Hi- I'm new here- going through a rough time
Posted 01 May 2008 - 06:31 PM
I'm new here. I just registered last night and was reading the nightmares that some of you have gone through. I have my own, but it's very long and I typed it out and I was nearly embarrassed to post it. I may go ahead later, but not sure anyone will want to read all of it. I have Fibromyalgia and CFS and my doctor's plan was to take me off the narcotics my other doctor had me on and put me on Lyrica (which seems to be helping) combined with Cymbalta (which has been a total and complete nightmare ).
Right now I am feeling really rough :cry: (and that's putting it lightly). I've only been on Cymbalta for close to 2 months (maybe not even that long) and I was only on 30mgs until Thursday, April 24th, when I started on 60mgs. I have not been able to sleep well since I started on this medication. My heart has raced, I've been agitated, easily angered (I'm not that kind of person normally), I've had to cut out nearly all caffeine... pretty much ALL THE SYMPTOMS everyone else has had. All I can say is thank God I found this site because before last night I thought I was going crazy, but now I see I'm not alone and I'm not going out of my mind. I'm just very sorry that there are so many of you going through a hard time as well
My thing is, I stopped taking this medication 4 days ago, simply because I just couldn't take it anymore. My doctor gave me samples, so I didn't have 30's to go back to. All I have is 60 mg's and they are capsules, not tablets. It's a long story, but he wanted me to go back to the 30's and I just can't do this. I have a past mitral valve problem with my heart and when I lie down to go to sleep, my heart just beats out of my chest. Sometime around 3:30-5:00am, I might fall asleep, if I'm lucky or if I take something else (which is another story).
Tomorrow will be day 5. I've only been on this for the 2 months, IF that long. I know everyone's situation is unique, but do you think that the withdrawal symptoms will last much longer for me? I'm so dizzy, head has been hurting sooooo bad, and if I turn my head very fast or bend down to pick something up, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I'm afraid right now.. I'm worried about my heart, but I just went off Percocet cold turkey (because for some reason my new doctor thought it would be a good idea :? )... I also lowered myself from 100mcg Fentanyl patches to 12mcg's and went off those cold turkey until he put me back on them (ugh! :shock: which was another few days of "you know what") and so I figure if I can go off something like that, that I've been on for nearly 4 years, surely this would be like "a walk in the park"?!?! Someone please help!? :cry: I'm sorry this is so long... I can't seem to shorten it
ps... I might as well have just posted my "LONG" one (ha!) after reading back over this!!! Sorry!! ughhhh :roll:
Posted 02 May 2008 - 12:18 AM
So nice to come back tonight and read some kind words. It's nearly 1am and I'm still up, heart beating like I've ran some kind of marathon and I've been sitting still (except for getting up and down for small tasks... taking out the dog, bless her heart for putting up with me.... playing a few strums on the guitar and singing a few lines to get my mind off things... getting on and off the pc, when I could keep my mind on anything for any period of time *geez don't I know about that brain fog!!* :roll: ... getting drinks of water as I'm going through that like crazy...) ummmmm, sounds like I've been pretty busy after all, doesn't it? But really, I haven't... not enough to have my heart racing like it is, anyway.
Ok, I'm complaining and whining again, so I need to stop. I may go ahead and post that LONG post I put together last night. It explains more about my situation and the doctors I have had that have put me in this hole I'm in. And yes, I think I've finally realized that this is not my fault. The funny this is, I was put on these meds for Fibro and not necessarily for depression itself... I think that's what makes me so... I'll go ahead and say it... ANGRY!!! :oops: I'm normally not like this!! I've been going around getting agitated and ticked off at the least little thing and I'm considered "sweet" by most (ack! I hate to say things like that about myself, but I'm trying to explain that I'm not a mean girl.) This is getting the best of me right now and I HATE CYMBALTA!!! I was on Paxil for about 3 years, as my first doctor didn't really know how to treat FM and he said the Paxil helps pain and he was treating me with narcotics as well (as I stated in my first post). I NEVER had problems like this with the Paxil, not EVER. This is the biggest nightmare I've ever had. And to be quite honest, I'm probably still dealing with the after effects of this second doctor taking me off the Oxycodone cold turkey just a little less than a month ago as well as this Cymbalta mess.... not just the withdrawal from it, but the effects that I'm getting from it period.
Ok, I can't type without getting long winded, but my hands and fingers are feeling really funny... like I have numbness or tingling... UGH, this is not fun, that's for sure Oooops I didn't stop complaining, so I'm going to now!
Thanks again for your sweet, kind words... I'm so glad I found this site!! Hugs to you and hope you and everyone else here are having a good night!! Hopefully rest will come soon for me too! Night night!
Posted 02 May 2008 - 08:53 AM
I take Oxycodone for pain, and I take it on a regular basis, and if I miss a dose, not only does the pain return, but some fairly nasty withdrawal effects as well. I would seriously consider a new doctor, if you haven't already done so. A good one would know that you don't stop someone cold turkey from narcotic meds.
