169 replies to this topic

[lady2882Nancy]

Here's a new twist for you.

 

The Moron gave me Abilify to help calm me down. It didn't work as one of the side effects is called akathisia and is similar to a panic attack, only worse.

 

This drug has a half life of 75 hours and I took 2mg. If you really want a challenge try figuring out when I will be left with 1/16th of a mg in my system. I really hope that the side effects don't last that long because I have all the listed common side effects.

Even typing this post has been a challenge.

 

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry I am not functioning well enough to add my support to anyone new on the site but I do welcome all of you.

 

Take care of you

[fishinghat]

Nancy girl, we need to start a thread for those who just can't seem to turn the corner and get themselves all together!! And by the way 1/16 is 225 hours or just short of 10 days. lol   Hang in there girl. Remember we care about you. You help hold all of us up when we need it.

[chimera]

Here's a new twist for you.

 

The Moron gave me Abilify to help calm me down. It didn't work as one of the side effects is called akathisia and is similar to a panic attack, only worse.

 

This drug has a half life of 75 hours and I took 2mg. If you really want a challenge try figuring out when I will be left with 1/16th of a mg in my system. I really hope that the side effects don't last that long because I have all the listed common side effects.

Even typing this post has been a challenge.

 

I hope everyone is doing well. Sorry I am not functioning well enough to add my support to anyone new on the site but I do welcome all of you.

 

Take care of you

christ Nancy, not akathisia, hell on earth, most miserable terrible state. as Fishinghat says, hang in there, we're all thinking about you. hold on tight x

[fishinghat]

Well here is how it shakes down. As most of you know I have had nearly constant fear and crying since I ended the cymbalta withdrawal at the end of Feb.  The docs put me on (one at a time) xanax, trazadone and also olanzapine. No effect at all. They then tried hydroxyzine which helpsed a little (20%). They then added lorazepam to it and it helped another 40% help. So for the last 2 months I have been trying to handle 8 or 9 hours of fear and crying a day. Even with the help of my psychologist we just weren't getting anywhere. Then during the last  5 or 6 days the lorazepam stopped helping. This is not unusual for me. Benzos usually only work for me for a few months and then you either raise the dose or change to something else. So back to fear and crying all day.

 

My wife and I met with my doctors today. Yup, all of us together. Here is the bottom line. I will go on lexapro (an ssri). Once i get on it and get feeeling better I will stop the hydroxyzine and lorazepam. The breast pain I have had since last November and the total loss of erection, labido or ability to orgasm has been deemed permanent (A permanent effect of the cymbalta called Post Ssri Sexual Dysfuntion (PSSD). The thought is this is a neurological issue not a blood flow issue and is not responsive to viagra. There is no way I can tell you how I feel about being left in this shape without the use of very vulgar language and that is not my style nor would I talk to my freinds like that.

 

My plan is to get back on my feet and work with my psycologist to develope coping skills that will allow me to come off the lexapro at some time. Thanks for all your support everyone. I can truly say I don't think I could have made it without you guys. You are the best. God Bless.

[lady2882Nancy]

fishinghat

 

Don't really know what to say as what I'd like to say should not be typed on the site.

I can't believe that what this drug has done to you seems to be allowed. It is not right that this can happen to someone as nice as you.

 

Someday my friend we will see on TV an ad asking for those took this life destroying drug to contact some legal firm. I am sure of it. Until that time I guess we just do what we can to survive.

 

Thank you for being here back in February as I know you truly saved my life and the help you have given me and so many others has truly been amazing. You are truly one of God's Angels.

 

I hope that you get some relief quickly and that all goes better for you. Please let me know how you are doing.

 

Take care of you

 

your friend

Nancy

[fishinghat]

Thank you Lady2882Nancy. You have been a great help to me as well.  You have done so much for so many. I will keep in touch from time to time. I certainly wouldn't want to loose touch with such a good freind as you. Hang in there and keep up the good fight.

