Finding this forum, like all of you I am sure, has finally given me a ray of hope. I guess I will share my story, in hopes that it may help someone else down the road.
I am a 34 year old mother of 3 with my 4th baby on the way, happily married and have a wonderful support system around me. Ironically, I work in the medical field, in an office where I get to watch Cymbalta given out like candy on a daily basis, and among the very doctors that put me on this medication. Working full time, raising two teens and a toddler as well as running a business from home made me extremely stressed, depressed at times because nothing in my life gets 100% of me, and anxious....so much so that I felt maybe trying this wonder drug would help me continue to spin all these plates I have in the air.
I started taking 60mg of Cymbalta about 6 months ago, after speaking with my doctor (and coworker) several times, making sure it was the right thing to do. After the first few weeks I felt amazing! I could rule the world, and for the first time could get through my day without screaming at everyone I love. Not to mention, it took care of a shoulder problem I had for years, that was causing a lot of my stress due to intractable pain. Cymbalta, at the time, gave me my life back. But I can tell you now, I feel as if I sold my soul for it. After finding out I was pregnant about 4 months ago, I knew I had to get off this drug. Aware of the possible withdrawal (I had been on Lexapro several years ago and struggled to get off, but I managed cold turkey and was fine after a few months) I decided to drop down to 30mg first. I definitely felt the familiar brain shocks....but these were different then my zaps from Lexapro. They came with a numbness that would shoot down through my arms and out through my finger tips. This physical sensation I can only describe as if I was leaving my own body. After a week, I stopped cold turkey. On day three, I tried to take my own life, in front of my husband...this truly is not the person that I am by any means and it was the most horrifying experience of my life. It was as if something else was taking over my thought process. I became so detached from reality, and so distraught over the vertigo and brain and body zaps, that I truly lost my mind. I quickly went back on the 30. Terrified at this point, because I felt I was choosing the drug over my baby, but knowing that even If I did not take my own life, these symptoms may cause me to miscarry.
Here is the problem, as I am sure you all know from experience. No matter which medical professional I spoke with, or drug rep for this company, I get the same answer. "You should be fine...just take 30mg every other day for a week, and you will be fine". Right, that makes so much sense when the 1/2 life is 24 hours....so i just reset the crazy clock every other day. Great. Or, my OB's answer was to switch me to another antidepressent, Paxil maybe, one that was "less" harmful to the baby. I knew I was on my own in this. I knew I had to find a way of ridding my body of this poison, and giving my baby the best possible chance.
Thats when I discovered Microdosing. Removing pellets in multiples of 5 every day was my plan. I took 8 weeks to titrate down this way, and today I took my last capsule that had all of 5 beads in it. I felt no side effects for the first 7 weeks, this week however, was definitely filled with withdrawal. Today is the worst. I cannot stay out of the bathroom, the vertigo and shots of numbness in my limbs make me feel drunk. Because I am pregnant, the only thing I can take to battle some of this is benadryl or unisom. But I cannot sleep all day with a house to run and job I must keep. I honestly thought I had this demon beat. Now, I am just angry. I dragged this all out for 8 friggen weeks, only to feel like this again, Granted it is nowhere near as intense as the cold turkey method and I am not trying to swallow a bottle of pills - I at least got that going for me. But the dizziness and intestinal issues, irritability, unsteady gate, and numbness are still affecting me and I am terrified of what is happening to the 18 week old baby growing inside of me. What developmental issues will this child have in the future...not physical, but psychological, neurological?? Well, I cannot change the past. I cannot go back and make a better plan to conceive post Cymbalta. Whats done is done. I am anxious to see how long these symptoms will hang around considering my titration methods.
Here is what helps me:
Lying down, sleeping
Eliminating loud noises whenever possible (Dog barking send me through the roof!)
Focusing on or engrossing myself in a project at the computer
Ice pack over my eyes
Knowing when to leave the room, when irritation is escalating
Eating , feel better after a meal
Caffeine, I allow myself 1 coffee or small soda a day
Exercise, im in the gym at least 3 days a week
Multivitamin, B12
Lots of water, staying hydrated
Avoiding junk food
Unisom or Benadryl at night
Keeping my mind focused in a non-stressful manner
Avoiding confrontations
Thinking about my baby, and reminding myself i am doing this for him/her...makes it more tollerable when I take myslef and my needs out of the equation
This whole experience has been an enlightening one to say the least. To go through his silently, in the midst of the industry that hides the truth. How do these people sleep at night, knowing they are making money on the backs of the very people whom they have made suffer. I have noticed that the turnaround for Pharmaceutical reps for this company is very high...unlike any other drug that I have seen. I have tried to speak with several of them and am amazed at how they lie to my face about the known withdrawal effects. I never reveal what I know firsthand; just inquire from a healthcare professionals stand point so that I may educate patients.
Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this. I will come back and post an update as I progress.
Lilly
Hi Lilly, can I suggest that you register, and re-post this, rather than be a guest, that way others in your situation can more easily follow your posts. Your story is invaluable to others like you.
regards, Maureen.
p.s. hang in there.
