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#1 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 11:10 AM

Yesterday I felt stressed because I'm struggling with not being able to create structure...having nowhere to be..i am living alone because mom is in a nursing home until she gets stronger..i feel unable to plan or think so I do too much and woke up utterly exhausted...almost to the point of feeling like I'm going to collapse.

Yesterday I had zaps and the anxiety was horrible. Today seems like a carryover bur with exhaustion.

I don't know if I'm making sense..i just need support because I can't go to the hospital..I have to move out of my apartment by the end of the month because my landlord is breaking my lease.

I need help getting through this day..i just want to watch tv and veg

thanks for listening.

#2 Carleeta

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 11:58 AM

ittybittysmitty, Wow, first off, you have every reason to be extremely anxious at this point, with mom in the hospital and now you have to find a place to live. That in itself would have you exhausted and in a whirlspin... That's quite a bit to handle. Who wouldn't want to run and hide. I'm all for you watching tv today and vegging out....Goodness you do need the rest. What you may be experiencing is nervous anxiety from all this added stress. I too am the type who truly can't sit still and have to keep going just our of boredom and not knowing if you are coming or going. It appears at times like this, its very difficult to stay on task (even if you aren't going through Cymbalta withdrawal)because there is too much to do, and you don't know where to start, and at the same time you have to get things done. Just take all the time you need today to relax and I mean relax, just tune into a good movie, preferably a funny one, and enjoy. This is probably exactly what you need. Please keep us posted and I will say a prayer for you....

#3 brzghoff

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 02:42 PM

Itty Bitty,

 

wow, that is a tough place to be; thinking you have to get stuff done but not feeling up to it. anxiety makes me want to spin in circles or curl up in a ball - which makes it very difficult to get anything done! i'm with carleeta about taking it easy today if you can. i've allowed my anxiety to overwhelm me about things as simple as taking a shower! is there something you usually do or take to help with anxiety? if so, take advantage of that resource. 

 

i too have difficulty creating structure, which is something i need to stay motivated. i have a need to be/feel productive but am not a good self-starter (boy, that would look bad on a reusme!) perhaps you've already done this or thought about it, but if not, making an itemized list helps me. you don't even have to do that all at once. when you have your list, complete only one item at a time. take break between each task and reward yourself! 

 

you didn't indicate it or not, but will you be moving to somewhere just temporary or do you have another permanent place? since your landlord broke your lease, will you be required to turn the place over in the exact same shape you got in order to get your full deposit refunded? i wouldn't want to clean it up anymore than the bare minimum. 


#4 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 03:18 PM

Hi Carleeta,

You have shared such helpful advice..thank you...thank you for praying!

I feel like I do have too much on My plate...I don't do well with change..she's been in the nursing home since August 1...on the bright side, I have plenty of down time...the key is to enjoy the time and not spend all of it working. Lol I enjoy artwork and have told myself to spend time doing that

Thankfully I am living at my mom's permanently so I just have to move stuff to a storage garage...I bought boxes and bubble wrap so am off to a good start.

Didn't you say you suffer with ADD? So you struggle too...Brzghoff has good advice..we need to take one task at a time and reward ourselves so we aren't constantly slaving away. Lol

Brzghoff,

I completely understand what you're saying, even showering can feel like a project...I find that if I can get out of my head and 'just do it', it's a bit easier.

My landlord rushed through everything and was very rude...I didn't ask but since she is willing to pay half the amount my attorney and I are seeking in court, I don't care about the condition of it.

I am living with mom so no worries about where to live;@))

God bless both of you for your friendship and support...I feel like we are a little family of fellow travelers on this crapalta journey

#5 Carleeta

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 03:55 PM

IBS.. no I don't suffer from ADD I suffer from agoraphobia. Panic disorder with agoraphobia is where someone experiences panic attacks to the point they are afraid to leave the house. Oh well, that's me. I had experienced this in my early 30's and had a wonderful program available to me back then. All these years later it came on me again after the death of my parents. I'm here working on it again...lol lol. I do look at the positive side of everything negative basically due to the fact this is the only way I can get back to being anxiety free again. Oh so glad to hear you have a place to live. I was starting to get worry about that one. Oh no the boxes and bubble wrap..lol lol, I have to laugh about this because I too went through this with my son and daughter in law when they purchased their home, and again when my parents passed away and had to pack up their whole house. It's definitely no picnic and there will be so much emotion attached to packing up. Take it easy, take it slow and maybe have a friend or two over to keep you company, unless, of course you want to do this alone.

#6 TryinginFL

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 06:21 PM

IBS,

 

I am so sorry that you are in such a horrendous situation.  I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do.  The good thing is that your Mom is getting care and you are able to work at your own pace.

