Today Was The Worst Day Do Far...
#1
Posted 11 March 2014 - 11:14 AM
As I said, today was awful. I'm still reeling from it, I weep as I write this. Writing actually calms me a bit - when I can focus, that is. So I'm glad I can express myself here, day to day, or any moment I need to. And I find some comfort in that.
I am fairly sure I had a panic attack today. Not 100% sure, but fairly sure. I've never experienced one before, do how would I know except for knowing how others have described them? All I know is it came on very suddenly, without warning. And I thought I was dying. Thought I might have been having a heart attack. Suddenly gasping for breath, and every time I started to fall asleep, I woke up gasping. My chest hurt too, but no pain in my arms. And then I started crying, crying, crying. Not hysterical crying, or out of control sobbing, but continual. Thing is, I don't cry much - before or since Cymbalta cessation. And when I get upset, I can usually calm myself down. But I couldn't do it today. Why??? Cymbalta is still in control of my body I guess. Anyway, I almost went to the ER at the time. But now I'm glad I didn't.
My brother is an MD, and only in the last day or two I disclosed to him about the Cymbalta stuff. Today when I had my panic attack, I talked to him about what I experienced. He thinks it was 90% Cymbalta related. Especially the fluid retention, which he thinks was responsible for my breathing trouble today, and why every time I tried to sleep I felt like I was being smothered with a pillow. He said all the swelling could have caused temporary airway obstruction. He thinks this will go away soon, as my body tries to throw off all that extra fluid (been peeing like a racehorse! :-/) that has accumulated...sorry if that was too much information. Just not censoring my words today...
Anyway, I'm calmer tonight. Maybe I'll sleep ok. I hope - because I go back to work tomorrow. I'm kind of afraid of having some weird emotional outburst tomorrow at work...that would be really really awful. Can't afford to have that happen. Hopefully I'll be ok tomorrow, on spite of everything. The question I've been asking for the last 3 weeks is if this stuff is gonna get worse. Guess there's just no way to predict it. Taking it one day at a time.
#2
Posted 11 March 2014 - 11:19 AM
Definitely a panic attack. I know that you afe at the worse point now. I am sorry you have to go through this. You just have to hang in thereanother week or so and you will begin to see periods of improvement. Try to take it as easy as possible. Pamper yourself. Take as much pressure off yourself as possible. You will make it.
God Bless
- Wagtail likes this
#4
Posted 11 March 2014 - 11:34 AM
now that you're not getting serotonin with the help of cymbalta, your brain has to rewire itself to make/provide/moderate it's own...the gears are rusty and haven't been used in a while....
you are at, in,,the worst/hardest part of withdrawal...right where I was at the same time off being off the poison...
You can, and will, get through this....take it a day...an hour..even a minute at a time....and, try not to tense up or fight against what you're experiencing....try to just accept it...let it wash over, through, you...remind yourself constantly that this is the drug, it is not you....
That you're feeling all this is actually a huge positive....it means that the drug is leaving your body...and that your body...your brain...is beginning to heal itself....when you've made it to the other side of this phase of the process and have your first real clear, good, day...or moment...you'll look back at the suffering and ....my bet is....decide that it was all worth it....
You're giving birth to yourself in a sense....out of the drugged up you is emerging the real you....
And, given how awesome you are while on cymbalta/getting off it....the real you is gonna' be spectacular!
- Wagtail likes this
#6
Posted 11 March 2014 - 12:24 PM
Xia: Grab the rope! We will hold you.
My personal thought, check your pulse/ heart rate at 1st sign of breathing difficulty, as you become aware.
Count the beats (in your wrist if you can--radial pulse) for 15 seconds or a full minute.
Is it over 100 per minute at rest?
Slow deep breaths...in and out. Is your heart rate going down?
#7
Posted 11 March 2014 - 01:57 PM
Please do not discount what your brother, the MD stated concerning fluid..You could be experiencing both..Therefore, take into consideration his diagnosis and keep it upfront..
My stand on you quitting your antibiotic is you should not stop taking this after having an outbreak of MRSA and cellulitis. .It's all in finding the correct antibiotic to treat MRSA..I know antibiotics are rough on the body although they are needed to destroy bacteria and prevent bacteria from spreading to other parts of the body..They need to do their job..Certainly do not want you getting a relapse..Please reconsider taking them...Working in a Micro Lab for some years I kno all about MRSA..This is why I won't hesitate to stress the importance of taking the antibiotic. .