[chimera]

this is terrible news for you. do not give up hope, never do. this is their opinion but other doctors might have different ones, I'd seek a second opinion if I were you?    I am not convinced this will be permanent, but it might need patience and chopping and changing approaches to sort it. my heart goes out to you x

 

[fishinghat]

Thanks chimera. There is always hope. I appreciate your encouragement about being patient but I am not to sure about the encouraging words about "chopping"...I hope that wasn't in reference to some of my residual sexual issues! lol    Just kidding, I assume that was a typo! lol

[chimera]

Thanks chimera. There is always hope. I appreciate your encouragement about being patient but I am not to sure about the encouraging words about "chopping"...I hope that wasn't in reference to some of my residual sexual issues! lol    Just kidding, I assume that was a typo! lol

lol!! each sentence I type to this, has a terrible inadvertent faux pas in it-so I am going to just apologise profusely for the lack of punctuation from myself that led to this:) second time this has happened this week, I must try to take more care with my post Cymalta 'Eats Shoots and Leaves' syndrome

[chimera]

right I think I am having a slight melt down  whilst the physical symptoms are not so bad now, the psychological ones are getting pretty problematic.

whilst circumstances at the moment are pretty rubbish, multiple stressors, I am not handling them at all well, not at all. things that would not bug me so 

much, are bugging the hell out of me now, and I don't know whether I'm coming or going. 

for the last couple of weeks, I have tried everything I can think of- tiring myself out, keeping busy, trying to do relaxing things, eating well, fresh air, 

supplements, vitamins.. even doing an online CBT course. anything I can do proactively.

now I've hit the glass ceiling and am at a loss- I can't settle. I'm not manic, but it's an inner discontent I didn't have before, and I don't enjoy anything

anymore. I have this eternal mental dialogue with myself to try and reason myself out of it, but I can't seem to get any perspective.

logically I know I should not be angry at someone/sad at something/unhappy, but I am constantly struggling to control it. 

I hate everyone, everything (not you guys but you know what I mean!) the slightest thing makes me on the brink of tears, and everything is tinged

with this horrible sadness. I don't want anymore drugs but I don't know what to do now. my partner is still away, people I speak to online on other sites,

they have their own lives, I don't want to burden anyone with this. but even looking on Facebook is winding me up seeing them so active and happy.

I've tried keeping online stuff to a minimum, then I just get lonely. it's a terrible vicious circle. I've never felt so lonely in my life.

sorry all, just needed to get it off my chest.

[lady2882Nancy]

Oh Chimera

I can so relate to how you are feeling. Why do you think that I answered so many questions and found all the information that I have about Crapalta. Lonely and restless or as I like to say "Irritable, restless and discontent". I think you have hit that stage where although the Crapalta is out of the bloodstream (other than if losing weight that is ) and now you have to wait and see what is you and what is the brain still healing from having been on Crapalta.  

 

Most people (the lucky ones) go on with their lives after 6 weeks and do fine.

The physical me healed in 6 weeks - the zaps, dizziness, nausea, off balance feeling, body pain, and exhaustion were all gone.

 

But then there are smaller percentage who, for some unknown reason, are not as lucky and have to deal with the mental and emotional problems that being on that crap caused.

I am still trying to figure out what that garbage has done to my brain and hoping that by 12 weeks I am me again. If I am not then I will need some serious help in learning to cope with how I react to just about everything. Scary for me is that I only have 18 days until I hit 12 weeks off and things are not improving much.

 

Facebook drives me crazy with all the happy people and their little moments of sadness, but like you I am so darn lonely that I check for anything new in my email, Facebook, or on this site on a regular basis unless there is something else that I have to do.

 

Just know that you are not alone and that I understand how hard it is to smile when screaming at whatever would feel so much better  .

