401 replies to this topic

[Wagtail]

How are you feeling today, Wagtail?

I'm feeling a "tiny " bit better & will cling to it for as long as it lasts ... Thanks for asking ..:-)

[FiveNotions]

That's good news, Wagtail! Stick with the exact meds, doses and dosing schedule this doc has given you....and give us a daily update on how you're feeling!

We're rooting for you, pulling for you, praying for you!

And, as you so often remind us, I shall remind you .... You can do this!!!

[Wagtail]

That's good news, Wagtail! Stick with the exact meds, doses and dosing schedule this doc has given you....and give us a daily update on how you're feeling!We're rooting for you, pulling for you, praying for you!And, as you so often remind us, I shall remind you .... You can do this!!!

[Xanazul]

_{Thank you all for caring.}

_{FN and TM, I see you have been promoted to the highest ranks.}

_{I know this is an automatic change, but it reflects nevertheless the thruth of your dedication and care for all the people that comes to this forum.}

[Xanazul]

FN:

Yes a have my therapist who I (and she) am affraid is not being of many help right now, so we have agree that I will see another therapist who is mindfulness based cognitive conductual trained.

My therapist for 8 years is also psychiatrist and  as for my physical health problems they are all being taken care.

Not, I am not able to differentiate right now what is discontinuation and what the resurfacing of the condition for what I took Cymbalta. Anxiety and stress are killing me and they are now much more severe than the first eight weeks without Cymbalta.

I am trying anything I can think of to alleviate anxiety and panic, but no much success. Benzos are not an option at all for me. They do not reduce the anxiety but leave me tired.

Hope you are doing much better.

[Xanazul]

AM:

As I said above in response to FN, although I can not attend right now the eight weeks training, I have started to see a therapist that is mindfulness oriented. Because I missed the two opportunities I had recently to enter a regular training course I was trying to do it by own until I could get the opportunity to engage in the eight weeks formal training, using the CD (Jon Kabat-Zinn guided exercises) that comes with the book “The mindfulness way through depression”, but I felt it was not working. So now as a suggestion of the therapist I am starting from scraps: counting breaths, beginning with just eleven breaths three times a day this first week.

And, yes I also believe that the hell of anxiety and depression I’ve been through these last ten years as well as my actual inferno are the result of what my therapist calls my limitless (and somehow omnipotent) efforts to cope with something that it was impossible to cope with and the denial of what was happening altogether with a poor ability for selfcare plus some cracks in self-esteem (that have grown to be huge as a result).

This I am sure is not unfamiliar to you. The devastating effects of the moral abuse are like a poison you swallow drop by drop unaware that you are being intoxicated until the damage is so terrible that you finally can not ignore it any more and you feel impotent, powerless and helpless to repair  anything. If as it is my case you have two daughters that have been also abused (not sexually), the guilt for your inability to be aware of the abuse that was being done to you and your daughters and put and end to it, adds an important burden.

So here I am, I know why and how I’ve entered the maze, but not the way out.

[Xanazul]

TM:

I know how careful and precise you are with the meaning of the language you use. When you suggested that may be I should consider the surrender, I understood what you meant. As a matter of fact, not being able to surrender (to accept, recognize, be aware) to was happening in my life (and being in consequence unable to withdraw and put an end to the pain that was being inflicted to me and my daughters) is as I told AM above one of the main reasons (the other of course is the psychopathic personality of my ex husband, which needless to say I am not responsible for) I have come to be in this terrible state of mind and body.

The reason a feel mindfulness training and practice is a hope for me lies just in the perception that I need to give up my I need, I can and I will fix anything that causes a problem to me or my loved ones and allow myself to rest, at least for some moments, in the arms of confidence in my own self and trust in the others.

[Xanazul]

X-M:

Yes I also believe damage can be repaired. Science has proven that it can be repaired. Other people experiences prove that it can be repaired. But in the midst of this suffering is hard to maintain the hope. I appreciate so much your cheerings.

[Xanazul]

Tria:

I've followed your posts since you entered the forum, but as you may not have not been very much active lately. Not silly at all your way of dealing with anxiety. In fact I am convinced that being able to focus only in what I am doing will be a blessing for me. Reading is something I love …anxiety steals me this pleasure, and I miss it so much!!

[thismoment]

Xanazul

 

Thank you for your warm, caring, and dedicated response! There's a fresh and un-guarded nature in these posts that is not insignificant. I wish you peace.

[AnotherMind]

Xanazul

I am lost for words. Moral abuse is a most perncious and corrosive force to be exerted upon the soul and self esteem. I am so sorry you find yourself in this deep maze.

[xman]

To Xanaxul, Though you may have feelings of anxiety, distress, impotence in handling all that has come your way, you strike me as someone that is much stronger than you think. My prayer to the universe right this moment is that you prevail over the past, the poisons, to start a new and amazing journey in your life. A new life chapter.