26 replies to this topic

[SarahT]

Well hubby will be coming down another 20mg in a day or two. Between him and I things are emotionless for the most part. not sure what I can do to fix it. If I ask dor a hug sometimes he will groan like it is a chore. I think I am loosing him......

[Junior]

No you are not losing him. You are simply yet to regain the man you fell in love with :)

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
It is so hard for people that are not the one's suffering from the depression.
They end up personalizing it, and it has nothing to do with you! That is why
I suggested going to Alanon to you, so that you can get your focus off of him.
Also your own therapist to talk to about these things, not his therapist!!!

You have got to seperate the illness from who you are as a person, it's as if
you have taken it on as a thing to conquer, and you can't fight it, fix it, you
can only stand by and let him make his own choices about this.

Depression is just so awful, and you could hand a person a million dollars, and
it would not do anything for us. It just feels that bad inside, and you want that to
go away.

It does suck that it's all due to Cymbalta, but we are all here for you, and there
is light at the end of the tunnel.

Debbie

[SarahT]

How am I to not take it personal.....it is only me who has a drstic change in relationship.

He still talks to the kids smiles plays with them. Me he dosent. So how am I to not take it personal...Has anyone been in the same place as me??????

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
I am so sorry, I didn't realize that he was interacting with everone, but you.
Yes that would be very hard to not take personal!!!

I just don't know what to say about what or why he's doing that towards you.
It would really hurt, and upset me too!

Mental illness is just so complicated, and one never knows why a person will
act a certain way towards one person vs another. It is hard not to personalize
it, but if you don't want to end up feeling like it's something you did, or didn't
do, well that's why I suggested going to Alanon. It is really helping me to get
my focus off certain people in my life that I just can't figure out why they
treat me a certain way, only to realize that it's not about me after all.

Please don't stay away so long, I have really wondered what has been going
on with you, and it your ok, or not.

Love,
Debbie

[SarahT]

I just need to accept that this is how things are going to be. it really hurts but bringing them to his attention just makes it worse.

I might as well accept that the wonderful caring man I was married to is gone. There is nothing I can do to bring him back.

I sked him if he feels any different from going down from 60mg to the 40mg. he said no.

[sagawe]

Sarah:
I feel terrible for you. Things are good between my wife and I now, but were very rough for three years or so. (I'm the depressive)
I know she took things personal. Of course, there was nothing personal about it, when one's brains quit functioning correctly it manifests in behavior.
If your husband is changing medications, hopefully it is because he is still looking to get well? Is he tapering off Cymbalta to try a different drug? If he is still trying to get better, then all I can say is try to hang in there the best you can.
It may help you to talk to a therapist, and it couldn't hurt.
For what it is worth, it is not personal. No matter how much it feels that way.
I wish the best for you both,
Geoff

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
How wonderful of sagawe to leave you such a message.
I hope now that, that will help you understand more of
what I have been saying.

No your husband is not gone for good, you don't have
to accept that this is it.

That is why it is so important that you try to get some
kind of help for yourself so you stop thinking that you
are not doing enough to make him get well, or that he
is just being mean to you.

Mental Illness, depression, like I said is just such a
horrible place to be. He was already having such a hard time
then loses his job, then the unemployment thing that just
happened to him. That's hard on anyone, but especially a
man!! They feel like they are letting down their entire
family, and if they can't bring home a paycheck, then what
good are they?

Trust what the other person said to you, as one really has to
live with med changes, withdrawls, and depression is total
hell.

Love,
Debbie

[SarahT]

Lets see hubby was scared to go down another 20mg but was willing to try going down 10mg.it has only been the one day so can not see any improvements yet.

Citalopram is a not so fun drug eithor

[Junior]

Hi Sarah

I don't blame hubby for being scared to drop another full 20mg. People say the lower doses are actually the hardest to get off. Don't ask me why. Maybe the brain is fighting to keep what it's got :)

How are you going? The last time we spoke I felt you really needed to talk to someone - preferably a counsellor. You've lost the support of the one person in the world whom you knew you could rely on and I know how hard that has been for you. To say nothing of the loneliness you've talked about. I wonder though if he is deliberately pushing you away in order to 'protect' you.

