21 replies to this topic

[Raven72]

Hello, 

 

My name is, well...I would simply like to be called Raven.  I have been battling depression/anxiety and various other mood disorders for the past 7 years almost. I would try various depression medications and there would ultimately be some reason I couldn't take. Most of which would be that my body could not tolerate it or it made things worse. The absolute worst thing I ever could have taken was Cymbalta. Which I think they should aptly rename Sinbalta.

 

My ever loving husband of going on 12 years tried to tell me not to let the doctor put me on that. But like most people going through what I was going through and being stubborn like I am, I chose to not listen. Boy was that the wrong thing to to. That was over a year ago that I started on it. Since starting on in it has been a horrible, hellish year. I even left the doctor that put me on it and went to a different physician thinking I would get more help. But whenever I would ask about the effects the Cymbalta having on me, she would always raise the dose. I have all but put my marriage a hair away from being over.  I did everything from taking over all household duties just to prove I could doing, to almost putting us in the worst debt ever because I wanted to prove I was better at it that he was. This went on until I was raised to the highest does of 60 mg twice daily. This was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I ultimately ended up the ER twice in one month thinking things that never would have crossed my mind in the past. I am too ashamed to even mention the things I thought of.  What hurts worst is my doctor didn't seem to care.

 

After my second trip to the ER and not getting any kind of caring response from my physician's office, I turned to my husband. My hero and modern day Captain America. All I can say about this man is that what he has for me has to be true love. Because nothing else would keep him here with me after all the things I've said and done. My only regrets are being stupid and stubborn enough to not listen to begin with and putting him and our children through this mess.

 

I have been off of Cymbalta completely since April 1, 2016 (no foolin').  I thought weaning down was hard, but not being on it period is even harder.

 

* Brain Zaps

* Shooting pains every part of my body periodically 

* Insomnia

* Haziness

* Anxiety

* Scared I'll say or do the wrong thing

 

The list goes on and on. But, my lovely husband/hero has guided me here. He has been so nice and helpful. Yes, he gets stern when needed but in the end I am grateful for all he has done. So, I come here for support and advice. My husband has already given me some or your advice as he found this website for me. He has been the one doing the research and I love him more than anything for that.

 

Blessings to all of you that are going through this. May your path's get brighter everyday and cherish those that try to help you because they truly love you if they are willing to help you.

 

Blessed Be,

Raven

[fishinghat]

Well Raven, I am going to say you will absolutely make it if you have help like that. Yep, you are right in the middle of hell right now. It will get better but it will be slow and there will be relapses but they will come less often and less severe each time. Be sure and stay hydrated. I always recommend 3000 mg of Omega 3 per day and 500 mg of Vit c per day. It is not a cure but it will help. Many find that diphenhydramine helps with sleep and anxiety also. That is the active ingredient in Benadryl and most over the counter sleep aides. After a couple of weeks you get use to it so most use it as an off again on again thing. And as always, check that any meds you are taking incompatible with these.

 

Hang in there, you are not alone.

[Raven72]

Thanks so much fishinghat.  I already take fish oil but I can see how much is in it and I can start taking the Vitamin C. But I cannot take diphenhydramine as it makes me extremely angry and hard to deal with. But it's good to know that I am not alone.

 

Blessed Be,

Raven

[Raven72]

More symptoms:

 

* Excessive weight gain and the lack of feeling like doing anything about it. 

* Swelling

[DebMorris]

Hi Raven,

  I found this sight when I was going through the hell of Cymbalta withdrawal.  I also had a lot of ER visits & admitted myself to Psych ward 3 times.  For some reason the last time in Psych ward (in Jan 16) I was put on Imipramine & Ativan & I have finally got stable.  I have had crying episodes since but have been learning how to deal with my emotions  going to therapy 2 x's a week.  You will feel like you are not going to ever overcome this but you do.  I am so glad to hear your husband is so supportive because my husband was the same way & still is.  My husband & the wonderful supportive people on this sight  helped me through this awful time.  I always thought I was the only one feeling horrible but once you read everybody's symptoms I had to realize that I was not alone.  We will prevail & be stronger after all is done   Fishinghat always said to be kind & take care of you & that is so true.  I don't get on here often but when I do I try & help as much as I can.  It will get better!!!

Debbie

[fishinghat]

"You will feel like you are not going to ever overcome this but you do"

Oh how true.

[Raven72]

"You will feel like you are not going to ever overcome this but you do"

Oh how true.

Really guys? Because today I don't feel that way. All I want to do is cry. I know it's like my husband said and that my sleep deprivation has a lot to do with it. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

[DebMorris]

Raven,

  I truly know how you feel.  That is all I did was cry & still do off.  You are correct the sleep deprivation does make it worse but will pass, I went through that as well.  You can ride that out or talk to your dr about something that will help you like clonidine or Hydroxazine or Trazadone is another that will help w/sleep & did for me.  I never tried the clonidine but Fishinghat has talked about it.  When going through all this & finding this sight I always wished that we all lived around each other so we could take care of one another.  I am so glad your husband is there for you cuz honestly I don't know what I would have done without mine.  He still calls me everyday to see how I am doing. That means a lot.

I am keeping you in my prayers for healing.  Keep your head high, this will pass!!

