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Anxiety: My "bloggy" Random Thoughts


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#31 kathyms3150

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Posted 12 November 2014 - 01:56 PM

Hi Gail, One of the biggest problems with these meds is that they take several weeks to work. Medical science really needs to come up with better treatments for depression and anxiety. Thank you for caring. xxxx


#32 gail

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Posted 12 November 2014 - 05:08 PM

Hello Kathy,

You are right, at this point in time, medical science should have found something that works faster than the four to six week wait.

But,as we are all different, my brother went on celexa maybe four or so months ago. And on the fourth day found relief, the fourth day, I could have kicked his ass! And there I am, trying two different ad, in nine months and nothing worked.

I must say that seroquel worked on the first day, seven weeks ago, adjusting the dose is something else. Backed up to a very low dose, as it gave me nightmares. I still have the anxiety on and off. But, it is nothing compared to before. Well some days are still hard.

I am tapering the Valium, the estrogen, and at times I don't know which one is the culprit.

I hope that you get lucky, and it kicks in soon. Gail xx

#33 DoneWithCrap

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 08:09 PM

I have had depression since near birth lol...but seriously. I never thought of myself as anxious until someone told me that my need for every thing I do to be done perfectly is due to anxiety. That is the kind of anxiety I'm used to. I'm always anxious about hurting someones feelings or saying the wrong thing.

 

Since I have been tapering off the Cymbalta (ate my last bead today!!), I have been feeling a different type of what I assume is anxiety. This is new to me because I have always liked to socialize. My new anxiety makes me crippled with fear out at crowded or loud events. I literally shake uncontrollably in fear.

 

It really started while I was taking Cymbalta although I did frequently miss doses and I believe I had myself in a constant cycle of withdrawal. Since I have been tapering off I believe I am less social than I was before I started taking meds for depression. I find myself avoiding social situations which is something I never did before. I hope this is temporary because I hate feeling like every social invite is something I look forward to but as the event gets closer, I "get sick" and can't go.


#34 TryinginFL

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 08:27 PM

Renee,

 

Congratulations again on that last bead! :D

 

I totally understand the anxiety you are describing as I suffered greatly at about 5-6 months off - before I went to Hawaii for my son's wedding.  It was literally "freezing" and I was unable to do anything.  I also avoided going out socially - I felt much safer at home.  Do you have a benzo you can take - Valium, Xanax, etc.?  I took and still do take Alprazolam (Xanax) but now it is mainly for the sleep issues.  Can't seem to get rid of that problem.  The anxiety has finally taken a vacation (hopefully permanently), but a benzo will help you immensely.  You should be able to get your Dr. to prescribe this with no problem.

 

If you read FN's latest post, she puts it quite eloquently.  After this amount of time called "discontinuation", we are at a point of realizing that it is what it is.  No more "hoping for things to end or get better" as this easily may be as good as it gets.  I feel that this horrible poison has permanently damaged me to some degree and was talking to my therapist about this today.  We realize that we tire easily and can no longer do all that we used to.  Back to the "quality of life" - we need to choose what we can handle and enjoy doing to the best of our ability.

 

I pray that this horrible crap is taken off the market soon so that it will spare so many others these horrible withdrawals and pieces we are left to put together... :angry:  

Ok - my rant is over! :wacko: :blink:

 

Again, congratulations, Renee and please keep us updated - about you and dear Benzo!!

 

Liz :hug: 


#35 DoneWithCrap

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 09:07 PM

Thank you TFL,
I usually take Klonopin but as luck would have it, I ran out 4 days ago and the new Rx is waiting to be picked up at the pharmacy. I can't go out tonight as I am doing the colonoscopy prep. My husband will hopefully get it for me before they close. In the mean time my puppy Benzo got into something yesterday morning and he had his own bout of the sh*ts all yesterday. I took him to the vet last night and he is doing much better today.

Just heard my husband go into the garage! Maybe I will get some sleep tonight after all :D

#36 TryinginFL

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 09:20 PM

Awwww, Renee...

 

Your last few days sound extremely stressful and I know what your day was like today - yikes! I think I would have lost it with everything you have just gone through! :o

 

I'm happy to hear that you have something to take for your anxiety and hope that you will be able to sleep tonite!  Also happy that Benzo is doing OK now - poor pup! :( (I feel bad for Spaghetti, too...)

 

I know that you will be happy when your procedure is over tomorrow and I wish you the best on this "discontinuation trip". 

 

Please continue to keep us updated!


