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[justintime]

I am posting my withdrawal story because four months ago when I quit Cymbalta, I searched this board for people who'd come through the experience intact and whole. I wanted to know how long it would take and benchmarks I could look for. If you're looking for a (realistic) happy ending, here it is. Unfortunately, I did not keep a journal so my recollection of benchmarks is pretty vague.

Four months ago (April 2008) I quit. Not cold turkey (did one week of Prozac to ease the withdrawal). The first month was hell. I had all the typical withdrawal symptoms though the Prozac really helped with the severity of them. This board and the people here helped a lot. Give yourself a BIG hug if you're in that initial hell right now. I had been on Cymbalta for three years, Effexor before that for one year. And SSRI's and various other meds prior to that. Typical drug cocktails for five years. I had, when I started five years ago, atypical Post Partum Depression. The SSRIs made me manic and then I had BiPolar Type 2, thank you very much. So I was curious what I would end up with once I was clean. I did have low levels of depression throughout my life that I managed to live with but I do have a strong family history of mood disorders. My Dr fully expected me to crash.

Now that I am clean, I am fine. Not perfect but certainly a lot more functional than I was on meds. And no, I am not manic and in denial (still seeing Psych Dr so he checks up on me). I'm not perfect - I never had anxiety before in my life but developed a lovely case of panic attacks on SSRIs. I still get overly anxious in very specific situations but after two years of cognitive behavior therapy, I recognize the triggers and have a non-med plan of action I follow. But what I am most pleased about is what I am like now that I am clean.

I have my brain back. I am no longer a complete forgetful idiot. I get jokes when I hear them, not after a five second delay. Sleeping and dreams are so enjoyable again (I failed to mention I was on Ambien for four years). I can actually go to bed without pills and fall asleep. What a concept! And wake up when I want to not when the drug wears off. I LIKE my bed (and for an insomniac that's a very meaningful thing to say). Food tastes normal again. I can drink and enjoy wine (it always tasted bad on meds). But most of all, my personality is back.

It's not all rosy. I am still trying to dump the 50 LBs I gained on meds. I still get irrationally anxious about my specific triggers. I call these things my battle scars from five years of med hell. And no, I am not anti-med. It clearly saved me five years ago (though, in retrospect, I think a supernanny, a cook and a housekeeper until my baby was 1 and weaned would have "cured" me as well. Or maybe a different husband through the whole thing, you know, one that doesn't travel 50% of the time. but I digress....).

So if you're in the early stages of withdrawal, take heart. For me, the first month was hell, then by 6 weeks I felt moments of myself returning. At 8 weeks, most of the worst of the withdrawal was behind me (still had vertigo - had that for months - still get it when I'm completely stressed & tired) but I could truly function normally. I think by 3 months, I was fine but still cautiously optimistic. But this week was the true test. It has been extraordinarily stressful (my kid's first day at new school - my biggest trigger)and still I was ok. Not perfect, not washed out like I would have been on meds, but normal, real and fine. And I'd rather be normal with all it's ups and downs than a zombie on meds. The hardest thing to get used to is really feeling my emotions. They are not smoothed over or washed out like they were on meds. It takes some getting used to.

I wish you the best on your journey and hope you like what you find at the end.