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At 11 On Scale From 1-10


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#61 ShadyLady

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:04 PM

Oh, my sweet Ya-Ya's...thanks for the encouragement...TFL, the Xanax did work for 28 years! 1mg @ bedtime or prn if anxiety attacks reared their ugly heads. But, it is having the opposite effect of hyping me up or no effect! I know I took at least 5mg (never have done that stupidness!)
between 2pm & 4am and nada, zip, zero..if anything amped more! I am searching the site to see if stopping the Crap makes other drugs less effective or even causes opposite effects!

This is so intense, why at 6 fricking weeks? I may be msu'ing (makin shit up) but it seems in my cracked brain the early days of withdrawal were not so mind altering!!

Do either of you know if stopping the C-word causes other prescriptions to be altered or even ineffective?? My worse half thinks it best if I go stay in a hotel as this is too much for him to handle & thinks I'm being histrionic! Wtf? Why doesn't he go get a hotel room? I can't handle more bullshit from & think he is silently hoping I will succeed where Imhave failed in 2 other suicide attempts! Asshat, as FN says. F'k it maybe the Ritz Carlton isn't a bad idea if I could only figure out how to pull it together to get there?! Why are the vulnerable to kicked to the curb in our society?!

#62 TryinginFL

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:09 PM

Thanks for a great post, FN!  I hope that it helps and calms Cym...


#63 FiveNotions

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:12 PM

Cym, benzos can poop out with use over time, and begin to have the opposite effect ... as in, cause anxiety ... DO NOT take any more, it sounds like you may have overdone a bit in your panic to get some peace ...

If the benzos aren't working on you, how 'bout slipping a few to your "other half"? That might get you the peace you really need ... (evil grin)

6 weeks is was just about the worst point for me ... because I was so sick and tired from the previous 5 weeks that I really didn't think I was going to make it any further ... weeks 7 and 8 were my turning point ... hang in there!

#64 TryinginFL

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:16 PM

Cym,

 

FN beat me to it  -  about what to do with the Xanax!! :D :D

 

I have been on it for many years myself and I remember FH saying that I was one of the lucky ones, as they usually don't work more than several months.  Perhaps it is time to ask your doc for something else - clonidine or hydroxyzine maybe?

 

Hang on - you'll get there! :hug:


#65 ShadyLady

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:19 PM

FN, check (bought a 20lb bag of Epsom salts & 5lb bag of Baking soda)' check on each As I've read those helps here? Praying like never before & have deriving the most comfort from (other than the Psalms) a book called 'The Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning (awesome, you might wanna check it out) 'written for the bedraggled, beat up & burnt out.'

I am TRYING and know sleep is essential but why is it so elusive...the lack of, I believe must be breaking me down and creating the dark, shadowy thoughts.

Can medications back fire after stopping The Crap! I am bawling trying to write this! It is not pity it is helplessness at how,little control I have over controlling this emotional/physical havoc!

#66 ShadyLady

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:26 PM

I did make an appt with the GP I have seen for a couple year & am able to see him next Tuesday. I am going to try & keep my mouth shut on all of this & ask him he can prescribe me Clonidine & Hydroxyzine? Plan on printing some of the posts to take with me as I am can't seem to express myself in words, I pause constantly trying to think of simple words. I have an appt on the 18th of Aug with my psych (the clinical trial king!) but I can't wait that long in this state...not to mention 15min appt is a joke trying to explain the drugs I've stopped taking since my last appt in May!

#67 ShadyLady

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:28 PM

Do you know, off hand, if anyone here has had to go into rehab to sort this withdrawal out or gone back on SSRI/SSNRI's as the battle is too great?

#68 FiveNotions

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:31 PM

Cym, the more you try to control it, the more it'll spiral out of control ... step back, and let 'er rip ... once you step back, and it "rips" for a bit, then it actually begins to settle down of its own accord ... it's some sort of "opposite effect" thingy .. zen? All I know is that the chaos in my brain only got worse when I tried to make it stop ... as soon as I sorta' said "f*** it, do what you want" it got quiet ... don't feed the monster...

You are doing fine, whether you feel it or believe it .... you are doing just fine ... you're right on track for where most of us are / were at about the same point in the process ...

Also, the more you "want" to sleep, try to "make" yourself sleep, the less likely you are to actually sleep ... if need be, just lie down and rest... even leave a light on ... but stop all your activity ... don't try to read anything, control anything, do anything ... just stop... you're getting yourself all worked up ... like a dog chasing it's tail ... the only way to catch it is to stop chasing it :blink:


#69 FiveNotions

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:37 PM

Cym, I don't know about going into rehab ... we can search the archives to see if anyone has talked about that ... we do know that Wagtail, after months off the crap and struggling with extreme anxiety, is now in the hospital ...

 

As for going back on an ssri, yes... FH knows about this, all I can do is repeat what I recall him saying ... some folks go on Prozac to help weaning off Cymbalta ... and then wean off the Prozac ... some folks, FH included, go back on an ssri and stay on it ... he went back on Zoloft, if I recall ...

 

However, tonight is not the time for you to be trying to decide all this ... you are having a very rough day/evening ... and you're in no shape to be trying to do anything ... just stop ... everything ... now ... :hug:


#70 thismoment

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 08:46 PM

Hi CymSik

 

Yes and yes on rehab and re-instate.

 

I can see today is a rough one. But correct me if I'm wrong- there's more melancholy than depression in your tears. Just let it all go.

 

Was there ever a time you 'controlled' your emotions? Or do you just notice that you (we) never did? Emotions just come and go un-authored, like thoughts.