Debbie

[Raven72]

Deb,

 

Thanks for all the suggestions.  The crying is the worst.  While sometimes it makes you feel better, it just plain makes you tired. 

 

I know Clonodine is a blood pressure medication because I work in the medication field. I also know of Trazadone as my hubby takes it to help him get to sleep.  So, if needed I can ask my new PCP which I see Tuesday to help me with that.  I work in the same office as he does so it will be nice to have my doc close if I need him.

 

Yes, I am very lucky to have my husband, because I don't know what I would do without him.  His tough love theory is really motivating even though it doesn't always feel that way.  I truly am grateful to have him and I don't think he really knows how grateful.  Because all of this has nearly cost me my family more than once. You say that yours still calls you every day to see how you are doing.  Does this mean you are no longer together? I hope not but if so at least he still cares enough about you to check on you.

 

Blessed Be,

Raven

[DebMorris]

Raven,

  Oh no my husband & I are actually closer since this has happened to me.  He is working & I am home that is why he calls me.  See I have been dealing with this since June of last year.  I have been put on & taken off so many meds that did more harm then good.  I am on Long Term Disability right now.  I thought I was going back to work a couple of months ago but I had a crying spell that lasted all weekend, so here I sit.  I am finding that my crying spells are coming around my menstrual cycle so now I am on Progesterone which has helped with my emotions.  I am 44 so I think I am going through peri menopause, but no one seems to give me an answer & it gets soooooo frustrating.  I have learned through therapy that when I cry I tell myself this will pass & it does but sometimes a good cry is what I need.  My cries were uncontrollable at times that is how I ended up in the Psych ward.  The "Fear" part of the withdrawal got the best of me & so did the insomnia which like you said makes it worse.  My therapist just told me that he read that a study was done that what is in your tears is actually a healing agent & sometimes I believe that cuz when I am done crying I feel relief for a bit depending on my day.  I am right now weaning off my Ativan which I am doing very very slowly under my Psychiatrists supervision.  I am hear for you along with everyone else.

[fishinghat]

FYI - Clonidine is an alpha agonist which means it reacts with alpha adrenaline sites. When it acts on these sites in the brain then the brain believes it is producing adrenaline and it slows adrenaline production. The result is lower bp, lower anxiety (adrenaline causes flight or fight response, the primary component of anxiety) and makes it easier to get to sleep without the interference from adrenaline.

[Raven72]

-Deb -

 

Thanks so much for all your words and I am so happy that you and your husband are closer because of this.  I think that my husband and I are finally on the road to recovery. I am just sorry I didn't listen to him to begin with and maybe we would already be healed by now.

 

I completely understand regarding the crying spells.  As I am crying I feel better and not that I am getting past it but it also hurts. It is good to be able to talk to someone that understands.  Don't get me wrong, I know my husband understands, but it's not within him to sit there constantly and grab me every time I cry as nice as it would be. He told me last night that he was my rock now and asked that I please allow him to help me and not drag him to the bottom with me. He loves me so much.

 

-fishinghat-

 

Thanks for the clonodine information. I will further research it.

 

Blessed Be,

Raven

[DebMorris]

Raven, 

  That is awesome that he is there for you because it is good that you have someone that cares & understands.  Hope all is going okay for you today!!  I can tell you this, I never know what each will bring to me, I just tell myself that it will be good

Debbie

[Raven72]

Raven, 

  That is awesome that he is there for you because it is good that you have someone that cares & understands.  Hope all is going okay for you today!!  I can tell you this, I never know what each will bring to me, I just tell myself that it will be good

Debbie

 

Thanks Deb,

 

I never know what each day will bring me either. The first thing I do when I wake up each morning is tell myself the same thing "Today will be good".  Then the first time something, even the smallest frustration happens, it seems to throw it all out the window. That's the hardest part for me.

 

Blessed Be,

Raven

[gail]

Hi Deb and Raven,

When I awaken, I ask myself " What is the surprise awaiting me today?"

Not a day is like another one, even though it may seem so. Gotta be prepared for anything.

[DebMorris]

Gail,

  You are right on with that!!!  My days are always different.  Yesterday I started feeling sad, but seem to be able to get through it & go on with something else.

[Raven72]

Me too. I wake up every morning wondering what the demon inside will or will not do today.

[gail]

Me too. I wake up every morning wondering what the demon inside will or will not do today.

Or what the angel hidden inside will or will not do today!

[Raven72]

Or what the angel hidden inside will or will not do today!

 

I have to admit, I like that one much better.

[Raven72]

Saw the new internal med doc today. Ever supportive and loving hubby was with me. Doc asked him more questions about me than he did myself. I told him I was glad he did that. He said that he learns more from his patient's spouses than he does his patients.

[emoothart]

Your husband sounds amazing.  Mine is pretty awesome too, but right now he is dealing with a lot of work stress as well as some grief, and when you add four kids AND a "crazy" wife...that poor man is so tired.  I feel bad about adding to his load but I can't just boot-strap my way out of everything (although I sure as hell try!) 

[Raven72]

I know exactly what you mean my dear. My husband was under a whole bunch of work related stress on top of my craziness as well.  He recently go a new job which has decreased the stress tremendously.

 

And yes, he is pretty amazing and I am blessed that he is still with  me after all this.

 

Keep it going girl we know you can do this.