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#31 Katherine2017

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 08:04 AM

'Pray' more religious stuff on my thread. Please take it elsewhere.

#32 gail

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 11:14 AM

Scratch the word pray and replace it with hope instead.

#33 Katherine2017

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 01:03 PM

LS1978, I'm sorry you have to listen to the same crap I do from your health 'service'. Today mine tried to cancel my psychiatrist appointment because they were double booked like it's a hairdressers appointment and there's no rush. I managed to get it back bit I am sick of having to fight and fight just to get some help. Meanwhile family etc just keep telling you to get help when you're behaviour flares up. It's torturous. I've not experienced anything like this in any area of the nhs dealing with physical problems. Because with mental care if you disagree or fight your corner then you're just acting 'crazy' or being 'paranoid'. We're all just clinging on, all I can think about is hurting myself.

#34 LS1978

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 10:32 PM

LS1978, I'm sorry you have to listen to the same crap I do from your health 'service'. Today mine tried to cancel my psychiatrist appointment because they were double booked like it's a hairdressers appointment and there's no rush. I managed to get it back bit I am sick of having to fight and fight just to get some help. Meanwhile family etc just keep telling you to get help when you're behaviour flares up. It's torturous. I've not experienced anything like this in any area of the nhs dealing with physical problems. Because with mental care if you disagree or fight your corner then you're just acting 'crazy' or being 'paranoid'. We're all just clinging on, all I can think about is hurting myself.

 

I hope you won't.

 

I've also dealt with having appointments canceled on me.  It started to be like some sort of sick running joke.  I would get there, and somebody would say, "oh, didn't someone call you?"  Or--worse yet--"you missed your appointment!!  Why weren't you here on time?!"  And then no apology when the whole thing was sorted out and it was found to not be my fault (because they never even called me).  A lot of this happened right after my dad died, and I was a mess, but nobody gave a shit.

 

It is exhausting, and at exactly the wrong time.

 

Right now I'm dealing with people who run a depression forum giving me heartache.  I can't believe how they've treated me.  Someone who used to moderate on their site--and who I thought was my friend--attacked me, and these people have treated me like I did something to her.  I didn't.  She was the one hurling insults at me, but I guess that's okay, because they still see her as one of their own.  I don't matter.  You would think that these people would care, but they don't.

 

I'm starting to give up on the idea that there is any place for me to be where someone will care about me.  I just don't belong anywhere.

 

But if I don't care about me, nobody will.  I think I learned that growing up.  You must look out for yourself, because nobody else is going to.

 

All I can do is keep pushing forward.  I'm lonely and hurting, but I can't make people give a shit.  I can do my best to advocate for myself, and that's it.

 

I guess my hope is that someday things will get better.  I don't want to check out now, because I don't want to miss it if maybe there is still some hope I can have some sort of a life.  I don't know; maybe that's foolish.  I still have a few online friends I correspond with.  That's all I can cling to now.  I'm just really hoping they don't forget about me.  If they do...I guess I'll just have to keep trying by myself.

 

I hate that my world keeps getting smaller, and that people disappoint me more and more each day, but maybe things can get better?  Maybe when I'm on a new med, the crap that people do won't bother me as much, and I can shrug it off more easily.

 

Hugs to you, Katherine.  I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because we are two different people...but I know how intensely painful it can be to feel alone, discarded and stomped on when you are at your lowest point.

 

I can at least say that I feel a little better having just unloaded all of that.  So please feel free to keep venting if it makes you feel better.


#35 brzghoff

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 11:11 PM

Katherine,

 

I'm speechless to read how unsupportive the "professionals" are in your healthcare system. I know there is nothing I can really do or say other than to let you know I am thinking about you. I don't know how it feels to be in your situation, but i can tell you are in a great deal of pain. i know telling you that it will get better sounds empty and shallow - but it will. i quit cymbalta cold turkey 3 years ago. i had been on it for ten years. it was hell - but not anymore. 

 

i am so sorry.


#36 Katherine2017

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Posted 23 May 2017 - 06:20 AM

Really hard to see any good in the world. Manchester bombing - mainly aimed at children enjoying themselves. Not soldiers, not politicians but children.

#37 KathyInFL

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Posted 23 May 2017 - 01:03 PM

Really hard to see any good in the world. Manchester bombing - mainly aimed at children enjoying themselves. Not soldiers, not politicians but children.

It is really hard to see why people do these things. Sometimes I hate people and I don't like to use the work hate. :(


#38 Katherine2017

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 08:43 AM

So I saw the nhs psychiatrist. I left feeling like I was something she'd stepped on but she gave me some more sedating meds despite telling her I want to try something less tranquillising as I want to get back to working. But they'll keep me quiet so I guess we've reached success in the nhs mental health system. Also throughout the whole lengthy thorough appointment (20 minutes) a pschiatric nurse sat there texting on her phone and at one point answered it and had a conversation. I mentioned this didn't seem appropriate and was quickly reminded they were 'helping' me, ie I should be grateful for any type of appointment. I'm glad that nurse is on the nhs paycheck, she seems vital. Of course if I complain like I did once before I get taken off the system. Until I have another melt down then they think they should probably put me back on an appointment. So now I'm off to take their heavy pills. Ah GREAT Britain - we love you!

