401 replies to this topic

[xman]

Xanazul--Feeling your pain across thousands of miles... I can't believe I am so emotional. And while I know this isn't a "bad" thing, nonetheless it is a sad thing. Finding it hard to protect the inner self from the sadness around me--May this pass because although I want to feel, I don't want to always feel so sad.

[Wagtail]

Xanazul & Xman ,
it's like climbing a ladder to the top of a mountain & when you get there you will be overcome by the beautiful view..
This journey is very hard & very emotional , I myself am still climbing the ladder & can't wait until I reach the summit because I know there are many beautiful sights awaiting me. I know this because I have had glimpses already .
You are also on this ladder but on your own personal step .. But even if you are just on step three or six .... You are heading in the right direction ..UP ...
Every day , every hour , every minute you are getting a step closer to the better view from the top ... Keep smiling even when you feel like crap , it can help fool your brain into releases happy hormones ...
CRAPALTA will fight you every inch of the way so you need to be aware of the dirty tactics it uses to try to make you reinstate ...

YES ...you will most likely suffer from most of the side effects that you read about from others so be prepared , & when they hit , recognize them & ride them out anyway you can .. I spent many hours on my lounge chair watching anything on tv that was remotely funny or anything that would keep my mind from thinking too much .....Do whatever it takes to keep your mind busy & DONT FEEL GUILTY for needing to do this.

I still can't watch or read anything emotional without tearing up ... But that's ok because @ least I have regained REAL feelings again.

Sorry I am rambling on ...I guess the moral of my story that I'm trying to tell you is that , the journey CAN'T be sugar coated , it's nasty & sucks big time ..BUT get ANGRY with it & fight it with all you've got & it is beatable ...
It's a WAR that you can win with determination & lots of support , especially from the angels from this wonderful group.
Log in as much as possible to get the strength you need .

Good Luck & God Bless .

[Xanazul]

You all great people, thank you for your encouragement and love

[TryinginFL]

Last nite I had some strange things happening that I have not had before.... I woke up every 2 or 3 hrs with terrible cramps in my legs. They lasted for some time and it seemed that I no sooner got back to sleep but they started again. I have been off this poison for almost 4 months now and had never experienced this. I suppose it is more of the withdrawal that I was fortunate enough not to have until now.It seems it is ALWAYS something. I have been in a depressed mood the last few days as well. Has anyone else had this after almost 4 months? And things had been getting so much better - I really thought that I was about done with this crap! ARRRRGGGGGG....

[thismoment]

So sad today!
I wish could cry, but tears are kind of locked into my chest, my eyes and all my body and will nor come easy to free me from this overpowering sadness.
I guess I Must be careful when getting in touch with hurtful things from the past as I've done today.

Sorry you had a sad day. I am sensing your sadness is just that- sadness, melancholy, and not depression. Is that right? They're different.

 

I think this might be a threshold emotion- like a cherished loved one coming home: let it in when it arrives for it's probably the opening a flood-gate that needs to flow. Try not to wrestle with it, or judge its meaning; don't resist it.

 

Hurtful things from the past are so difficult. Images are imperfect, but the pain is real- like a nightmare; your mind can't tell the difference between awake pain or asleep pain.

 

Hang on. This withdrawal struggle is as significant and meaningful a challenge any of us may encounter in our lives! 

[xman]

TringinFL, I have seen post from FN and FH re: magnesium depletion or defiiency. Is it linked to crapalta? Maybe--we will probably never know but I would submit cause and effect theory. Chemically we are really so changed from having used this "medication". I truly hope that it will fade out, as Thismoment so eloquently put it.

 

They advocate bath salts for the leg cramps. I can see you waking up at 0200 and having these horrible cramps and getting in the bath--not really. But maybe it could be a preventative measure? Also look at food high in MG (which I don't know off the top of my head but it'll probably be broccoli LOL ).

[fishinghat]

Xman, the low Mg is due to an effect of stress. With increase stress the body excretes more magnesium and calcium than normal. That is why so many stressed people suffer from cramps, heart pounding. irregular heart beats like pvcs and atrial fibrolation,, restless leg and ohhhh so many other muscle ailments.

 

By the way, you are right about the broccoli!!!  lol

[xman]

Aha! I knew it! TY!

[TryinginFL]

Thanks, xman and fh....good thing I like broccoli! I have been taking MG for about 10 days now, and the last 2 nites I haven't had any cramps. I have been feeling terribly depressed this past week and tears have been coming way too easily. I met with a friend of my daughter's whom I haven't seen for 30 yrs, as she was down here in FL with her husband for a conference in Orlando and of course it was emotional and full of memories of my daughter. I miss my small family and am feeling miserable about living alone and never going anywhere. I received Mother's Day cards from one of my sons today and tears started immediately! Damn....I want to stop this!!! I so hate being this way!!


Thanks all for listening to my rant!

....and another thing - is anyone else having trouble typing on this site? This is the only place where the type is different and I cannot access any of the emoticons - js When I post it looks normal...

[fishinghat]

Hang in there TFL. The emotional rollercoaster does end!!

[TryinginFL]

Thanks fh - I am out of "likes" for the day!