 

I find that I cannot get myself together and now the anxiety is terrible since I came back from my trip.  I saw my therapist this afternoon and cried the entire time and said the same as you....I think I am losing my mind.  Thankfully, he assured me I was not, as he felt I had handled the entire withdrawal very well, but, like you, have so much built up in my mind that the only thing to do is rest, rest, rest.  He said that is the only thing that will help to alleviate the current anxiety and I realize that you don't have the luxury of lots of time if you need to be out of the apartment by the end of the month. (I live alone, also)

 

My prayers and thoughts are with you, my friend.  May you be given the strength you need to get through this.

 

Love and hugs,

Liz :hug: 


#7 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 09:21 PM

TIF,

Thank you...you are very kind,

So you are also adjusting after a vacation...I am so sorry you're feeling this way...do you mean vacation withdrawal or cymbalta w/d?
I think he's right..the more you can rest your mind the better! It's great you are seeing someone...I have been indecisive about where to find another one since mine retired months ago...

Sometimes living alone can make anxiety worse...the TV helps a lot along with my IPad and my dog! Do you have a pet to cuddle with when you are struggling?

I would like to check in on each other soon..

Hugs to you!

#8 TryinginFL

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Posted 21 August 2014 - 09:35 PM

Thank you for your response, IB...

 

Yes, I have 2 dogs and I watch the Chicago Cubs games (on now, actually!) and am hooked on several shows! 

 

My younger son got married in Hawaii and spending 6 days with my ex-husband and his wife (who he left me for) was not exactly my idea of a great time.  Should have followed my gut feeling and stayed home...  At least it's over!

 

Don't know what I'd do without my therapist - been seeing him almost 5 yrs now - you might want to check out another!

 

 

Hugs,

Liz :hug:


#9 buntbean2

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Posted 22 August 2014 - 07:06 PM

TryinginFlorida "I find that I cannot get myself together and now the anxiety is terrible since I came back from my trip.  I saw my therapist this afternoon and cried the entire time and said the same as you....I think I am losing my mind.  Thankfully, he assured me I was not, as he felt I had handled the entire withdrawal very well, but, like you, have so much built up in my mind that the only thing to do is rest, rest, rest."

 

I'm glad you posted this.  I feel the same way.  However, it's impossible for me to rest.  I've learned to deal with my pain by constantly doing something (usually physical).  The withdrawl has made it difficult for me to sleep some nights.  The anxiety comes out of no where and it's so intense.  I haven't dealt with anything but very mild anxiety for several years now.  I actually thought it was a thing of the past.  HA!

 

The Hawaii trip...YIKES!!  I'm quite sure your son would have been hurt it you didn't go so you're quite brave in my book to endure that.


#10 TryinginFL

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Posted 22 August 2014 - 08:13 PM

Yep, it's the anxiety that's killing me...

 

I had never experienced this in my life until these past almost 8 months now - will it never end, I wonder. :(

I am sometimes taking a bit over my prescribed amount of Xanax but have to get it under control.  Don't know what else to do - I can't do a lot of physical stuff due to fibro and arthritis and to be honest, a total lack of motivation.

 

OMG, please let this end...


#11 Carleeta

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Posted 22 August 2014 - 08:21 PM

Yep, it's the anxiety that's killing me...

 

I had never experienced this in my life until these past almost 8 months now - will it never end, I wonder. :(

I am sometimes taking a bit over my prescribed amount of Xanax but have to get it under control.  Don't know what else to do - I can't do a lot of physical stuff due to fibro and arthritis and to be honest, a total lack of motivation.

 

OMG, please let this end...

TryinginFl.  It's ok to take a bit more of your Xanax if you need it.  You sure went though a very rough two weeks and your body has not adjusted back to where it was, prior your trip.  This trip is still probably on your mind, and all the unfortunately issues you had to deal with during that time.  Forget that trip, and look forward and look for cardinals, or new things.  Within time that trip will be history, and new thoughts will be emerging.  When we stay in yesterday, we feel like yesterday.  It's and old saying although it's so true. 

The physical issues are definitely another matter altogether.  Are you do for a therapeutic massage? Maybe a nice water swim... You are having some nice warm weather there in Fl....  My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend...


#12 TryinginFL

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Posted 22 August 2014 - 08:36 PM

Thank you, Carleeta...

 

No massage this week cause my massage gal was out of town - her daughter was getting married!  Have to wait til next Wed.

 

BTW, I saw a Cardinal on my patio this morning - a true uplift for me!  I fully understand why he was there... :)

 

You are right - I MUST stop thinking about what WAS.... I will try to stay in the present and just be.