As for the panic attacks all I'll say is its very common for everyone to experience one or two in their lifetime. .Withdrawls from meds like cymbalta, other antidepressants, opiates, painkillers, and the like will make an individual more susceptible to anxiety and fear which in turn can turn into a panic attack..What I can you is this...A panic attack is Fear..Fearing the symptoms you body is feeling will bring on aPanic aattack in sensitive times..Do not panic when you feel these symptoms. .Your reaction will be fight or flight. What you need to do when you feels these sensations, just get up very slowly and I stress Very Slowly, walk to your refrigerator and slowly open the freezer door and feel the coldness on your face...You can also walk very slowly to a sink and run cold water on your face towel, ring it out, then place it on you forehead or back of neck and continue walking slowly about your home and notice the TV or trees outside..This should help bring down you anxious state, and in turn reduce the symptoms of panic..It may take a while but keep a slow pace and slow down your racing thought of fear...You may start to feel a chill and this is a sign of your body readjusting itself b ask to normal and the attack subsiding...Another thing to do is to wear a rubber band on your wrist and any physical symptom you feel during an attack is to snap it on your wrist..This should shift your thought process from fear to an 'Ouch!' , this technique should be all you need since you have experience only one and know now what it is..
Hang in there Xiaojie. .you are doing a great job of listening to what your body is telling you..
Best of luck to you..
- Wagtail and FiveNotions like this
#8
Posted 11 March 2014 - 11:23 PM
Xia: Grab the rope! We will hold you.
My personal thought, check your pulse/ heart rate at 1st sign of breathing difficulty, as you become aware.
Count the beats (in your wrist if you can--radial pulse) for 15 seconds or a full minute.
Is it over 100 per minute at rest?
Slow deep breaths...in and out. Is your heart rate going down?
Thanks for sharing this...
#9
Posted 12 March 2014 - 06:51 AM
Today has been awful, too. Everything is setting me off. I'm not as patient with people today. Things I should not pay any attention to are getting to me, REALLY getting to me. But I haven't raised my voice at anyone yet, so I guess I do have some control over myself, what I do, but just no control over how I feel and to what extent I feel those emotions.
My dear friend is flying back to the US for good on Monday. She went through a divorce last November, so I have (up until now) been helping her get through her emotional baggage, trying to be supportive, and allowed her to live with me until she was able to make arrangements to go home. It was sort of a 'stay as long as you need to' kind of arrangement and it's been a blessing for both of us up until yesterday, when the Cymbalta beast was unleashed.
As I said, I don't yell when I'm angry but I was snippy and not as tolerant as I normally am, and she witnessed me bursting into tears several times over trivial things.
We have talked about the withdrawals before several times. She has said she gets it, but I don't think she does. Feels like I'm being resented for not being strong enough to snap out of this. And she is unable to 'take me with a grain of salt' knowing that this is simply my brains reaction to no longer getting Cymbalta. Today, what she thinks of me matters to me. A lot. Maybe tomorrow I won't care so much because I'll be too wrapped up in myself and surviving this horrible phase of my life with my job intact. Who knows?
#10
Posted 12 March 2014 - 08:22 AM
It is hard for others to understand what it is like. I have always suggested having a spouse or friend read through some of the entries on this site. It seems to give them a clearer picture. Unluckily the mood swings last a few weeks but I guess the main point is they do go away. Hang in there we are all pulling for you.
#11
Posted 13 March 2014 - 02:50 PM
I woke up this morning feeling horribly tired, dizzy, nauseated and eyes hurting. But I had to go to work and put on a show for everyone that I was feeling great. Was quite worried I might have an emotional outburst while teaching, too. Thankfully, that never happened. At work and throughout the day, I had horrible nausea, cold sweats, and pain in my bones and gut. No one even noticed - which I was thankful for. And somehow I got through my first workday back to work with no emotional breakdowns. *heaves sigh of releaf*
Tonight however, things really improved. I have made the decision to see a Dr of Chinese medicine on a regular basis - starting tonight. Chinese medicine has helped so many people in my life, so I'm trying it. Chinese herbs versus western drugs really appeals to me right now. True that they tend to take longer to work and this requires more patience, but I think it'll be worth it in the long run. Drugs are so harsh on the body, and Chinese herbal medicine is the polar opposite in substance, principal, and practice. And I think it's exactly what I need. So I will continue to see this Dr once a week. We decided to focus on liver-cleansing for now, considering the terrible Cymbalta withdrawals I'm undergoing. So the herbs she gave me tonight are formulated for that, and she also included additional herbs to soothe the pain in my bones (which continues to be constant), and for the nausea and dizziness. This particular Dr is amazing. By reading my pulse, she was able to tell me my symptoms before I even had a chance to tell her what they were. In fact, I didn't have a chance to even give her my medical history. She zeroed in on my issues immediately. (My close friend had hypothyroidism and PCOS, for which she had been seeing this same Dr for the last two years - she is now totally cured of both - AND she lost 20 kgs as an added bonus.) Sooooo...I'm feeling really really optimistic about this path for me. But above all, I feel very PEACEFUL about my decision - which is usually how I make all major life-decisions & the way I gauge whether something is right for me or not. This feels good and right to me. And did I mention it's cheap? $7 USD a week for the herbs. So I combine this with my modified Paleo diet and activity, and I expect I'll be in a fairly good place this time next month. A cleaner liver, at any rate. Feeling happy and hopeful tonight. ^^
#12
Posted 13 March 2014 - 03:43 PM
I've had it with the med/pharma industry....