 

Take care of you

[chimera]

Nancy, thank you. knowing I am not alone in this 'irritable, restless and discontent' feeling is a weight off. because it is a new thing (the sadness and so on I am used to, and was partly why I was put on Crapalta in the first place- and I have never been the most cheerful person in the world anyway) this restlessness and discontent has puzzled me greatly, I can only put it down to the med as nothing has changed in my life that drastically to warrant it. 

yes I am housebound, yes I don't get a lot of people interaction. but I managed before, and did not feel so caged and so very very angry. I certainly would not have dreamed of even saying what I did today! where Facebook was concerned, I don't even make statuses, only once in a blue moon and very 'general', so as not to appear in any way abnormal or self-pitying. 

now it's like some humungous midlife crisis- I see them getting married, having children, going out on trips, just living, and I hate them for it. and that repulses me that I can feel so nasty. it's not their fault that I can't do these things, I know this. 

like you, the alternative is worse- no human contact, in whatever form, bar the people we live with. I have a feeling also that like you, these feelings are not going to improve dramatically by the 12 week mark, which is a milestone that's on our minds now. certainly I have never felt this bad coming off any antidepressant before, and these feelings did not come up, so looks like it has affected us in a similar way. can't be a coincidence I think.

as to help in learning how to cope should this not wear off for us, this is something I am also thinking of. the CBT course I did, while again logically I can see the

correct ways to deal with things, putting them into practice is a battle that I cannot do. it's got to the point where 'it' (the messed brain) is more powerful than my will to fight this. the proactivity is going, like a battery running out of charge. I am doubting now that even if circumstances were different, it would change mindset fundamentally. 

maybe the 3 month mark is too soon, maybe it'll just take us longer; we'll just have to feel our way and see. I thank you more than I can say, just to be able to admit 'this is actually hell' has helped.

[fishinghat]

I know how you feel. Ther is no peace in my mind. Just fear, cry, agitated, more fear, It is relentless. I try to hang in there but am emotionally so tired. The new med will kick in around wed or so. Got to hang in til then. I didn't have a coice but to go back to an ssri, however a week one, lexpro. Some times you just don't have a coice. Just too tired to fight sometimes. I don't want to see you on more meds either but you fight best from a strong position. As soon as I am on the lexapro and stable I will start working on handling life and lexapro. Don't give up. And you are NEVER alone!!

[chimera]

I know how you feel. Ther is no peace in my mind. Just fear, cry, agitated, more fear, It is relentless. I try to hang in there but am emotionally so tired. The new med will kick in around wed or so. Got to hang in til then. I didn't have a coice but to go back to an ssri, however a week one, lexpro. Some times you just don't have a coice. Just too tired to fight sometimes. I don't want to see you on more meds either but you fight best from a strong position. As soon as I am on the lexapro and stable I will start working on handling life and lexapro. Don't give up. And you are NEVER alone!!

yes sometimes you need that 'lift' to be able to fight, we're all so tired from fighting now, proper battle fatigue. your case is definitely one, the eternal lack of peace could not go on, you did your best but it's too much. the new med may just make the difference for you between being able to fight and win the war permanently, I have high hopes for you. I just spoke to my partner, he wants me to speak to the dr next week, I was thinking this anyway. I will ask for counselling as this is putting my relationship in serious jeopardy now, and see what the doctor says. if it comes to meds, then so be it, though not wanting to just yet given it's only been 7 weeks for me so far.

thank you for your kind words- I also told my partner about your situation (not mentioning you by name or anything) so he saw just how far reaching the long term effects can be. his reaction was 'jeez!' this helped in that he saw this was not going to be a quick process for me necessarily. though he did say 'if this carries on months, then we are seriously going to kill each other'! poor guy. he's not at all familiar with all this kind of stuff, mental health issues are kind of a mystery to him, though he is trying. but the experiences some of you are having, are helping in being able to illustrate the problems to him, and he said 'at least by sounds of it you're not the only one then', which is reassuring for him perhaps.

