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#61 Guest_Pheobster_*

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 02:28 PM

I've been off the Cymbalta about 3 weeks and am having a really horrible day today. I'm so achy, sick to my stomach, dizzy and anxious. I have this panicked feeling that this caused permanent brain damage and will never go away. Can someone please give me some hope. Thanks.

It is a day not a lifetime - focus on your progress not on the ick of today.  Do you use any breathing or music or aroma therapy to help ease your anxiety?  If you do get on it and ignore anything you can - your phone, etc.  Right now you should focus on you!  If you have children at home maybe they are old enough to simply go watch a movie or read books so you don't have to worry about them.  SIDE NOTE - just while I am typing this one of those nasty sweat til you drip cycle came on.

 

Some of the anxiety is your body processing out the poison.  We all seem to struggle with some mild to insanely disruptive form of it.  We all here understand and are pulling for you to get past it.  One thing I have personally found helpful is to simply (simply my foot) concentrate of today NOT tomorrow.  Today you are sick and feeling awful.  Let's get through this one and let tomorrow be tomorrow.  I do know that is very difficult, especially if you are a worrier by nature - so let's try this (it has worked with my clients in the past) (no I am not a shrink just worked in mental health for years):  look at the clock and note the time, next time you get worries/anxious look again (it is ok if it has only been 10 seconds or even less).  You made it through that length of time and you are that much closer to the end of the tunnel - see where I am going with this?

 

As fivenotions said: ""Definitely not hopeless, Kathy ... it just means that there's no "easy answer," no "magic pill," no "one size fits all" ...

 

That 20 mg to zero drop you made put you into hard, cold turkey withdrawal ... take it easy on yourself .... all this takes time ... and patience ... and a whole heck of a lot of gumption and fortitude ... which I know you have ... trust yourself ... you're a strong, determined woman ...""

 

Use your skills to get you through this minute, you have them woman!  I know you do!  Like some of us were saying yesterday, if they find traces of anesthesia in people's system up to a year after and easliy find traces of this medication in people's system months after know that days like this are going to happen and you are normal in those.

 
Our bodies and brains are amazing and well able to recoup over time.  Give yourself some time - you dropped from 20mg to zero and that was a 'cold turkey' shock for your system.  You are in withdrawals - it is normal and it is ok to feel the way you do.  It will pass - get your mind off of if by doing the clock thing or reading if you can focus or music or ?????
 
You will succeed - believe in YOU!

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 02:32 PM

Hi FH,  I am taking Klonopin, but it only helps so much and I know it's addictive. I also have Hydroxyzine which makes me sleepy, but doesn't really help with anxiety. I've never heard of Clonidine, but just looked it up. It sounds like it may be a good medication, since it seems to help with several symptoms I have including restlessness, hot and cold flushes, rapid heartbeat. It said it's also used to help people going through narcotic withdrawal. The only thing I didn't like is that it said it can cause withdrawal if stopped quickly. That kind of scares me, but I will ask my doctor about it. Thanks so much for the info.

Kathy,

 

Clonidine is a good drug for anxiety but it can also make you very sleepy.  In fact it is used for sleeping issues sometimes.  The symptoms you listed in the above post are withdrawal symptoms - standard and simple - withdrawal.  Yes narcotic withdrawal - if you body gets eradicated to a drug of any kind the withdrawal symptoms are all the same.  Sounds harsh but true - not your fault but true non the less.  The best way to get off of any medication is to tritrate not go cold turkey.


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Posted 05 August 2014 - 02:34 PM

Hey Kathy don't worry about the clonidine withdrawal. It is used to treat high blood pressure so when it stops your pulse increase, bp goes up and your heart pounds but if you cut it 25% each week for 4 weeks it is hardly noticeable. Definitely not like Cymbalta.

 

The hydroxyzine surprises me. We have had a rash of people on here lately who have had no response to it for anxiety. Just to check the minimum dose for anxiety is 50 mg four times per day. The drowsiness is an issue for about 2 weeks til your body gets use to it.

Ran out of likes - but you are spot on with this information!!!!!


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Posted 05 August 2014 - 02:40 PM

kathyms3150,

 

I too have lost a daughter in a car wreck - anytime you need to chat about it just message me and I will listen!  It is a crappy club to be in, isnt it?  It sets things in motion in our minds that would never ever be there without attempting to live beyond the day we said goodby so unplanned.


