitated, felt like I was electrically charged, and wanted to slit my wrists. I know that all of that has taken its toll on my nervous system, even if I didn't feel it when I first came off it.

I weaned off it - was able to do that within about a week (20mg to 10mg then off) with just 2-3 days of mood swings and insomnia but it was settling. I was off it for a week before going on Cymbalta. I started on 60mg the day before we went on a holiday - a bus tour to Kakadu and The Kimberley (top end / north west aussie). My mood was fine it messed up my GI system, made me feel a bit restless, and disrupted my sleeping pattern. I'd gone from sleeping ok to waking every hour or so. We were home a week before I decided to stop it. I'd never have gone cold turkey if I'd known what was ahead of me.. but then, pretty much everything resolved after 2 weeks. So I'm not convinced that my sleep probs are totally from Cymbalta withdrawal. I think it's a cumulative affect. I thought what the naturopath was doing for me would work but now I'm not so sure.

To be honest, I'm scared witless. In the last fews months I've gone from being a 4th yr psychology graduate, and a capable person, who orchestrated moving house (doing all the paperwork, making all the phone calls re: changes of utilities and notifying changes of address, organising the removalist, etc), to barely being able to sleep at night. I laid in bed until 11am because I was too afraid to get up and face the day. I only ever feel like that when I'm suffering depression but this doesn't feel like depression that I've had in the past. Even with all my knowledge, from all my study (and a big interest in mental health) I really don't know how to deal with this. I just know that I want out of my 6th month job contract. I don't feel I can handle it right now. And that in itself scares me. Because I've spent so many years studying so that I can get a job like this! I hate this... I really do.

I looked at those sleeping tabs. I got my self a glass of water and took them both to the bedroom. Then I came back and googled Temazepam overdose. I didn't like the sound of the effects so I didn't do it. Lay in bed for a while, thought I'm gonna do it. Counted out 10 tablets then... couldn't do it. I just... I can't go on like this.... I can't.

[cardgirl1]

Junior-

You will get through this! Don't do it. We are all riding the wave of the withdrawal and right now you're at the end of a big one that will pass in a day or two. You can do this, you've made it this far! Don't give up now. Please let us know how you are doing!!

[MaureenV]

Junior, if I had enough confidence in the mental health aspect of our hospital system I would be saying get yourself to the nearest public hospital.


Unfortunately I suspect you would only find yourself encouraged to take different / further drugs.

I have sent you a private email, but really don't know what else to say that would help.

I think I can get a glimpse of what you're talking about: when I was alternating days with 30mg Cymbalta I had times when I felt like my brain was going to break into little pieces - in fact your 'electrically charged' description was very apt. One night I opened some alcohol thinking a glass would calm me, but after the first few mouthfuls I knew it was only going to make things worse.

Despite the fact that I should have been busy working, what DID work was disappearing into a good book - preferably one that's not too depressing. It seemed to re-direct my brain for an hour or so and I was able to cope again.

take EXTRA care,

Maureen.

[Junior]

Thanks Cardgirl, I really appreciate that support right now. As I said to Maureen via email, I'm usually a very strong person but there are times... and right now is one of those times!

Maureen,
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((huge hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you so much for everything you've said in recent days. You've been a tower of support. More than you know.

You will be both pleased to know that I'm over that hump. I think! Spoke to Mum and Dad by phone this afternoon and told hubby more of how i've been feeling. I feel better just knowing that they know because I'm a person who has trouble telling people when I'm in trouble. It's a big step for me and gives me comfort because usually when I start to reach out, things start to get better. I'm going to take two sleeping tabs tonight and tomorrow night so that I can get the sleep I need in order to go to work and hopefully begin to learn my new job! That is all I need to focus on right now. Just getting through the next two days.

[Junior]

Oh and Maureen.. yes I know what you mean about our mental health system. What I was thinking was that if I took an overdose (I didnt want to kill myself) I would be found when my parents got here and would wake up in hospital. That way I could get the help I need. Then I thought NO WAY. I know someone who works at Frankston Hospital (IT) and she told me about a girl who was admitted to emergency quite a number of times, always trying to kill herself, and she would always be released rather than admitted to a psych unit. So I knew that overdosing was NOT the answer.

I've also volunteered at a couple of mental health agencies and was appalled at the lack of funding they get from the govt. Our mental health services are in serious trouble which is one reason I am so passionate about helping others who have mental health problems.

*sigh*

[Houdi]

Junior:

You are going to get to the other side of this 'thing'....soon. I promise. You are so educated about mental health, but I believe you have to be the patient here and not the doc! What I mean by this, don't overthink or try to diagnose what is happening to you. You have to give yourself to the process, and it can be a nasty process. And, contrary to your tendency to be in control, not a bad thing, you need a little support from your local friends and family. Getting support doesn't mean you aren't strong.

