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I Know What's Wrong, But I Don't...


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#1 Raven72

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Posted 19 April 2017 - 09:21 PM

Hi Everyone,

I don't even know how to start. I am sorry I have been so absent lately. I just have been going through so much.

I made it an entire year with Cymbalta. It was a hell of a year. I hope I don't get in trouble for saying that, but it's the truth. I have fought a horrible battle with prescription anti depressants. I have been back and forth on different ones. None of them have seemed to worked. At first things are fine, then the get worse.

I finally gave up and quit them all together. While it was the right thing to do, doing it cold turkey was more devastating than going cold turkey from Cymbalta. Coming off Paxil is like coming off Heroin. It is horrible and I was only on it for a few months.

My life has turned upside down. The only 3 things that keep me going are my husband and kids. There are some days that I don't care about anything until I see them. They are what keeps me grounded. On the other hand I keep yelling at my kids. The smallest thing sets me off and then here we go again. My husband and I are both stresses right now. For some of the same reasons but some different ones as well. We are arguing again. Nothing like before but we are both fighting hard to keep it from getting bad again.

I barely have an appetite anymore but I still am horribly overweight. I know I need to workout, I even want to, but I don't have the strength. I hurt all over and have some under lying medical issues that we can't find answers for.

Quite frankly I am scared and tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of crying. Tired of wanting to do nothing but cry. Tired of doing nothing. Tired of everything.

This is my Fortress of Solitude and I don't even feel comfortable coming here. I usually come here to help others when I am down and I don't even feel like I can help others right now.

I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK.😭😭

Azarath..Metrion...Zinthos,
Raven💫

#2 fishinghat

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:27 AM

How long you been off the Paxil now Raven?


#3 Raven72

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:42 AM

A couple of months. It all ties together so I am not even really sure.

#4 gail

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    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, never felt good.
    Needed understanding and support, and a place where I was not alone. To read others stories and realizing that I was not the only one going through all that crap.
    In hope that one day, I can return the favors in some kind of way.

Posted 20 April 2017 - 09:21 AM

Hi Raven,

Are you able to work in this condition?

#5 Raven72

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 10:01 AM

I can..some days are better than others but it keeps me busy.

#6 fishinghat

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 11:02 AM

This just sounds like a repeat of the Cymbalta withdrawal. From what I have read the Paxil withdrawal is comparable to the Cymbalta withdrawal and you may have a couple more months of this. Just because of the excessive time your withdrawal lasted with Cymbalta it does not necessarily mean that your Paxil withdrawal will be a long one as well. Lets hope for the best.


#7 Raven72

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 11:38 AM

I suppose we will see. I am just tired of feeling this way.

#8 fishinghat

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 01:57 PM

It going to be tough with a family and a job to cope with but you can do this. Just focus on how much better you will feel when it finally settles down.


#9 Raven72

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 03:18 PM

Thanks guys🤗

Feeling better and my family are my lights at the end of tunnel.🔦💡

#10 gail

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    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, never felt good.
    Needed understanding and support, and a place where I was not alone. To read others stories and realizing that I was not the only one going through all that crap.
    In hope that one day, I can return the favors in some kind of way.

Posted 20 April 2017 - 04:24 PM

Raven, as tough as it is, it will relent.

My mom used to say "believe you me" and as much that you are suffering, believe you me, you are not the only one. Surely In different ways, but suffering is suffering.

You have the guts to say it out loud though! Liz is another one with those guts. I refrain myself, except in pm. Most of the time!

Enjoy those sweet moments of freedom, like now. Well, you know the drill.

There is a sweet sweet soul inside this body that you call overweight. I know her, we all do, and I understand that's hard to live with. It's frustrating, I know, and when you die, will this matter??? To your kids?? To your husband?? Love you sweet Raven! Your soul is a good one,

And you deal with life with the capacities that were given to you, imperfect.

Well, know that we love and care for you Raven.

#11 fishinghat

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 06:22 PM

Ditto and especially respect your strength and character.


#12 Raven72

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 10:08 PM

Oh...you guys are gonna make me cry😢 I know you all speak of the truth. I believe these things but the demons seem stronger sometimes. But I must be stronger than them...why else would I still be here. After all the horrific things I have been through or done for that matter.

I am glad I decided to post this here.

I love you all.