#65 FiveNotions

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 02:47 PM

oh Phoebster ... my heart is breaking for you ... as it does for Kathy ... as I read what you've both shared, I'm only just now starting to truly understand why my parents, esp. my mother, worried so much about me ... I was their only child ...


#66 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:08 PM

Hi Carleeta. I never received books books after losing my daughter. I did buy and read several books on losing a child. I went to Compassionate Friends meetings and belong to several groups on Facebook. And, I did go to a grief counselor, but she was of no help at all. I've found talking to other moms on FB to be the most helpful. What we all seem to agree with is that you never get over losing a child, it's something we have to deal with the rest of our lives. Like I said previously knowing that I'll be with Kate again is the only thing that helps. It's still a living nightmare.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Sending his wife the food basket and book was a really special thing to do. I've found that since losing Kate people have pretty much forgotten about me, and this is common with the moms I speak to online unfortunately.


#67 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:16 PM

TryinginFl, I never received books after losing Kate either, though I did buy and read some. In my post to Carleeta I explained some other things I did. The memorial bench for you your daughter sounds beautiful. We made a memorial garden in our yard. Sending you hugs.


#68 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:24 PM

Hi FH, I went to my regular doctor today, saw the physicans assistant. My bp was 102/72, kind of low. She said it probably wouldn't be a good idea to take one in the morning. Next week when my pdoc is back from vacation I'll see what she says. I'm kind of disappointed about that.

Today when I was talking to the physicians assistant she said that withdrawal shouldn't last more than 2 or 3 weeks. I'm starting to wonder if the doctor's may be right. Maybe what I'm feeling is all due to depression and anxiety, I don't know anymore. I just wish someone could help me. What I do know is that a lot of my symptoms are things I never felt before like major GI issues, getting hot and cold. I feel so sick and am really losing hope.


#69 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:33 PM

(((Phoebster)))  I'm so very sorry you lost a daughter too. My heart breaks with you. It sure is the crappiest club any parent can be in. It's not natural to bury your child. I know that I feel like I have no future without her. Hard as I try thoughts of the accident and the funeral creep into my mind and could drive me insane. I would love to chat with you.

I'll answer your other posts in another reply. Hugs.


#70 kathyms3150

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:36 PM

Thank you FN. I never imagined I'd lose Kate, never worried about it. I don't know why, maybe because I never knew anyone who lost a child. I can understand though why your parents worried a lot about you.


#71 Carleeta

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 06:53 PM

Kathyms3150. Thank you for your kind words on the loss of my sister. She passed in 1998 and my parents passed away in 2012. It took a while for all of us to accept her passing. Although, in the meantime we had the responsibility of her two girls which she left and they were in their 20's at the time. We all worked through it together and had strong family support to help us. We actually started to resume our normal living after one week even through the pain. It was a horrible time in my life when she passed because she left an infant grandson. Through him we started to get stronger and stronger. It wasn't easy and that was the time I was put on Cymbalta. I remember having no emotion at her passing which I found very strange. Now I know why.


Getting to your appointment today.....hmmmmm you have low blood pressure, not too extremely low where you need medication for it, although it is low. I always ran on the low side myself due to anxiety and being an agoraphobic. A huge part of anxiety and anxiety attacks (not indicating you have them) is the hot sweaty feeling and then the cold chills, also having stomach issues. It could be your doctor is correct. Just keep track of what your body is telling you and listen to what it is telling you. There is no way for sure how to tell if this is withdrawal or anxiety and depression. What I do know is you are suffering inside your heart and feeling depressed over the loss of your loving daughter. This is natural, even when it comes with psychological issues.

You did the right thing by going to your physician even if you just saw the assistant. At least you know your blood pressure is low and you can expect to have some little symptoms from this. Did you by any chance have your blood work done? I ask this because sometimes when extremely anxious your blood sugar level will drop. It won't drop to a dangerous level, although it will fluctuate up and down and run on the low side. In a way this is good.

What I would like to suggest to you, during this time of grieving, is for you to try and eat as healthy as you can. You might not feel like eating, although food (healthy) is a good source of creating a good balance for you. It will definitely pay off in the future.

My prayers and thoughts are with you...

#72 fishinghat

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 07:04 PM

Hi FH, I went to my regular doctor today, saw the physicans assistant. My bp was 102/72, kind of low. She said it probably wouldn't be a good idea to take one in the morning. Next week when my pdoc is back from vacation I'll see what she says. I'm kind of disappointed about that.