#14
Posted 13 March 2014 - 04:35 PM
And thanks, Fishinghat. I agree with you. Best to play it safe.
#16
Posted 16 March 2014 - 02:16 AM
Xia ... I've just survived day 4 and all I can think about when I read your first post ... it's going to get worse? I'm terrified of that prospect. It sounds like the withdrawal has really put you through the wringer ... my heart goes out to you that it will get easier.
#17
Posted 16 March 2014 - 02:58 AM
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#18
Posted 16 March 2014 - 09:39 AM
Hi TinyButMighty - Well yes, the Cymbalta stoppage has been a real bugger. But on the positive side, since starting Chinese medicinal herbs 4 days ago, I've had the best four days since going off of the drug. True that we don't know what the future will bring, or specifically, if my withdrawals will get worse. But I'm quite hopeful they will get better. My attitude about it is: I'm gonna do everything in my power to get my poor body as healthy as I can, and then see what symptoms are actually left to deal with - if any - after the 'smoke' clears. Just gonna continue to take it one day at a time, and crlebrate the good days and make the most of them when they happen. For me, the best I can do is go forward with faith in God and myself to make the best out of this crappy situation...I do sincerely believe there are 'silver linings' to these damn clouds, but spotting them may require extra effort.
Well said, Xiaojie .... I agree completely!
I'm so happy to hear the herbs still seem to be helping....I'm off to the chinese herb store here in dc tomorrow, and am going to follow up on those practitioners on the list you sent me....thank you!
#19
Posted 16 March 2014 - 11:33 AM
While reconsidering the list of practitioners I gave you, I have no doubt from reading their CVs that they're qualified, but I don't know what they charge for what they do as they all are on the internet- I'm afraid they might be pricey. If you can get one, it's better to get a referral from somebody who lives in Chinatown because they're much more likely to refer you to someone with no website and a less showy office (picture an elderly Chinese doctor who has a closet-size office in the rear of an herbal shop) who received their training in Asia, with tons of experience and whose fees are similar to what they are in Asia.
And by the way, yes there are jobs for research librarians here, but you'd make more money and live quite the comfortable life teaching English here instead. I know you were joking about emigrating, but I'm putting this out there anyway: If you ever want a change, come on over! Taiwan takes excellent care of its teachers. We actually have a higher standard of living than what we could have in the US, as the cost of living is so incredibly low. Just FYI.
#20
Posted 16 March 2014 - 03:23 PM
After stumbling onto this topic I now feel better about my decision to get their help with my recovery.
It's 7am here in Australia & I have been up since 5am & have already had three trips to the bathroom ..my stomach is in turmoil & is one of the wost of my withdrawal s/e .
It's hard to leave home when you can't leave the toilet !!!!!!!.
My lounge has become my home ...
I was wondering if your hospital admission was Cymbalta related ?.
Looking back @ the past 10 years , I have realized that most if not all of my illnesses were indeed related to Cymbalta .
If only one of the doctors had noticed the connection , I would have ceased taking it years ago .
I find it amazing that not one person suggested to me that I could be suffering s/e's from taking the CRAPALTA.
Well after 15 weeks of withdrawal & discontinuation syndrome , & thanks to this wonderful site & it's people , I am learning a lot !.
Today I am despondent , weak , depressed, no motivation , with a very upset tummy & house bound .
My hips ache & it hurts to walk , my skin burns 24/7 & I need to sleep with a fan on me @ all times.
My energy levels are extremely low & I'm getting fatter every day regardless of a very good diet , probably because of being sedentary most of the time .
