Things are still difficult. I am going to be much more conservative with this taper. Maybe 1 bead every 2 weeks IF I am stable enough. Maybe 1 every 3 weeks is more realistic or even one a month. This is very serious and just unbelievable. I consume 36 beads in a day. 18/18 split. I have huge anger for this drug, the manufacturers, and everyone who pushes and prescribes and promotes it. I have vertigo, crawling skin, prickly scalp, and generalized anger. Some OCD symptoms are present also. Extreme sensitivity to sound and light, and motion. Thoughts of death. Lonliness...sorrow, grieving.... jealousy of others who do not have this struggle. Anger towards those who don't understand it. Disappointment.
Starting My Taper Again
Started by
Lovey
, Jan 01 2020 05:08 PM
141 replies to this topic
#63
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Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.
#64
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 07:08 PM
My poor H....
You have been in my thoughts this week and you are in the right place for people who understand. Unfortunately some people like yourself get caught in this trap towards the end. And things seem like they will never end.
Have you read any of Vinpin's stuff? You made do well to do so. The lengths he went to in getting through the last few beads was unreal. But he got there...
...as will you.
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#65
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 08:02 PM
I U N....
Thank you, its unreal. I am very very dizzy. Vertigo like I have had too many drinks and i don't even drink but rarely ..just to give people a reference of what it feels like. Can barely type now. If I can drop 2 beads a month i will be ecstatic. I don't understand why I am so dizzy. Ill look at vinpins stuff. Ty...
Thank you, its unreal. I am very very dizzy. Vertigo like I have had too many drinks and i don't even drink but rarely ..just to give people a reference of what it feels like. Can barely type now. If I can drop 2 beads a month i will be ecstatic. I don't understand why I am so dizzy. Ill look at vinpins stuff. Ty...
#66
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 08:34 PM
My main thing right now is to not die. Both of the insane thoughts and torturous sensations I am having. To distract myself and keep busy while the brain and body chemistry re-calibrates. To focus on the good and keep going.
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#67
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 09:09 PM
You won't die from it my dear... I know it can feel that bad and you take as long as you feel is necessary to drop. Hat always said that if he did the withdrawal again, that he would take 2-3 years. No prizes in this race.
I feel I will be doing the same with my Citalopram withdrawal. I have been on them for 12 years... like another 18 months or so is going to make a big difference...
#68
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 09:36 PM
I have been weaning for 19 months I think. Ill recheck my figures but pretty sure. so I will be in that 2-3 year club. I've come really far! Was on 120mg !!! Can yiu believe it?! Its hard to lay down because it feels like the bed is moving downward, it feels inverted like a dentist's chair and my head feels like its below my heart, and my feet are highest of all when really I'm laying flat, with a normal pillow behind my head. Crazy. Its been this way for 4 days now. Tonight feels worse though.
#69
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Posted 17 January 2020 - 10:21 PM
Wow - I have had exactly that!! So much so that I put a load of books under the top end of the mattress.
I have got used to it now, so I have left them there and I seem to sleep better like that...
#70
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Posted 18 January 2020 - 06:21 AM
That is strangely comforting knowing i am not just imagining this! That's a clever solution. I wonder if this will be aroubd for a while, this sensation. How long did it last for you. I was able to sleep, eventually. I am awake for the 5am dose now. I always eat one egg with it otherwise my stomach is a wreck for several hours. It needs a buffer. I am still deeling like I'm moving though sitting perfectly still. It taxes me. I need to revisit taking extra sleep, and a nap or two during the day. Even an hour if i manage it.
#71
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Posted 18 January 2020 - 05:31 PM
I feel sad. Its day 7 or 8 with almost no sun. Send help. Lol. I'm ok, but its REALLY a major downer. And its 18 degrees Fahrenheit. Somebody tell me happy things!
#72
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Posted 18 January 2020 - 06:01 PM
It didn't hang around long at all, maybe a week at most.
Well, we had the sun for the first time this week, so it was nice! Not sure that my interpretation of nice would correlate to your own!! For example, it is very nice that the car part I have been waiting all week for arrived today!! LOL
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#73
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Posted 18 January 2020 - 08:10 PM
I'm dog sitting for the world's stinkiest, smelliest, most slobbery but loveable dog. My nose is hyper sensitive so I'm not sure I'll be sitting 4 this guy again unfortunately. I'm not sure yet. I have one more day, its a trial run for a longer vacation of his coming up. Its a Mastiff, well behaved just slimes all over my clothes... yuck!
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#75
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Posted 18 January 2020 - 09:29 PM
Hahaha yes, I surprise myself on the regular. Lol. For real. Its a neighbor guy...thought I'd give it a shot.... I didn't whollly know what I was in for. So glad we did a trial run. Gonna go barf now!!
#77
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#79
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Posted 19 January 2020 - 03:35 PM
Omg slime city!!! Sweet dog though. Its too much though. ..
#80
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Posted 19 January 2020 - 03:51 PM
I got thru my 2 day commitment but just delivered the news to the owner about not doing the longer engagement.
The sun is out and it is helping so much! I feel a little happy! Hooray!!!
The sun is out and it is helping so much! I feel a little happy! Hooray!!!
#82
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Am currently taking 18 beads 2x per day. A split dose method. 4 am and 4 pm. Pausing to stabilize.
Posted 20 January 2020 - 08:01 PM
Hi everyone I am doing pretty good. Probably going to stay at this dose 18/18 till maybe feb. 1st. Then try another bead down. How are you all?
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#83
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Posted 20 January 2020 - 09:20 PM
I'm preparing myself for a deep dive in therapy tomorrow. wish me luck!! We've gotten to the core of my anger. I've done extensive journaling and we are going to try a little art therapy tomorrow. I'm scared.
#84
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Posted 20 January 2020 - 09:30 PM
It'll be good for you you H... nothing to worry about with art therapy. Glad things are stabalising for the present dose as well. Remember - no rush - take all the time you feel you need.
As for me, I will leave it to Bob Geldof to summarise.... "I don't like Mondays" 
#85
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Posted 20 January 2020 - 10:41 PM
Thanx iun. Its never fun unpacking crusty, moldy, toxic traumas and mistreatments. There does not seem to be any other way, other than to get this shit out of me and tell people i trust.
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#87
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Posted 21 January 2020 - 08:23 PM
Omg it was rough. I suspect its going to be for a little while longer but I am ok. Doing joyful happy things too.
#88
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Posted 21 January 2020 - 09:49 PM
I shall flush out the stagnant sludge and festering quagmire that's been clogging up the flow of my life and joy.
The dizziness and verigo have improved by 70 percent. A huge win. Good night.
The dizziness and verigo have improved by 70 percent. A huge win. Good night.
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#89
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