#39 Katherine2017

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 08:46 AM

Side note - I'm seriously getting into 3 or 4 hundreds pounds worth of credit card debt to see a private psychiatrist once but I'm having trouble working out how to choose one. If anyone here is from the uk or knows anything about the private pschiatric system here I would greatly appreciate any advice.

#40 Katherine2017

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 08:48 AM

*I'm seriously thinking about getting into

#41 fishinghat

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 08:51 AM

Wow, seriously unprofessional. What a frustrating system. My sympathy to you and the rest of the suffering 'Brits' who have to put up with this kind of treatment. I can't be any help in finding a good pdoc over there but I wish you the best of luck and would say debt or not this is probably a good choice. Maybe you can actually get some help.


#42 Katherine2017

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 09:19 AM

It's like a gang, they all back each other up so that any complaint isn't taken seriously and they can behave how they like. There is no independent body checking on them and because most people can't afford to go elsewhere it continues to happen. But it really wasn't this bad 10 years ago, that's the scary thing. Help, respect and stigma is getting worse.

#43 fishinghat

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Posted 24 May 2017 - 09:52 AM

That is really the opposite of here in the USA. I remember back even 20 years ago and the word depression or anxiety brought forth considerations of asylums and fear. Drs had few effective meds and little options. Families did not understand at all!! They just turned away in ignorance and fear. There has been much education in the media, news, and social media here in that time. It has even got to the point in the USA that it is an "in" thing (popular) to have depression or even anxiety. The clinic where I go even has an issue with middle or upper class people (esp. women) who come in, claim to be depressed, and ask for a specific antidepressant because 'all their friends are taking it and they feel good ALL the time'. A fad, so sad.


#44 LS1978

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Posted 27 May 2017 - 12:37 PM

That is really the opposite of here in the USA. I remember back even 20 years ago and the word depression or anxiety brought forth considerations of asylums and fear. Drs had few effective meds and little options. Families did not understand at all!! They just turned away in ignorance and fear. There has been much education in the media, news, and social media here in that time. It has even got to the point in the USA that it is an "in" thing (popular) to have depression or even anxiety. The clinic where I go even has an issue with middle or upper class people (esp. women) who come in, claim to be depressed, and ask for a specific antidepressant because 'all their friends are taking it and they feel good ALL the time'. A fad, so sad.

 

This hasn't been my experience.  My experience has been that it's still very stigmatizing to have depression and to be medicated for it.  People still don't understand.


#45 fishinghat

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Posted 27 May 2017 - 02:47 PM

Interesting. I never thought of my area as enlightened. lol


#46 gail

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Posted 28 May 2017 - 07:23 AM

Depression comes in second, as for the reason people miss work. It's everywhere,
Vast majority of doctor's appointments are about this.

I asked my doctor about this, and read it as well. Since it's so common, why all the fuss and judgement about it? Sorry LS that you have to go through this with narrow minded people.

#47 Katherine2017

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Posted 28 May 2017 - 08:17 AM

I went private and got given a new drug. Don't know if it'll work and am a bit scared of taking something new after the trouble with Cymbalta but I guess I have to try. It was nice to see a Psychiatrist that listened to me and didn't make me feel like I was wasting their time though. Shame I have to get £300 in debt to do it.

#48 fishinghat

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Posted 28 May 2017 - 08:26 AM

Hey, great Katherine. If it works it will be worth the money. May I ask what he prescribed?


#49 Katherine2017

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Posted 28 May 2017 - 11:55 AM

I've messaged you fishinghat

#50 bronxbomber

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Posted 16 June 2017 - 11:42 PM

Katherine, I'm very interested in how you're doing. Please drop in when you can and let us know.

Several of my friends act like if I am taking a medication that requires tapering, I must be akin to a heroin addict. It's tough to explain that I was sabotaged by my pill pushing doctor, whom I will never see again. I don't think that these people want to remain as my "friends". If they can't understand this and be sympathetic, they aren't true friends anyway.

But not everyone feels this way. I have only been on this forum for about a month, but everyone on here is very helpful and understanding. Maybe they are doing better or worse than others, but they understand and they care. Once you've posted they want to be with you every step of the way.

So Katherine, please come back and let us know how you're doing.

#51 Katherine2017

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Posted 17 June 2017 - 11:31 AM

I'm doing much better thanks.

#52 bronxbomber

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Posted 19 June 2017 - 12:59 AM

Glad to hear it. 😀



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