118 replies to this topic

[Wagtail]

Thank you Liz , I will call her as soon as reasonable ..just wish I knew how to settle down , I'm so tired ...

[FiveNotions]

Wagtail, this could be "dust" stirred up at your therapist session yesterday ... just the fact that you've committed to working through the trauma, using her technique, could be... on a very deep level... frightening to you, and thus showing up in your body ...

TFL is on the money ... you need to call her and tell her what's happening right away...

Hang in there!

[Carleeta]

Wagtail...I'm feeling your anxiety as I read your post...I have suffered my adult life with anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. .I know the fear you are experiencing right at this moment...I was on 10 my Valium 3 times a day...I had seen someone, a psychologist, who taught a program called TERRAP. .It definitely changed my thought process..Although today I don't believe the program exists. .as there are many programs out there...They Valium itself will not stop panic attacks, although it will calm your body down...Therefore, the Valium works great when you are in therapy and learning techniques of positive thinking, going with the attack instead of fighting it, andto stop the uncertainty thinking...One think that helps me when the attack is coming is I say to myself 'Ok here you are again attack..Go ahead and get it over with because I have things to do"...I walk very slowly to the freezer, open it up and feel the coolness..Still doing everything in slow motion...I walk through my home, wash my face, put a cool towel on the back of my neck, and etc...I do everything slowly and go with the physical symptoms instead of fighting or fearing them..I always remind myself how many times I survive the attack...I'm calming myself down as I begin to feel I'm getting an attack...The key to this process is to catch the slightest physical symptom early enough and start calming techniques so they don't rise in a full blown panic attack...Your therapist should help you in detecting your earliest symptoms, which seem to be undetectable to the one who suffers from this...I actually have grocery shopped through an attack...I actually sat down on a floor in the grocery store until it passed...I actually got up from church
services and walked out during an attack...I actually was in flight and had an attack...This are all true...What I did realize was no one, and I mean no one knew I was having an attack...It's not noticeable to others..Just we feel others are noticing our hearts race, sweaty palms, and our shortness of breath....They don't see it...It's OK to have one...Just tell yourself it's OK to have one and nothing will happen to you...I also hope you continue with the therapist and open up all your fears to him/her...I truly know what you are going through...For years I wore a rubber band on my wrist and when I started to feel an attack coming, I would snap it..I immediately focused on the jolt i felt...i would do ty his over and over until I was able to detect one of my first symptoms. ..It takes time to accept these uncomfortable feelings and once you do, you will overcome the fear of them and they come less and less...I'm here for you at anytime Wagtail...Also I know I mentioned to you about the book and cd called PANIC AWAY...I use that as my bible when I'm under extreme anxiety...I know it is a bit costly, although it pays for itself within a week..
my prayers and thoughts are with you....

[FiveNotions]

Carleeta, Wagtail's therapist has gotten her started with sensorimotor psychotherapy ... google it... it's what my only good...no, wonderful, therapist used with me back in the 1980s ..... was a real life saver/changer for me ... it's great for working through trauma ... which I had buried from childhood (parental alcoholism/violence) ...

We're trying to keep Wagtail focused on just that (yes, dear Wagtail, I'm talking about you...stay focused, dear heart)

her therapist has given her some assigned readings to do ... and strict meds instructions ... dose/schedule... because she's got to get, and stay, stable in order to engage in the sensorimotor therapy ...

[FiveNotions]

Wagtail, Carleeta's point about sticking her face/head in the freezer reminded me...

Ice, ice packs, work very well for me to calm the physical anxiety ... those gel pea pod thingys...or just ice cubes in a towel... I put them on my solar plexus, my carotid arteries, the backs of my knees and my wrists... in that order of priority ... the cold sensation totally takes my mind off the anxiety, and somehow feels comforting to me ...

I've read that for others, heat/warmth seems to help ... as in warm gel packs, or a heating pad ...

Hang in there!

[Wagtail]

Thank you both every bit of suggestion helps , I will try anything. I just spoke to my therapist & she told me to take another 5 mgs of Valium , that means I took 5 mgs @ 5 am & another 5 mgs just now @ 8.30am ... That's 10 mgs in 3 1/2 hrs .. I'm so desperate if that doesn't help my fear & panic , I might take 0.25 Clonidine & knock myself out ... Too scared to sleep & too scared to be awake ... Why is this happening after 8 months of being off Cymbalta !...
My mind is so confused ATM ...
Xx

[FiveNotions]

Wagtail, I just posted this to you on another thread where you'd posted ...

did you ask your therapist about taking the clonidine sooner than bedtime? Did you ask her about taking just 1/4 ... or 1/2 of the 0.1 dose?