[fishinghat]

He will learn. So many others have never learned anything about mental health. Time changes things and with 31 millon others on similar meds it won't be long before the epidemic comes to rest at everyones home. This change in thinking is coming but there will be a lot of pain before things settle down. We won't see it change completely in our time but it will change.

[lady2882Nancy]

Chimera

You mentioned feeling "caged", that is very similar to the way I feel and in that I am lucky that I have no close neighbors and live in the country as I can go outside, but I can't go outside if there is anyone around. And yet I am very lonely here in my little world. Thank heavens for the internet.

 

If I have to go anywhere away from home I feel like I am in danger of being trapped and there is an overwhelming fear that I am not safe or will not be able to get away if I need to. Granted I have always been uncomfortable about being anywhere that I could not choose when to leave but that never stopped me from going places and enjoying myself before Crapalta.  

 

I think counselling is a very good step. I am looking forward to and yet afraid at the same time of seeing this Psychiatrist I have an appt with. I hope that you do not have to wait as long as I have had to wait to talk to someone. I was seeing a mental health nurse but after her seeing my first panic attack she told me that she didn't think she was capable of helping me. I think I overwhelmed her lol.

 

Meds may be necessary but watch the reactions to the meds as you know I have had some pretty bad reactions. It is supposed to be okay after 6 weeks but that wasn't my experience lol.

 

Did you ever take L-theanine? If you did are you still taking it? That is one thing that has really helped my irritability. I notice the difference if I forget to take it. I cut back to 100mg a day to try to make my supply last but am noticing that I am more irritable than I was. Will have to tell hubbie and see what he thinks I should do. I could order some online as I can't go get it myself and he is too busy as still seeding.

 

Hubbie tries to understand but I keep telling him not to worry about me as he doesn't need the extra worry right now. Grain farming is way more work and more stress than people realize. Sure he had the winter off, but I have only seen him at briefly in the morning, at mealtimes and for a bit before bedtime since they started fieldwork 3 weeks ago and it will go on like this until at least the end of June. This is 7 days a week unless it rains and even then there usually are repairs to do.

 

Oh I am feeling lonely today - I am being way too chatty lol.

 

Take care of you

 

 

I know how you feel. Ther is no peace in my mind. Just fear, cry, agitated, more fear, It is relentless. I try to hang in there but am emotionally so tired. The new med will kick in around wed or so. Got to hang in til then. I didn't have a coice but to go back to an ssri, however a week one, lexpro. Some times you just don't have a coice. Just too tired to fight sometimes. I don't want to see you on more meds either but you fight best from a strong position. As soon as I am on the lexapro and stable I will start working on handling life and lexapro. Don't give up. And you are NEVER alone!!

 

I feel for you fishinghat and know how you feel unfortunately for me. It has been a long process for me and even longer for you.

 

Take care of you

[fishinghat]

Two of the most prominent signs of clinical anxiety is;

                           Constant health worries, many even go to the ER.

                           A feeling of safety at home and fear and uncomfortable if leaving home.

[lady2882Nancy]

Oh well I'm fine for the first part then because I don't worry about my health I only worry about hubbie's health and fear something happening to him (wouldn't mind if he went to the doctor's more often).

The second part may be a problem although I can't say I feel really feel safe at home, I do go into full anxiety mode if I have to leave home lol.

 

Oh Crapalta what fun you have made my life.

[chimera]

Nancy, 

when you say you can't go outside when anyone else is around, is it because they'd make you feel self-conscious, or the having to talk to them possibly would be too much for you? or is it a general feeling of vulnerability and fear?

yes I also have the feeling of fear and worry away from home, of being trapped or not being able to get away. I had this a bit before I became housebound, though not to this degree. unfortunately now with the dizziness, it's made it a lot worse. walking on pavements/hard surfaces make my legs wobbly, and I get completely disorientated without something to cling onto. when I first became ill with M.E., I had to sometimes cling onto bushes as I walked down the street, and often walked into lamposts and walls- but that was not all the time, just when I was say recovering from a bout of illness. now it's all the time, so noises, light, turning corners, it's a dizzy nightmare so at least here if I get dizzy in the garden, it's soft to land on! sufferers of dizziness often have a component of anxiety along with it, as the brain thinks what on earth is going on, and it triggers the panic response. 