It is okay to "whine", just consider it venting, and don't worry about being "sweet". I'm sure you are a very nice girl, but coming off of this stuff makes us not so nice, and that is okay too. You are safe to be you, whoever that is at the moment, whenever you are here.
Posted 02 May 2008 - 10:06 AM
And, may I say, it's okay to have anger and irritation. When were we told that negative responses to life's curveballs were unacceptable??? This is a great site to vent, express anger, and fear, as well as hope and good news.
I'm tired of apologizing for being "bitchy" now that I am off of Cymbalta. I think feeling and expressing emotion is healthy, within reason. The hard part is realizing if and when you cross the line - and the good news is, we can always blame the outbursts on our withdrawal if we do cross the line!
We hurt, we are working on healing ourselves, and our bodies are in chaos. It needs to release all of this pent up stuff. Sometimes I just go into an empty room and unleash my anger and pain to the walls, and THEN I tell my body that IT isn't to blame, I want to love it, and hope that it continues to work on feeling better. Truly, didn't we get on Cymbalta to make us feel better???? We did not ask for or expect this, just hang on.
Take care of yourself, we are here to hear you! And, go to the posts about nutrition, that has really helped me.
Posted 03 May 2008 - 10:46 PM
Posted 04 May 2008 - 03:34 PM
Anyway, thanks again... I'm still considering posting that LONG post, because it explains a little better what I've been through to get to where I am right now, if anyone is interested in reading. Thanks for letting me vent!!! It sure feels good. I'm sure my little dog gets sick of it (I feel sorry for her) and the few people I trust in my life to actually talk to (ha). I live alone, am divorced and my children are grown... just barely grown, though... which makes it worse. I miss them as well. They are off doing their "things" and I'm very proud of both of them as they are making something of themselves (as I thought I was until this illness struck me :cry: ). I won't even go into that right now. I'm not old enough to be this sick and stuck in the house hibernating like some bear in the winter!! And I'm sure none of the rest of you are!! I HATE THIS DRUG and I hate being sick. God bless you all and I wish you a happy, symptom-free day!!
ps... I'm not mean to my sweet little dog, just to make sure everyone knows... she's loved, probably more than most people are... it's just that she has to see me cry a lot these days.... hopefully that will be over soon, though. Just wanted to make sure y'all know that, because I said I feel sorry for her and didn't want you to think I'm taking it out on her! ha
Posted 05 May 2008 - 01:21 PM
You are very welcome, Hope it brings you back around for awhile.
Not sure I'd be able to deal with a Dr. that would "jump my case" He can't possibly know what it's like to be you, so he had better listen. If he doesn't ask him to re-read the hipocratic oath again and report back in the morning. 8-)
Day 56 ..... man my hands hurt!
Thanks! I may print it off (the hippocratic oath) and have it in my purse with certain parts "highlighted" and if he hurts my feelings, I'll hand it to him when I leave and I just will find another doctor I know one thing, I won't take this drug any longer! After reading these responses and other posts, I think I'm getting a stronger personality to go in there with next week... That, and prayers...Lord, help me to handle all this!! (and the rest of you, as well!)
Posted 05 May 2008 - 04:47 PM
You mention Fibromyalgia, and I was curious to know if your doctor has ever checked your vitamin D levels. Mendozen posted some information about it, as her Mom was diagnosed my Fibro, but got a second opinion, and found she was deficient in vitamin D. I had my levels checked, and found that I am too. I now take a prescription for it, and am hopeful that it will help with my pain. Something for you to look into if you haven't already.
I also know what you mean about your dog! I'm sure if mine could talk or dial the phone, she would have called 911 on a couple of occasions in the first month. I was so out of it, raging, crying and hurting, that she just hung right next to me, as if she were trying to fix it. Honestly, I think she saved my sanity on more than one occasion!
This does get better, and the time it takes varies so much, but I try to focus each day on even small improvements that I notice, and cumulatively, it is so much better than even a month ago.
Tell your story if you want to, and it doesn't matter how long it is. Use this as your safe place, and know that we all get what you are feeling. Also, if you haven't already, look over some other posts for things that people are doing to keep their minds quiet, and start to heal. There are some really good ideas here.
Posted 06 May 2008 - 06:17 AM
I understand fully about the anger and aggitation. Its brutal! I too, am an easy going person, very loving, smiling all the time, will do anything for anyone who needs me, I sing all the time, I am so into simple pleasures and beauty.......but 2 fridays ago, I drove a half hour to go tear my boyfriend apart physically. I was on a mission, I was going to rip him a new one, I was going to tear him apart slowly and painfully, I was going to punch his lights out...I called and warned him I was coming....I got there and all I could do was childishly flip him the BIRD!!!!! Now how christian was that? Well the more I threatened, the more he laughed, trying to get me to laugh and calm down, it did not work, it fueled my anger.....and when I got there I saw him chuckle and smile at me....and I just flipped him off and kept on going. :? So, take comfort in knowing you are ok and will continue to be ok. Keep coming here.
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