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#31 kathyms3150

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 10:51 AM

Liz, that's great that you've been off the Cymbalta for 5 months!  I don't know how you did it cold turkey.  (((Liz)))  I'm so very sorry you lost your precious daughter also. No parent should have to bury a child!  I lost my Kate just over 5 years ago and it doesn't get any easier. And to lose you mom too, I'm sorry. I can totally understand your need to take something for the pain. I never even thought that these drugs could cause withdrawal, I never had a problem getting off others.

My friend had fibro, so I know how painful it can be. The pain you had to be in going through withdrawal with the fibro and arthritis had to be unbearable. I'm having some muscle pain, but anxiety is my worst symptom. I wish the benzo's would help me more, I don't know what to do about it. If I could I'd sleep as much as possible, but the anxiety isn't letting me.

It seems like one of the side effects of this drug is short term memory loss, but like you said it could also be an age thing.

My husband understands but is very quiet so he doesn't say much. He does help with doing things in the house. My parents are about an hour away. I know if I wanted I could stay with them since my husband works, but I don't want to worry them too much. Losing Kate has devastated them also. They've been through so much I don't want to add to their worry. I'm sorry that your sons don't seem to understand. But it's good that you have a therapist who's supportive.

Thank you for being here. I can't wait for this nightmare to be over with, right now I feel like it's never going to end.  Sending you hugs!


#32 kathyms3150

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 11:01 AM

Zappa, so glad you got off this too. Hearing that other's did it gives me hope, yet on the other hand I'm feeling like I can't make it. I'm trying to tell myself it's only temporary, but each minute feels like an eternity.  I wish I had something I could do other than be on the computer, but I feel so sick. I'm down to 60 mgs and wondering how long I would have to stay at 60 for the withdrawal symptoms to ease. My doctor wanted me to drop down to 30 today and then go back to 60 tomorrow, alternating days. From what I've read I don't want to do it that way. The bead counting might help but it seems so overwhelming to even think about doing that. I feel stuck, I don't know what the right thing to do is.  Sorry, I know I'm rambling. I appreciate everyone's support.


#33 TryinginFL

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 11:24 AM

Kathy, I strongly recommend a therapist - that would be extremely helpful.  I cannot tell you how many hours I sat in that office and cried.  It will also help to eliminate some of your anxiety.  Since it has already been mentioned here, do not mix your benzos.  I took Alprazolam (Xanax).  Can you stick with one or the other and perhaps up your dosage?  This may help.  It is what I did and it was of great help - don't know what I would have done w/o it. 

 

These are the two things that I feel will be most beneficial to you at this point.  I wish you much luck and please hang in there!!  (Please get with the bead counting....do NOT go "cold turkey" unless absolutely necessary!) 

 

You WILL make it and we will help you!!

 

Hugs,

Liz :hug:


#34 kathyms3150

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 12:12 PM

I agree Liz, I've been seriously thinking of talking to a therapist. Just can't do it now because of the way I feel, too dizzy to drive.

I didn't realize it was dangerous to mix the benzo's.  When I was feeling better I wouldn't always take the 4 a day as was prescribed, so I have a lot of Valium. My doctor recently switched me to Klonopin and since this withdrawal started I've occasionally needed to take an extra pill a day. The doctor said I'm at the maximum dose and won't prescribe more. I don't want to run out, that's why I've been alternating with the Valium. The thing is they're barely helping with the anxiety. I just want to crawl out of my skin.

This is so crazy. I have a very treatment resistant depression and Cymbalta is the only thing that really helped me. Then it stopped working and it's causing me to have to go through this hell. Thanks so much Liz.

Hugs,

Kathy


#35 FiveNotions

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 02:36 PM

Kathy, do you have any close friends or family members with whom you can share...talk with.... that you're in withdrawal from this stuff? I had just one close friend....he didn't have a clue what I ws experiencing, but he checked on me regularly...even made me batches of soup....and put up with my rants and mood swings....

#36 kathyms3150

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 10:41 PM

FiveNotions, I have one close friend who happens to be a nurse, though I don't think she knows much about the withdrawal. She's wonderful to talk to. She does have some health problems including a very bad back so I would feel like I was imposing if I asked her to come over. It's hard for her to climb stairs and we have a long set of steps up to our house. My sister lives 3 hours away and is so busy I don't get to talk with her much. My parents are about an hour away. I do talk to my mom a lot and she's very supportive, but I don't want to worry them too much, although I know they are worried.                                                                                                                I'm so frustrated. If I ever get off this stuff I don't want to be on meds anymore, but since I've struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life and therapy never helped I don't think I have a choice. I never want to go through this withdrawal nightmare again. God, I feel trapped in a no win situation!  Sorry for complaining.


