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My Personal Hell, I Can't Escape It


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#31 VitaInferniEst

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Posted 26 March 2015 - 02:31 PM

Hello guys:

 

 

I'm sorry to hear you're being judged by your family, and you're not given the space you require to engage these symptoms effectively-- you need the freedom to cry and mourn and rant in an atmosphere of acceptance, compassion, and love. Can you move out and stay with a balanced and sympathetic friend for a few months?

 

Ah sorry, no.  I have people I talk to online but not really a lot 'actual friends.'  I am getting good at 'sneak crying' - though the sniffles usually give me away! :)

 

 

I agree that you need something for the anxiety as it may hang around for quite some time.  Do you have a benzo?  If you don't want to use that, there is also Hydroxyzine and Clonidine - you can check with your Dr.  Another suggestion is Benadryl - many have found that this is a great help with the anxiety and of course, it's an OTC med!

 

I have Clonazepam  (spelling? aka Klonopin).  I avoid taking it unless having an anxiety/panic attack, however.   I do use benadryl at night to sleep and it helps a lot.

 

I am really, really tired today.  So dang tired.  So tired in fact I haven't had time to feel down or depressed.  Just tired.

 

I appreciate all of your continued support.


#32 gail

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Posted 26 March 2015 - 03:08 PM

Hi Vie,

Sounds good! I would take Tired anytime instead of depression or anxiety!

As for friends, don't worry, I have two best friends which is sufficient without adding the cyberspace ones, which are great, real great. From this forum of course!

Keep us posted to how you are doing, we care!

By the way, Vie is Life in French.

#33 VitaInferniEst

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 07:03 PM

Hello again.

 

So I am feeling much better these days!  I am having tons of a fatigue, though.  It's almost unbearable!  Caffeine only helps a little bit.  I've started some nutritional suppliments and drinks, and they seem to help some, but by the end of the day I am too tired to do anything.

 

Is the fatigue normal?  I don't remember being so dead tired before going off cymbalta...  this is my #1 problem right now!

 

I hope you're all doing well; thanks for your support!


#34 gail

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Posted 01 April 2015 - 06:25 AM

Vie,

I have experienced that also. Lasted for a while. Coming back home after a three hour shift, I was so tired that I could have cried. Wondering if I could continue this job.

I still get tired but not as much. It will get better with time. Good to see that you are feeling better!

#35 thismoment

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Posted 01 April 2015 - 07:01 AM

VIE

Yes, the fatique is pretty standard in withdrawal from these psychiatric drugs. Your exposure to meds has been long-term and you've only been off for 20-odd days. Some people flop on the couch and stare at CNN for weeks-- even months!

Your brain is working hard to self-repair and establish equilibrium within its new drug-free reality. It's a trial-and-error process and in time you will enjoy more stable and 'normal' conditions. Hang in there.

Right now it's a waiting game, and it's helpful to find distractions upon which to focus-- interests that occupy mental bandwidth and keep you out of the Chinese finger trap of self-analysis.

Take care.

#36 VitaInferniEst

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Posted 09 April 2015 - 06:53 AM

My energy levels have finally leveled out, with the help of nutrition and suppliments. 

 

Now I am just back to square one - overwhelming depression and lack of interest in anything.

 

Any tips? Do I need therapy? I hate therapy.


#37 thismoment

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Posted 09 April 2015 - 01:37 PM

VIE

Sorry to hear about your depression and lack of interest in anything. I know what that feels like and how it seems that this is all there is-- like the weight will never lift.

Well it will lift in time, but slowly-- but you have to be prepared to grasp those tiny finger-holds and toe-holds as they are presented and help pull yourself up.

For now, if you are able to walk-- do that: walk walk walk-- not in the streets, but in parks, along the river, in the countryside. Just let it wash over you without expectation, without a wished-for timeline.

Go to the therapy. Accept your mind states as they unfold-- know that things are changing, healing.

Take care

#38 Sis

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    Cold-Turkey after 8 years on the stuff, final couple of years at 120mg.I AM MAD AND SCARED. But, this community helps.

Posted 12 April 2015 - 06:35 PM

VIE,

 

  It is almost impossible for us to be patient with ourselves as we recover, the expectations of others and ourselves is nearly over powering. I have worked out an analogy that has really helped with patience.  HERE IT IS...

 

Imagine the largest city you know, now picture the transit system... all the side roads, highways, over passes, on ramps, railroad tracks, bus routes, bicycle paths, rivers, bridges, etc. NOW imagine that system at its busiest time. Get that picture really firm in your mind. Once you have it fully pictured, watch what happens when you close down all of the highways, watch what happens if all of the bridges and over passes collapse. Chaos, congestion, honking horns, blaring train whistles. It would take months, if not years, for that complicated system to recover.

 

This is exactly what has happened to our infinitely more complicated brains when we stopped, or even slowly reduced, medications like Cymbalta, or any other psychotropic whether its a prescription medication or St. John's Wort. Thankfully, our brains are plastic and will restore missing connections and increase the production of neurotransmitters. But, it will take months, if not a year or more, to fully rebuild the system.

