Here is an update
#1
Posted 12 October 2009 - 04:37 PM
Lately I find it hard not to be down hubby is no better and here I am trying so hard. I can not find a job and bills are starting to piile up. I feel like a looser and I am fighting for something that will never be.
I make a point to talk to him and due to the flipping meds he is on he doesn't remember anything I say. I worrie all the time about leaving him alone even if his dad is there. I just want to cry. "Why us? What did we do? If I only knew what was to happen then I would have done things different." But there is no changing it now.
There are some days I don't know if we will make it.
Sarah T.
#3
Posted 12 October 2009 - 06:28 PM
I am so sorry that all of this is having such an impact on you, and that your husband is not sounding
like he is doing better.
All I could think of when you were leaving your message was that if we all could just go back before
we took any of these meds, well I should just speak for myself.
I just know I have never been the same since I took my first AD, and scared that it will never let
me find my old "spunky self".
I only had something happen in my life that was very upsetting, and thus was thrown the med therapy,
and I wa not in a place to think clearly, or just walk through the feelings.
I am nott sayig the some don't need them, they do, anmd they help them, but for me it was the worst
thing I could have done.
The onething I have learned is to never give up!!! No matter how bad it , it always changes, and gets better
it just takes time. When your so miseravle it just seems so much longer.
Just hang in there, and come around more as we are here to support you
The sun will shine again.
Love,
Debbie
#4
Posted 12 October 2009 - 06:43 PM
Every once in a great while I see this glimps of the man he was and then it is gone. I then feel worse because it is gone and then I miss the old him all the more.
I am here almost dail just never know what to post.
I don't remember if I told you all about the last time we saw the psyc dr. he was an ass.
I feel so lost most times between hubby and I it feels like we are roomates instead of hubby and wiffe. :(
#5
Posted 12 October 2009 - 06:51 PM
I know what you mean, we become in our own private hell, and no one can reach us, or do
anything to help. Mental Illness does affect the families so very hard. It'a just as bad as
acholism, or drug addiction, because they are just not themselves.
He will come back, it's all in finding the right doc. I know you have been to a few, but just
keep looking until you find one that hears what he is saying!!!
When your here, just write anything as at least your getting your feelings out, and getting
support.
Love,
Debbie
#9
Posted 13 October 2009 - 03:02 AM
I encourage you to do it. For yourself.
I wrote a book about being an IVF patient. Haven't managed to find an agent yet, much less a publisher (it kind of fell of the radar in the past 12 months; too many other things to deal with) but it helped me a lot. So, if you want any tips on writing, I'm more than happy to help :)
Junior
#11
Posted 13 October 2009 - 07:13 AM
Least of all pray, like youve never before gal, and talk to a Minister, go for a walk, a good strong walk and get some fresh air and sun on yer face.Sun and exercise are excellent pick me upos when your down and thats a fact. Volunteer if you can. Looking at someone elses misfortune makes us think less about our own, I think thats a natural tendency. Now, some of this may not be possible, but some must be. Use your imagination. Youre here and that must help, spill it gal. If you can get Individual counseling, thatd be good too. That book idea is a good one. A gentle hug, for a gal that needs one, hang tough SaraT, indeed the sun will shine for you again, and the stars,.......the moon, it all will, again! Mystic
#12
Posted 13 October 2009 - 02:18 PM
I just wanted to share something with you as i feel it really was God working in my life.
I am on social security, and also get some other income. Well that all of a sudden was
in my mind not going to be coming in anymore, nor was I to get the $300.00 from the
girl who helps me with that other income.
She was, is a drug addict, and is my friend too, and went into the hospital for treatment.
I thought she just had kept my money, but no she had put it in her bank account, and I
will be getting it today. Also my daughter has agreed to go back with helping me with
that so I don't have to be involved with her, unless she is sober.
All this time I was praying, yet all this other stuff was causing me so much negative
thinking. All this time everything was being taken care of by God.
