17 replies to this topic

[thismoment]

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[thismoment]

Well, now that I've dealt with the opening window in an appropriate manner, how is everyone doing? If I were to start a new topic I'd start it here in the clear, unbastardized second window, like this:

 

Are You Thinking About Re-starting Cymbalta?

 

Sometimes there appears to be no other choice because the symptoms have you against the wall. The benzo helps with the anxiety, the sleep-aid knocks you out but you wake up in a sweat dreading the symptom-filled day ahead. The thought of re-instatement crosses everybody's mind, as does switching to something else, and jumping off a bridge. These thoughts are normal in discontinuation, and just like other symptoms, they too come in waves.

 

Are you thinking you need to re-instate on the C? Let's talk about it; I would never say 'don't', because your quality of life is all that matters. So let's talk about the overall picture-- the elements that will ultimately make up that quality of life you dream of. Maybe you will feel differently tomorrow or in a few days. Keep talking.
 

[Amysgarden]

Yes. Yesterday morning, I was nearly resigned to the idea. I can handle the parathesia and nausea and diarrhea, achiness, headaches, etc.....well, to a point anyway. But the crushing feeling of extreme anxiety, doom, rage, and suicidal thoughts was getting overwhelming. I don't have the luxury of sleeping it off or taking leave from work. I guess that's the downside of being self-employed. Started 5-HTP last night and actually slept for nearly 7 hours. Feel a lot more functional today. So we'll see how it goes. I wouldn't be having so many problems if I'd had the chance to taper off the drug. Cold turkey is hell.

[FiveNotions]

Yep, AmysG, cold turkey is hell. And yet, we do come through it. You're still "in it" fighting the immediate battle, and that sucks. Yet, as I read back over your posts, I can see how much you've healed, and how you are, indeed, moving forward.

 

Don't give up, and don't give in! that's what this monster wants us to do ... give up, give in, and return to it ... like an abusive spouse... and it gets us so battered and broken in spirit that we think going back is our only option. That's big pharma bullshit.

 

Keep moving forward...one step, one moment at a time...away from the abuse and toward life.

I've read your posts/response to me on your other thread about the 5-HTP. It's clear that you've read up on the stuff, are knowledgeable, and are in a position to give it a try. I'm also relieved to see that you're starting with very small doses.

I apologize if I came down too hard on you about it ... it's just that we've had a member who rushed off to try these aminos (in that instance it was tyrosine) without reading up on them, and have made herself damn sick as a result. When that happened, I felt that it was my fault, because I had recently posted about the good results I was having with that amino. They are potent substances, especially the 5-HTP... because it, unlike the other aminos, it does cross the blood-brain barrier. It hits the brain directly, and too much of it makes for a very bad result.

I'm also happy to hear that you had a positive response to your first dose last night. I've used it, and also had very good results. Give it a few days at just the level you're at now. Then, you can also try adding a dose in the morning.

The interesting thing about both 5-HTP and tryptophan is that the serotonin works differently in the brain, depending on whether it's taken during night hours or daylight hours. During the night, when it's dark, it's processed into melatonin, which makes us sleepy. During the daytime, it works primarily as serotonin, which acts on anxiety, etc.

The fact that you had a hard time finding tryptophan is interesting. Others here have commented likewise, and that is also my experience. It's also more expensive than the 5-HTP. I had to order it online.

 

(I'll cross-post this comment over on your 5-HTP thread so everyone can read it. Please also post over there on your results with the stuff. and keep adding to that thread. This is important info for everyone to have access to.)

[thismoment]

Amy

Glad to hear you got some sleep and awoke more positive. Indeed you are in a challenging spot. I think the best you can do is keep the anxiety down and put in the time the best you can. Getting sleep and resting your brain surely helps remove the hair-trigger on rage.

Yes cold turkey is a difficult way to go; I understand not everyone has the choice of withdrawing slowly, for a variety of reasons. This doesn't apply to you, but it always amazes me how many people would rather suffer extreme withdrawal rather than taper off slowly; they say, "I just want to be off this crap NOW!"