#37 kathyms3150

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 03:53 PM

Hello Kathy,
You are right, at this point in time, medical science should have found something that works faster than the four to six week wait.
But,as we are all different, my brother went on celexa maybe four or so months ago. And on the fourth day found relief, the fourth day, I could have kicked his ass! And there I am, trying two different ad, in nine months and nothing worked.
I must say that seroquel worked on the first day, seven weeks ago, adjusting the dose is something else. Backed up to a very low dose, as it gave me nightmares. I still have the anxiety on and off. But, it is nothing compared to before. Well some days are still hard.
I am tapering the Valium, the estrogen, and at times I don't know which one is the culprit.
I hope that you get lucky, and it kicks in soon. Gail xx

Hi Gail, Sorry I haven't written back to you, my depression and anxiety have me in this "frozen" state. Yesterday my husband took me to the mall so I could walk around and I just felt like laying on the floor crying. When we got home a friend who's a nurse called me and she agreed that the treatments available are pathetic. Wow, your brother really got lucky with the Celexa working so quickly. I hope that it continues to work for him. Are you still taking the Seroquel? I'm glad to hear that your anxiety is a little better. This sure is hell! xxx

#38 gail

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 04:29 PM

Oh Kathy,

I just know that feeling of wanting to lay down and cry. Curled like a foetus.
Still have those moments, but less frequent.

I think of Thismoment, one year to get better.
Of TFL, anxiety dropped around month 9 or 10.
And many more. Many, many more.

All in due time, and yes, it is hell while it lasts.
I have days that are good, then I wake up the next and feel like shit, like, when will this be over?

Kathy, it is hard, still for many of us. Whether it is 6 or 8 or 10 months from withdrawal! You are not alone with this.

As Thismoment once said, it is over when it is over.
I miss him or her very much, such wisdom, I wish TM was back!

Lovely to hear from you, you seem like such a wonderful person. Lucky that you have a good husband looking up for you, he must love you very much.

Love, Gailxxx

#39 TryinginFL

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 04:33 PM

Gail and Kathy,

 

Ditto to all of above..

 

This isn't a good day :(.


#40 gail

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 04:57 PM

Liz,

So sorry that you having one of those.

I had one yesterday. Today is better, not the best, but better.

Makes me miss TM a lot.

Let's keep hope that tomorrow is better.

When we feel like this, its a comfort to know that we are not alone, and that we are not losing our mind, or are we? Lol...never use this lol..expression, it is appropriate for the moment. No emoticons on the tablet, I could use some. Love you xxx

#41 ShadyLady

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 07:43 PM

Hi kids...thanks for your posts! Reading them here has made me not feel so doomed and alone. Wtf?! This anxiety is destroying me and I am too afraid to take more than my 1mg of Xanax at bedtime for fear of popping too many to knock down this over the top anxiety.
Who knew this could be so debilitating. I am 6 weeks on 20mg of Prozac and don't know that it is helping. Only positive I see from taking it is I'm not cycling with suicidal ideation as I was before taking it. It is doing nothing for the anxiety or motivation to engage any sort of 'normal' day to day schedule.

Thanks for sharing. I am so enveloped with the anxiety I can't even post to alleviate some of the internal bs dialogue, much less help anybody else right now. I care so much about the members here, but am just useless trying to type my thoughts to help anyone else. This anxiety crap is so selfish and insidious.

Hugs and prayers, xxxx

#42 ShadyLady

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 07:51 PM

Renee, so glad to see you post. Boy, do I relate to what your saying about the 'social invites and getting so stressed or sick!' I cancelled three doctor appointments this week as I couldn't get out of the house because the 'monkey' of anxiety is too heavy to bear right now.

Thanks for the post. How did your colonoscopy go? The prep is shitty, right?! Glad Benzo is okay. I had the flu, bad for about ten days and Tootsie, my mixed up terrier!, had the squirts for three days. Must've been sympathy shits so to speak, as she is fine now. Do dogs get the flu too?!

Hugs, Sisterfriend

#43 gail

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 07:49 AM

Shady, I can so relate to what you are saying. You may not think you are helping here, but you are.

You started Prozac six weeks ago, and don't know if it helping.

I started seroquel seven weeks ago or so, the first four or five weeks, I saw a major improvement. Then, nothing. Upped to the next degree, 150mg and started having nightmares. Backed up to 100mg, 10 days ago or so.

One good day, one bad and so on in the last two weeks. Not as bad as before, but bad just the same.

And the fight that is going on inside about taking this med is torture. Torture to have to take the med, torture about the possible weight gain,torture about thinking of withdrawal.