Raven

#13 Raven72

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 04:12 PM

So...this weekend hasn't been the greatest. I woke up in a horrible blah yesterday. The urge to star a fight over nothing is back. Not wanting to discuss what is going on with me and trying to deflect to the problems of others is back. It feels like it is all coming back. I know I can do this but sometimes I think I just cannot go through this again.😭

#14 fishinghat

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 04:42 PM

You know Raven, if I had it to do over again and found myself in your shoes I would take small doses of Paxil every now and then when you feel like you can't go on any more. By small dose I would say just a sliver off one of your tablets, say 2 or 3% of a full tablet. It may not completely make you relax but it should give some relief. The steady persistent withdrawal suffering is not good for your long term mental state and really taxes your strength as well as being a hardship for your family. I am not suggesting doing this every day but just when you feel like you can't go on any more.


#15 Raven72

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 09:21 PM

Thanks FH...Even if I wanted to do that I couldn't. The decision to go cold turkey with the Paxi came with me running out and not refilling it. I can't do that to myself it would be like cheating to me. I am committed as odd as it may sound. I want to see it through. It just is hard and seeing old bottles of medicine is too tempting. In fact I saw old bottles of Cymbalta in my closet this weekend and I didn't know they were there. I need to get rid of those as well. I know it might work for some and I don't deny them that. But for me it would be like someone who is trying to sober up taking just a tiny sip here and there to take it off. I can't risk falling back into that trap again.

Love,
Raven

#16 fishinghat

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 08:30 AM

I just hate to see you suffer Raven. All I can do is just rack my brain trying to think of some way to make it better.


#17 Raven72

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 08:46 AM

You are so sweet FH. I was once told by a very wise man whom I love very much. Nobody can crawl inside my head and fix it for me. I know there is no magical fix I just have to fight harder to get it done.

#18 fishinghat

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 09:33 AM

Well, I have always had the attitude that there is NOTHING that can't be fixed but on the other hand that quest for perfection helped get me in the mental state I am in now.


#19 Raven72

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 12:18 PM

Well...I don't know about your mental status but you sure are smart.

#20 tmccrady

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Posted 24 April 2017 - 07:56 PM

Raven, Fishinghat,Gail

 

I have a question for you I am on my 14th week of being  off cymbalta cold turkey and had anger in the begining and having it again is that normal? is it a good sign for me or am I just hoping to hard? 

 

PRAYERS for you RAVEN !!!


#21 Raven72

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 07:14 AM

tmccrady,

Yes, the anger is a side effect. It is worse with cold turkey, I know from experience. It is is and isn't a good sign of that makes any sense. But all we can all do is pray and have strength.

Thank you for the prayers.

#22 tmccrady

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 09:41 AM

Raven my dear 

 

I know you know i think you quit cold turkey that is why I ask could this be the last phase of the withdrawal?

Do you get the anger again in the end of the withdrawal?

This is so scary not knowing what is going to happen next just trying to help my brain  a little and tell it  it is almost over. (and myself.)

Just asking I know everyone is different. but just hoping and praying it is getting to the end of the withdrawal.

 

God bless us all and continue taking it hour by hour.


#23 gail

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    5 months on cymbalta, scary side effects, never felt good.
    Needed understanding and support, and a place where I was not alone. To read others stories and realizing that I was not the only one going through all that crap.
    In hope that one day, I can return the favors in some kind of way.

Posted 25 April 2017 - 04:32 PM

Raven, Fishinghat,Gail
 
I have a question for you I am on my 14th week of being  off cymbalta cold turkey and had anger in the begining and having it again is that normal? is it a good sign for me or am I just hoping to hard? 
 
PRAYERS for you RAVEN !!!


Hello TMC,

Just saying hello as I have never experienced anger. Where is our friend FH today?

#24 fishinghat

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 05:43 PM

He is back. The anger comes and goes during the withdrawal and slowly, and I mean slowly, gets better. The emotional issues can last 4 to 8 months with, in some rare cases up to a year before stabilizing.


#25 Raven72

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Posted 25 April 2017 - 09:32 PM

tmccrady,

It could be more that you are at height of your withdrawal. Mine was bad at the beginning then tapered off, then can back in the middle and then near the end it was bad again also. The same thing with my Paxil withdrawal it has bumper up tremendously. I agree with FH on his thoughts on the matter.

Bless you and prayers be with you.

Raven

#26 tmccrady

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Posted 27 April 2017 - 08:12 PM

Thanks everyone for all your help trying to get through this! Just wish there was a manual. boy would'nt that be nice.

You are all life savers!!

 

 

 

God bless and prayers for all of us.


#27 Raven72

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Posted 27 April 2017 - 11:07 PM

I think we could all write that book combined with our knowledge.



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