I am keeping in mind your response to meds after the 6 week point, so that is also why I am loath to try any meds too soon yet. so counselling/psychiatrist seems best option also. 

the L-theanine helped with the zaps and dizziness, but unfortunately did not do anything for my irritability! indeed, thank goodness for the internet for both the social interaction, plus enabling us to order stuff and not have to bother others to get it for us. 

our men are both extremely busy, and trying to protect them from all this as much as possible is the only way to go I know. farming is incredibly stressful and exhausting, but the timing is not great for you either, which makes it harder. my partner is due off his vessel next week, after 5 weeks apart. there will be a lot, and I mean a lot, of catching up to do with each other as I have deliberately been in contact with him less, for the same reasons as you. 

he is flat out angry and confused with me now, and after one argument online, he said if I did not realise that I was at fault as well, then he was off. I reassured him that I do have self awareness, but he seems terrified that I am going to end up turning into some psychotic woman long term (he had some bad experiences with such women so I do understand, but it is hurtful nevertheless). so therefore I must appear even more calm, even more reasonable, which is adding extra strain. 

I asked him not to contact til he came home, for his sake as much as anything, and to save the relationship. he lasted a couple of days but then demanded to know what was going on. 

keeping away from him is the only way I can save this, he can't understand it though.

[lady2882Nancy]

Chimera

Fear and vulnerability seem to be the factors in preventing me from dealing with people who come to my place. Also my brother-in-law is very volatile so if he is here in the yard, I want to hide as am terrified of having to deal with him when something has gone wrong. He is the type who is loud and very vocal when angry more like a temper tantrum but adult sized. Was difficult to deal with before but now I'm sure I couldn't deal with it. Thankfully my hubbie is not like that.

 

Not exactly sure when it started but I started having real issues with dizziness a few years ago. Always have to be careful when I stand up and often feel off balance. I have taken a number of falls and have difficulties trying to get back up.

 

I have a large male Boxer dog named Rocky and he is my lifesaver and my anchor. On bad days for dizziness or anxiety he will not leave my side for long. Hubbie gets angry as Rocky gets in the way, but if hubbie was really paying attention to the dog he would realize that Rocky is just trying to be close to me because of how I am feeling.

 

We do seem to cause alot of worries for our men. It is hard for them to understand what we are going through and I'm sure it must really bother them when they have to leave us alone. Frustrating too as we have changed since we met them. Crapalta changed me in ways I never imagined anything could. With the doctor saying that the changes have nothing to do with taking Crapalta it has made it hard for hubbie because he wants to believe the doctor but knows when the changes happened.

 

I think I worked too hard yesterday as I am so tired and sore today. I try to pace myself and usually can keep myself from doing too much, but the restlessness has me working too long and too hard. At some point I know I will not be able to keep going. It has happened before and I get to the point that I can hardly move and even trying to think or concentrate becomes impossible.

 

How much L-theanine did you take? I took 200mg first thing in the morning and often another 200mg in the afternoon. Now 200mg in the morning is usually enough. But maybe I am just too tired to get moody other than crying.

 

Take care of you

[chimera]

Hi Nancy

I took 200mg in the morning in early withdrawal, now it's been 100mg, but have bumped it back up last few days.