#37 Wagtail

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Posted 01 June 2014 - 10:53 PM

Kathy , keep complaining my love ... Let it all out & get angry , you will feel better when you let off steam & vent .
We all know exactly what you mean & most of us have been in a similar position as you are now .
Don't worry or think to far ahead , use your energy on the here & now & concentrate on getting through the day ...one moment , one hour one day @ a time .
You will get through this , we all do eventually ... It's damn hard & @ times physically & emotionally painful but you have a lot of support on here to guide you & hold your hand ..even a hug thrown in when needed.
I know you don't want to worry your parents , but if you were my daughter I would want to help you .
When my daughter was suffering from post natal depression I literally packed up & moved in with her for three months , my husband had to stay @ home because he needed to work but he travelled to the coast every weekend to support her as well .
That's what we parents do ... Just ask them & tell them that you need their help ..if you don't ask they won't know !!!!.

Good luck & when you need us we will be here for you ... All the way from Australia in my case. :-)

#38 ZappAlta

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 03:38 AM

ZappAlta , good to hear from you ...8 months now WOW , do you mind me asking how you're feeling & if you are still suffering any s/e's ?. I ask because I'm 61/2 months off now & although I feel a great deal better I still have some lingering uncomfortable s/e's .
:-)

Greetings to you Wagtail:)   I still have bouts of Vertigo which e.n .t  Dr says is inner ear crystals and my short term memory is still cloudy like hanging wet towels on the clothes line by the pool and later thinking 'I dont remember doing that'  How are you doing ?


#39 kathyms3150

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 10:19 AM

Thanks Wagtail, I am very angry, but I'm also more afraid that I've ever been in my life. I need help for my depression and anxiety, I don't respond well to meds. The Cymbalta was a life saver for me, the only med that ever helped. Then it stopped working and I feel like I'm dying trying to get off of it. I don't think I can do the bead counting, I had my husband open one and it was ridiculous, they're so tiny and there's so many of them. It seems like doctor's don't know how to get us off this stuff and it seems like there is no way off of it without going through hell.  I know you and many others have gotten off of it but I'm afraid I won't be able to.

I know what you you're saying, Moms (parents) would do anything for their children. I know I would if my daughter were still here and needed help. That was so wonderful of you to move in with your daughter. I'm sure she was so thankful to have you there to get her through. I think I feel that there really isn't anything my parents can do for me. They can't make the symptoms go away and I probably would cry and upset them. I stayed with them for months after losing my daughter, then I got cancer and stayed another couple of months recuperating from my surgery. They're in their 80's and my mom has trouble with her back. They've gone through so much with me, I don't want to add anymore. Please forgive me, I don't mean to sound like I'm knocking down your advice. Your support means so much, all the way from Australia!


#40 FiveNotions

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Posted 02 June 2014 - 11:08 AM

Aaaw, Kathy! I'm reaching through cyberspace to give you a huge hug....and to tell you that you can do this!

Do the best you can to focus just on the right now...this minute...this hour...this day.... don't worry about what you'll do after cymbalta....that is the future....you will get, have, help with any depression and anxiety that remains after the poison is gone....right now, there's no possible way for you to know which part of what thing you're experiencing is due to the cymbalta leaving your body and brain and what is due to your underlying anxiety and depression....

What you know is that cymbalta helped you at first....and then it stopped helping...and then it started adding to the hurt....so, the first step is to remove that hurtful thing from your body and brain....then, you...with our help....will figure out the second step....

But for right now, focus on just this first step.....

Maybe Rather than trying to encompass the whole awful sensations of withdrawal in one big lump.....see if you can "isolate" them, sort them out into individual aches, pains, and sensations.....then, whichever one is looming the largest, see if one of our "remedies" helps minimize it....

For example....brain zaps, vertigo and body aches were my first biggest pains....I read here what others had done...and sort of asked myself "what would make me feel better right now".....

for the brain zaps I took high doses of omega 3, laid still on my bed in a darkened room, and put cold/ice packs all around my head...on my eyes...and on my solar plexus.....

For the horrendous muscle aches and pains I took large doses of magnesium, Epsom salt hot baths, and used a heating pad (yeah, I had the cold and hot stuff going simultaneously!)

For the nausea that came with the vertigo, I ate raw ginger, drank warm ginger ale, and ginger tea....

And, I dosed myself with shots of NyQuil....it's got something in it that mimics or adds serotonin....I'd have to look that up again to be sure.....don't do this if you have to work, drive, etc....it will help you slow down and sleep.....