Today when I was talking to the physicians assistant she said that withdrawal shouldn't last more than 2 or 3 weeks. I'm starting to wonder if the doctor's may be right. Maybe what I'm feeling is all due to depression and anxiety, I don't know anymore. I just wish someone could help me. What I do know is that a lot of my symptoms are things I never felt before like major GI issues, getting hot and cold. I feel so sick and am really losing hope.

I am not a dr but that sounds exactly like withdrawal. I hope you do get to take one in the morning but I understand their concern. As far as 2 or 3 weeks? That is crap. I guess they don't read the latest research. Sad. Something else about this Cymbalta withdrawal, it makes you doubt everything, It makes you very unsure of yourself, what is happening and generates a feeling it will be forever but it isn't. Just hang in there and keep fighting.


#73 Carleeta

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 07:28 PM

Kathy please listen to Fishinghat, his knowledge on the symptoms and medications are usually right on. My opinion on this is you are going through the withdrawal of Cymbalta and are suffering with anxiety and depression from the your loss. Please listen to his posts on the medication you want to stop....

Keep us posted please....

#74 FiveNotions

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 07:31 PM

To be blunt, Kathy, that 2-3 weeks time frame for withdrawal is pure, unadulterated bull shit ... it may be true for some folks ... maybe even a majority of folks ... but those of us who are here on this forum, well, I guess we're those "special little snowflakes" ... the "statistical anomalies" that are conveniently ignored by the pharma cos, who are the ones who "educate" our docs about each of these drugs ...

The first thing every doc wants to do is put us back on an ssri as soon as they hear us mention an extended period of symptoms from quitting Cymbalta ... that's because they don't recognize that it's all related to the change in serotonin level in our brain from quitting Cymbalta ... they want to treat the symptoms with more meds ... which is how a lot of us got into this mess in the first place ..

Everything you're describing feeling is exactly what I also felt ... the hot/cold stuff, the GI symptoms, the self-doubts, the constant anxiety ... remember, you're still very very early in your discontinuation process ... as was I when I had those same symptoms ... now, at the beginning of my 9th month off Cymbalta , almost all that has faded/disappeared ... I've posted elsewhere about the few lingering symptoms I still have ... but nothing like what it was early on ...

If you're like me, there's a part of you that wants there to be something "wrong" with you physically/mentally ... because then you could just take a pill again and make it all go away ... but it will only "go away" if you work through what the pain really is ... and that's why having a good therapist is so important ...

Also, it's human ... normal ... to feel extreme sadness, melancholy, yes, even depression and anxiety ... when someone we love dies ... don't deny yourself the right to be human ... to feel ... don't ever let someone give you the "magic pill" that takes away your humanity ... that's what Cymbalta did to me ... it took away my humanity ... my ability to laugh, to cry, to have a full range of emotions ...

One more point, again, from my own experience... a large part of what I used to experience as depression was actually anger .. that because I had always been a "nice person" I never expressed ... I just turned it inside on myself ... and became depressed ...

Perhaps you're not just sad and grieving over your daughter's death ... maybe you're also just plain angry, furious, pissed off ... that life is so unfair that this happened ... if so, that's being human as well, it's normal ... give yourself permission to be angry ...

And be sure to stick here with us and keep talking with us ... because you are going to come through all this !

#75 Carleeta

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 08:04 PM

Hi Carleeta. I never received books books after losing my daughter. I did buy and read several books on losing a child. I went to Compassionate Friends meetings and belong to several groups on Facebook. And, I did go to a grief counselor, but she was of no help at all. I've found talking to other moms on FB to be the most helpful. What we all seem to agree with is that you never get over losing a child, it's something we have to deal with the rest of our lives. Like I said previously knowing that I'll be with Kate again is the only thing that helps. It's still a living nightmare.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Sending his wife the food basket and book was a really special thing to do. I've found that since losing Kate people have pretty much forgotten about me, and this is common with the moms I speak to online unfortunately.