Dear God it has to get better than this PLEASE .
Definitely going to give the Chinese medicine a go .
Xi , you are sounding strong regardless of your very obvious withdrawal symptoms , please keep us informed of your progress it's inspiring me.
God bless.
- Xiaojie likes this
#21
Posted 16 March 2014 - 07:07 PM
I hope you can locate a chinese med practitioner in your area....please let us know if/when you do, and what you learned...
Also, could you have some other health issue going on that hasn't been diagnosed?
Also, how are you doing with the anxiety/ panic?
#22
Posted 16 March 2014 - 09:38 PM
Wagtail.
I have close to all the same symptoms you are experiencing. I'm on day 9 and they're just getting worse and worse. Specifically, one of the most odd s/e I had was my face broke out in boils. One doc said it was Shingles.. the next doc said he didn't think so but treated it as it was anyway! then they would heal and continue to come and go at various levels of intensity. Wow.. this whole time it was the Crapbalta. (I love that we rarely call it by it's given name because it doesn't deserve recognition after the damage it has cause on our lives)
I'm in so much distress that tonight I might take half a dose.. skip a few days and start bead counting. I have to get some things done. Thank God I don't have to work right now. Could you imagine? Pam
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#23
Posted 17 March 2014 - 08:29 AM
With 9 days cold turkey you still have a while to see the light. Maybe another 2 or 3 weeks. I hate to see you go back on after this length of time but just listen to your body. If it says it can't handle any more withdrawal, then do go back on a low dose, stabilize and bead count. Either way best of luck and let us know what happens.
#24
Posted 17 March 2014 - 08:54 AM
Quitting cold turkey is the hard way to go...I know, because I did it that way, too....and at day 9, you're pretty much in the hardest time in the hard time...see if you can make it through another couple of days....take it a day, even and hour, at a time.....it will get better...and you can be free of this poison....
For example, I quit CT because I had to...for me it was the first two weeks that were the hardest.....I had most all of the symptoms, with the flu-like feeling, vertigo nausea being the worst....I stayed in bed almost the whole first month.....but I didn't have any of the skin issues you're having.....
But, always remember,as FH says, listen to your body....if you try to make it a few more days but just can't, it's okay to change how you're doing this...go back on the lowest dose at which you can feel stable, and then bead count, as slowly as you need to, from there...
Stay close to us here, and let us know how you're doing...often...we care, and we want to help!
#25
Posted 17 March 2014 - 09:24 AM
http://www.druginfor...e hydrochloride
#26
Posted 18 March 2014 - 12:16 AM
Oh dear wagtail....I'm beyond sorry to hear what you're still suffering...I truly thought that stopping the tyrosine was going to be the solution for a least a few things ...like the skin burning....
I hope you can locate a chinese med practitioner in your area....please let us know if/when you do, and what you learned...
Also, could you have some other health issue going on that hasn't been diagnosed?
Also, how are you doing with the anxiety/ panic?
Oh dear wagtail....I'm beyond sorry to hear what you're still suffering...I truly thought that stopping the tyrosine was going to be the solution for a least a few things ...like the skin burning....
I hope you can locate a chinese med practitioner in your area....please let us know if/when you do, and what you learned...
Also, could you have some other health issue going on that hasn't been diagnosed?
Also, how are you doing with the anxiety/ panic?
Dear Fivenotions , today I woke up & felt kinda ok .. I couldn't believe it !.
Today has been the VERY BEST day since I finished my CRAPALTA.. I went to the shopping centre , without having a panic attack .
I can think clearly , I feel happy , my burning skin has even eased to a tolerable level .
I managed to get to the gym & walked for 20 mins & did a gentle workout .
If I'm flat on my back tomorrow , I will remember that today I FELT NORMAL !!!. I am sooooo happy .
Hang in there everyone , the sky does return to blue eventually ..:-)
#27
Posted 18 March 2014 - 12:52 AM
Xi not sure if it's a sign or not , but I have been seriously thinking about going to a Chinese practioner for help & have just emailed a friend for a recommendation to one in my area ( I've recently moved here ) .
After stumbling onto this topic I now feel better about my decision to get their help with my recovery.
It's 7am here in Australia & I have been up since 5am & have already had three trips to the bathroom ..my stomach is in turmoil & is one of the wost of my withdrawal s/e .
It's hard to leave home when you can't leave the toilet !!!!!!!.
My lounge has become my home ...
I was wondering if your hospital admission was Cymbalta related ?.