And no, none of these remedies made the pain and suffering disappear.....BUT they reduced it a bit and soothed me.....AND, perhaps most importantly, doing these things made me feel like I was actively fighting against the cymbalta.....doing something, anything, to help my body and brain rid itself of the poison.....

By isolating and "attacking" the withdrawal effects, I reminded myself that I was/am in control.....that I wasn't/am not powerless.....

You are not powerless, you are getting through this.....just look at how far you've come since you arrived here and joined our little group....

Hang in there.....life after cymbalta really really is worth every moment of the struggle to get off it!

#41 ZappAlta

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 03:41 AM

Kathy how are you?


#42 kathyms3150

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 12:28 PM

Thanks so much FiveNotions for the cyberhug, sending one back to you!

I'm trying really hard to just focus on the here and now and not worry about the future. It sounds like a good idea to isolate the symptoms. Anxiety is definitely the worst for me, even with the Klonopin. My pharmacist suggested melatonin, but I'm not sure if it'll help. Anxiety has always been a big problem for me, the feeling like I can't breathe and muscle tension. I'm trying to ride my exercise bike but I don't think it's making a difference. The nausea can get bad, I'm drinking ginger ale and ginger tea. Right now the muscle aches aren't too bad.

I keep telling myself I can do this, but I have moments of doubt. I wish I knew how long this was going to last, I thought the symptoms would subside after a few days between lowering the dose. My doctor said since I'm sensitive to meds it may take longer.

I'm feeling like such a failure. Losing my daughter was the worst thing in the world and I've made it over 5 years without her, though it hasn't been easy. Yet, this little pill has me doubting that I can get off of it.

Trying to hang in there!


#43 kathyms3150

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 12:33 PM

Thanks for asking ZappAlta.  Wish I could say that I'm doing better, but like I said to FiveNotions the anxiety has really got a hold of me, and I can't stand it. My doctor is calling in a script for 20 mg caps, I wish this came in tablet form. I have to do this very slow. My plan is to wait until this episode of the withdrawal passes then drop from 60-50mgs.  It seems like it's going to take forever since I don't feel the symptoms lessening at all.


#44 gail

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 01:01 PM

My dear Kathy, all of us here have been or are where you are at this moment.

 

And we are still standing, crooked at times, straight at times, bent over at times, scared out of our minds at times, it is the usual pathway to freedom.

 

You mention that anxiety is the worst, I do understand because that was, and still is at times the worst. But getting so much better.

 

Klonopin, Fishinghat mentions that after a time the benzo stops working. Standard procedure is to switch to another one. After one year on it, it no longer works. I did the switch from ativan to valium 5 weeks ago, and it works. I even tend to forget the afternoon dose, speaking of which, now is the time. Will wean when the time is right.

 

Keep in mind that this will pass. Believe it or not, it will. But in the middle of all the confusion, the anxiety, the fear, we think it will go on for ever and ever. As Thismoment mentions, hope comes by spoonfulls and not by the bucket!

 

You will get there, patience, hope, keep reading the posts here Kathy, keep writing. Many people are here for you. You are not alone, even though it might seem so when in deep hurt, anxiety or whatever the suffering. You are never alone in this.


#45 thismoment

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 01:49 PM

kathyms3150

 

Is your current dosage of Cymbalta 60 mg per day and have you been on the 60 since June 1st?


#46 Xanazul

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 03:12 PM

kathyms3150

Anxiety is a monster that devours our lives, but WE HAVE NOT A LIFE SENTENCE TO SUFFER. I strongly believe it (most of the times). We will get through this. Big hug to you from Spain

#47 TryinginFL

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 03:31 PM

Hugs from Florida, as well, Kathy...  (We're having another group hug here! :)

 

Hope you are not dropping from 60 to 30...that is only asking for nasty withdrawal!  Please stay at 60 and work on bead counting.  Yes, it will take time, but it will be so much less of all the nasty stuff you're going through now.  And so worth your while - Equus Woman is the one to talk to about this...she took a long time bead counting and found it to be the only way she could get off this crap.

 

Please be kind to you...

 

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

Liz    :hug:


#48 FiveNotions

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 03:31 PM

Kathyms, yes, you can do this! As Gail says, we are still standing....crooked perhaps, but still on the path....and this is our path to freedom...keep us posted!

#49 FiveNotions

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 03:34 PM

EquusWoman woman removed just one bead a day.....she had a whole system for dealing with the pesky little beads....a special little bowl and tweezers, if I recall...she posted a photo at one point!

