13 replies to this topic

[Patti100]

Not sure how to start but need to tell someone.  Today was one of the worst days of my life.  Had uncontrollable fits of rage.  Scared myself!  Screaming and starting arguments with my husband over stupid stuff.  Seemed real important at the time.  Finally asked why I am alive like this, why he is still married to me, why can't i just die.  Don't want to go back on the medication but sometimes I think everyone would be better off if i did.  To hell with what it is doing and has done to me.   Even scared my poor dog who hid under the bed, tail between her legs.  I have turned into a monster!

Sitting here typing this at midnight, trying to see around the constant tears.  It is getting worse, not better. 

Swooshing in the brain when I turn my head, uncontrolled crying, severe rage at "nothing".  I am the most unlovable person.  If I hate me why does anyone else want to me near me?

How does anyone live like this?  Don't know how much longer I can "hang" in there.  Does not seem to be a "light at the end of the tunnel". 

If you have read this far, thank you and sorry for being so down.  But I don't know what else to do.

 

[fishinghat]

Patti, this is very typical and also disastrous. That is why the manufacturer and FDA do NOT recommend cold turkey. Too devastating and dangerous. This can go away in 4 to 8 weeks or may last 6 to 8 months before getting better. I strongly suggest you go back up in dose and wean down very slowly.

[fishinghat]

If the bleeding is the issue then I would recommend either clonidine and/or hydroxyzine to help the symptoms. Both are very effective (for most) and are not addictive nor have a withdrawal. You can also get a prescription to a benzo like Xanax which will help the symptoms but they are addictive and have a fairly strong withdrawal although not as bad as Cymbalta. Over the counter Benadryl can also provide some temporary relief as well but can not be used all the time as your body gets use to it.

 

You definitely need some relief.

[Patti100]

Thank you FishingHat.  I came back to delete what I had typed yesterday since it was really crazy sounding.  But you saw it :)So to explain more.  My doctor took me off of Effexor 150 mg and put me on Cymbalta.  Since I have been off the Effexor for over a month and the Cymbalta over a week or two (can't remember) I can't go back on any dose. Especially after the GI Bleed.  She did give me a low dose of Xanax to take as needed (no more than 3 a day) but they scare me. I was on Xanax for 2 months to help get me off of Mirapex (for restless legs) because I had terrible side effects.   I did take 2 Xanax for 2 nights (to sleep) and 1 last night.  Trying not to take any tonight.  I was better today but had a meltdown in a store (went shopping for a gift) and had to leave before  I started sobbing. (did that in the car)   

No total rage today but a lot of irritability.  My husband asked what he could do to help.  I said "don't ask how I am and don't make me start to talk about it" because it just starts me crying again.  My eyes are raw and hurt today.

Cannot take Benadryl (makes me super hyper)

To add to the problem, I have persistent atrial fibrillation so I am also on a beta blocker and a calcium channel blocker, so don't think I can add the ones you suggested.  

I now know I should have been tapered off these drugs, but I will deal with the hand I was given for now. 
Thank you for your help and your caring.

 

(I had been on Effexor for probably over 20 yrs or so.  That just makes the symptoms of withdrawal even worse, I'm sure)

[fishinghat]

First of all if you are on a beta blocker be sure it is atenolol because it has a significant anxiolytic action. I took it for atrial tachycardia AND took clonidine with it but that is between you and your dr as you are right, there are some potential issues there. The hydroxyzine may be a potential option to consider, As far as the Xanax...well I always recommend staying away from the benzos BUT if there is no choice so be it. There is a withdrawal method from benzos called water titration that is very effective and can be done fairly easily with no or little withdrawal. It is slow but works. In the mean time you need to be as isolated from stress (like shopping for gifts lol) as possible. This is not life like normal and you must put yourself first right now. Quiet, relaxed and at peace as much as possible. Be kind to yourself please.

[LS1978]

Not sure how to start but need to tell someone.  Today was one of the worst days of my life.  Had uncontrollable fits of rage.  Scared myself!  Screaming and starting arguments with my husband over stupid stuff.  Seemed real important at the time.  Finally asked why I am alive like this, why he is still married to me, why can't i just die.  Don't want to go back on the medication but sometimes I think everyone would be better off if i did.  To hell with what it is doing and has done to me.   Even scared my poor dog who hid under the bed, tail between her legs.  I have turned into a monster!

Sitting here typing this at midnight, trying to see around the constant tears.  It is getting worse, not better. 

Swooshing in the brain when I turn my head, uncontrolled crying, severe rage at "nothing".  I am the most unlovable person.  If I hate me why does anyone else want to me near me?

How does anyone live like this?  Don't know how much longer I can "hang" in there.  Does not seem to be a "light at the end of the tunnel". 

If you have read this far, thank you and sorry for being so down.  But I don't know what else to do.

 

Patti, I'm so sorry you're suffering like this!!     It makes me cry to read it.  Cymbalta withdrawal is certainly no fun to go through.

 

Hold on tight!!  You will get through this!!  It sounds like you have an understanding husband who is supportive.

 

Last night I was filled with so much rage that I could not fall asleep for hours.  Then I got up in the morning and cried.  I feel crazy, but I'm trying to keep telling myself that this is temporary and I'll get through it.