No matter how each of us try to accomplish giving up this drug, there is nastiness we have to go through. Each symptom we face off with and conquer, we are closer to the end. Then we move on to the next one or two or three.... Yuck! But it leads us to the ultimate goal. And yes, a couple withdrawal symptoms come back to haunt us here and there.

Please remember your worth and your self is not tied to your withdrawal symptoms and the severity. You didn't do anything better or worse than any of the rest of us. How our bodies and brains react to withdrawal isn't a fault. You deserve good sleep, a calm mind, a healthy life. You will find these...you will. And it will be GREAT!!!

Best to you....Houdi

[nursedeborah]

Junior,
I am so sorry to hear that your having such a struggle right now. I only just now saw your post amoung
all hese in this subject here.


You have been here for me since I first arrive, and have been so supportive of me. I so wish there was
something I couls do to help you right now. I know how you feel about missing work, and your just
starting it. You can't let that get to you, and must remember it's the drug still reacking havoc in your
life.

You will get through this, and all will work out just fine. Don't worry about the job, or anything else
right now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will go forward!!

You will be able to do this! I know your trying to go natural, but if it doesn't stop would you be willing
to try Trazadone in a low dose just for the times when you can't sleep? It has been a lifesaver for me
during this time,and I get to sleep always.

Take good care, always here for you,
Debbie

[cardgirl1]

We are all here for support. It is so hard but it helps so much to have others that can relate-I'm so thankful I found this site. I think 95% of people who have not been on this drug have NO idea (even close) to what we are going through.

Sending good thoughts and encouragement everyone's way!

[nursedeborah]

barney,
I just now read your story, and it is just what happened to me. I was started on Cymbalta 60 mg 3 1/2 years
ago, and I don't even remember when I lost my life. I too gained 30 lbs, so none of my clothes fit me, and I
had not feeelings,(still don't) I had no motivation to do anything at all. It so ruined my life, cut me off from the
world, my friends, family. I just couldn't reach out, not even to get the medical help I needed either. I just suffered
in silence.

When I had missed a dose once I would get this clanging in my head, so I knew it was the Cymbalta, I look back, and
wonder why I didn't do anything about it then, or tell my doctor. Oh because I couldn't help myself at all that's why.
The another time I didn't take it for a few days with my not being aware, and was bed bound for like 4 days, and then
found it on the side of my chair, it had fallen out of my bag of pills. So I ttok my dose, and then in a couple of hours I
would start to feel something, and then by day 3 I was fine.! Still I never even calllled my doc or thought it was the drug,
no I didn't do anything about it. I was not able to think straight, and also just always put everything off.

Then I finally had it after awhile and went to see my shrink, who by the way had tried me on so many drugs, and none of them
helped, they all made me ill, or freaked me out. I am very sensitive to drugs.

He had me cut the dose in half, by day 6 I was in heavy withdrwls, and in trouble. I never call my doc either, but I did this time,
and he just said to start taking the full dose again, he didn't believe my symptoms were due to the cymbalta, by now I knew it
was.

That's when I went looking on line and found this place, and alll of you.

We will make it. It just doesn't seem like it at times, or for long periods at a time. The withdrawls are brutal. Now that I started
the Prozac i do fel much better, and feel some hope too. I am down to 30 mg, and will go down to 20 mg in a couple of days.

I know the battle is not over, but I do know there is hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. I also have to pray alot!!!!


Love,
Debbie

[barney59]

Debbie

Thank you for your feed back. This is a very tough journey, for all of us. My husband just left for work, looking great, dressed great, full of energy. I'm still in my PJ's, haven't put makeup on in??????, haven't done my hair in ?????? My mom (GOD BLESS HER shes 81ys) is here doing my laundry for me. I have no life right now. I look back at the 3 years I was on Cymbalta and I am coming to realize that some, if not all, of the symptoms I had were due to this drug and not my Fibromyalgia & CFS. I thought I was doing ok on cymbalta & never attributed my problems to it. About a year ago I had Carpal Tunnel surgery. I was put on vicoden to help with pain. I new this was a harsh drug so I stopped all my other medications (on my own). My surgeon also put me on an antibiotic. After about 3 days I started getting, what I now know to be "brain zaps". I tried to explain this to surgeon. Not much luck. I thought I was reacting to the antibiotic. I now know that I was in the beginnings of withdrawal. Had that not happened, I am not sure I would have put 2 and 2 together and realized I am now going thru withdrawals. Just back from a break. My doctor called. Again it was a great talk. He is taking this seriously. Is reporting this to Lilly (for what its worth) but he is also filing a report with the FDA. He's a great Doc. Again, thanks for the shoulder..all of you B

[MaureenV]

cardgirl1 said:

We are all here for support. It is so hard but it helps so much to have others that can relate-I'm so thankful I found this site. I think 95% of people who have not been on this drug have NO idea (even close) to what we are going through.