And like you, days I cannot go out, apart from working,which helps a lot.

Renee, had the coloscopy five months ago, I dont know what meds they give us, but it felt so good. I wish that I would feel like that eveyday. How did it go?

#44 kathyms3150

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 11:43 AM

Gail, I've been feeling like this for over a month now with no sign of it letting up. I'm so afraid it's not going to get better. Today I was supposed to go to a family gathering but there's no way I could and it makes me so angry. I'm so sorry for all of us going through this hell. xxx


#45 gail

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 12:47 PM

Kathy, that makes two of us.

I wish that I could comfort you, I am having this kind of day also.

What is comforting to me is seeing that TFL went through this for many months and that six weeks ago, anxiety left her. Trying to be positive, but it is not one of my best traits here.

Somehow, we will make it. Gailxx

#46 kathyms3150

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 03:36 PM

(((Gail))) I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time also. I sure wish that I could comfort you too but I'm feeling pretty hopeless. TFL is so sweet, I'm glad her anxiety has settled down. This week I'm supposed to go to the dentist to have a bridge replaced but I don't think I'll be able to sit there for that long. We have to get better. I'm sorry for being such a downer. xxxx

#47 gail

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 05:42 PM

No,no, you are not a downer at all Kathy,

We are not alone going through this, perhaps some feel the need to keep it inward, which seems like something we can not do.

Yes, TFL is very sweet, thank God that we have her as a reminder that we will get better.

As for the dentist,do take the benzo before, it could very well be your mind playing tricks. You are projecting in the futur, that is normal under the circumstances. We all do this.

Thank you for you kind words, Kathy, you are special, xxx

Can you explain to me what means (((((()))))), seen that before, but I am french, and always interpreted as someone yelling after me, does not sound to be the case, what does it mean?

#48 kathyms3150

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 04:25 PM

Gail, do you have depression? I've struggled with it since I was a teenager and it seems to be worse than ever. It's really scaring me because nothing is helping. My mom thinks it's from the Cymbalta but there's no way to be sure. I feel like my posts bring others down. I'm going to take some Klonopin and try to get my dental work done. ((())) around your name means I'm sending you a hug. You are very special too. xxx

#49 gail

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 05:35 PM

Kathy, so this is what it means, hug.

I was in the Healing Well forum, and someone did that(((()))), I was sure that he was annoyed by me, felt so uncomfortable. Thanks for clearing that up.

Do I have depression? My doctor diagnosed me as, translating here, anxiety with depressive moods. I mostly think that the anxiety brings in the depressive moods. I must add that before shitbalta, it was not as worst as it is now. Your mom may be right here.

I never thought of myself as being a depressive person. What broke me down, were affective relations. Three times in my life, I had depression caused by this. I would call it affective disorder.

All related to my childhood. The lack of fundamental security. Given everything in material ways, but not in the affective way. Lack of recognition, of being important, lack of being confirmed in being beautiful and so on, this follows me.

Your posts don't bring me down, you have been through a lot.
And you are not alone feeling this torture. Don't forget the site that I have mentioned recently HW.

Kathy, I had an insight today, as I have been focussing only on this Ill feeling. I have forgotten to focus on what I want for myself, my dreams. So simple dreams, like wanting to feel the smile of the soul, wanting peace of mind. In the middle of the fire, I forgot to focus on this.

So consumed by anxiety, all thoughts directed there, it does need a bit of effort to focus on our simple dreams. It does help me.

Supper time, so nice to chat with you Kathy, see you soon. Gailxxxx

#50 brzghoff

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 08:00 PM

I have been unable to spend any meaningful time on the forum in the past several days but at this time i have a chance to post a few thoughts.

 

my grandson was staying with us for the past week but has since gone home. it was wonderful spending time with him and his visit totally lifted my mood and helped me manage my anxiety. while he was here my husband and i planned several activities that due to my continued recovery i might have avoided but i did not want to disappoint my grandson. so we did an all day canoe trip down a local river and the next day took off on a two day one night backpacking trip. my post cymbalta joint and muscle aches and neuropathic pain in my legs and arms did not seem to bother me while paddling/hiking. however, at night it kicked in. same with the anxiety. during the short trip i was hoping that the acitivity would leave me exhausted enough to fall asleep easily. nope. i got in several hours but lay awake a lot too. its been that way ever since i quit cymbalta. prior to stopping i was a "good sleeper" my entire life, both pre and during taking anti-d's. its all part of the new normal. by the way, its not sleeping on the ground that affects my sleep. out in nature, especially in the "backcountry" wilderness, is where i feel most at at peace. anticipating going on such a trip i want to pull back, but when i force myself to plod forward, it is always worth it. 