[Xanazul]

Saturday and sunday had been such a nightmare that I did not gather the strenght to post, but yesterday, monday 12 may 2014, was week ten without Cymbalta.
Today I feel the worse I had felt since this all started.
I woke up twice along the night, and finally at 6 am with extreme anxiety, my body aching all over and feeling so sick, tired (body and soul) and hopeless as I've hardly been before.
Weeks 8 to 12 are suppose to be the ones where good days are more than bad days aren't they. May you also experience some of your worst symptoms during these weeks?
Please, say yes.
I need to drive away the thoughts of being sinking to depression again and to resist the drive to start swallowing pills to prevent it before is too late.
Thanks you all for being there

[xman]

YES

 

I think, tho they may come and go (wax and wane), the symptoms for me got worse after thinking the worse behind me...So I know I am in for the long-run. I have been full of depression and not un-like TryinginFL, also feel alone. I had to call in sick at work this past weekend. My stomach in knots and continue the downward spiral. I have the night and day sweats--but they are at least 50% less in severity. I quit this stuff around Feb. 20.

This morning I spent lying in bed twisting and turning until at 1015 I finally got up and tried some tea. GI symptoms continue. I have lost 15 lbs. which I think fluid in the abdomen was obvious--like bloating. I have some older dogs and they are lying around like their "person".  

I feel for you, Xanazul.

[FiveNotions]

Xanazul, for me weeks 8-12 included some of the very very hardest/worst days....in fact, I think it was sometime during March (I quit early last december, cold turkey) that I had two horrendous days in a row, and came very close to going back on Cymbalta...Fishinghat and the others here talked me through it, but I can still remember the nightmare it was....

 

Also during that time, the good times/days began to get clearer and stronger ... as good as the bad days were bad .... stick it out, it's temporary ... it feels eternal as it's happening, but it's not permanent....you are healing and you are recovering .... just read back through your earlier posts...you'll see the progress!!

 

You can, and will, do this!

[Xanazul]

Xman, so sorry you are feeling so bad, but you are not alone. This thought helps me, may be it will help you too.
I will be thrilled if I could lose 8 to 10 lbs, but I guess this is not as important for you.
One think I have crystal clear: MUST GET OUT OF BED even if I have to crawl because my aching legs won't support me, leave skyrocketed by anxiety or feel that I need to lift ten times my weight. I always feel a lot worse if I don't.
We will see better days. Be compassionate with (to? my english is getting worse every day) yourself while they are coming.

[xman]

Thank you Xanazul-your English is better than you thin. And you are spot on about the weight and about not being alone. This is good we can share here without fear or judgment.

[TryinginFL]

Wanted to "like" your post, xman, but am told I have reached my quota for the day.

 

I wish you all the best, Xanazul - I am so sorry that you are not doing so well.

 

Please be kind to yourselves... I know it is hard, but try to keep those positive thoughts coming!

 

Love, hugs and prayers,

Liz

[Xanazul]

Eleven week off.
Crippling morning anxiety and the not less crippling accompanying cortege of other symptoms are still plaguing me and making me feel hopelessness many times along the day until late afternoon or early evening when they seem to subside.
Keep reading you every day and find a lot of comfort. Thanks to you all

[xman]

Thinking of you Xanazul.

[fishinghat]

Hang in there xanazul. The worse should start giving way to the tolerable followed by the good in the near future. Keep up the good fight.

[GonnaMakeIt]

Sending a BIG hug to you, Xanazul!  Coming here has also helped me so so so many days even on the days that I only have just enough energy to read but not enough to type a reply, etc., it still helps!  Some days, I really want to reply but just don't have it in me so wait until I do but either way, just keep coming back and reading to, at least, help you through whatever hell you are in that day and find hope that there is a light at the end of that tunnel.  Take care!

[thismoment]

Xanazul

 

You should start to see better days soon. Work on controlling the anxiety.

 

Anxiety is the engine of doubt- it keeps you on the low ground, down in that fearful hole. Benzodiazepines can become less effective for an individual over time, and if your anxiety is no longer controlled as it was, consider switching to a different brand.

 

Please take care.

[FiveNotions]

Xanazul.....two and a half months off, wonderful! And that's about how I felt then.....like FH says....the tolerable will soon arrive...and then the stable and good....ride this out...you've made it through this far and you're about to "turn the corner"!

[Xanazul]

I DO THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.

Hope I can return all this care to others some time soon

[Xanazul]

Also, you people that now better, there is a topic that has been opened by a 26 year old that looks quite desesperate. Would you take care of him (as you always do) the sooner you can. 

I have not the skills yet, neither am I in the better mood to be able to comfort him

[Xanazul]

Love this:
"Everyone has a right to have a present and future that are not completely dominated and dictated by the past"
- Karen Saakvitne

[thismoment]

"Everyone has a right to have a present and future that are not completely dominated and dictated by the past"
- Karen Saakvitne

 

 

It sounds romantic, but impossible.

 

There is always a regretful past, and if we stop growing and learning, that regretful past will rule our present and future. It is up to us to create better pasts in each moment to enable better futures.

[fishinghat]

Well said TM.

[Xanazul]

TM:

Don't see any contradiction between your well articulate thinking and Saakvitne's

"Everyone has the right to have a present and a future that are not completely dominated and dictated by the past" I do not see it as a denial that the trauma and the past can't be changed but rather as an assertive and confident statement to boost you into the journey to rebuilt the present.

[Xanazul]

I've posted this elsewhere but I doing here again just in case someone had experienced this:

I'n addition to the usual muscle pain (flu-like), which I must say is getting better, I do have in my right arm a very excruciating pain that comes out of nowhere from time to time (frequently wakes me up) like a bolt of pain coming down my arm. Sometimes it lasts only a few minutes and then is gone and others it can be present for a few hours with less intensity. Most of the times the pain occurs in parallel to anxiety strikes.

Thanks