43 replies to this topic

[michaelpinson]

Thanks for the words guys. Day 4 is feeling better so far. I'm determined to keep living my life, but I'm scared for it to feel worse. I'm really glad to know I'm not alone in this experience. The thing that really gets me is that my doctor told me that I could just stop and that weaning off shouldn't make that much difference. He obviously has NO first hand experience.

[lady2882Nancy]

Most doctors go by the stats and they say that only 20 percent of people have withdrawals.

Aren't we special.

If you really think about it 20 percent is rather high that would be 2,000 out of 10,000. That's alot of people dealing with some scary withdrawals.

I felt super angry this morning without any reason, I woke up feeling that way. I'm just glad I know it's the crap that is doing this to me and because I knew that I was able to keep myself from beating on any of my pets who were really whiny this morning. I still feel like I need a punching bag to beat on.

Well all I can say is that I am really glad that us special people found each other.

 

Hang in there Michael, you can do it

[aloneNlost]

Ok so I just need to let this all out because if I don't let it out i'm going to go crazy and I feel like you people understand the best what I'm going through. Like right now i want to cry, and I don't know why. I feel like so pathetic and worthless right now. Im on day 21 of the bead counting and today i missed taking my pill by a couple hours and i got the shakes, everything became fuzzy, i felt dizzy and got hot flashes all from missing taking a pill by two fucking hours. And then I find myself shaking and counting beads like a fucking drug addict and crawling into bed and crying. I feel like this is just going to get worse, I'm physically fine for the most part but mentally i think i'm losing it and i dont know what to do. and now i'm fine. in the time it took me to write all this i've calmed down. This is what i got through all these constant up and downs and i'm just afraid its going to get worst. 

[fishinghat]

I am so sorry to hear you are going through all that. I know it is tough but I hope and pray you hang in there. It WILL get better. If it is that bad you might want to consider going back up 2 or three beads til you stabilize. Then start back down again.

[lady2882Nancy]

I understand what you mean completely aloneNlost.

I just had a day from hell. I am on day 14 of bead counting. I started out fine and took my pill at the normal time with breakfast at 9 this morning. I exchanged some messages with a friend and checked some posting. By 10:30 I was starting to shake and by 11:00 I had the jitters so bad I couldn't sit still. My heart was pounding and I felt wound so tight that I was afraid that I might break.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, waves of sadness started. All the sad memories from my past started flooding my brain. My mother past away in 1999 and today I missed her so much I was crying like a baby, crying for her and for my girl. After crying for about 1/2 an hour things calmed down and I made lunch for hubbie but I could not eat what I made so made toast for me.

Then the freaking jitters started again, this time with alot of anger. Did another whole cycle of shaking, irritation and heart pounding and back to crying again. Okay felt calmer then so maybe okay now, but oh no.

Started all over again. Anger, jitters, tense, flashbacks (thought I had dealt with the PTSD), rage. This was the worst and I just wanted to die. I was torn as to whether I should take more crapalta or just take everything I had so then everything would stop. I happened to look in the mirror down my hallway and could see it was very dirty so I started cleaning mirrors all over the house (I have no idea why). 

 

That is how my hubbie found me, crying and cleaning the mirrored doors in the bathroom. I tried to calm myself but I just started crying again and told him how useless I was and that I was insane and I don't even know what else I said.

 

So the only thing I have been able to do is to not let anything make me upset. It seems that the anger or any strong emotion just gets me going again.

I am still feeling awful and having trouble concentrating. Spelling seems to be a challenge and I had to ask hubbie how to spell some words.

I'm not sure what to do, but I keep telling myself it is the Crapalta and that I will get through this.

If this doesn't seem to make any sense to anyone don't blame me it's the Crapalta's fault.

[GreenMachine]

Wow...I hope you two have better days today    

 

Just remember...it WILL get better.

[LindaVandy]

Thank you for the information.

I have been taking 60mg and am getting more and more depressed all the time.

I have spent the last 2 weeks crying every afternoon and feeling that I was useless and a burden to everyone. I was thinking they would be better off without me. I have no desire or interest to do anything, even the things that I love. But after actually finding myself wondering how many pills I would need to end it all and then yesterday actually finding myself looking for that info online, I decided I need to get off this drug.

I missed one day for medical tests after only 2 weeks of being at 60mg and the next morning I was so dizzy I could hardly stand, I was shaking,  had a horrid headache, and felt very sick; so I knew I would need help to get off them.

I'm not sure how hard it will be to get down to 30mg. Can I do that right away or do I need to work down to it?

Any help will be wonderful.

I can't help you except to say we're in the same boat. I got online to see how many clonazepan it would take to do the job, but am trying to hang on through the posts on this page.

[fishinghat]

I just sent her an email everyone to be sure she is all right. Help me keep an eye out for her post.

[michaelpinson]

I'm close to a month free of this drug and doing much better. Anyone just starting the weening process, hang in there. I still have brain zaps, but they are much less frequent. You can get off this stuff, you just have to get through a couple pretty awful weeks.

[fishinghat]

HEy michaelpinson, congratulations. Eli Lilly loses another customer!!!!

[aloneNlost]

ok wonderful wonderful news, haven't been on here a while, sorry about that i've been really busy. I am finally completely off that crap!! well kinda, i've been taking 5 beads for like a week now because when i was completely off i had the worst brain zaps every so i just take 5 beads every morning and it suprisingly gets me through the day. I feel amazing, i saw my family last week for the first time in months and they didn't know i was off the stuff but they were like something is different about you, you look amazing, you seem so happy!!! I am happy so so so happy, and honestly it was a hard road and i wanted to give up so many times but you can't! It's so worth it once your off this awful drug, and i feel like i have been given a second chance at life, and i wish that for everyone on here. if anyone needs any advice ask me i want to help!

[lady2882Nancy]

Good stuff aloneNlost.

Maybe I should have tried that lol.

I've been off for just over 2 weeks but having some issues with anxiety and haven't slept.

But it sure perks up my day to hear when someone is doing well.

Take care of you

[aloneNlost]

I had some of that too, and don't get me wrong even though i feel great i still have some problems with anxiety, sleeping, and brain zaps, like you said. There is this thing called rescue remedy, you can buy it at whole foods, i think maybe even some cvs have it. But its a homeopathic solution to stress, anxiety, etc. I've been putting a few drops in my water throughout the day and i really find that it relaxes me during the day and i feel more level headed. ALSO this might sound silly but my mom sent me this body lotion from bath&body works and its a stress relief aromatherapy lotion and i put that on before i go to sleep and i am out within minutes, it smells so good and is such a soothing smell. Of course this is just personal experience but maybe give it go and it might help you too

GOOD LUCK!

[lady2882Nancy]

Aromatherapy is a very useful tool in dealing with many problems. I don't know why I didn't think of it myself .............duhhhh maybe the crapalta lol

I have been using some touch therapy which usually helps but with crapalta causing the itching that it does, it doesn't work as well as it should.

Thank you, I have to go dig into my essential oils to see if I have any Calm left.

Hang in there

Take care of you

Nancy