I spoke to my dr, (well sort of snivelled down the phone to him!) and he knows me from years back, so he could tell I was not right by this. he agreed that counselling was a good idea, and seemed pleased with the self help measures I had tried before this. he didn't pressure me to try any more drugs, and will be assessed by our area's psychological service who provides this, later on this week. the breast pain (in both breasts this time luckily, no abcesses!) he also agreed sounded Crapalta connected, given also that they kind of exploded lol soon as I was on the drug. 'now you're off, the masking of the pain effect is no longer there, so you're going to feel uncomfortable as well'. 

unfortunately we are having possible eviction issues here, so have spent whole day trying to sort this out as to where we will go if this happens, which has been worrying and not good timing! to cap it all, my godfather sent a letter practically accusing me of being lazy and that I should work from home. luckily I explained the reasons why not (I would lose my welfare/it would cheat the system/I am simply not up to it) and he apologised, but today has been horrendous!

I understand completely about your brother-in-law, hard enough to deal with that kind of loudness and vocality from a man at best of times, but immeasurably harder in the position you are in. it is a very vulnerable state to be in, and I completely get why dealing with people in general is hard.

animals are great for this, they sense it:) so many documented cases of animals saving their owners in this way, or sensing impending health problems. with your dizziness, it sounds troublesome indeed, take extra time getting up. I often forget if I get up to go to the bathroom at night, then I think 'damn!' 

Ming, my rather obese white cat, has been great also. he usually has a bit of an attitude problem, but during the nightmares phase of withdrawal, he changed. one time he came and sniffed me, put his paw on my arm, and kept trying to get closer and closer. 

with our men, it's so sad to know that they see changes in us, and wish we were back like we were. we try so hard to get back there, but sometimes I can sense him thinking 'I didn't sign up for this, where's the fun loving laid back woman I fell in love with'. but that's what love is, for better, for worse. not saying people should not try to help themselves, but unfortunately life has a habit of getting in the way and bad patches do happen. 

yes in the quest to stop restlessness, this equals a LOT of soreness and exhaustion. kind of catch 22, pacing is difficult for us right now.

I hope you are feeling a little better 

[lady2882Nancy]

Hi Chimera

Thank you so much for your kind words. I needed some contact with someone today and your words made the difference.

 

I was doing pretty good today and then just after lunch my hubbie asked "Would you be okay with making a quick trip to Porcupine?" (Porcupine is a little town about 1/2 hour drive from us and is the closest place to get a tractor tire repaired).

Well I just kind of fell apart. I thought about it and next thing I know I am crying, shaking and saying I'm sorry. He said It's okay. I have time to do it. You just seem to be doing so much better that I just thought I'd ask.  Don't be upset about it.
I feel so bad that I couldn't do this simple little thing for him. I can go somewhere if he is with me although I get pretty anxious, but to go somewhere by myself even with my Rocky is overwhelming. It took over an hour petting Rocky and Ayla (my other Boxer) to get myself calmed down enough to go out in the garden and pull some weeds.

I hate this as this is soooo not me. I was very independent and have always been able to take care of myself until I took Crapalta. I was a vendor at 29 Farmers Markets last year. Another reason to hate Crapalta and Eli Lilly  

I just pray that the Psychiatrist can figure this out.

 

Take care of you

[chimera]

Hi Chimera

Thank you so much for your kind words. I needed some contact with someone today and your words made the difference.

 

I was doing pretty good today and then just after lunch my hubbie asked "Would you be okay with making a quick trip to Porcupine?" (Porcupine is a little town about 1/2 hour drive from us and is the closest place to get a tractor tire repaired).

Well I just kind of fell apart. I thought about it and next thing I know I am crying, shaking and saying I'm sorry. He said It's okay. I have time to do it. You just seem to be doing so much better that I just thought I'd ask.  Don't be upset about it.
I feel so bad that I couldn't do this simple little thing for him. I can go somewhere if he is with me although I get pretty anxious, but to go somewhere by myself even with my Rocky is overwhelming. It took over an hour petting Rocky and Ayla (my other Boxer) to get myself calmed down enough to go out in the garden and pull some weeds.

I hate this as this is soooo not me. I was very independent and have always been able to take care of myself until I took Crapalta. I was a vendor at 29 Farmers Markets last year. Another reason to hate Crapalta and Eli Lilly  

I just pray that the Psychiatrist can figure this out.

