This has really not been the best week for us (my family and I).
It seems that each night, has been a night that "must" end with argumentation. I don't know it it's the withdrawal or just me in general. It seems to be over the simplest things. I won't go into great detail because none of your deserve that.
Just know that I am really scared right now. I am afraid for myself my family. I slapped something out of my husband's hands last night and he took it the wrong way. He thought I was trying to go after him when I really wasn't at all. I just wanted to get the water bottle he was squirting at me out of his hands. I will admit we were arguing at the time and he was using that as his way of keeping me quiet. I felt like the cat and it made me mad so I tried to knock it out of his hands and knocked over my daughter's candy dispenser. All hell broke loose after that because he thought I was going to do something else, when I wasn't. It ultimately ended up with me being asked to leave the house.
I left but I was worried. My daughter was crying when I left and my son didn't know what to think. All I can see right now is her sweet innocent image in the glass holding up her hand to mine. I mouthed to her "I"ll be back, I promise." I love my husband dearly and know that he is trying to help me get through this, but not all of this is me. But for some reason I can't ever seem to get that brought up without a argument starting. I'm not blaming any particular person for this, although I do tend to be a for lack of a better term "hot headed".
What really worries me is that there were things said last night that can't be taken back. I am scare this will be the end of my family as a whole and I don't want it to me.
I saw my new doc yesterday and the husband was with me. Things were discussed and he put me on a medicine for anxiety called Buspar. So, today as agitation came about and we were getting heated with one another I was asked "Did you take you new medicine by they way?" Well, of course that made me mad, because you can't expect it to work in just one day especially since the first time I took it was this morning. But again I got mad instead of just saying yes.
Did I have a right to be upset for being asked that or am I really going crazy?
My hopes are to go home and make it through the night without another incident. Take my second dose of the new medicine on the way home and hope for the best.
Sorry, for the rambling.
Until next time>>>Azmarath Metrion Zinthos!!
Raven
It is so awful that we all have to endure this much stress. I will tell you this, don't get to over medicated. I was at the dr's so much that they were just handing me anything & everything & that is the worse thing to do. I am praying I mean it I am praying for better days to come.