Please consider bead countng for yourself.....you've been through so much in life already....you deserve to get off this poison in the most gentle way possible!

#50 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:12 AM

Hi Gail,

Thanks so much for responding and caring. Have you been able to get off the Cymbalta?  I hope so. :)

Anxiety has always been a problem for me along with depression, and it seems to be so much worse trying to get off this. Yes, I've known that the benzo's stops working. Recently I switched from Valium to Klonopin, but there's only so much I'm supposed to take. I'm dizzy, my stomach hurts, I ache.

I know that it's going to take time, but everyday feels like an eternity and I'm losing hope. Though I know you're all here for me I feel so alone and scared to death.

Sending you hugs!


#51 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:15 AM

Hi thismoment,

Yes, I'm currently on 60mgs. a day. I think I've been on 60 for at least a week and a half, maybe close to 2 weeks. It's hard to remember exactly when I dropped from 90-60 because my mind is in a fog.


#52 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:19 AM

Hi Xanazul,

I agree, anxiety is a monster. At times it's been worse than my depression.  I hope that you're doing well.

Sending big hugs all the way to Spain to you!


#53 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:30 AM

Hi Liz,

Thank you for the hugs. Sending them back to you.

I don't want to drop from 60 to 30. I'm waiting for my pharmacy to fill a script for 20 mg, then I may drop to 50. I'd really like to wait until I feel better but I don't know how long that's going to take and I'm getting discouraged. I just don't think I can do the bead counting. I understand it would be a gentler way of getting through this, but there are so many tiny beads and I feel too sick to count them. I'm so confused, I don't know what the right thing is to do. If only these symptoms would start to lessen I would have some hope.

Thank you for your prayers. Sending you hugs!


#54 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 10:39 AM

Thanks for the encouragement FiveNotions. I'm not feeling very hopeful. My symptoms seem to be getting worse instead of lessening.

I'm not saying this for pity, but I have been through a lot. Besides having depression and anxiety most of my life I was in an abusive marriage then a nasty divorce. Of course losing my precious Kate was the absolute worst thing, I'll never get over that. Shortly after losing her I got cancer and can't walk good now. A few other things and now this nightmare. I'm so weary, that's why the bead counting seems too overwhelming. I just want to feel better.

Sending you hugs!


#55 thismoment

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 11:34 AM

kathyms3150

 

My dear you have been through a lot. None of this is your fault. 

 

Is there any need for you to come off the Cymbalta at this time? Would it be enough right now to get your anxiety down, settle your tummy, and forget about bead-counting and withdrawing all together?

 

There is no rush. Your well-being is all that matters! Nobody here has an agenda to get everybody off Cymbalta. We want you to be settled, have some peace.

 

Take care.


#56 kathyms3150

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 12:39 PM

Hi thismoment,

I know it's not my fault but I feel like such a wimp for not feeling able to get off the Cymbalta. It hasn't been helping me much for about a year and now that I know what a nightmare it is to get off of I just want to get it over with or I won't have peace.  If only the withdrawal symptoms would start to ease I would have some hope. But, I feel like they're not going to and I'm stuck on it for the rest of my life. The symptoms seem to be getting worse. I keep praying to God to help me, I'm even asking my Kate to ask God to help me. I'm so sorry for all my complaining, if others have done this I should be able to also. Just don't know why I'm having such a hard time. Thanks for your concern.


#57 fishinghat

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Posted 04 June 2014 - 01:45 PM

Please realize that the feeling of it being permanent is part of the withdrawal. I dare say nearly all of us went through that stage. It is just the withdrawal making you feel that way. It DOES go away. You will feel better.


#58 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 09:57 AM

Fishinghat,  I know that feeling this will never go way is probably just the withdrawal. If the symptoms would start to ease I would have more hope.


#59 thismoment

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 10:35 AM

Kathyms3150

 

That's a good observation you made- hope is linked to that first sign of improvement! It is coming. Find something to occupy your thoughts and hands, and you might be surprised how that can cause a break in the symptoms.

 

It's a waiting game-- like the plane's late; you want to go to the beach but it's still raining; you have a flat tire; the package didn't arrive-- it's a waiting game. You've done no crime, but you simply must put in the time. Sometimes it's 8 weeks before the symptoms ease enough to foster hope; sometimes it's longer. Symptoms persist for months, even years-- everybody's different.

 

Find a distraction for a couple of months.


#60 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 June 2014 - 11:19 AM

thismoment,

Please don't say that the withdrawal could last for years. I'm having the worst panic attack of my life now.





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