Don't forget that we are here for you. Anytime you want to talk. And there is always that journal that we talked about you writing here. We would love to read it and travel your journey with you; walk by your side; just be there for you.

Thinking of you
Junior

[nursedeborah]

Lets see hubby was scared to go down another 20mg but was willing to try going down 10mg.it has only been the one day so can not see any improvements yet.

Citalopram is a not so fun drug eithor

Sarah,
Junior made a great point! You really have lost the support of the one person
in your life that has been there for you to talk to, to support you, as a friend,
and everything else. That right there is almost like a death in your life in a
sense, and you need somewhere to be able to talk about it.

You had asked if you could write a journal here if I remember right, and all
thought it was a great idea.

I am just worried about you, and what your going through, as it's got to be
so very hard on you, well you are saying that to us. We would love to hear
what your thinking, and to be there in anyway you need us to be, just ask
for what you need.

We really do care.

Love,
Debbie

[SarahT]

want me to start from today? And just do hubby or everthing?

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
Start where ever you want, and you write what ever you want to
write about. Even about him, the kid, or whatever is on your
mind!

Good for you!

Love,
Debbie

[SarahT]

Hmm well I guess the best blace to start would be Sunday the 8th of this last week.

Sunday 8
Well I would have to say today was an ok day. I would have to say I was strong tonight. I went down the hall to say my usuall goodnights to hubby and told him I miss sleeping with him. At that point he asked me where our youngest daughter was and I was like where she usually is in my bed. And I asked why and he told me cuz he was coming to bed. I told him no...because that would only be putting a bandaide on a bleeding wound. Because he would only come to bed a couple of nights and then be back on the couch. And I would be spending the next few nights back to being able to sleep alone again.

Monday 9th
Hubby and I got into it. He told me he was going to come down another 20mg lastnight and never did. And because I thought he did wondering what kind of reaction he was going to have I didn't sleep well at all. I proceeded to tell him that he doesn't talk to me. I am to tell him what I am feeling when I feel it but he won't. That is not fair.

Tuesday 10th
Today was an ok day no big uproar. Jason came down 10mg lastnight. Yesterday I took the 20mg halfs that he had and cut them in half so he had the tens. He doesn't feel any different from the 80,60,40mg this saddens me I thought he would feel some better.He was not like this prior to Cymbalta.

Wednesday 11th
nothing muched happened today. I burned my arm today feeding our wood stove. jason showed some compassion not as much as he used to but at least some.

Thursday 12
Today kinda sucked.He is doing less ans less of what he used to. he would alwase make a point of poping into the bathroom to see if I wanted my back washed and today he did not. and it was not like he was busy he was watching a recorded tv program. I wanted to try and get things back to something of how we used to be and figured we could I guess act like we were teen agers again and makeout. But I am so tired I fall asleep and hubby let me sleep.

Today Friday 13
I went to get a hug and he put his hands on me but barly squeesed at all it was the kind of hug he would give his mom. So we had a trsalk about it. And he said he eas trying. But love should come naturally it is not something you should force.

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
Just keep journaling! This reallly will help you! Also you will be
able to come back and read it all later.

Debbie

[SarahT]

Well lets see

If thins could not get any worse my teeth are acting up and have to wait tll monday to see if I can get in. And I would rather they knock me out to do it I have a huge fear of the dentist.

[MaureenV]

Sarah, I have to tell you a funny story about a friend of a friend who has a terrible fear of dentists, too.


Fortunately her teeth were excellent, so she hadn't had to go, but didn't even go for checkups she was so panic stricken by the idea.

So when she eventually did have to go, she decided the only way to do it was first thing in the morning, straight out of bed. She had a shower the night before, got up with the alarm, pulled on yesterday's track suit, cleaned her teeth and went straight there.

She survived the visit, stood up with a sigh of relief, only to find yesterday's knickers fall out the bottom of her track pants onto the floor.