Again, dear heart, you can't just head off and make these med decisions yourself ... nor use us instead of the therapist ... she seems to know exactly what she's doing for you/with you ...

if you didn't ask her about the clonidine, just go ahead and call her back ... that's what you're paying her for!

[AnotherMind]

Oh Wagtail - so sorry to hear you are suffering. My thoughts are with you.

[TryinginFL]

How are you feeling now, Wagtail?

 

Hope the Valium has kicked in and you have been able to settle down...

[Wagtail]

TFL , it's now nearly 1pm & Ive tried every coping teqniqueI know , the Valium only took the edge off but didn't really ease the anxious feelings . I managed to do a few chores to try to distract myself but just exhausted myself ...sitting on the couch with the Elen show on in the background for comfort.
Trying to ride the waves & go with the feelings but it's so hard ...I feel like crap & still scared of whatever it is that is making me like this .
I was just thinking how much happier I was this time last year before I went off the Cymbalta .... Here I go with my irrational thinking again ...
Thanks very much for caring & keeping my mind busy if only for the time it takes to type my post ..it all adds up ...xxx

[TryinginFL]

Did you call the therapist and leave a message regarding the Clonidine?  Perhaps a small amount might be helpful but you would need her OK...

If you haven't done this, please do!

 

You said this to me once - "Imagine I am holding your hand across the world" - I am!

[scared60]

thismoment!  Thanks!!!! It's a wonderful reminder that I'd love to email to my aunt, it's so right on and something that can be easily forgotten in the throes  of withdrawal

[scared60]

This is a wonderful reminder, I'm I week 3 ... I knew it would take longer, but reading this makes me remember it.

 

thanks thismoment, you are sooooo full of great information

[Clara]

Hey all! Having a tough time today! Cannot seem to even read through this great thread! Will do later. Just an FYI cuz I couldn't figure out where to post as I am not very adept at reposting from other websites, sooo.... Mad In America has posted info on how to add comments to the  "powers that be" on informed consent. Thismoment has posted much on informed consent.. maybe, just maybe we can have even a small voice on what goes on in the arena of this powerful thing called pharmaceuticals and help others! Hugs and prayers and love to all!

[TryinginFL]

Wagtail...

 

How are things going for you?

 

Hugs,

Liz

[TryinginFL]

Clara..

 

So sorry you are having a bad day - I hope they don't come around too often...

 

Love, hugs and prayers,

Liz

[thismoment]

Clara

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. For reasons I can't know, I am with you today on that low ground. It will pass for each of us and we will soon emerge into the sunlight. But words get said, and history is forged in that moment and there is no going back- not all the way back: new futures emerge from every harsh word, and we can't navigate with eyes locked in the rear-view mirror.

[gail]

Clara

I'm sorry you are having a rough day. For reasons I can't know, I am with you today on that low ground. It will pass for each of us and we will soon emerge into the sunlight. But words get said, and history is forged in that moment and there is no going back- not all the way back: new futures emerge from every harsh word, and we can't navigate with eyes locked in the rear-view mirror.

 

Thanks Thismoment, I needed to hear that also!

[Neesee]

I'm with you on reason #7, and that is the very reason I'm tapering off Cymbalta and found this site for help.

[gail]

The first six reasons come from a book.
 
The Six Reasons People Attempt Suicide from Happiness in this World by Alex Lickerman M.D.
 
1. They're depressed. This is the most common reason. The person says, "Everyone would be better off without me."
 
2. They're psychotic. They hear malevolent voices from within.
 
3. They're impulsive. Often drug and alcohol abuse lead to a snap decision.
 
4. They're crying out for help. The person is waving a flag, an alert to their anguish.
 
5. They have a philosophical reason to die. It's based on a "reasoned" decision- an attempt to take control of destiny.
 
6. Games gone too far. Often starts out as a fun game- risky, often sex-based. Asphyxiation is one type.
 
………………………………………………………………………………….
 
That all sounds pretty reasonable, and clearly it's been well-researched. However, permit me to add Reason Number 7, and Reason  Number 8.
 
Reason Number 7.
Another reason people arrive as Suicide's Door is due to Antidepressant Zombieosis (I made that term up) where the patient on an antidepressant is left with all emotions stripped away, flat-lined, zombie-like. The patient becomes a vacant shell, a hollow man, form without content aimlessly shuffling off to nowhere. The thought of suicide arrives not on the frothy wave of emotion, but rather on the bleak granite slab of nothingness.
 
Reason Number 8.
Another journey that transports us to Suicide's Door is Withdrawal or Discontinuation from Antidepressants. It's important to note that it isn't necessarily depression and anxiety that gets us started on antidepressants- many patients are prescribed drugs like Cymbalta for pain, and these folks often end up standing incredulous at that door too! 
 