Kathy, it's so true how people seem to disappear after the loss. Days and days of non stop friends and relatives at the home with food up to the ceiling...Then poof the next week everyone was gone. I make it a point to stay in touch with friends (family is an exception because we continue to be there for each other at all times) months, and months after their loss.
Where ever you find peace and contentment please keep going there. What I will say is; you are in charge of what makes you feel comfortable, and go forward in that direction. It's much easier to relate to others who have gone through the same things, rather than someone who isn't feeling the pain you are. When you can relate you can start to heal. Other moms going through the same thing as you will be able to understand and offer as much as they can to help you. Stay in the direction that soothes your soul.

#76 TryinginFL

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 08:12 PM

I agree, Carleeta.  I feel that the Cymbalta just numbed me through everything and now that my brain is starting to function normally again, I am now going through the grief as I should have the first time around.  I really zoned out at the time.  Five years of not much feeling is now beginning to surface - not a happy place, but something I must deal with.

 

Now I cry just looking at a picture of her - the feeling is overwhelming.  I feel that I need to start the therapy all over from the proper place.  Does this make sense to anyone?

 

I still have her dog as well and wonder how I will feel when I lose him :(.  It will be like losing her all over again.


#77 Carleeta

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Posted 05 August 2014 - 08:35 PM

Yes, TryinginFl, you just might be starting to feel what you were not able to feel five years ago. It's perfectly fine to start to heal and see a therapist. The therapist won't be surprised how "now" you are starting to feel the pain of loss. Hopefully, the therapist will understand it was due to being on Cymbalta, and if not, that doesn't really matter because it's getting out what is inside that counts. Therapist are well aware of delayed grief, suppressed grief, and are very used to it. The start is the start no matter when the person is ready.

You have your daughter's dog...how wonderful. Don't worry about how you will feel if something happens to him.
Please don't take this the wrong way what I'm about to say (it's about the dog and not your daughter) although, sometimes we have to let go of things in order to let more precious things in our life. Nothing is ever forgotten it just becomes accepted.

Wishing you happiness for your trip tomorrow.. if all allows..... :)

#78 kathyms3150

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 03:30 PM

Kathyms3150. Thank you for your kind words on the loss of my sister. She passed in 1998 and my parents passed away in 2012. It took a while for all of us to accept her passing. Although, in the meantime we had the responsibility of her two girls which she left and they were in their 20's at the time. We all worked through it together and had strong family support to help us. We actually started to resume our normal living after one week even through the pain. It was a horrible time in my life when she passed because she left an infant grandson. Through him we started to get stronger and stronger. It wasn't easy and that was the time I was put on Cymbalta. I remember having no emotion at her passing which I found very strange. Now I know why.


Getting to your appointment today.....hmmmmm you have low blood pressure, not too extremely low where you need medication for it, although it is low. I always ran on the low side myself due to anxiety and being an agoraphobic. A huge part of anxiety and anxiety attacks (not indicating you have them) is the hot sweaty feeling and then the cold chills, also having stomach issues. It could be your doctor is correct. Just keep track of what your body is telling you and listen to what it is telling you. There is no way for sure how to tell if this is withdrawal or anxiety and depression. What I do know is you are suffering inside your heart and feeling depressed over the loss of your loving daughter. This is natural, even when it comes with psychological issues.

You did the right thing by going to your physician even if you just saw the assistant. At least you know your blood pressure is low and you can expect to have some little symptoms from this. Did you by any chance have your blood work done? I ask this because sometimes when extremely anxious your blood sugar level will drop. It won't drop to a dangerous level, although it will fluctuate up and down and run on the low side. In a way this is good.

What I would like to suggest to you, during this time of grieving, is for you to try and eat as healthy as you can. You might not feel like eating, although food (healthy) is a good source of creating a good balance for you. It will definitely pay off in the future.

My prayers and thoughts are with you...

You're welcome Carleeta. Having a strong support system is very important, and I'm glad you have it. I don't have much family, and the family I have live far. My husband isn't Kate's father so he doesn't really understand. Yes, I know antidepressants can numb our feelings.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I guess there is no way to be sure if the symptoms are withdrawal or anxiety/depression. I think mine are a combination of both. I'm having pain and sometimes an almost burning sensation in the muscles of my arms, shoulders and back of neck. Do you ever get that?  My doctor (PA) did order blood work which I had done this morning.  I've been trying to eat healthy but with the way my stomach feels it isn't easy. Sorry that my replies are short, I just feel so awful.  My prayers are with you too.