Now when she thinks of the dentist she doesn't feel fear, but mortification.

Hope that makes you smile at least.


cheers, Maureen.

[nursedeborah]

Maureene,
That's halarious! (sp)

Debbie

[nursedeborah]

Well lets see

If thins could not get any worse my teeth are acting up and have to wait tll monday to see if I can get in. And I would rather they knock me out to do it I have a huge fear of the dentist.

Sarah,
I too have had a fear of dentists all my life. I don't know why that is.
I always have to take something when I go to calm me down.

My daughter is the same today, and it's so weird because she had the
best children's dentist when she was little.

Just think of Maureenes story when you do go!

Debbie

[SarahT]

half tempted to take a .5 of aprazolam that hubby has lol

mouth is not as bad but the work needs to be done.

[nursedeborah]

half tempted to take a .5 of aprazolam that hubby has lol

mouth is not as bad but the work needs to be done.

Sarah,
My daughter always borrows something from me, so don't feel guilty
if you need something.
I would cut it in 1/2, that would be pleanty for you!

Debbie
Yes I am seriuos! I really know how freaked some people can be.
When I had really good income, and insurance, I made them put
me oout for most of my dental work, I really was bad!!!! I hate
the sound of the dril!!!

[SarahT]

Well hubby came to bed lastnight so something better

I wish they would put me out I cry through the hole thing.

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
When you are journaling to it seperate, call it "Sara's Journaling"

Then just sit down, and start typing without thinking about it so
much, it time you will start to noticce that it willl just start to
flow for you, and the time will have gone by, and you will wonder
where it went.

I used to have people go into their favorite room, use their favorite
color, paper, or favorite place, and just start drawing circles until a
word came to mine, and not to jusdge it, but just write whatever you
hear up there, and just keep going.

Well you can't go to you favorite place, or do the pen, paper stuff, but
you can do the other stuff with the computer.

Let go, and let it al hang out!

Glad you honey came to bed last night. I know that is hard on you as you
say he then goes back to the couch. These med changes are so very more
brutal for some of us that others. He seems to be more like me, in the fact
that I am not going along like everyone else. I do think this does damage
some of us way more than others.

Some take 1 Prozac, and are fine no more withdrawls. then there's me I
am on the Prozac 40 mg, and still have a hard time still.

It will get better, please don't give up on him!! This is so hard to do is
all I am saying from my own experience.

I still totally understand where your coming from too!! I have been on
both sides of the fence.

Love,
Debbie

[SarahT]

I was looking into hubbys eyes and they used to be brown but the color is different it is like they are turning green

[Junior]

Today Friday 13
I went to get a hug and he put his hands on me but barly squeesed at all it was the kind of hug he would give his mom. So we had a trsalk about it. And he said he eas trying. But love should come naturally it is not something you should force.

Welcome to my world! My hubby is NOT the affectionate type and I come from a 'touchy-feely' family!!!

Seriously though, it must be hard 'losing' your partner this way. I agree that love should come naturally but when drugs have completely messed with your mind, well, one may not feel much at all. At least hubby is trying to reach out to you. Be glad for that :)

Junior

[Junior]

Well hubby came to bed lastnight so something better

Now THERE'S a positive step :)

[nursedeborah]

Sarah,
I didn't want to write in you journal as I had suggested that you start one
like that just for you to write in, and keep doing so for yourself!

I just wanted you to have a place for all your thought's, so you could go back
and look at what you have been going through, and how things will get better
over time.

I just have had such a hard time for the past few years, and I can so relate
to all your feelings. I also know what it's like to think God has just upped
and left, but He hasn't, we are the one's the leave him. All you have to do
is ask him for what you need, and He will provide for you. I am by far a
religious nut, but I do believe in a God of my own understanding, not the
one that I was taught about in churches, that one scarred me to death.

AllI am trying to say is that God still loves you, and is there to help you
if you will only let Him, just pray.

Take care, and it will get better, right now just sucks. Keep up the great
job of journaling!!!



Love,
Debbie