I hope you continue to have good days. Soon most of your days will be good.

Take care.

[fishinghat]

Amy

 

Don't forget....you are not alone.

 

God Bless

[FiveNotions]

As for wanting to go back on Cymbalta, yes ... I came very very close to doing so when I was about 3-4 months off the stuff... I was so down, depressed and anxious ... had a horrid panic attack one day ... came here to post ... FH and the others talked me out of it, through it, and told me to hang on just a bit longer ... so, I stuck it out for just one more day... and the panic/anxiety passed ... then, another week, and the horrid down/depression passed ... it was yet another phase ...

 

I came very close to going on a different ssri, Zoloft, this June ... when the anxiety came back full force ... but again, I didn't do it...thanks to my friends here ...instead, I got some valium and an rx for clonidine to manage the anxiety ... and that was all I needed. Also, I realized that the anxiety was related to the fact that I had started to get back chunks of my memory from the "lost years" on Cymbalta ... and with that came the realization that I hadn't bothered to file taxes for 6 years, had been drinking like a fish, and had spent thousands of dollars doing bizarre online shopping... I totally freaked. Then, it became situational anxiety, due to the horrid financial situation I was in from not being able to work due to this shit...

 

Anyway, long story short... it's all phases ... hell, our entire life here is a "phase" ... it comes, well, we come...we stay for a while ... and then we leave ... someone else comes to take our place ... as a "believer," I'm rather looking forward to my next "phase" ... there ain't no need for antidepressants in Heaven ... and Eli Lilly will be in Hell ... so it's all good 

[thismoment]

FN

 

As a 'non-believer' I have no choice but to make the best of the life I have; this is my one and only 'phase'.

[FiveNotions]

hehehe .... I agree TM! Regardless of being a "believer" or not, we do need to make the absolute best of "this phase" as possible!

 

Even as a "believer," I surely have no intention of sitting around in a puddle of piss and poop, waiting for the "next phase" to arrive!

 

Also, just as I may be surprised to find out (not that I'll realize) that there really isn't a "next phase," in the alternative, you, my favorite heathen, and all my many other beloved friends who are nonbelievers, atheists, agnostics and pagans, may be (pleasantly) surprised to find out that there is another "phase."

 

Which would really really be fun ... because we could all be there to "raise some Hell in Heaven."

[thismoment]

I'll be the one in theTommy Bahama's orchid shirt, Jimmy Buffet shorts, Walmart flip-flops, and the buzzed-out ear-to-ear grin!!

[DoneWithCrap]

I'm taking a break from this forum for a while.
Thank you for all your help. You are doing a wonderful service here. I just can't figure it out.

Best of luck to all of you on your journey to a higher quality of life

[fishinghat]

I am sorry to hear that Renee. Please let us know at some time how things came out. We are always here if you need us.

[ShadyLady]

Oh,Renee...please re-consider "taking a break from this forum for awhile." I need your posts, we all need your posts, the good, the bad & the ugly! This is an awful spot for me in this "phase" of discontinuation! The ones that are struggling help me not feel so alone and that includes you, though much of what You have posted is written so beautifully...no bullshit here to flatter you either! "I just can't figure it out" is my constant companion...I was up all night freaking out and finally, took a Benzo, Perc & a sleeping pill to get a few hours of restful sleep. I just woke up and realized I posted all my shit that's happening and my first dread was the shame I felt for spilling, but my friends here are the only people in my life that give a rat's ass and understand what I am go through with the discontinuation and are so compassionate about the personal crap heaped on that!

Besides, Benzo's pic makes me smile when I log in and see him when you have posted!! I read your recent thread and couldn't express my words to post something, part of the "stupid" from Wellbutrin! YOU ARE NEEDED AND LOVED...WE ARE SAFE HERE!

A big hug from me to you....xxxxx

[thismoment]

Renee

 

Nobody can figure it out. We just endure it until it passes. Quality of life is all that matters, and we all do what we must to move toward that.

 

One of the great qualities of this forum is that it's a diversion-- something to engage and distract our minds from the intensity of discontinuation-- there are no solutions here.