 

Hugs to you, Patti.    You are not alone!!

[Patti100]

Thank you to everyone.

LS: The rage is the scariest thing that has ever possessed me! Holding on tight.  Seeing my psychologist this evening. Maybe she can give me a few tips.

 

FH: Isolated from stress sounds good.  If I just sit and read I can calm myself down. Even my mom (who is going thru her own hell since my Dad died) brought me a present yesterday to "cheer" me up and let me know she cared.

 

This is not life like normal and you must put yourself first right now  This sentence helped me see things a lot differently.  Don't know why I keep thinking if I just push myself I can get thru this.  I just might print your response and read it a few times a day.  I appreciate this more thank you will ever know.

[fishinghat]

I understand Patti. I have been there. Pushing hard only puts more pressure on yourself. Be kind to yourself as much as possible.

 

God Bless

[Patti100]

Update:  Saw my psychologist tonight.  Haven't seen her in awhile (forgot to make appt , no dates available until today etc)  Anyhoo, as I Have only seen her 3x she did not realize that I was taken off my medication (first Effexor then cymbalta) by my doctor"cold turkey". When I mentioned that I went off with no taper she slapped her forehead and slid down in her chair and just sat like that for a moment (I love her, she is "real")!  then she straightened up and made sure she had heard me right.  And then proceeded to tell me how no patient is ever, ever supposed to go off these drugs cold turkey.  She told me that she had just come back from a seminar by the drug companies and this was the overall warning that they were putting out.  And then she listed all the side effects from doing this. (which I knew from doing my research and all you wonderful people here in this forum) but having it confirmed by her was great since all my other drs seem to think I am nuts for thinking there are withdrawal symptoms!

I told her about my last few days, the rage, the depression etc. and she offered a plan and a few tips to try and help me thru this.  She said since I have been off the meds for at least a good 2 weeks now we would just continue.   She agreed it was withdrawal and we would just try to work thru it and see how I am after a month or two.  I might need some other medication when all is said and done or I might not.  But she kept trying to assure me that "this" (what I am doing and feeling ) is not ME but the withdrawal and I have to keep telling myself this.  She asked if she could talk to my husband about all this (he drove me) and I agreed.  She mentioned aromatherapy, showers, headphones on with classical music in a darkened room for calm and that he cannot stop it if the rage or sobbing starts.  I have to let it out and then retreat.  Like FishingHat said, quiet and relaxed is the key.  And sleep.  Since I am allergic to numerous meds and have taken the Xanax, while it is not her drug of choice she told me to take it to sleep since lack of sleep with only make my symptoms worse.

End of long post except it was nice to finally have one professional agree with me.  Oh and she told me that my research and forum use was wonderful and I seemed to have a pretty good grasp of the reasons this is happening.  So therefore there were still some brain cells functioning, ha ha. (since I told her I felt so stupid sometimes!)

Thank you and PEACE to everyone and we will prevail eventually. 

[fishinghat]

Tremendous. She is a keeper. I feel better knowing that she is in your corner and will try to help you. hang in there girl. A long road ahead but it WILL get better.

[KathyInFL]

Patti, I hope you are feeling better. Cymbalta withdrawal is awful!

 

While fishinghat and Gail take such good care of us (people), can I ask how your dog is? Is she out from under the bed yet?   

[Patti100]

Kathy, She came out from under the bed. STill a little wary of me   But right now she is behind my chair in the corner shaking.  I did not hear it but I think a storm is coming.  My male dog is starting to watch the windows and is very cautious.  Thunderstorms are the worst for them and my "meteorologist" dogs seem to think one is coming and they haven't been wrong yet

[MissHatchet]

Kathy, She came out from under the bed. STill a little wary of me   But right now she is behind my chair in the corner shaking.  I did not hear it but I think a storm is coming.  My male dog is starting to watch the windows and is very cautious.  Thunderstorms are the worst for them and my "meteorologist" dogs seem to think one is coming and they haven't been wrong yet

 

Ah yes the meteorologist doggies know it is coming before we do. But do not worry, my furry pal had to bare witness while I was going through withdrawal and he's super sensitive to any negative tones so when I would have a fit a rage and start yelling (not even at him, but in general) he'd run and hide. Just try to be extra comforting to her and she will rebound quickly - I believe they can also sense chemically things are off in our bodies and that does upset them as well, specifically if they are a super caring dog to being with. 

 

I'm glad you have a great support in terms of your psychologist - Hopefully the plan she helped you with will work for you. Best of luck to you going off cold turkey - I've done it myself and it is brutal to say the least, but stick it out, I wholeheartly believe you will start feeling better soon. The first few weeks/months are incredibly rough and almost seems like it's getting worse before it gets better, but I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it will get better. Take time for yourself, pamper yourself a bit, pick up a few hobbies that you find calming. I went back to painting and coloring as my stress reliever. If you are physically able to and your doctor approves - getting on an exercise plan can greatly help, not only for the withdrawal symptoms but mentally as well it helps as a stress reliever. Good luck and you can totally do this Patti! 

[fishinghat]

Welcome back MissHatchet, It has been a long time. I am glad you are doing well now. Don't be shy about returning, you are always welcome.