#13 buntbean2

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Posted 22 August 2014 - 09:12 PM

I had no idea Cardinals were in Florida.  They're one of my favorite birds as well.  It was so peaceful in Maine with literally no power, computers, phones, running water, etc.  Just nature.  I kept busy kayaking and looking for eagles, moose, etc.  I was beyond excited to take my last dose of Cymbalta.  It was so awesome.  Now I'm back home to all the stresses.  Getting ready to go back to work, unpacking everything from the trip, dealing with majorly overgrown gardens, getting my hormonal, stressed out, anxious daughter back to school.  My husband and son are stressing over things happening in their work places.  Now I have to try and act "normal" while my brain rewires itself.  I've been such a mess.  I became irate with a rude woman at the store today.  Normally I would have turned the other cheek but I was tempted to blow up at her.  I made a few rude comments and then came home and sobbed at my inability to act reasonably.  Angry at myself for not being able to control myself.  I sometimes wonder if checking in with my doctor would do any good but I'm sure she'd be at a loss for dealing with this.  I saw a psychiatric nurse a few years ago for the anxiety and she wanted me taking 2 clonazepam plus 2-3 lorazepam per day!!  I don't want to resort to more medications but I've had to take a clonazepam for the past 2 nights to force myself to sleep.  There has to be better ways to deal with the emotional roller coaster I'm on.


#14 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 23 August 2014 - 04:09 PM

Buntbean,

where did you go on vacation? Kayaking is fun.
When I feel down I look back at my lovely time in the Bahamas and instantly feel better

well, another social plan bites the dust...i bought concert tickets for last night and tonight and have been having brain zaps dizziness, weakness and am not in mental shape to meet new people tonight. I feel disappointed but know I won't enjoy being around tons of noise...i just finished at the grocery store and couldn't wait to leave...it made me dizzy walking around and I couldn't remember why I was there...

I hate being so isolated in my home but am thankful I saw mom at the nursing home and will watch football with my pooch. Oh, and call a friend on the phone.

sorry for rambling..i had to get it out..

#15 Amybc7

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Posted 24 August 2014 - 08:27 AM

I'm reading a book right now - some fiction although I can't tell you what it is at the moment and I'm too lazy to look.  There was a quote that went something like "Sometimes life is just too loud."  

 

For whatever reason, I loved it - and I think of it again now.

 

Sometimes life is too loud!  Too many people. Too much noise.  Too much!

 

Don't punish yourself for taking care of yourself.  You're listening to the right thing - yourself.


#16 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 24 August 2014 - 10:46 AM

Amybc7,

You make a great point...for those of us with brains under stress, too much stimulation can make it much worse...I have always preferred alone time and peace and quiet...although this past week I have been way too isolated...

There is a book written by Elaine Arron (sp) called the Highly Sensitive Person..it lists characteristics of those of us who get overwhelmed by too much noise, crowds, etc....

are you an introvert or extrovert?

#17 FiveNotions

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Posted 24 August 2014 - 11:21 AM

IBS, total introvert here ... and I loved that book! Spoke directly to me ... here's a link to it on Amazon.com ... with a "look inside" option ... http://www.amazon.co...ensitive person

#18 Amybc7

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Posted 24 August 2014 - 09:52 PM

Fascinating - I don't know if I consider myself an introvert or an extrovert.  My first response was extrovert - totally!  And then I thought.....um....maybe not.  Can there be a category for those in between?  


#19 FiveNotions

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Posted 24 August 2014 - 11:10 PM

How 'bout "ambi-vert" ?  Someone who "swings both ways" .... oh, wait .... maybe that's someone who's bi-polar .... :P


#20 Amysgarden

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 09:31 AM

I'm a total introvert, but I can be very social and "on" at times. But I require downtime alone to recharge or I get really run down and irritable. Extroverts, on the other hand, get irritable if they have to be alone too much. They are at their best surrounded by people and in a generally higher energy level. It actually makes them more relaxed to have others to talk to. And some can be amazingly chatty for what I think is a stressfully long amount of time! Some people have this idea that introverts are shy or antisocial or awkward. I can be quite the life of the party when I want to. As a church musician, I have to be highly visible and outgoing. But then I go home and go into seclusion for an hour. Does that help distinguish the two?

#21 fishinghat

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 10:14 AM

Good description Amy. Myself, I am an introvert.  I can spend hours quietly by myself and be perfectly happy. As an engineer I was often, very often, parts of large meetings. I could do it with ease but it just wasn't my cup of tea. Just something I had to do. And you are right there would always be a couple of extroverts there that never shut up. They loved it and could talk for hours.