We are misled by the propaganda that tells us withdrawal only takes two weeks- no problem. This misinformation is handed out to physicians on a pamphlet with a 100-dollar bill taped to the backside. The physician is happy (and even happier when solicited to present a seminar or write up a "study" for more cash). Likewise the media is compelled to bury the truth about antidepressant withdrawal as long as BigPharma is one of their sponsors: Dr. Phil is sponsored by Pfizer, so you won't hear anything negative about SSRIs on his show.
 
We are blindsided by hidden information. Perhaps it shouldn't be surprising that physicians often mumble as we're leaving the office, "You could be on these for the rest of your life . . .". The doctor often senses there's an anomaly present, but it's elusive.
 
We begin our withdrawal in earnest, enthusiastically! (Two weeks- I can handle that!) But soon we feel like something's wrong: "I should be over this by now! These symptoms must mean I've contracted some disease!" 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months- Nausea, vertigo, muscle pain, joint pain, headaches, tinnitus, sex life ended, cognitive impairment, loss of sense of smell, anxiety and panic, more depression, memory gaps and so on. It's deep deep water!
 
It takes months, not weeks; you have to be patient.
 
Understandably, the patient often ends up on another antidepressant because the physician is convinced this is a NEW condition altogether- especially if the drug had been prescribed for pain: The physician now sees depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, or fibromyalgia! Remember, there's nothing in the literature about this- in fact we are the pioneers, we are writing the history. It's really not surprising the patient finds himself or herself standing at Suicide's Door. 
 
And it's during withdrawal and discontinuation that we encounter profound rage: mass murders have occurred during discontinuation from antidepressants, and the suicide often follows.
 
This is what it feels like to be set-up, to be deceived.
 
But now you know, so don't do nuthin' dumb!

Bringing this back up, of course after six or seven months if things get worse, something has to be done about it. If other meds, so be it! His words and I agree.

[fishinghat]

Excellent move Gail.

[Ahnalou]

I can so relate to these feelings. What I'm finding in this phase (the last week) is that my depression, my darkness and my lightness, comes in waves. But, it's not day to day. It's an hour of oppression ... that feeling that no one would care if you weren't here on the planet ... my loved ones (my close family members) have tired of it. Then, I'll have several hours of not thinking of leaving. Not really happy or feeling joy, but not thinking desperate thoughts. My gosh, will this pass? Does one suffer brain damage at the end ?

[fishinghat]

There is no scientific evidence of long-term brain damage. I can tell you that a few of our members that had the worse withdrawal did suffer some lasting effects. Tinnitus, some light anxiety, and others but in the most part it does seem to fade away for most.

[vishva8kumara]

Well, that explains a lot of things.

 

There are so many times within the past 44 days I was wondering if I have contracted some decease and going to die within next few days anyways. But now it has been 44 days and I still am living, not knowing when I would die.

 

I have no words in either of 2 languages I speak to explain how I'm feeling. For few days two weeks go, I was convinced that I have got tetanus fever and going to die soon, so all this feeling like hell will end. My back hurts and the whole body is sore as if I'm going to have fever. My throat is on fire and my node is like bleeding, but it is all runny and all. This is only a fraction of how bad I'm feeling. There are no other conclusive symptoms about an infection spreading or worsening, so I took off that idea of the probability of having contracted tetanus from those rusty blades.

 

Hmm, that means I have to put up with this hellish feeling for much longer.

 

I stopped Cymbalta because I realized that it will not solve anything. I've disappointing and lost faith on the whole of their kind. I have made a terrible mistake, and I should be rather dying alone. But now I have these effing responsibilities and am a pathetic coward who cannot kill myself. There is not much purpose left for me. I'm happened to be on the wrong planet. Everything going around me is a one big terrible mistake where I have absolutely nothing to make it right. Cymbalta cannot just make things right, only me dying would. But I have to live for my little daughter. So I have postponed the "escape from this planet" to another 16 or so years.

[gail]

Hi Vish,

You must have cold turkeyed, you know that everything seems much worst than it is in withdrawal. Many have gone through this, many trips to ER, hurting everywhere and thinking that they would go crazy.

I am wondering how you felt on Cymbalta, and I know it doesn't solve anything as you said, but if you were feeling a bit better when on it then I would suggest that you reinstate and bead count your way down. That makes for a smoother withdrawal.

Should you need info, advice, or just talk, we are here for you. We have a "bank"of suggestions that may help you. By the way, do you speak Spanish? Just curious here.