#79 kathyms3150

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 03:43 PM

I am not a dr but that sounds exactly like withdrawal. I hope you do get to take one in the morning but I understand their concern. As far as 2 or 3 weeks? That is crap. I guess they don't read the latest research. Sad. Something else about this Cymbalta withdrawal, it makes you doubt everything, It makes you very unsure of yourself, what is happening and generates a feeling it will be forever but it isn't. Just hang in there and keep fighting.

FH, Since you have anxiety do you ever get pain and a burning sensation in your muscles? I'm getting that and I'm wondering if it's anxiety or the withdrawal. I took a half of a Clonidine this morning, I think it helped my anxiety a little but it also made me sleepy. It is pathetic that the doctor's don't take the time to read about the withdrawal. You are so right, this withdrawal is making me doubt everything and feel so unsure of myself. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault, that I should be able to control how I'm feeling. It's been about a month since I'm off the Cymbalta, and I still haven't felt any better. I'm scared.


#80 kathyms3150

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 04:03 PM

To be blunt, Kathy, that 2-3 weeks time frame for withdrawal is pure, unadulterated bull shit ... it may be true for some folks ... maybe even a majority of folks ... but those of us who are here on this forum, well, I guess we're those "special little snowflakes" ... the "statistical anomalies" that are conveniently ignored by the pharma cos, who are the ones who "educate" our docs about each of these drugs ...

The first thing every doc wants to do is put us back on an ssri as soon as they hear us mention an extended period of symptoms from quitting Cymbalta ... that's because they don't recognize that it's all related to the change in serotonin level in our brain from quitting Cymbalta ... they want to treat the symptoms with more meds ... which is how a lot of us got into this mess in the first place ..

Everything you're describing feeling is exactly what I also felt ... the hot/cold stuff, the GI symptoms, the self-doubts, the constant anxiety ... remember, you're still very very early in your discontinuation process ... as was I when I had those same symptoms ... now, at the beginning of my 9th month off Cymbalta , almost all that has faded/disappeared ... I've posted elsewhere about the few lingering symptoms I still have ... but nothing like what it was early on ...

If you're like me, there's a part of you that wants there to be something "wrong" with you physically/mentally ... because then you could just take a pill again and make it all go away ... but it will only "go away" if you work through what the pain really is ... and that's why having a good therapist is so important ...

Also, it's human ... normal ... to feel extreme sadness, melancholy, yes, even depression and anxiety ... when someone we love dies ... don't deny yourself the right to be human ... to feel ... don't ever let someone give you the "magic pill" that takes away your humanity ... that's what Cymbalta did to me ... it took away my humanity ... my ability to laugh, to cry, to have a full range of emotions ...

One more point, again, from my own experience... a large part of what I used to experience as depression was actually anger .. that because I had always been a "nice person" I never expressed ... I just turned it inside on myself ... and became depressed ...

Perhaps you're not just sad and grieving over your daughter's death ... maybe you're also just plain angry, furious, pissed off ... that life is so unfair that this happened ... if so, that's being human as well, it's normal ... give yourself permission to be angry ...

And be sure to stick here with us and keep talking with us ... because you are going to come through all this !

Hi FN,  I think that you're right. Maybe some people get through the withdrawal in a short time, but it seems that there are so many who struggle longer. It p's me off that the doctor's seem to chose to remain ignorant about it. Well, I'm on Brintellix which I think is an SNRI and so far it isn't helping. I hope I don't have problems if I decide to go off it.                                                                                             It helps to know you had the same symptoms, though of course I'm sorry that you did. Oh, I can't even imagine feeling like this for months, every moment is hell. How I wish there was a pill that could just cure this.                                                                                             Since losing Kate I think the Cymbalta numbed some of my pain, but I've never held it in. I've cried, screamed and yelled at God and the world many times. I am loaded that life can be so unfair and I'm not afraid to express it.  I hope I'm going to come though this but I really have my doubts. Thank you FN.


#81 kathyms3150

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 04:18 PM

 

It is a day not a lifetime - focus on your progress not on the ick of today.  Do you use any breathing or music or aroma therapy to help ease your anxiety?  If you do get on it and ignore anything you can - your phone, etc.  Right now you should focus on you!  If you have children at home maybe they are old enough to simply go watch a movie or read books so you don't have to worry about them.  SIDE NOTE - just while I am typing this one of those nasty sweat til you drip cycle came on.