#22 brzghoff

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 11:24 AM

How 'bout "ambi-vert" ?  Someone who "swings both ways" .... oh, wait .... maybe that's someone who's bi-polar .... :P

 

 

or someone who is bi- anything? ;-)


#23 ittybittysmitty

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 12:23 PM

Fishinghat,

my best friend is an extrovert and last night we took a long walk..my brain was frazzled by the end of our walk..

I don't do well when the conversation is one sided...even though I'm a good listener...

anyone relate?

on another note, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY ANXIETY TO GO AWAY...i think its because I have too much time on my hands now that mom is away...i have ADD and trying to structure mg time is nearly impossible..anyone unemployed, anxious and just plain fed up?

#24 thismoment

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 01:23 PM

brzghoff

 

"or someone who is bi- anything? ;-)"

 

I'm bi-pedal and enjoy walking around the mall; I'm also bi-crazy (love to shop!) lol


#25 thismoment

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 01:34 PM

IBS

 

"my brain was frazzled by the end of our walk."

 

I know what you mean about this, but my problem was there were two voices chattering away-- my friend's voice and the one inside my head. My friend's words would generate images in my head, and my running inner commentary would be in direct competition. Whenever I said something it felt like a voice from nowhere! Like watching two teevees at the same time and talking on the phone. Aaaaahhhh!

 

It will settle down. It sounds like your friend needed to talk, though.

 

 

"PLEASE PRAY FOR MY ANXIETY TO GO AWAY."

 

I don't pray, but I sincerely wish you find peace from this most debilitating and de-stabilizing of ailments-- anxiety. Do you have anxiety medication-- a benzodiazepine or similar? Do you have a therapist?

 

Take care.


#26 gail

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 05:12 PM

[quote name="ittybittysmitty" post="47707" timestamp="1409160149"]Fishinghat,
my best friend is an extrovert and last night we took a long walk..my brain was frazzled by the end of our walk..
I don't do well when the conversation is one sided...even though I'm a good listener...
anyone relate


Same here, when conversation is one sided with people I work with!

Good listener also, but, it feels as though you do not exist!
But, this is at work. So,I try telling myself that they need to bla bla and bla.

I have a few friends, maybe 3, and it is never one sided.
I would not tolerate that!

As for the anxiety, I know this can be debilitating.
As TM mentioned, any benzos around for a while can help.

I will keep you in my prayers IBS, and at times, anti anxiolitic meds can be a response to your prayers. If you are a believer, I would add that God manifests himself in different ways,even in medication!

#27 TryinginFL

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 05:23 PM

IBS...

 

I don't have ADD but am retired, anxious and just plain fed up!  Do you take anything for the anxiety?  I have been able to cut back slightly on the Alprazolam - close to the actual prescribed amount these past few days, but have a feeling that I can only describe as depression mixed with what seems like loneliness.  Maybe it's something else, but I just don't feel right - I wish I could explain it.

 

I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts dear friend.  Hopefully we can both improve soon.

 

Hugs,

Liz :hug:  


#28 FiveNotions

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 06:50 PM

IBS, I do pray, and I've added you to an ongoing novena that I've got going for my friends' "special intentions" ... it's hard, almost impossible, to pray for ourselves when we're caught in the anxiety or other struggles ... so just know that you are being prayed for me, and those of us here who do that "stuff" ... and TM and those of us here who don't pray but have other resources are surrounding you with mindfulness, and love and laughter from their own storehouses ... :hug:


#29 Carleeta

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 07:29 PM

IBS..definitely when having anxiety all one focuses on is what is going on with them.  it's difficult to carry on a conversation and it's difficult to even process what one is saying.  When caught in an anxiety mode all our feelings, thoughts, and senses are turned inward ( to what's going on with us) and not outward.  When you anxiety gets under control, either through medication or therapy you will then be able to turn yourself outward and concentrate of other conversations, movies, books, and etc..  I will also say a prayer for you to get this anxiety under control.  The best to you..... 


#30 tria

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Posted 27 August 2014 - 08:46 PM

Wow there is so much here I can relate to!  The taking a shower comment - perfect!  I joke that having to shower is my nemesis :)  It totally zaps any energy I might have had, brings on nausea, etc.  And with the anxiety, just convincing myself to take a shower is a major accomplishment on some days.  I can also totally relate to the "life is too loud" discussion.  Although I sometimes end up feeling isolated, I do so much better at home (live alone).  Sometimes I just can't take noise, people, it's all too much.

 

Lots of good discussion on anxiety here too.  I guess I kinda fall in the middle.  There are times when I know that rest is the best thing for me.  If I can't sleep, I'll watch tv to distract my brain so I don't lay on the couch obsessing over my anxiety.  Other times, I feel better when I'm doing something, though with my other health problems this isn't always possible.  Getting myself started on something is always really difficult but if I can get focused on doing something, it does usually ease the anxiety.





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