Thank you, thismoment.
After I posted this I realized that all the warning signs were there and maybe I should have seen them. I jumped back into life head first and things got really busy ....really fast. I also noticed yesterday, I had picked up the wrong bottle of fish oil last time I bought it. ...AND...maybe wasn't taking the supplements as religiously as I had been. I also checked my journal...it hasn't been as long as I thought since my last "relapse" of symptoms....altho they weren't this bad. ...and exercise w/o any pain meds has been a challenge for me at times, especially now with the colder weather.....something I need to push threw .....regardless.
blah blah blah....Gooodness...that is a lot of "ands". Fact is.....I just got lax...lazy, in taking care of myself. I knew better.
To be quite honest, Along with the anxiety....it is the sleep problems and dreams that bother me the most. It makes me worry that the nightmares or hallucinations will return. I will do ANYTHING to avoid those. I am not sure I could go threw that again. ...NO...I am sure ...I could not.
You may be right. I may need to give in and get something from the doc to help. The plan was to try to reach 3 months, then 6 months w/o any meds ....then try for a year. My therapist is behind this plan ...and in turn the new doc was kind of forced to agreed with her. With the agreement, of course, that if things got too bad or I felt suicidal, I would go back on them. But I have to tell you...It PISSES me off to no end... to be just weeks away from the 6 month mark and be considering taking them again, now...for this. God, I hate this stuff. But, I have started taking my grand daughter again. I had stopped when all this began. I give her more credit to my getting better than anything else. She keeps me in the present moment and brought sunshine back into my life. So, if keeping her in my daily life means going back on meds...then so be it.
I am sure the new doc will be happy to give me something. But it will be a fight on just what that something will be. I foresee a lot of head butting with this doc. I see my therapist monday....so I will start there.
I agree....I need to remember that this is an on-going battle that will take time...and needs maintenance.
Thank you again for your reply.....and for your great contribution to this site.
D