Looking back @ the past 10 years , I have realized that most if not all of my illnesses were indeed related to Cymbalta .
If only one of the doctors had noticed the connection , I would have ceased taking it years ago .
I find it amazing that not one person suggested to me that I could be suffering s/e's from taking the CRAPALTA.
Well after 15 weeks of withdrawal & discontinuation syndrome , & thanks to this wonderful site & it's people , I am learning a lot !.
Today I am despondent , weak , depressed, no motivation , with a very upset tummy & house bound .
My hips ache & it hurts to walk , my skin burns 24/7 & I need to sleep with a fan on me @ all times.
My energy levels are extremely low & I'm getting fatter every day regardless of a very good diet , probably because of being sedentary most of the time .
Dear God it has to get better than this PLEASE .
Definitely going to give the Chinese medicine a go .
Xi , you are sounding strong regardless of your very obvious withdrawal symptoms , please keep us informed of your progress it's inspiring me.
God bless.
Oh, Wagtail. Hang in there! Those symptoms you're dealing with are awful, and several you mentioned I have experienced, as well, post Cymbalta and pre- Chinese herbs. I'm glad you're looking at Chinese medicine for help. (I'm on day 5 of the herbs and I've had 5 good days in a row now. Some symptoms have been eliminated totally, but the ones I still have are now tolerable).
My thoughts on the use of Chinese medicine are these: while they won't eliminate all of your symptoms overnight (some will be, however), they will help you to bear you up and support your body and your mind through the Cymbalta purging process, by working with and strengthening your body's own power to heal itself.
Working with a good practitioner of TCM through the drug purging process is imperative however, because as you purge more and more of the drug, what your body needs will change too, and an experienced well-trained practitioner will be able to adjust your herb formula from week to week, according to your needs.
Cymbalta has robbed our bodies of health, and I see Chinese herbs as a method of putting something good and positive back in, and eventually (as TCM tends to take longer to work, generally, than western meds) restore what was lost.
Wagtail, I hope you're able to find a good practitioner of TCM near you who you feel comfortable working with - that person will become your partner in getting you healthy again. My practitioner has become my 'new bestie', haha!!
Oh, and to answer your question about my recent hospital admission: I was being treated for a MRSA infection - but I heap much of the blame on Cymbalta for getting the infection in the first place because it was CYMBALTA that helped weaken my immune system over time, causing greater vulnerability to contracting the MRSA bacteria.
At any rate Wagtail, we are here to emotionally support you through your post-Cymbalta journey. I have every reason to hope you, me, and the rest of our fellow sufferers can improve our health. For me, TCM is the best choice for physiological and psychological (and this website, of course) support for surviving, and eventually thriving through this post-Cymbalta journey. Please keep posting about how you're doing, Wagtail. We really care about you!!
- Wagtail likes this
#30
Posted 24 March 2014 - 04:41 PM
This is my 5th week post-Cymbalta, and my 10th day on Chinese herbs. Also 4 weeks totally chem-free (I subtracted a week for the time I was in the hospital on antibios and morphine). How're my withdrawal symptoms? No more nausea, brain zaps, or angry rages and crying jags for 10 days in a row since doing Chinese herbs. Yay!!! The constant bone and joint pain is still present, but continues to be manageable to the extent I have not had to take any drug for pain - not even Asian Tylenol. I still have intermittent vertigo, but the episodes are brief in duration, and not when driving or teaching. Seem to primarily be when transitioning from lying to sitting to standing - but then disappears after a few minutes. And my daily moods? Back to normal. No depression. Back to my usual optimistic happy self. Handling daily stresses much better, too. But still sleeping a lot. I feel the Chinese herbs are helping me get through the post-Cymbalta crap much better than without. My Chinese medicine Dr., Dr. Liu, is taking good care of me. Saw her on Saturday and she again read both my right and left pulse and determined that my herb formula needed adjusting, do she added another herb to help reduce my fluid retention which she thinks has been to blame for the bone and joint pain I've been experiencing. She also suggested I cut back on even my natural sugar intake (I stopped eating all starches and refined sugars 6 mos. ago, but still ate fruit), so one apple a day is it for me now.
So still eating a modified Paleo diet as I have since last September. I say 'modified' Paleo because I am eating a small amount of rice each day, as per Dr. Liu's recommendation. Eating lots of fresh vegetables, fish, nuts, coconut oil, and quinoa (very high in protein) daily. And water. Lots of it. My only beverage while I'm purging the Cymbalta crap out.
Over all, I think I'm doing pretty damn good so far.
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