8 replies to this topic

[FalconLady]

I was on Cymbalta for three years at 120 mg per day. It was prescribed for major situational depression. I took the capsules in the morning. At first I thought it was a wonder drug. The best thing that every was made. Slowly, I started realizing that life was being sucked out of me. I was lethargic, no interests, slept all the time, etc. There have been some serious issues going on in my life and I thought I was experiencing substantial grieving, etc. One day, literally, I woke up and decided I had to get off this drug. It was a lightbulb 'Oprah' type of moment. Made an appointment with my doctor who advised that I never come off the drug. People who know me know to never use the word never with me. I started reducing my load by 30 mg every 30 days. Nothing prepared me for the day I came off the drug completely. Once, when I ran out and couldn't get a refill for two days, I was suicidal by day two. But, I thought by reducing the load gradually that I wouldn't experience the severity of going off cold turkey. WRONG! NEVER in my life have I experienced anything like this. After day one of being off the drug, I started searching the web for something to tell me that I really wasn't crazy. Day one found me in bed the except when I had the energy to surf the web. Day two found me incoherent. Day three found me pacing (when I could stand up), hurting, aching, the list goes on and on. Day four I tried to hurt myself. Day five I could sit up for maybe an hour and could stand up about five minutes without falling down. Couldn't keep food in my body. I vomited, had diahhrea, and the continued pain. All this time I'm not thinking straight, am sobbing, crawling to the bathroom, sleeping the day away, sweating, chilling, drinking water but even it's coming out, and isolating myself more and more. Day six I was able to stand up for fifteen minutes. Yesterday I was vertical for almost four hours. Today, I've made myself stay vertical - whether sitting or standing and it's been six hours. I still have the other side-affects but not nearly as severe. I had never heard of brain zaps before and I've done a slew of illicit drugs. Those really started day three. They have greatly lessened the last couple days. Then I was scared crazy when I would move my eyes but the image didn't move with my eyes - like a special effect in a movie. My teeth and gums hurt and my gums are bleeding profusely. I gained close to 30 pounds with this drug with bloating. I was on two different types of blood pressure medication as my BP went through the roof with this drug. I monitor that on almost a hourly basis as it has now plummetted to dangerous levels and I'm trying to adjust that dosage accordingly. I take a minimal dosage of Ativan at night so I can get to sleep. I tried taking Tylenol PM but the dream and nightmares were too vivid. If I am really jumpy in the a.m. I take another minimal dose just to keep my brain calm. I am not working so can fully engage in this withdrawal. Also, I am single with no children. I truly do not know how people can go through the withdrawals if they have to work or have a family. The night I tried to harm myself, I scared my dogs severely. Being able to read the various blogs has helped me get through the most severe stuff. I have a friend who is considering coming off another drug and she has allowed me to email her like a journal type thing. I found this site today. THANK YOU for having this and allowing me to vent.

Last... I have such feelings of guilt that I suggested that my father be put on Cymbalta during the last few months of his life. He was severely depressed and had leg pain. Cymbalta touted that this would cure every symptom he exhibited. But, I didn't know about the withdrawals and it was a country doctor who just wanted my dad to have some sort of quality of life. Everytime Pop was transferred from skilled care to the hospital or back... he would miss a dose of Cymbalta. Knowing what I know now...no wonder he wanted to check out sooner that God wanted him to. I pray that he forgives me. He must have felt like he was being tortured those last three months.

This is truly an INHUMANE drug.

[wandap]

I'm having alot of the same withdrawls as you. I was only on 60mg but I have 3 kids and a job. This has been the worst experience! I know exactly what you mean, thinking you are crazy and the eye movement things. I have no idea what major decisions I have screwed up in the last week, nothing, I hope, I can't strighten out. When I finally get this stuff out of my system I'll NEVER listen to another physic. again! All they do is hand you pills and if you still seem like you might want to have a conversation about yourself with them, they increase the dosage! I scare myself driving right now and I live in a rural area and have to drive everywhere! This site is REALLY helping me too.

[FalconLady]

Hey, Wandap... God Bless You for making this courageous decision right now. Truly do not know how you, with a job and children, are doing it - YOU ARE TO BE COMMENDED!!! Give yourself credit, kudos, and every other positive stroke you can! No one around you knows what you're going through, yet you are making it happen!