I am not a religious nut in any way, just spiritual. I love what Mystic said, and that's to
just pray, pray, pray. God does answer prayers. It is just us who get scared, and think
no one is out there to help us.
You have so much support here, and that's why I keep telling you to come, and just
write anything, it get's it out of your head, and onto the computer. If you have to
do this many times during the day the better, as we are all here for you.
You said that the doc's in your area are nottaking new pt's or even a waiting list. Is
there anyway you can just go further away so you guys can find a better one? i just
feel so angry my being a nurse, and hearing all that you and he have been through.
It is just so wrong, so is all that's happening to you as well.
Just know I am here for you whenever you need to talk,
Love,
Debbie
#15
Posted 14 October 2009 - 03:17 AM
I would like YOU to have a thread for YOU. Somewhere to be able to just .. let it all go. We don't have to respond if you don't want us to.. but just.. or maybe you could open a Word document and do it that way?
As you say, a person can only handle so much stress. Dammit! I wish you lived in Australia. My job is about providing emergency or short-term respite options for the carers of people with mental illness. We can also link carers into other organisations if they need longer term support. I wish I could do something like that for you :-I
You just need to keep believing that it WILL get better. Ok, so we don't have a date or any signs of when that will be.. but it is there nonetheless. Meanwhile, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and going forward. You will know where you are going when you get there!
Thinking of you
Junior
#16
Posted 14 October 2009 - 08:59 AM
#17
Posted 14 October 2009 - 12:24 PM
I have always been a big one for pusing people to write, write, write. I call it neurosis
on paper. It's beter to have it out of you head and on paper. Let all that'a in your head
just flow down your arm thru the pen, or if you typing and onto the paper or page, and
that way it get's it out of your head.
I started doing journaling years ago. My sister taught me, and I have never stopped.
I used to have over 25 boxes of them, and then just needed to let them go, it got
to heavy in my apartment(energy wise too)
You can do it here, we don't have to give you any input, unless you ask for it, it can
just be your safe place, that's all. It is just so important to do so. Also are you seeing
you own therapist? You need someone to talk to about all of this, about how it makes
you feel. I know that I would have feeling that I had that Iwould feel bad about having
and that way they could help me understand that.
Just keep haning close to us so we can support you, we are here for you!
Things will get better!!! It is just slow progress, but progress!
Love,
Debbie
#18
Posted 14 October 2009 - 04:51 PM
If I started writeing a story about all of this would you guys be willing to let me know what you think as I wrote it? I am afraid of it sounding stupid.
I have journaled even if it is just something small.
#19
Posted 14 October 2009 - 08:29 PM
Your feelings, no matter irrational they may seem to you, are always valid and important. Sometimes we have a problem when people around us just want to give advice or solve our problem for us. They mean well but if they don't validate how we actually FEEL, then we can't move on. I've had that experience (long story) and the issue kept coming up because my friends just kept telling me what THEY thought and not actually LISTENING to and EMPATHISING with me. It is those latter two things that we want to do for you.
Don't be afraid. Put it down here. And if you really DO thing it's stupid and don't want us to see it, you can always edit it :-p
Junior
PS - When I wrote my book, I drew on stuff I'd written, dated, and thrown into a couple of shoe boxes. As I went through it, I found I could separate what was pure emotion from the actual issue/s. It was an amazing experience.
#20
Posted 15 October 2009 - 07:40 PM
I don't know what to do. After a bit he talks to me like nothing is wrong.
#24
Posted 16 October 2009 - 01:23 AM
the 14 year old yes but the next two are autistic and the last two are under 6yrs so no they dont
Sarah, one teenager, or two autistic children, or two pre schoolers would be enough of a challenge for anyone. You've got all three and a partner who's in such a state it must almost be like having another small child anyway.
You sure have my admiration for holding it together. It might not feel like you are, but just reaching out to people here shows you're not ready to give up. (Like you have a choice!)
You'll look back and wonder how you were so strong!
kind regards, Maureen.