 

HOWEVER

 

since my grandson left, lets just say my husband and i have had better days. we've been picking at each other and fighting over stupid stuff. both lacking tolerance of the other's foibles. its created a situational depression for me. as a result, i can sleep! heckuva price to pay for a few good winks. we are madly in love with each other, but we just can't seem to get along and that is creating a real distance between us. certainly my recovery struggle and vulnerabilities don't help. overall my husband is understanding and supportive, but he is human. thursday and friday were a nightmare. i was shaking and scared my marriage was over, my anxiety got to the point where i gave in and took a couple kava kava. yesterday and today have been much better. the same cognitive skills i use for anxiety are also what works for not "disturbing" myself when my husband doesn't act, say or do things the way i think he should. 1) he doesn't have to do, act or say anything i think he should. 2) it may be preferential for me if he did, but i am not going to die if he doesn't. often just working through those two steps helps me more objectively evaluate the situation. often, changing how i react to him changes how he acts towards me. i am learning not to give my frustration energy. unfortunately it is much easier to type this than to put it all into action. but this is the first step. the more i talk to myself this way, the more i can begin to put it into practice. the downside... if this helps lift the depression, does this mean i wont be able to sleep again? ;-)

 

i know there is a lesson in here somewhere for me and i am still trying to figure it out. i have been telling my anxiety to go to hell and that seems to help. i am a fighter. no freaking way i am going to let it take me out. some days i feel like i have two black eyes and a broken jaw but i'm still coming out of my corner swinging. 

 

 

Kathy and Gail,

 

I am sorry to hear that the symptoms are still plaguing you in such a strong way. i have been thinking of you. finding you posting is a hopeful and helpful sign. when anxiety kicks into high gear its hard to communicate at all. 


#51 gail

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 08:26 PM

Brz, reading your post makes me greatful for not having to deal with someone living with me. It is tough enough without having to drag someone I care for along this nasty ride.

You sure are a fighter, a strong minded one, which helps going through the hard times.

And you both love each other so much.

Wish I had your strength, but we each have our plus side.
Got to work on that here.

All those activities, wow! One tough cookie!

Healing yourself and managing all this, wanting to pull back and just going ahead with it, bravo!

#52 brzghoff

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Posted 16 November 2014 - 08:54 PM

Brz, reading your post makes me greatful for not having to deal with someone living with me. It is tough enough without having to drag someone I care for along this nasty ride.

You sure are a fighter, a strong minded one, which helps going through the hard times.

And you both love each other so much.

Wish I had your strength, but we each have our plus side.
Got to work on that here.

All those activities, wow! One tough cookie!

Healing yourself and managing all this, wanting to pull back and just going ahead with it, bravo!

 

 

thank you,

 

it takes more than love to make a marriage - it is a lot of give and take, compromise and "giving in". it is a lot of work, but in a good way. 

 

i am very touched at the gentle caring support that you provide all of us here on the forum. your empathy and very self-less dedication makes you an essential member of this community. 


#53 DoneWithCrap

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 01:09 AM

Hi everyone. I survived the colonoscopy! lol. Thabk you fot your  Withe my history of abuse, they knock me out for the procedure. I don't have to know what they are doing. I trust this Dr.

Normal results but waiting on biopsy results. I guess that makes me a perfect 

As for my discontinuation/anxiety/husband, well it could all be better. I'm easily hurt my words that are said and unsaid. My husband is a great man but he is very stingy with his compliments. We had a booth at a local craft show this Saturday (yesterday). He was selling 2 books that he wrote and I was selling my hand made dog collars and leashes. That was so overwhelming for me I don't know how I got through it. I get several orders and was very happy to show off my goods.

then we came home to get ready for our friends Christmas party. I put some make up on and even blew dry my hair! Husband said a'll be in the truck. Thats all he said. It is what he didn't say that hurts... So we get to the party and the band was so loud that I was wincing even with every beat. It didn't take long for the anxiety to kick in. At least my friends at the party complimented me  :unsure: I wound up having anxiety this past monyh. 


#54 gail

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 11:01 AM

Brz, thank you for your kind words.

#55 kathyms3150

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 12:23 PM

Gail, I'm sorry you thought those meant we were shouting at you, glad you know it means I'm sending you a hug.