 

Some of the anxiety is your body processing out the poison.  We all seem to struggle with some mild to insanely disruptive form of it.  We all here understand and are pulling for you to get past it.  One thing I have personally found helpful is to simply (simply my foot) concentrate of today NOT tomorrow.  Today you are sick and feeling awful.  Let's get through this one and let tomorrow be tomorrow.  I do know that is very difficult, especially if you are a worrier by nature - so let's try this (it has worked with my clients in the past) (no I am not a shrink just worked in mental health for years):  look at the clock and note the time, next time you get worries/anxious look again (it is ok if it has only been 10 seconds or even less).  You made it through that length of time and you are that much closer to the end of the tunnel - see where I am going with this?

 

As fivenotions said: ""Definitely not hopeless, Kathy ... it just means that there's no "easy answer," no "magic pill," no "one size fits all" ...

 

That 20 mg to zero drop you made put you into hard, cold turkey withdrawal ... take it easy on yourself .... all this takes time ... and patience ... and a whole heck of a lot of gumption and fortitude ... which I know you have ... trust yourself ... you're a strong, determined woman ...""

 

Use your skills to get you through this minute, you have them woman!  I know you do!  Like some of us were saying yesterday, if they find traces of anesthesia in people's system up to a year after and easliy find traces of this medication in people's system months after know that days like this are going to happen and you are normal in those.

 
Our bodies and brains are amazing and well able to recoup over time.  Give yourself some time - you dropped from 20mg to zero and that was a 'cold turkey' shock for your system.  You are in withdrawals - it is normal and it is ok to feel the way you do.  It will pass - get your mind off of if by doing the clock thing or reading if you can focus or music or ?????
 
You will succeed - believe in YOU!

 

Hi Phoebster,  I try to focus on breathing but sometimes it makes the anxiety worse. Kate was my only child so I don't have any distractions. The anxiety does seem to be one of the worst symptoms. I definitely see where you're going, to just try and get through a short period of time. The thing is I know tomorrow won't be any better. I can't help but feel like this is hopeless. I pray my body will start healing soon, I'm so weary.


#82 fishinghat

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Posted 06 August 2014 - 05:44 PM

FH, Since you have anxiety do you ever get pain and a burning sensation in your muscles? I'm getting that and I'm wondering if it's anxiety or the withdrawal. I took a half of a Clonidine this morning, I think it helped my anxiety a little but it also made me sleepy. It is pathetic that the doctor's don't take the time to read about the withdrawal. You are so right, this withdrawal is making me doubt everything and feel so unsure of myself. Sometimes I feel like it's my fault, that I should be able to control how I'm feeling. It's been about a month since I'm off the Cymbalta, and I still haven't felt any better. I'm scared.

No I never have had muscle pain or burning from anxiety. That sounds more like withdrawal as Cymbalta does effect the pain nerves. That sleepiness from the clonidine will fade away in a couple weeks. Yes that feeling of guilt, doubt, being unsure what to do or what is happening is strong at 4 weeks and adds considerable to the anxiety. I know your brain is screaming these things but some how you have to keep it in prospective and lessen your anxiety. Sometime in the next 2 to 4 weeks you should start seeing little improvements. In the mean time keep your mind busy with other stuff (tv, read, walk, etc) and pamper yourself.


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Posted 07 August 2014 - 02:57 PM

Hi Carleeta. I never received books books after losing my daughter. I did buy and read several books on losing a child. I went to Compassionate Friends meetings and belong to several groups on Facebook. And, I did go to a grief counselor, but she was of no help at all. I've found talking to other moms on FB to be the most helpful. What we all seem to agree with is that you never get over losing a child, it's something we have to deal with the rest of our lives. Like I said previously knowing that I'll be with Kate again is the only thing that helps. It's still a living nightmare.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Sending his wife the food basket and book was a really special thing to do. I've found that since losing Kate people have pretty much forgotten about me, and this is common with the moms I speak to online unfortunately.


It is true....you never get over it you just learn to live with it. They are in out minds daily and even things not related will trigger a memory. Been 17 years for us and just posting this brings tears.

Compassionate Friends were wondeful but they only made me sad. I found a book recommended to me by a parent who lost their child and I now recommend it to others...When the Bough Breaks.

I think part of what makes it so difficult is first it is out of order in life. Second...we dream for them from even before they are born. The what we want and hope for them. That is too much to give up on.....

Ok off the soap box and on to a new post in another thread.