 

Take care of you

Hi Nancy,

oh how I felt for you reading that! just seeing the sentence 'would you be ok with making a quick trip..' and I knew full well exactly how that would've made you feel. how that quick trip is the most insurmountable thing in the world to you right now. half an hour away, 5 minutes away, it might as well be to the moon, it makes no odds. not when you feel like that. driving, on your own, it's just not possible, and you're having problems even going outside the house full stop. 

it's maybe as well that this happened, bad as it made you feel, as your husband will see now that this isn't going to be a quick recovery. he handled it well and now he will have gauged more where you're at. 

yes the shame, the guilt, the total frustration at feeling you've failed someone/that this is something you used to be able to do without problem- it's absolutely a raw and humiliated feeling. I have this a lot with my partner, and seeing the disappointment in his eyes kills me. he's even admitted to me that the frustration of 'wanting more for us, for me' is terribly hard for him. 

also the wanting to give something back to our men, to 'equalise' the relationship and be as independent as possible is very hard in our position. 

I always got the impression that you are a very capable and strong woman. I use 'are' as you still are. yes your situation is dreadful, and yes you can't do the things right now that you did last year. this does not mean you've stopped being you, or stopped being capable. it's still there, you've just been battling something that has felled grown strong men! this is not you Nancy, it is the drug. you're squirming and ashamed and frightened today, tomorrow is one step nearer to getting the old you back. be as kind to yourself as you are to us on here, none of this is your fault and you've come such a long way already. today was just a bad day x

[lady2882Nancy]

Thank you again Chimera

You have reminded me that I am very capable. At one time I was a MOD (manager on duty) for the weekend shifts at an inbound call center. I was very good at that job and loved it. However there was no room for in my life anyone other than my daughter with that kind of high stress work so that is something to think about.

 

I am really beginning to think that somehow Crapalta does something to our brains that when we stop taking it we lose our ability to cope. Something goes wrong within that causes our emotions to go out of our control.

 

My doctor has been convinced that I was suffering from depression since I met him. At that point in time I was traveling alot (11 hour trips one way) to see my daughter. All that traveling was ramping up my pain but he seem to think it was depression. Every time anything went wrong with me physically since then he has always asked me questions that indicated that he thought I was depressed.

Well I can now tell him that I was not depressed as I now know what depression feels like. It is horrid and I have never felt this lack of motivation, this general ill feeling and desire to just go to sleep like I have since getting over the physical side effects of stopping Crapalta.

I have always been a person who uses humour to cope with many difficult things and now I find it hard to be happy. Somehow I have to find my way out of this hole that it feels like I am in and move forward. I know I can laugh and feel happy as I have times with my dogs that are fantastic and being Boxers they are the clowns of canines. They have some moves that I never imagined that dogs could do that are so hilarious.

I can deal with my dogs because they forgive me immediately when I am irritable and yell at them and will comfort me when I am sad. They also seem to know when to act silly to make me laugh.

It's that perception that I am not safe that seems to be the problem. I don't deal well with people that I know can be explosive like my brother in law and his grumpy wife but I had someone pull into the yard lost that I didn't even know and I was ok. I couldn't help him as I did not know how to get to the place he needed to be, but I was able to talk and give him directions to someone who would be able to help him (the inlaws place as they are the closest lol).

Strange and very very tiring all of this.

I do believe that the med I was given for sleep is also adding to the depression so I need to see the doctor again (OH NO  )

Although this has been another difficult day for me at least I have been able to think a little more.

I hope you are having better days now too.