As an update, today was better than yesterday. I'm still having brain zaps and funny eye stuff but my brain isn't 'floating' as bad as it was. I've been vertical most of the day. I've been able to hold in food - most of it bland, but it's staying in. My blood pressure has about evened out, which I'm very grateful for. Was very afraid of having a stroke in the middle of this mess! Even got out of the house for an appointment. It was hard putting full sentences together, but I got through it. Plus, I had a very negative errand to do and I did it without sobbing... cried a little, but didn't sob. Understand about the driving. On day 3 I had to drive four times...1/2 hour each time. I was scared to death. It was exhausting and nauseating. I could barely see the road and my reflexes were severely impaired. Today was the first time since then that I've driven any distance. It was a whole lot better. I'm still impaired but not nearly like day 3.

I'm with you... no more psych doctors who push the drugs. I have made more progress by reading the blogs here and writing one myself. Even when not on here, I write about my physical and emotion symptoms just to get it out of my head. And, I pray and pray and pray. I've gotten the courage and asked friends to pray for me, too. They don't know what I'm going through, most dismiss it as the flu. It's not the flu!!!

It will get better for both of us and everyone else on this site. Never thought I would need a support group... here I am. Good luck. Please keep in touch. Know I'm a blog away as you are for me. I will pray for you tonight until you get through this hellish ordeal.

[wandap]

Thanks and I will for you and ALL OF US going thru this. I don't know how well I'm handling the kids, etc but I haven't killed any of them yet so I guess that's a plus! LOL!!! I almost started a tyraid tonight about my ex not helping support the boys (he is bi-polar with sever parinoia) and not working right now. But I have to be very careful because my 20 and 17 are actually my step sons but I've raised them for the last 8 years so they are mine, I just didn't have to get the stretch marks! LOL!!! The 20 is married but my 17 is a junior in high school and I get really mad when I think about his (blood) mama and his daddy not caring any more than they do, WHICH IS ZILCH. We were ordering baseball stuff and he said, "I don't have to have this or that since you are having to pay for it all by yourself". Now that almost made me hunt those two people down tonight. Of course, I told him he would get exactly what he needed no matter and as I've always told him, we'll make it. That is where I have most of my trouble at, other adults. That is why I started taking this stuff to begin with, divorcing after 15 years of marriage to a crazy man and trying to handle it all by myself. Both my boys play baseball and they both will have what they need and everybody else can just jump back on the horse they rode in here on! Geezzz. That is the first time since I started taking Cymbalta that I've felt like my old firey self! Just typing that is making me almost laugh! WOOHOOO!!!! There is life after Cymbalta! I'm sorry you are having to read this rant but man oh man this feels good! Thank you so much for responding to me or I might not have realized my head IS beginning to clear. Not only from the Cymbalta but from all the other junk too! If you were here right now I'd hug you! LOL!!!! AND I get to see Bruce Springsteen and the ESB in March. Lordy but life is good! I swear I don't exactly know why but I feel so much better right now than I have in a long time. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING DARLIN'!

[FalconLady]

Hey, I just felt a hug from a new friend!!! THANK YOU! I am a hugger, too. There's just something about being able to share with someone else. And, hitting the keys of the computer is very therapeutic. You have fire and it's only going to get stronger and stronger. You're a giver and not a taker. You gave all you had to someone who didn't appreciate, respect, or love what you were doing. BiPolar is a horrendous disease; but, it can be managed. I could go on another rant about that... BUT, I want to rant about those two rats who had the children then gave them up! In their old age, they will wonder why their boys don't visit or support them. The answer is crystal clear. How fortunate the boys are to have you are their MOM! You may not be the bio mother...but you are their MOM and their support system. You already know they're going to have problems knowing their bios don't give two figs, but that won't matter 'cause they have you! And, you have them. YOU GO GIRL!!! The more crap you can get out of your head, the better the withdrawal will be... I can't say easier or faster... but better. Just hit those keys and let it go!!! Yes, screaming does help. It scares my dogs so bad that they won't come out for awhile. There is one person on here who was talking about it feeling good to be naked again. I experienced that tonight. It was almost like my skin was renewing itself. Think we'll be rediscovering a whole lot a stuff about ourselves that we forgot or that was masked by this evil drug :twisted: . I lit a candle for you so my prayer for you will perpectuated through the night. I hope you feel the strength of the prayers. God loves you and so do I, new friend! Reading your reply made me laugh aloud! That is something that's coming back, too.