#25
Posted 16 October 2009 - 06:05 AM
he noiticed that he was wrong in the way he acted. and apologized. Things were bugging him and he did not tell me until he had so many that he erupted.
With how things have been it is just likehaving another child.
all of hi and kids paper work I have to do. I have to nag him about what he needs to do
#26
Posted 16 October 2009 - 11:54 AM
OMG you poor thing. I am so glad that at least you talking about all of this.
No wonder you at you wits end!!! Mothering a child since you were 16! I do
know how that goes, as I had my daughter when I was 16, and I had not a clue
how to be a parent, let alone a child with problems.
I do know that there are services available to you in your community, and I sure
would look into finding those resources to help you with all that's going on. You
can't do all this alone, no one could. Reach out for help.
If you tell me where you live, I can help you look for those services in your area
online, and sent theem to you via here.
You really are strong, as are we all, but still everyone needs help, and with all you
have going on in your home, I think you could reallly use the outside help!!
It does sound like something is going on with your husband, and having to go
through all these withdrawls, and be on the new meds he's on it is not easy.
It is so very hard for the families to hacve to deal with it, and for kids to even
really grasp what's going on.
Well keep posting, and let me know if I can help you in anyway.
Debbie
#27
Posted 16 October 2009 - 08:36 PM
Sometimes seems the more I can handle the more I am given. Lately a never ending cycle.
I am hopeing you all are right. And things get better. What I need right now is a job or the social security and unimployment to go through.
#28
Posted 17 October 2009 - 02:34 PM
What usually happens is that one has to use up their unemployment first, or their doctor puts them
on Workman's Comp Benifits. I don't know why his doc didn't do this right off the bat, and I just now
thought of it. It is also another way to fight for his unemployment. As long as he has a doctor who had told to
to take off work because of all of this, they don't have a leg to stand on.
If he can't get unemployment, well I hope to God that you have already called the 1 800 7721213 number for
Social Security to ask for the paperwork to start a new claim. It will take some time to get on it, but the last day
that he worked will be counted as day one, and like myself my first check was for backpay, andit was over $25,000.00
Just don't give up! i too am in a fincial mess right now, been here before, but God has always come through to help me.
I have always paid all my bills, and things just always seem to work outjust fine. It is just staying in the now that we must
all try to do,, as today we have all our needs met. God will take care of all of us, and give us all we need.
What did you think about what I said, and your getting outside help???? You also qualify for Welfare at this time so look into
that as well. You would at least get money for the family, and medical coverage, also food samps.
Again if there is anything you can think of that you need just ask, and i will look in up for you, and give you the information.
Used to do this for a living, my nursing had me into all kinds of helping others.
Just keep me posted, ok.
Love,
Debbie
#30
Posted 17 October 2009 - 03:40 PM
Yes you should be gettting Social Security for the two that have autism, and also Welfare for the other two.
Look at the paperwork that you get for the food stamps, and tell me what's on the paperwork.
What program does your mom think you should be on!!! For God's sake why would she just tell you
that, and not tll you which you should be on, how confusing is that crap. GRRRRR!!!! That is not
the kind of help you need at all, that just adds to your frustration, and confusion. I sure would have
said "Ok then what program should I be on them, mom"?
I will look on line for things in your area, I do know that your two boys are able to get intoa specail
daycare program during the day frre of charge to you, plus it will so very much help them, and you both!
They will be there for a few hours eachday, and that will give you time to collect your thoughts.
This is all so very wrong tht even you kids doc's have not told you about these programs!! How in the
heck can you work with all those kids, and having your husbadn in the state he is. Thenagain it just
might be what he needs to get his focus off all that he's going through, as just sitting around is not
healthly at all. This also would make him feel like he was at least helping out in someway, and not
making you carry this burden all yourself. If you don't start to take care of Sarah, there won't be anyone
there tot ake care of anyone. You have got to start putting you first, and find out what is is you need.
I bet you don't even know what that is anymore as you have had to met other needs for so long, that you
have gotten lost in the shuffel.
Always here for you.
Love,
Debbie
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