Take care of you

[chimera]

Hi Nancy,

oh no, not the doctor again you might be onto something there with the sleep med, they always seem to have warnings about this on the leaflets here with them.

anything remotely sedative seems to have this side effect on them too.

sounds like it's the unpredictable people that spook you, and even if there aren't any such people around, it's probably the thought that they might turn that way which is unnerving you. it's a lot harder to deal with that kind of person if you are feeling so vulnerable yourself. this Crapalta thing both emotionally, physically, it's like having been stripped naked in public, everything is soooo on view or at least seems like it is. 

landlord served us final notice today, we have til 31st August to find cheaper accomodation. unfortunately even given our situation health wise, my mother and I would 

not be assessed for our needs until after the actual eviction by the council. that is the system here now, due to some people having abused it in the past. having done some research, this is a route to avoid anyway due to having to be temporarily accomodated in a YMCA or other hostel, which would last months.

it is all extremely worrying and obviously terrible timing right now. all I can do is pray that I will get the strength somewhere to be able to do this, I have to take each day as it comes now.

[lady2882Nancy]

Hi Chimera

Sorry to hear that you have to move. That will be rough for you and couldn't have come at a worse time for anxiety levels. What a totally awful thing to have to go through to get assistance. I do hope and will pray that you can find something suitable and affordable before it comes to that.

I did not have a very good day yesterday and feel very tired today but since it is raining there isn't much I can do today anyway and will take this opportunity to try to rest some.

Hopefully hubbie will have things he can do in the shop as normally we would take a day like this to go out somewhere and I really would rather not today.

Take care

[chimera]

thanks Nancy

my partner came home today, so he is here overnight before he goes back home for the weekend. it is a great relief! it's a worrying time but am trying best not to panic too much.

hope you rested up well today, I think a quiet day is just what you need. rainy days are good excuses for this too:) it's been sunny here, hottest day of the year, which is nice but also with panic feelings, this can exacerbate it. my partner suggested Bach Rescue Remedy the other day, this is good. I have the pastilles which have 4 drops each already in them. orange flavoured!

[fishinghat]

Well, after being put on 10 mg lexapro for the constant fear/crying I am doing realllyyy well!!!  BY the 3rd day of taking the lexapro I had improved immensely. Now my doctors tell me that the 10 mg lexapro is a lot less ssri than 60 mg of cymbalta I was on and to respond that quickly to the lexapro indicates that the near constant fear/crying is a symptom of withdrawal. They also indicated that long periods of agitation/crying or fear with the absense of an obvious cause (death in family, etc) indicates it is from withdrawal rather than return of my anxiety. They seem to be increasingly convinced that this is still a cymbalta issue and that over the next few months I should be able to slowly, very slowly cut down my meds until I am off the lexapro. Now I have to say I am impressed these people are more open minded than a lot of medical people would be. I am also VERY glad that the lexapro has given me a break but best of all that I may wind up getting off all this crap and getting back to being me. If they are right that would make this a 8 or 9 month withdrawal. Time will tell..

[lady2882Nancy]

Hello fishinghat

Well thank you for that information. It is so nice to hear that some of the medical profession are seeing that there is a problem with coming off Crapalta.

It is really fantastic to hear that you are doing so much better. It is definitely long overdue for you to get some relief.

I am going to see a Psychiatrist next week to see what she thinks of my current problems. I just pray that she doesn't want to load me up with meds.

Had you every taken lexapro before? Amazing that it would work so quickly. I hope it has a long half life for the withdrawal.

 

Mostly I had to respond because I am just so happy that you have finally found some relief. You deserve a metal for hanging in there for so long.

 

Take care of you and  for you and your wife.

[fishinghat]

Thanks so much for the well wishes. I hope you much success at your doctors visit. Let us know how it comes out.

 

I was on lexapro for about a year when i first started on meds and had no ill effects. The docs said it worked so rapidly as my body is still craving an ssri to fill some of the void left by cymbalta. They said that this was one of the ways to find out if extended symptoms are from continueing ssri withdrawal or from old symptoms coming back. If you go back on a ssri the response is positive and faster than expected if the symptoms are from withdrawal. BUT if the response is slow then the symptoms are probably not from withdrawal but is redeveloping from your past.