[wandap]

Glad we both discovered being able to laugh out loud again! Today was better. I actually went out to eat with friends. Felt sick during ride but was able to eat too much! LOL!! The 'brain zaps' seem to be less frequent or maybe not quite as sever. This was day 8. Hopeing for even better day 9! My plans for tomorrow am are to clean house, mop, change sheets, etc. I've been thinking about taking my 12 yr old daughter to a movie but kinda worried about the noise factor and wondering if I'm up to that yet. Still have laringitus (day 5 of that!). I'm a big talker so that is almost more than I can take! LOL!!! Looking forward to Sunday! WOOHOO! Hope I don't offend anybody but we've got several Mississippi boys on the NY Giants side (we claim ALL the Mannings as being from Mississippi). Heck, Archie gave his entire body to the NO Saints with no offensive line to speak of so we feel justified in claiming his boys too! LOL!!! Not to mention they lived here all summer, each summer of their lives. Eli is still kinda young and impulsive but Peyton has mellowed into a very nice young man. I hate he lost out this year but I don't know what Mississippi nor Archie would have done if they'd been opposite each other on Sunday! Glad I can finally think of something other than Cymbalta too.

[FalconLady]

I was kind of surprised to hear my own laugh the other night. I read an email that was just plain funny and I actually laughed. With my depression and the drug, I didn't realize how non-affective I had gotten. The very last few days have been eye opening. I'm actually FEELING emotions and that doesn't mean I'm sobbing all over the place. Actually, have cried very little the last few days... mainly just my eyes getting misty. Another good thing... I'm losing weight and eating more. It's fluid that had been stored in my cells. Now, I can't get enough water. Foods are affecting me differently. They're tasting different, too.
Cola soda pop goes right through me and takes everything else with it. I was drinking 7up during the nausea and vomiting part of the detox and still prefer it.

I am taking my doctoral exam this weekend. Haven't taken a course in three years since I last bombed the test when I was first put on Cymbalta. This time I'm actually kind of studying (and I'm not a good student) and things are sticking 'cause I'm able to thinker clearer. There's a reason I brought this up... you talking about taking your daughter to the movies...

Yesterday was the first day that I'd been out and about. Had a surprise visit from a deacon of my church... haven't attended in months and years. He said he had a feeling he needed to stop by... before if someone had stopped by unexpectedly, I would have hidden so they wouldn't see me and they'd go away. I let him in and we visited for well over an hour. Again, no tears and no fears.

Then went to my study group in a crowded restaurant. Did okay up until the end and started getting panicky. Stopped by my house and took an anti-anxiety pill before headed over to the sale barn where I help out on Saturday nights. We didn't have a sale last weekend while I in withdrawals - thank God for that one. Glad I had the little pill in me... I did very well. But, got extremely tired about a 1/3 of the way through, then the brain zaps started and my body started hurting - not just aching... paining. The noise level started to really bother me. Seemed like it took me forever to drive home then my body hurt so bad I couldn't get any relief to get to sleep for 3 hours.

Woke up today with pain, tension, headache and dehydration. I have terrible night sweats. The brain zaps are not as intense, but they're there.

That whole long story was meant to say that I'm glad I'm going through this now so I know what to expect next weekend. I'm glad you had mentioned the noise factor. Don't think I had considered that before. My house is really, really quiet except for one of the dogs barking.

Did you end up going to the movies??? How did you do???

Last, as much as I'd like to see the Pats have an undefeated season... I'm rooting for the Giants. Knowing the boys are from MS gives me even more reason. I love football, but when it comes to the SB, have to admit... it's like me and a Playboy... I only watch for the commercials... I don't even like the half-time show... just the commercials. LOL

[wandap]

No, I chickened out on the movie. I did take her out to eat Friday night with one of my best friends. Then we went to the dollar store. Wore me completely out! I haven't been much good since. I did make chicken and dumplins today, only because i HAD to use the chicken... I'm better. A little every day. Maybe we'll get to the movies next weekend. Eli is doing a good job tonight. I love watching Peyton in the booth cheering him on. His mama is looking pretty darn proud too. I haven't seen Archie, he's probably with the commentators somewhere. Tom Petty did pretty good towards the end but you could tell he was nervous at the beginning. It is so hard to sound good in that large of an arena. I know he sounds better than he did tonight normally. I love the commercials too! Some are stupid but some are great. I love football. I have 2 older brothers and 3 sons so it's just as well I do! LOL!!! If MS has given the rest of the country much else we've given it some great football/basketball players and some great music (ie Elvis, Bo Diddly, Walter Johnson, Faith Hill, etc.) BTW, Faith grew up about 15 miles from my house. She is younger than me though.

[FalconLady]

The game was great last night. Finally enjoyed the game more than the commericials. Was especially interested in it because of the background you gave me. The sportscasters refer to MS several times during the game!

After all the activity from Saturday, I'm still recovering. Am still concerned about the dehydration factor and headaches.

I knew that there would be a backslide... it's hit this a.m. I'm very emotional. Am trying to stay active. The gloom and cold outside isn't helping. There are some other severe issues I'm going through that makes me even more proud of being able to get through this withdrawal... BUT, today hasn't been easy.

Thanks for letting me blog to you.