 

Sorry to hear about your potatoes; I know it's really the loss (they weren't there) and the trouble (gotta go get some more) and the dashed plan (oh hell I guess it's rice again)- most of my weeping came in arias, concertos, and old country tunes. And spilling soup, forgetting where I put my keys, thinking of what I should have said, seeing myself in the mirror.

 

Take care.


#71 ShadyLady

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Posted 29 July 2014 - 09:28 PM

Thank you..

TM, I printed and keep close at hand a post 'That Voice Inside Your Head,' you wrote on the 11th of July that has kept me somewhat 'sane through the insanity of this journey...I also stopped posting around that time not wanting to sound needy & crazy! It has been a stabilizer and a gauge for me. I am grateful. I'm sorry I don't know the difference between 'melancholy & depression' right now! If melancholy is sadness at the reality of my ruins, yes...depression I have experienced is loss off any interest in anything of which the C seemed to numb. The 'mirror' reflection is so foreign, I don't recognize the image. Thank you for responding, buddy;)

FN, tonight I will try &'shut down...the thought life is so pervasive with the double talk. I believe the lack of sleep is driving me mad & I don't understand why nothing I am trying is relieving it! Maybe, I slept so much while on the C that my body feels rested while my mind is over active after being dead so long!

I am not as determined to continue as I was, even in the initial hellish sx's, to stay off any meds as this is not worth trying to talk myself into a 'new' normal in this state of existence.

Thank you for your quick responses, that is COMFORTING in this storm that surely will pass...Rebecca;)

#72 thismoment

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 12:07 AM

Rebecca

 

Melancholy is that clench in your heart when they play that song, and there are tears drop drop dropping on your keyboard before you are aware that you are crying; when someone walks in you say, "Oh hi. . . sorry, silly me."

 

Depression is that dark corner where your heart is hidden and your eyes search the floor around your feet for everything you've lost; when someone walks in you say, "Just leave me alone."


#73 ShadyLady

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 08:00 AM

Depression...

#74 fishinghat

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 08:25 AM

Yes CymSik. I remember what my 6th week off was like. I am one of those rare people whose withdrawal was not only brutal but lasted without any releif for around 3 months. At that point I gave up fighting it and had to go back on other meds. It is a hell of a feeling I know and it really wears you down. FN has given you a list of simple things you can do to help your situation but if they don't help you may need to get something stronger than xanax to releive your stress. Like Ativan and/or Clonidine.  OH yea, hydroxyzine not only is good for getting you to sleep but helps with anxiety as well.

 

Hang in there. 99% of the time it is just a matter of waiting it out BUT if you feel it is getting to be too much to handle there is no shame on going on something else (Zoloft, Lexapro or Prozac).  God bless and the best of luck.


#75 FiveNotions

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 09:20 AM

Cym, I'm with FH on this ... the "home remedies" are just little comfort care items ... get something other than Xanax to help with the anxiety and sleep ... and if this continues to be more than you can handle, give yourself permission to go on something else ... just remember that it'll take a bit of time for a new ssri to ramp up in your system ... then, if you do go on another ssri and settle in, you can decide whether to wean slowly off of that or stay on it for a longer period of time ...

 

I also think getting established with the therapy you've scheduled will help a lot ...

 

Keep us posted!


#76 ShadyLady

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 10:32 AM

FH, so is this hole I'm in similar to your withdrawal around 6 weeks? I am not understanding moment to moment, just let it happen, etc. for coping with these awful mental/physical assaults:...( I did get some sleep, albeit with nightmares for 4 1/2 hours. I also found 'The Sleep' help you posted & printed it out to follow! So far this a.m. I have thrown out everything in the bottom of my closet & set up a 'quiet, safe haven' to curl up in & try to shut out the volume going on around me.

FN, have appt w/ GP next Tuesday...hoping he will give me Clonidine and/or Hydroxyzine (need to look that one up).

I am sorry, today only:/, that I stopped the crap as I had no idea ANYTHING could be so physically & mentally brutal for this long! Thought I was a strong person but this has reduced me to a helpless heap of human hash (4H club:/)

Blessed to have you guys & dolls

#77 fishinghat

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 11:00 AM

Hey CymSik, I don't remember if it is in that document or not but you can buy a white noise machine to cover up and neutralize the sounds around you. I used one for a long time.


#78 FiveNotions

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 02:09 PM

I got one of those machines ... it's got a dozen or so different sounds ... the white noise didn't work for me, drove me nuttier than I was ...  I ended up with "spring rain" ... I keep it on 24 hours a day now ... since I live in a studio apartment, it's in the background wherever I am ...


#79 thismoment

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 02:25 PM

A fan on the low setting makes a nice sound, and there's a breeze to cool the night sweats.


#80 fishinghat

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 02:25 PM

The trick to white noise is to point it toward the other sound sources. The sound from a white noise machine will neutralize incoming sounds if they have the same frequencies. Example: if the white noise at 1500 hz is pointed directly at another sound at 1500 hz than it will be completely neutralizing it. It is not designed to cover sounds.


#81 FiveNotions

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 02:34 PM

wow, I bow to your knowledge, FH !


#82 ShadyLady

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Posted 30 July 2014 - 08:14 PM

Oh, bless you sweet souls...I meant the sounds inside my head:/ there is no sound around me except birds chirping outside!& the occasional barking of my dogs when the doorbell rings or the gardener's blowing & mowing! The fan keeps a nice hum...the closet 'cave' idea was a safe place where it is dark and enveloping, I know it sounds silly but was needing that 'womb' feeling!!

Thanks for the suggestions...I'll write 'em down for future reference;)



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