[nursedeborah]

Junior,
My God where have I been , or how did I miss all of this that your going through?
I am so very sorry that your having such a hard time. The way youu sound right
now reminds me of the entire time I was on Cymbalta. I just couldn't function,
and I had to take trazadone to sleep prior to that, but it wouldn't work when on
the Cymbalta, I would do the same you are talking about.

I only know that you have been so helpful to me, and i have to say I am so sorry
that all of this is going on. From what I have read some people do have the
withdrawls for a very long time, and like Houdini said, things are fine, and then
all of a sudden , well my words they suck.

I did what you did too, went on the Prozac, but I am still decreasing off the
Cymbalta, and it is so far helping with the withdrawls, but I still have thoose
real creepy days too.

Please don't harm yourself, it is only a temporary problem, and what you would
be doing is a permanant solution to a temporary problem!


I do get that way sometimes too, but I just have to go to my AA meeting, and
use them for this right now.

Always here for you if you need me.

Love,
Debbie

[Junior]

Debbie

Without checking my posts from the past two weeks - I doubt that you missed anything. This is me. I tend not to let on - at least not with the full story, until things become almost impossible. I've always been that way. My mother is the same. I don't know whether it's genetic or whether I learned it from her. All I know is that that is who I am. Houdi hit the nail on the head, I need to be a patient rather than the other way around.

Hmmm.. just thinking of something that was said at work today. I had a meeting with my new manager and someone from HR. The manager was talking about how I have two 'hats', as a carer (of my son) and as someone who HELPS carers in their caring role. That's what my new job is. It's about assisting carers of people with mental health issues with immediate and short-term respite options. It may mean brokering services from other agencies.

I think too, that re-entering the workforce after, well basically 20 years (apart from a brief stint doing relief telling for a bank - I worked in a bank in a previous life [if you know what I mean!]) has raised a few issues for me. I haven't quite got my own head around it all yet but I DO know that when I left the workforce back in 1990, I was pregnant with my son. The brief stint at relief telling was a casual job I managed to come across and I thought it was ideal for when I was between IVF attempts. But, then I had a hard time after a failed cycle, got counselling through the IVF program, and decided to wait until what I now call "my IVF journey" was finished before I looked at going back to work again. As it turned out, rather than look for a job when my IVF journey came to end, I ended up going back to school! I loved it too. Really enjoyed it. Being a student was - I enjoyed the thought of that being my identity. Now I think I'm beginning to grapple with some of that again. What is my role? Who am I? Where am I going? Not to anywhere near the extent that I did back in 98/99 but ...yeah, there is something there. That coupled with these freaking withdrawals is just.... well it's not making life easy.

What bugs me most about the withdrawal thing (probaby from Lexapro as well as Cymbalta) is that I can't think as clearly as I normally do. It might look like it when I post here but in real life it's taking me longer than it should to string thoughts and sentences together. I'm managing to get away with it - I don't think anyone really knows - but IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!! This is NOT me. I'm better than this. I'm more capable than this. Thanks to my currently sensitive nervous system, I've also lost confidence in myself and that is also not me. I'm not usually a person who suffers from low self esteem so this is NOT an easy time for me.

I"m seeing this Dr tomorrow and I'm going to ask for a referral to the psychiatrist that I saw back in 98/99. My usual GP was going to refer me to him earlier but I asked for someone who was younger (this guy is semi retired I think) and more up with modern medications. Hmmph. That younger guy is the one who put me on Cymbalta! Anyway, I know I can talk to the original guy so ... yeah... I"ll see where that leads.

Oh and I'm not on Prozac, I'm on what you guys call Paxil. Just so you know :)

[nursedeborah]

junior,
I keep forgetting your real name, but so good to hear from you. I had writen you a PM the otherday, and went to send it AND SOMETHING WENT wrong.
Then I forgot to redo it, so that tells you where my brain still goes at times. I did think you were on Prozac, I am so grateful I finally broke down, and
stopped looking at myself like I had to be a warrior or something, and just went for it.

I do feel so much better, and feeling like I am humand again, more of the time. Oh I still have the smae things you talked about too, but it is getting easier.
I can be like you, and you mom, and not reach out too. I did learn it from here. I sometime will act like all is well, or flip on a dime, and everything is just to terrible to bear.

I also am sorry about what was said to you, and then you had to tell your very sad story. I don't need anything like that in my life period, just because all I have been through just in the past 4 years, but especially here, and now when we are all so broken. I just got one today, and just, did what my grandmother taught me to do,
practice random acts of kindness, and to consider the source. We just have all been getting so much support, and it's so safe to come here, and be yourself, now with what's happened, well I don't feel like I can be open in what I need to say to release stuuf that is really getting to me. I guess I should have sent this in a PM, but oh welll
I didn't.

I am so soryy that your having just an awful time about everything. I feel the smae way, this crap has made me into someone I don't even know. I am grateful to have
found out that it wawn't me, or that my depression hadn't gotten to the point it was untreatable, but that's what I had thought, until the doc cut my dose in half!!!

Well youjust keep remembering it's just the withdrawls playing tricks on your mind too!!! It talks about that in the list of withdrawl symptoms. You will make it!!!
Everything will turn around, and you will get hold of things. I am not a religious freak, but I do have a God in my life, and talk to Him all the time. He's been really cool
and helping me during this time, well He kept me from giving up while I was on this stuff to. Don't forget to tell Him what you need, He's listening, and will give it to you, you only have to want it bad enough, and believe.

Keep in touch, miss you too!

Debbie

[Junior]

Debbie

Don't have time to do a long post right now. It's 10.50pm and hubby has to get up early in the morning! Just wanted to say - don't feel bad that I gave what you called my 'life story' to Cecile. What I described there is stuff that I have pretty much managed to put behind me. There will always be times when I get upset about what I don't have but generally I'm ok with it. So don't feel bad for me. The reason I posted it was to get Cecile to stop and think. And Cecile - if you are reading this, I hope you now understand that there are others out there who have (either now or in the past) problems that are just as big and meaningful to them, as yours are to you.

Will post more soon and thanks for your support. I'm doing better :)
Junior

[nursedeborah]

Junior,
So glad that your doing bettter now. I still think it's pretty bad that we have to deal with the other
when we already have so much going on just trying to get off this stuff. I always forget that there
is always going to be one everwhere you go that is like that. I have had this in my work, AA meetings
you get the idea. I know too we are all just struggling as we are just human beings that's all.

I am on day 2 of 25mg!!! I am nervous, but think I will be ok, I do feel great, but then all of a sudden
I will feel this awful feeling come over me, but it passes!!! Progress not perfection, I'll take it!

Love,
Debbie

[MaureenV]

Hi Debbie,


25mg - that's great - but not too fast now, remember my impatience made me drop the last 10mg and the brain zaps a few days later meant working (self employed) was impossible, so I'm back on 7.5, successfully, with no zaps yestereday and only a few overnight.

Remember - patience is a virtue, even if you don't want your patience to end virtuously. :))

take care, Maureen.