#84 kathyms3150

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Posted 07 August 2014 - 10:36 PM

No I never have had muscle pain or burning from anxiety. That sounds more like withdrawal as Cymbalta does effect the pain nerves. That sleepiness from the clonidine will fade away in a couple weeks. Yes that feeling of guilt, doubt, being unsure what to do or what is happening is strong at 4 weeks and adds considerable to the anxiety. I know your brain is screaming these things but some how you have to keep it in prospective and lessen your anxiety. Sometime in the next 2 to 4 weeks you should start seeing little improvements. In the mean time keep your mind busy with other stuff (tv, read, walk, etc) and pamper yourself.

fishinghat, I know that Cymbalta is sometimes used to treat pain, so it probably is withdrawal. I don't know if I can do this, it feels like I'm getting worse. If I could see just a little improvement maybe I would have more hope. My body hurts all over and the anxiety is so bad. I don't know how to lessen my anxiety. I'm trying so hard to keep my mind busy but the symptoms are overwhelmingly. 


#85 kathyms3150

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Posted 07 August 2014 - 10:52 PM

It is true....you never get over it you just learn to live with it. They are in out minds daily and even things not related will trigger a memory. Been 17 years for us and just posting this brings tears.

Compassionate Friends were wondeful but they only made me sad. I found a book recommended to me by a parent who lost their child and I now recommend it to others...When the Bough Breaks.

I think part of what makes it so difficult is first it is out of order in life. Second...we dream for them from even before they are born. The what we want and hope for them. That is too much to give up on.....

Ok off the soap box and on to a new post in another thread.

Phoebster, I can't imagine not seeing your daughter for 17 years. It's been 5 1/2 for us and it feels like a lifetime. Yes, there are so many things that trigger memories and bring tears.  I found Compassionate Friends to be helpful because it made me feel like I wasn't the only one who lost a child, but like you after a few meetings it just made me feel more sad. I will check out When the Bough Breaks, thanks for recommending it.  It's definitely not the natural order of things in life. When we lost our children we lost a huge part of our futures. We wanted so much for them and in the blink of an eye it was just gone.  I often wonder what Kate would look like and what she would be doing. I'm sure you feel the same.  Hugs...


#86 fishinghat

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Posted 08 August 2014 - 07:43 AM

Kathy - Keep after the clonidine until you can take it twice a day. If you have to get a prescription for a benzo and/or hydroxyzine. Be agressive and stay determined to defeat the anxiety. You can do this.


#87 DoneWithCrap

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Posted 09 August 2014 - 11:17 AM

I don't know if this would help for you, but I'm getting a puppy. I have already chosen to name him Benzo :)
My wayward daughter moved back home late April with her baby daddy and puppy. The only reason she came home is because she was pregnant and knew she needed to quit the drugs and alcohol and have a safe place to live with healthy meals. She prefers to live the life of a homeless person partying and roaming around the US without any responsibilities. She started this lifestyle 2 years ago. Last year someone gave her a puppy. I must say that she has taught him some tricks and he caught on to house training quickly for a dog that lived outside for his first year.
Well I fell in love with the dog. He motivated me to go for walks. He listened to me when I didn't want to keep complaining to my family and he helped me forget that I'm pretty useless these days.
The baby was not meant to be and my daughter went straight back to drinking and getting high every day. She would go into Boston for a few weeks at a time and leave her dog with me. She left to "travel" again last Monday and she took her dog even though I offered her $500 to let me keep him. So I am adopting my new little furry antidepressant.

I realize you work a lot and it wouldn't be practical to have a dog of your own but maybe you could get a cat or another pet that doesn't require much attention but would be there to comfort you.

Sorry for such a long post.

I wish you the best

#88 fishinghat

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Posted 09 August 2014 - 11:43 AM

That is an excellant idea Renee!!


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Posted 09 August 2014 - 08:48 PM

Thank you FH. I'm just very overwhelmed waiting for the adoption process. Been in a funk all day. Maybe I'll go outside and pet a rock lol


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Posted 10 August 2014 - 03:40 AM

Yes to your plan Renee -that puppy will get you outdoors and chatting w/other dog walkers -my shih-thu has dog play date's 2 days a week :)  He has won 2 best costume awards (crafted by me:) He visits childrens day cares -nursing homes and the Library where kids read books to him. He is just an amazing wee Chap. Hope soon his all yours to cuddle .





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