It's so frustrating not to know if our feelings are from the poison or not. So your depression was/is caused by childhood issues, that is hard and I'm sorry for what you've experienced. My depression just came out of nowhere and the anxiety followed. Whatever the cause, depression and anxiety can totally control our lives and there needs to be better treatment.

It seems like most of the others feel they will beat this while I feel doomed to be this way for the rest of my life. I'm trying so hard to fight but feel like I'm losing. All we want is our health and peace of mind.

Talk to you soon. xxx


#56 brzghoff

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Posted 17 November 2014 - 04:38 PM

kathy,

 

i know you can beat this too. its not so much that i "feel" that i can beat this, i can't always "feel" any resemblence of beating it. however, i know i can because i refuse to accept anything less. even when i am not even close to "feeling" it, i have continued to tell myself i will, and low and behold 6 months later, i see a little light every now and then. two days ago was my 6th month anniversary off this poison. it doesn't matter, however - we cannot gauge our recovery against another's. we are all different. i want to share my thoughts and progress as an example that this can be overcome. i am nobody special. this possibility exists for you and everyone here. 

 

even if you don't feel like you can beat it keep telling your self you will get better. i say that because YOU WILL! it will not happen overnight, it is very possible it won't happen in a couple months. but it WILL happen. what you tell yourself is the way out. 

 

i believe in you!


#57 kathyms3150

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 12:04 PM

Thanks brz for your encouragement. I'm just in a really bad place right now and can't seem to get out of it.


#58 gail

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Posted 18 November 2014 - 12:51 PM

Hello Kathy,

Could be the side effects from the new ad plus discontinuation of C.

You know the saying, gets worse before it gets better.

One week on Pamelor, give it a chance. Takes time to kick in.
I remember the first weeks on lexapro, I thought that I would lose it.
Not that it worked but side effects diminished.

When you take the benzo, do you take them at regular intervals? So as not to go in withdrawal. Fishinghat wrote a lot about this. The half life, the shorter half life ones like ativan can bring you in withdrawal day after day if they are not taken at regular intervals.

Check this out. What benzo are you on? If I remember right, it is klonopin.

That is very important here, this is why I repeat here, very important.

Sending prayer your way, love, Gailxxxx

#59 kathyms3150

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    Trying to cope with withdrawal/discontinuation. Have depression and anxiety since my teens.

Posted 18 November 2014 - 04:21 PM

Hello Kathy,
Could be the side effects from the new ad plus discontinuation of C.
You know the saying, gets worse before it gets better.
One week on Pamelor, give it a chance. Takes time to kick in.
I remember the first weeks on lexapro, I thought that I would lose it.
Not that it worked but side effects diminished.
When you take the benzo, do you take them at regular intervals? So as not to go in withdrawal. Fishinghat wrote a lot about this. The half life, the shorter half life ones like ativan can bring you in withdrawal day after day if they are not taken at regular intervals.
Check this out. What benzo are you on? If I remember right, it is klonopin.
That is very important here, this is why I repeat here, very important.
Sending prayer your way, love, Gailxxxx

Hi Gail, I really hate the feeling of not knowing why I feel so bad. I'm so tired of depression and anxiety controlling my life. Like I've said before, there needs to be better treatment for these disorders. Yes, I do take Klonopin. I try to take it around the same time every day but there are times when I don't. Thanks for pointing that out, it never occurred to me that they can cause withdrawal symptoms if not taken at the same time. I hate these damn drugs so much. Sending love and prayers to you too, Kathy. xxx

#60 brzghoff

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Posted 13 December 2014 - 02:03 PM

been awhile since i posted over on this thread. been feeling a little slow for the past few days. i've been having to push myself to get anything doneā€¦ not too hard, just enough to keep my environment from getting too cluttered/complicated. a messy house is a stressy house. seems depression has been trying to take over. anxiety hasn't been too bad. when it does come for a visit i've been pretty good at slamming the door in its face. depression hasn't been as big of a problem for me since weaning off the C, until now - which concerns me a little because its been 7 months off the drug. depression did not kick in while i was still weaning off (early on-set during or just after weaning is an indicator a symptom is due to withdrawal not rebounding) i don't think i can really blame it on withdrawal at this point. even if it is, treatment is the same.

 

i am supposed to go to a party tonight. don't really feel like going but i know the social experience would be healthy for me. being around people is like a mood stabilizer, anti depressant and anti-anxyolitic all rolled into one. i figured i'd just make myself go until hubby started saying he isn't sure he wants to go. i want him to push me to go. now i have to push him to go. i don't know if i am strong enough. 

 

regardless, i will fight depression like i fight anxiety: challenging my negative thought patterns.





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