 

All the best to you! Come back and say hello from time to time.

[TryinginFL]

Renee...

 

I sent you a PM

[FiveNotions]

Renee, I understand if you feel you need to take a break from the forum.
 
Just do not take a break from journeying to "a higher quality of life." You are worthy of that, deserve that, owe it to yourself.
 
Come back when you're ready ... any time ... be it tomorrow, next week or next year ... we'll be here, and happy to hear from you!

[FiveNotions]

Or, just take a break from active posting, and just switch to reading / "lurking."

[brzghoff]

i see the thread changed up a little, but i wanted to respond to the original topic. i started to seriously consider going back on cymbalta or another SNRI/SSRI just last week after 17 weeks off the C. i was at my wits end with the anxiety, although its more the physical symptoms of the "big A" that get to me - intense butterflies in the stomach, rapid heart rate, chest pressure, feeling like there is a tight band around my head, and serious sinus pressure. the fear part of course is scary, but i can tell myself its not real. the physical stuff IS real. the anxiety was making it so i couldn't think straight or concentrate. needless to say i couldn't do anything but sit on the couch and stress - and scare the heck out of my husband. while i hadn't really suffered a return of depression since quitting, the intense anxiety was making me depressed, so i was thinking the worst, that i was an anti depressant "lifer"

 

it dawned on me the anxiety would kick into high gear whenever my husband was around, which is ALL the time. i don't work right now, and his work has dropped off considerably. when he starts talking about all stuff around the house he has to get done or we have to get done i can feel the anxiety rise very quickly. i would get overwhelmed as he would tak about what projects we need to do and how we have to do them. i just didn't want to hear it my anxiety is going through the roof, all he has to do is walk in the room and i become fearful that i will upset him and the anxiety kicks in. he may actually be in a good mood but i had created a conditioned response of anxiety when he was in my presence. i was horrified to think that the man i love, my best friend, was the trigger of my anxiety! we went to therapy and got some good strategies. i was also getting the worst sleep of my life, which makes anxiety worse. i took a bendryl one night and one of my husband's ambien the next. i got good sleep and deployed some good cognitive strateges and things started to improve a little. 

 

this past weekend getting ready for us to leave the state for the month i was concerned about not having my mental health support system, which is a doc to prescribe something for anxiety i might need, and my therapist. i was getting panicky. however i got some good feed back from folks on this forum about med options. the day before leaving i got an appt with my doc and we settled on clonidine as a good hip pocket option that would calm me down and also help induce sleep in case the anxiety kicks up again. also, i can always call my therp, so he's got my back as well. so with the better sleep, getting a good cognitive skills refresher from my therp and having a "plan B" regarding meds in place i didn't need anything to help me sleep sunday-tuesdays nights and slept great! i've had barely any anxiety for the past week. so no i don't need the cymbalta or another anti-d.

 

we drove up on tuesday and it was a great day. same with wednesday. lots of energy. by wednesday night though, i couldn't sleep. it didn't feel like anxiety, but i felt wired and restless, fidgety too. i don't know if that's anxiety in another form, but i decided to try the clonidine. took about a half hour to feel it and i fell asleep soon after. however, i would wake up about every two hours, but managed to get back to sleep within 15 minutes each time. since then the restless/fidgety stuff remains. anxiety? akathesia? dunno. i had a good day yesterday but haven't yet taken another clonidine. last night i decided a good night's sleep with no interruptions was in order so i took an ambien. those always work but i don't like taking stuff where i could build up a tolerance. today i gave the house a big cleaning. we're also working to clean up the mold problem in the basement. i can only handle a little bit of that project at a time. i am taking the rest of the day off. since kicking back i am feeling a tiny rise in anxiety. not a big deal. for some reason  can't bring myself to take another clonidine, especially dring the day. it felt kinda weird. today i decided to take kava kava. i do that now and again. it works okay, but today not so much, i guess a little. 

 

i am still restless and still fidgiting. how will i feel about all of this tomorrow, next week, god only knows. i don't live in the future. so i think i'll just work on the mindfullness meditation for awhile.