[fishinghat]

V8K

 

Welcome to the site and sorry (but not surprised) you are suffering so. Something you may consider is just taking a few beads of Cymbalta ((put them in an empty capsule). This should give you a little break from the withdrawal if it gets too bad. You might also try a Benadryl. It can help as well. Do not take Benadryl if you are already taking an antihistamine though.

 

Dying is not the answer. I strongly suggest you speak to a professional about this immediately. For your daughters sake. You are loved and needed. We care about you. If a dr only thinks medication is the only answer then you need a different dr. Be aware there are many kinds of medicines for suicidal thoughts and actions and many are NOT antidepressants. But more importantly there is good therapy techniques to train you on how to control these feelings and put them in perspective. Don't give up.  If there is ANYTHING we can do to help let us know. You are not alone.

 

And don't forget that the things I mentioned above can help with the withdrawal.

 

Did you have suicidal thoughts before the Cymbalta withdrawal?

[TryinginFL]

V8K,

 

Welcome!  I'm so happy that you have found us..

 

I went cold turkey 3 years ago and spent one hell of a year in withdrawal.  If this is what you have done, please get back on it and start bead counting.  I did not do this and wish I had.

 

We have people here who can help you - just ask!!

 

If those suicidal thoughts stay with you, I agree w/FH - PLEASE  see a professional!

 

Just remember we are all here for you - this is a wonderful group of people!

[gail]

The first six reasons come from a book.
 
The Six Reasons People Attempt Suicide from Happiness in this World by Alex Lickerman M.D.
 
1. They're depressed. This is the most common reason. The person says, "Everyone would be better off without me."
 
2. They're psychotic. They hear malevolent voices from within.
 
3. They're impulsive. Often drug and alcohol abuse lead to a snap decision.
 
4. They're crying out for help. The person is waving a flag, an alert to their anguish.
 
5. They have a philosophical reason to die. It's based on a "reasoned" decision- an attempt to take control of destiny.
 
6. Games gone too far. Often starts out as a fun game- risky, often sex-based. Asphyxiation is one type.
 
………………………………………………………………………………….
 
That all sounds pretty reasonable, and clearly it's been well-researched. However, permit me to add Reason Number 7, and Reason  Number 8.
 
Reason Number 7.
Another reason people arrive as Suicide's Door is due to Antidepressant Zombieosis (I made that term up) where the patient on an antidepressant is left with all emotions stripped away, flat-lined, zombie-like. The patient becomes a vacant shell, a hollow man, form without content aimlessly shuffling off to nowhere. The thought of suicide arrives not on the frothy wave of emotion, but rather on the bleak granite slab of nothingness.
 
Reason Number 8.
Another journey that transports us to Suicide's Door is Withdrawal or Discontinuation from Antidepressants. It's important to note that it isn't necessarily depression and anxiety that gets us started on antidepressants- many patients are prescribed drugs like Cymbalta for pain, and these folks often end up standing incredulous at that door too! 
 
We are misled by the propaganda that tells us withdrawal only takes two weeks- no problem. This misinformation is handed out to physicians on a pamphlet with a 100-dollar bill taped to the backside. The physician is happy (and even happier when solicited to present a seminar or write up a "study" for more cash). Likewise the media is compelled to bury the truth about antidepressant withdrawal as long as BigPharma is one of their sponsors: Dr. Phil is sponsored by Pfizer, so you won't hear anything negative about SSRIs on his show.
 
We are blindsided by hidden information. Perhaps it shouldn't be surprising that physicians often mumble as we're leaving the office, "You could be on these for the rest of your life . . .". The doctor often senses there's an anomaly present, but it's elusive.
 
We begin our withdrawal in earnest, enthusiastically! (Two weeks- I can handle that!) But soon we feel like something's wrong: "I should be over this by now! These symptoms must mean I've contracted some disease!" 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months- Nausea, vertigo, muscle pain, joint pain, headaches, tinnitus, sex life ended, cognitive impairment, loss of sense of smell, anxiety and panic, more depression, memory gaps and so on. It's deep deep water!
 
It takes months, not weeks; you have to be patient.
 
Understandably, the patient often ends up on another antidepressant because the physician is convinced this is a NEW condition altogether- especially if the drug had been prescribed for pain: The physician now sees depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, or fibromyalgia! Remember, there's nothing in the literature about this- in fact we are the pioneers, we are writing the history. It's really not surprising the patient finds himself or herself standing at Suicide's Door. 
 
And it's during withdrawal and discontinuation that we encounter profound rage: mass murders have occurred during discontinuation from antidepressants, and the suicide often follows.
 
This is what it feels like to be set-up, to be deceived.
 
But now you know, so don't do nuthin' dumb!

From This moment, a good read!