 

Whenever I get angry at myself, or frustrated at the slow process I just run through that analogy and I find that I can be a little more patient with myself. I hope that if this picture doesn't help, you can create a scenario that will provide you solace.


#39 thismoment

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 01:23 PM

Sis

I like your analogy between the brain and the infrastructure of a busy city. Pathways within the brain are certainly altered with the introduction of neurotoxins like Duloxetine. When the city traffic patterns are dismantled and re-routed due to an earthquake or the arrival of missiles from across the border, sometimes a bridge can't be re-constructed in exactly the same location; sometimes the intrusion of the foreign disruption causes the rivers to alter their courses and in doing so they wash out more infrastructure. The reconstruction will enable the city to function once again, and some systems will be improved while others will end up less efficient and looking completely different.

So it is with psychiatric drugs and your brain. The repair will enable function and equilibrium, but the final reconstruction will be a trial-and-error job of crisis-maintenance working without a blueprint-- this is new territory. Yes there is new growth, but some sites are permanently damaged and never return. Yet it's amazing that it self-repairs as well as it does! I'm happy with what I have been left with, but it is only similar to what I knew before the drugs.

I think a lot of disappointment and further depression result from people thinking their brains will return to a former condition. That's just not possible even if time were the only variable.

You are going to be fine, but you will not be exactly the same. It's important to know that.

#40 VitaInferniEst

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Posted 17 June 2015 - 07:20 PM

Me again; June now.  I have been morbidly depressed, fatigued, and filled with intense bouts of anxiety attacks since my last posts.  The physical withdrawal symptoms are gone, but I don't even feel like I am alive anymore.  My entire day at work is filled with sheer panic and anxiety (some days I have to take antianxiety medicine because it gets uncontrollable).  Then as soon as I get home I fall asleep for a couple hours.

The past six months have been hell.  I am grumpy, bitter, and cynical some days, and other days I am just disconnected.  I no longer have any hobbies or activities I enjoy.   My support system of friends vanished and I am just alone all the time.  My immediately family and my doctor are pushing me heavily to take another medicine.  The doctor has prescribed me various SNRI such as Effexor XR and Brintellix, but I have not been taking them.

 

At this point I am ready to give up.  I don't want to continue being this way.  I feel like I have been running a marathon for six months without any chance to stop to breathe.  I am empty inside and nothing that used to make me happy does any longer.

 

My family says that I am a fool for staying unmedicated, because the life I am living now is terrible.  They said medication is necessary for me as it is a brain/chemical problem.  I have fought them on this for months, but I am about to give up and take something again.

 

Do you think I am just broken and need the SNRI to function?  I thought I would 'get better' by now, but I have never been this depressed for this long.  I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, so I am left with no hope of getting better, and just continuing to exist lonely, fatigued all the time, and unfulfilled by everything.

 

What do you guys think about going back on SNRI?  Why or why not?   I'm about to go back to my doctor where I will likely be lectured on why I am making bad choices by not taking his medicine.


#41 thismoment

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Posted 17 June 2015 - 08:03 PM

VIE

Hi again. Sorry to hear you are still suffering so.

You sure need an ally-- do you have a therapist? If not, I think that's where an ally might be found.

#42 VitaInferniEst

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Posted 17 June 2015 - 08:26 PM

No I don't have a therapist.  To be quite honest, I don't trust them whatsoever.   If that's the only solution I have, I might have to try it.  They're expensive and I have no intention of opening up to them, though.  Two MD have told me to seek psycho-therapy from a licensed psychologist.  I'm sure my ramblings here read like borderline paranoid delusions, so I apologize in advance.  The thought of seeing a therapist brings me absolutely incredible levels of anxiety.


#43 thismoment

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Posted 17 June 2015 - 09:51 PM

VIE

I understand.

Up until you quit Cymbalta near the first of March you'd been on antidepressants for 17-18 years, and that is extremely long-term exposure. You may have to consider going on some medication to help you cope with these withdrawal symptoms that could last quite a while. Talk to your physician.

It's possible that when you do get stable on a new medication-- should you choose to go that route-- that you would be more amenable to talking with a therapist-- just a thought. Therapists have heard it all, so don't worry.

Once you are stable on a new med and you wish to withdraw, do it ultra-slowly because of your long-term exposure-- consider something on the order of a year to withdraw.

Hang in there VIE.


#44 fishinghat

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Posted 18 June 2015 - 08:17 AM

Hi Vie

 

The therapist idea is a good one. The one I first saw (now retired) spent most of our time teaching me tricks to deal with the anxiety. Long before I went on another ssri or snri I would try hydroxyzine or clonidine. Both are particularly effective on anxiety, not addictive and have no withdrawal.

 

Remember that the physical symptoms subside first followed by the emotional ones. So hang in there.





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