Sending good thoughts and encouragement everyone's way!

You're optimistic - a good sign - you think 5% of people understand :)))))))


Just kiddin'.


Maureen.

[MaureenV]

Junior said:

Oh and Maureen.. yes I know what you mean about our mental health system. What I was thinking was that if I took an overdose (I didnt want to kill myself) I would be found when my parents got here and would wake up in hospital. That way I could get the help I need. Then I thought NO WAY. I know someone who works at Frankston Hospital (IT) and she told me about a girl who was admitted to emergency quite a number of times, always trying to kill herself, and she would always be released rather than admitted to a psych unit. So I knew that overdosing was NOT the answer.

I've also volunteered at a couple of mental health agencies and was appalled at the lack of funding they get from the govt. Our mental health services are in serious trouble which is one reason I am so passionate about helping others who have mental health problems.

*sigh*

Junior, you mention that you didn't really want to kill yourself, which is of course often the case with people. You've reminded me of true short story I read in a book decades ago. It was a book about significant moments that changed people's lives.

This bloke was riding his bike down to the wharf, with the intention of riding right off, his feet tied firmly to the pedals so he couldn't change his mind at the last minute. A truck whooshed past quite close to him, giving him a fright and making him shout at the driver 'you stupid b*****d, you could have killed me!'

Which suddenly made him realize, he didn't actually want to be dead, he just wanted all of his seemingly insurmountable problems to go way.

I suspect that's something many of us could identify with.

kind regards, Maureen.

[Junior]

Houdi said:

Junior:

You are going to get to the other side of this 'thing'....soon. I promise. You are so educated about mental health, but I believe you have to be the patient here and not the doc! What I mean by this, don't overthink or try to diagnose what is happening to you. You have to give yourself to the process, and it can be a nasty process. And, contrary to your tendency to be in control, not a bad thing, you need a little support from your local friends and family. Getting support doesn't mean you aren't strong.

No matter how each of us try to accomplish giving up this drug, there is nastiness we have to go through. Each symptom we face off with and conquer, we are closer to the end. Then we move on to the next one or two or three.... Yuck! But it leads us to the ultimate goal. And yes, a couple withdrawal symptoms come back to haunt us here and there.

Please remember your worth and your self is not tied to your withdrawal symptoms and the severity. You didn't do anything better or worse than any of the rest of us. How our bodies and brains react to withdrawal isn't a fault. You deserve good sleep, a calm mind, a healthy life. You will find these...you will. And it will be GREAT!!!

Best to you....Houdi

Houdi

Thank you so much for your kinds. I see you've got me all worked out (someone who likes being in control). Clever girl :)
One of my biggest problems has always been that I have difficulty telling people that I need help. I actually believe that is one of the reasons I was "given" a son with autism but that is another story. I feel far more comfortable supporting others than I do getting support myself. Having said that, I have learned - or at least I thought I had - to ask for help when I need it. As you said getting help is not a weakness. It's actually a strength. Knowing your limitations and when it's beyond you. I've come to realise in the past couple of days that this is one of those times. My parents found out yesterday and hubby has been very understanding too. Today I went to work, tried to tough it out at first, and realised that wasn't the answer. So I spoke to the HR ladies and they were absolutely wonderful. I told them about my recent history with antidepressants and that I think my body just doesn't really know where it is at. One of them is a sufferer of depression and understood quite a lot. She encouraged me not to close the door on my job. Especially since staying at home (withdrawing from life) is not the answer. She is right and I knew that, which is why I went in in the first place. We weren't quite sure of the best way forward but in the end, today's dose of Aropax kicked in and I started to feel more able, so I said I'd go back to my desk and try to continue with the presentation I was asked to put together. Mary from HR popped by several times during the course of the day just to see how I was going. I ended up staying there when I could easily have gone home and I also managed to finish the presentation which made me feel a lot better. I was toying with taking tomorrow off, with their blessing, but I've decided to battle on. I'm better off in a place where there are people around than I am at home where all I will do is wallow.

I've also made an appt to see a GP (mine is on holiday this week ...grrrrr) to get a referral to a psychiatrist who helped me when I was struggling with the failure of IVF. One of the HR ladies actually suggest this, seeing as my normal GP is away; get the referral happening and get an appt set up.

I actually feel better knowing that people at work know and that I'm no longer carrying this burden alone.

[Junior]

Debbie, Maureen, Cardgirl and Barney

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I'm going to get my son's bath ready now and do dishes and stuff. Tues night is my TV night (Packed to the Rafters and All Saints; Maureen will know what I mean) so I will get back to you all in a day or two - esp to those who have emailed /messaged me privately.

I really appreciate the support right now.

Cheers
Junior